#however i didn't think I'd use it so much thag even i didn't know if it a joke anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shesalewa · 4 months

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My Roman Empire is 14yro me joking about committing suicide before my mom died because I was too scared to hear or learn about her death, and my mother's response to that was

"Stop saying that. You know the only worst thing that can happen to a parent is their children dying before them."

I still think about that whenever I joke about killing myself.

#ever since i started highschool i started having a joke about killing myself #whenever i got stressed I'd say:#ugh. i wanna die.#of course it's was to make the people around me get used to my dark humor #however i didn't think I'd use it so much thag even i didn't know if it a joke anymore #but from the very start i think my mom knew something was wrong with me #but she never sent me to a therapist nor a psychiatrist. we can't really afford that. not even now.#but she'd find ways to make me. my sister. and brother feel like we have worth.#but when she said that i think she thought that she's failing as a parent #especially because her husband was always absent in raising us #i still joke about killing myself. but i tone it down a bit because i don't want my mom to look at me like that again #it's sad #i dont like the way she stared at me #im probably being dramatic #but ever since then whenever my mom came home tired and stressed #and i wad happy and energized.#i would take half of her negative energy and be sad too

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