#i ain't no cosmologist

[pirepoumon]

for future me's reference, and anyone who cares as much about this character (""""") as i do, a hopefully comprehensive log of the now-unemployed local philosopher who doesn't believe in color television (a joke about the several TV broadcasts from lunar orbit done by the crew during the flight) as reported by ground control during the Apollo 10 moon mission:

day 2: A now unemployed philosopher has pointed out that due to your efforts color television has reached new heights.

day 3: It's been estimated that over a billion people have seen at least some of the television pictures from the Apollo 10. Whether you want to be or not, you're famous. But in spite of this enthusiasm, that now-unemployed local philosopher to whom we referred yesterday, says now he thinks color television is on its way out, way out.

day 4: And do you remember that unemployed local philosopher? He now says that while he believes in the future of color television, he thinks that because of your flight, it will go round and round in people's minds for a while yet.

day 6: Oh, yes, we heard again from that unemployed local philosopher. With all the excitement he lost his head and digressed from his favorite subject of color television to say that, "For three fellows who, by their own admission, could not figure out which way was up, you sure did a doggone respectable job yesterday."

day 7: Yes, I thought you might change your mind. By the way, the unemployed local philosopher now says that due to your efforts, color television is now on its way back.

day 8: And the unemployed local philosopher- He just showed up unexpectedly, and he says that color TV is on its way back, just as he predicted, and it's going to make a real splash around here pretty soon.

day 8, later: (Young, during telecast) This is your old retired philosopher speaking to you from outer space, and telling you that TV is on its way back.

full daily newspapers under the cut.

Day 2:

043:43:45 Lousma: Okay. You are right in the headlines. Among the biggest of news events of yesterday, were the three astronauts of Apollo 10. Millions of people throughout the world saw some or all of what one wire-service writer called the "Mini show". Tom Stafford was called the star, and John Young the supporting player, because he appeared upside-down throughout the show. Gene Cernan was listed as camera man. A now unemployed philosopher has pointed out that due to your efforts color television has reached new heights. Coleman Hawkins, jazz saxophonist, died at the age of 60. He was one of the innovators of Be-Bop during the late 1940's. President Nixon is reportedly in favor of keeping the 10-percent surtax past its deadline of June 30, 1969. His spokesman, speaking to a House of Representatives committee, proposed that the 10-percent surtax be extended to the end of this year, and then lowered to 5 percent. President Nixon also announced that he will meet with South Vietnamese President There within the next 2 weeks, probably at Midway Island or some other Pacific Ocean location. In the sports world, there were no major league baseball games played yesterday. Gardner Dickinson won the National Invitational Golf Tournament at Ft. Worth on Sunday with a two-under-par 278. The PGA tour moves to Atlanta this week for the Atlanta Classic. 043:45:31 Lousma: One closing note of special interest to the Apollo 10 crew is this story: Chief Winnie Red Fox of Philadelphia, who remembers his Uncle Crazy Horse fighting at the Little Big Horn, would like Man to leave the Moon alone because it's ruining the rainfall. The 99-year old Ogalala Sioux Chief summed up his reaction to the Apollo 10 moonshot in this manner, and I quote: "It doesn't seem to rain much since man started messing around with the Moon." [Laughter.] And we're tracking you guys out there now at 154,221 miles, and you have slowed down to 300 - 3,000 - correction 3,853 feet per second.

day 3:

070:31:06 Lousma: Roger. During the night, you entered the lunar sphere of influence: at 61:51, to be exact. And you are now 13,957 miles [25,848 km] from the Moon at 4,056 feet per second [1,236 m/s]. Technically, there is no change in the CSM systems status or your LM heater currents, and you are ahead of your Flight Plan on all consumables. And now the newspaper: the flight of Apollo 10 has been temporarily knocked out of the lead story position in the Houston Post. William Forster has resigned his position as Administrator of the Harris County Hospital, but never fear! As the Apollo 10 nears the Moon, news services around the world have followed the flight. It's been estimated that over a billion people have seen at least some of the television pictures from the Apollo 10. Whether you want to be or not, you're famous. But in spite of this enthusiasm, that now-unemployed local philosopher to whom we referred yesterday, says now he thinks color television is on its way out, way out. In other news highlights, Governor Nelson Rockefeller continues his South American tour. His reception in Peru was not too friendly. President Nixon will meet with South Vietnamese Premier Thieu on the island of Midway on June 8. Leaders of the Presbyterian Church, meeting in San Antonio, have called for the Nixon administration to restore diplomatic relations with Cuba. Texas International Airlines has won the privilege of sending the first plane into the new Houston International Airport on June 8; 99 VIPs will be aboard the flight that will depart from Hobby Airport and land at 1 minute after midnight. A 2-day open house featuring air show will be held on May 31 and June 1. The Soviet Union launched an unmanned spacecraft into orbit yesterday. It had been designated Cosmos 282. An old buddy of ours, world traveler Frank Borman, has arrived in Prague, Czechoslovakia, for the 12th plenary session of COSPAR. Although the Czech press did not mention Frank's arrival, there were several hundred people on hand to greet him. Frank waved back and said, "Hey, Hey." Frank doesn't speak Czech too well, you know. In sports news, it was Houston over Montreal 5 to nothing, and Cincinnati over Philadelphia 4 to nothing. In the American League, Detroit defeated Chicago 7 to 6, New York over Oakland 2 to 1, Washington beat Seattle 6 to 5, Cleveland over Kansas City 4 to 1, and Minnesota downed Baltimore 3 to 2 in 13 innings. In today's big sports story, the former scourge of the Big Ten, the University of Chicago, will resume intercollegiate football. This fall, the Maroons, once coached by the famous Amos Alonzo Stagg, will play such big midwestern football giants as Wheaten College, Lake Forest College, North Central Illinois, and Valparaiso at Indiana. That's the University of Chicago, that's a town up north, you know. In golf, today is Pro-Am day at the Atlanta Classic. That's today's newspaper.

day 4:

092:59:32 Lousma: Okay. One kind of interesting thing was John's horoscope this morning; says, "Everybody you know has something helpful to offer. Listen carefully while you make the rounds quickly. Put in a busy day and assemble your results in the evening." Now here goes the news. Springfield, Massachusetts: students at Springfield Technical College told President Edmund T. Garvey they were taking over the Administration Building. Garvey was nonplussed. The students, about 40 in number, marched into the building Wednesday night armed with mops, brooms, scrub brushes, and staged a "clean-in." They said they would clean all night. A student spokesman said the clean-in at the 1,200-member campus was to support the administrative policies of the 2-year-old school. Safi, Morocco: on Friday, Thor Heyerdahl will set out from here to cross the Atlantic in a papyrus boat. The man who must keep his papyrus boat together with rope and string bought his third wife this year, and is now complaining about the price. She cost about 60 dollars in Egypt, much more than the going rate in Chad, where Abu Debrine learned how to make papyrus boats and hitched onto Heyerdahl's expedition. If he succeeds in reaching Mexico in his boat, modeled after a 4,700-year-old Egyptian craft, Heyerdahl will consider he has strengthened the argument that the great early civilization of the Americas learned from the Pharaohs. Debrine is packing pictures of wives A and B, smiling side by side, into his kit for the reed boat trip. A photo of wife C, who has less seniority but is more expensive, gets a less prominent place. Good grief, Charlie Brown. Paris: Allied negotiators headed into the Vietnam talks today with what sources close to the meeting said were optimistic that discussions of proposals by President Nixon and the Viet Cong could bring progress. U.S. delegation sources said Henry Cabot Lodge, Chief U.S. negotiator, would comment, on the Viet Cong's 10-point peace plan Washington said included some points meriting further study. The chief North Vietnamese negotiator indicated he and his Viet Cong counterpart were still studying the Nixon eight-point proposal. Washington: Warren E. Burger, an Appeals Court judge with a reputation for being strong on law and order, was picked Wednesday by President Nixon to be Chief Justice of the United States. Burger, 61, a member of the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Washington since he was appointed by President Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1956, is known as a strict constructionist, the type of judge Nixon promised to elevate to the court during his campaign, last fall. Plymouth, England: solo around the world sailor, Nigel Tetley, was pulled from the Atlantic by a tanker crew today when his boat sank 14 days from home. Tetley's wife, on hearing the news, said, "It is our home that is gone. All my pots and pans have gone to the bottom of the sea." Tetley was competing in a global race sponsored by a London newspaper. Moscow: Moscow TV showed the Apollo 10 astronauts in a 1-minute broadcast. It said it was live from the American space capsule. And do you remember that unemployed local philosopher? He now says that while he believes in the future of color television, he thinks that because of your flight, it will go round and round in people's minds for a while yet. Here is a sports story: Houston 3, Montreal 2, and Houston has just climbed out of the cellar. New York 5, Atlanta 0; Chicago at Los Angeles, a night game; just heard from the back room that Los Angeles beat Chicago. Over.

day 6:

18:58:40 Lousma: Okay, Apollo 10. You've got LOS and AOS. We are well caught up on information going up, so let's go up with the news now. Prague, Czechoslovakia: US astronaut Frank Borman, one of three lunar pioneers on the Apollo 8 Moon flight last year has been awarded the Czech Academy of Sciences Gold Medal for service to science and humanity. About 1,000 Czechs, shouting "Long live, glory, glory" greeted Borman, first American to win the award, as he stepped from the Academy building, Thursday. "By the end of 1970," Borman told the news conference, "we'll be able to take scientists and doctors of many nations on flights to the Moon." [Laughter.] New York: Johnny Carson was honored Thursday as the Performer of the Year by the International Radio and Television Society. Carson told the audience at the Americana Hotel that he was once chewed out by a station manager for oversleeping and missing a broadcast. "So I got cocky and told them that someday I would have my own network show and win an important award," Carson said. And the station manager said, "The day that happens, they'll send a man to the Moon." Hong Kong: Communist Chinese authority [laughter] - thought you'd get a chuckle out of that. Communist Chinese authorities have confiscated a Hong Kong fishermans permit because he played hookey from Mao Tse Tung's thought study classes. A Hong Kong government spokesman said today, "The licenses allowed him to operate in Hong Kong and Chinese waters." Washington: one of our old friends, Charles A. Lindbergh, the Lone Eagle of pioneer aviation, says rocket pioneer Robert Goddard told him in 1929 a Moon voyage was theoretically impossible, theoretically impos - correction - theoretically possible, but economically improbable. In a rare public utterance, the reporters and news photographers barred, Lindbergh philosophized about the future of American aviation, and reminisced about Goddard. He said Goddard told him it was possible to send a multistage rocket to the Moon; then he smiled a little bit and said, "It might cost a million dollars and of course that was out." [Laughter.] Carlton, England: Fred Alder, 67, saved all his life to buy an 11-bedroom house on the sea to give children from poor homes a vacation. "It's the happiest day of my life," Alder said, as the first contingent of 20 youngsters arrived at the house that cost him almost $20,000. He said 200 children will have 10 days at his new seaside home by the end of summer. And a trust fund has been set up for the future. Oh, yes, we heard again from that unemployed local philosopher. With all the excitement he lost his head and digressed from his favorite subject of color television to say that, "For three fellows who, by their own admission, could not figure out which way was up, you sure did a doggone respectable job yesterday." And here's the sports news. Houston beat Montreal 7 to 4. Atlanta beat New York 15 to 3. And the Cubs defeated Los Angeles last night 3 to 1. John Young has had these interesting astrocasts. Today it is, "Keep all operations above board. Confidential transactions are apt to blow up later with considerable embarrassment for all. Travel is better postponed; the people you would go to see are not yet set for the visit." [Laughter.] And in the golf world, at the Atlanta Classic, the first round leaders are George Knudson and Jackie Cupit, under par, 67. That's the news. Over.

day 7:

145:58:52 Lousma: OK. Apollo 10 morning newscast from the Manned Spacecraft Center Public Affairs Office. Everybody's really raving about your latest television pictures. They say, the television pictures of the Moon beamed to Earth from Apollo 10 shortly after TEI are being described as the most spectacular of the mission. Because of the early morning schedule for much of the U.S., the transmission is being replayed at various hours throughout the day. However, the consensus of opinion here is the same as yours, utterly fantastic. Aside from the Apollo 10 news, here is a summary of other news highlights and a look at sports. President Nixon took time off from his busy schedule to enjoy a band concert on the White House lawn yesterday with the Soviet Ambassador Dobrynin. Music was provided by the University of Minnesota Concert Band that had just returned from a concert tour of the Soviet Union. Dobrynin was so pleased with the concert that he suggested that the tuba player be named Secretary of State. Both Dobrynin and President Nixon were observed tapping their toes and clapping hands as the band played "Minnesota, Hats Off To Thee." Another historic voyage was scheduled to begin today from the coast of Morocco. Norwegian adventurer Thor Heyerdahl was scheduled to leave the North African coast for an ocean voyage to the Caribbean Islands. Remember, he's the guy who had the crewman aboard that had three wives, the last one costing the outrageous sum of 60 bucks. Anyway, Heyerdahl and his crew of six are sailing in an exact copy of an ancient Egyptian sailing vessel. The boat is made of papyrus reeds. The U.S. Senate is expected to give quick confirmation of Judge Warren Burger as the new Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Chief Justice-Designate Burger is reported to be a law-and-order-type judge.

The City of Houston is without a symphony orchestra. Musicians rejected a 3-year contract proposal yesterday. Andre Previn also conducted his last concert with the orchestra. Former Governor John Connally told graduating students of the University of Saint Thomas that, despite the problems within the United States, our country is the greatest organized society this world has ever known. Connally received an honorary doctorate at the school's commencement exercises. Here's a look at sports. The Astros shut out the New York Mets last night by a score of 7 to 0. A crowd of almost 11,000 saw Tom Griffin pitch a five-hit shutout, striking out 13 batters. The Cubs' Ken Holtzman shut out San Diego 6 to 0, and it was Philadelphia 6, Atlanta 2. The Cubs now lead their division by five games while Houston is nine games out of first place in the Western Division of the National League. One of these days Oklahoma will have a baseball team. The weather is good for time trials at the Indianapolis Speedway. The weather is good for time trials at the Indianapolis Speedway today. A.J. Foyt and Roger McCluskey are expected to battle it out for the pole position. In previous runs around the track, Foyt has done over 172 miles an hour [277 kph] and McCluskey over 170 miles per hour [274 kph]. Mario Andretti smashed into a wall yesterday and totaled his Lotus-Ford, but was not seriously injured. He came back to drive a test lap in his backup car at a speed of 169 miles an hour [272 kph]. Foyt will try to win an unprecedented fourth "Indy 500" race. Augie Erturth is reported to have resigned his post as assistant athletic director at Rice University. Athletic Director Bo Hagan is expected to make the announcement today and appoint a successor to Erturth. Pete Brown shot a 66 to take the halfway lead in the Atlanta Classic Golf Tournament. After 36 holes, Brown has a card of 135. And the big name golfers are all down in the pack, three to six strokes off the pace. Boxer George Forman has signed up a manager and will make his professional boxing debut at Madison Square Garden in June. The 1968 Olympic champ is, according to his new manager, Houston's first heavyweight champion of the world. The Dallas Cowboys yesterday announced that reserve quarterback Jerry Rhome has been traded to the Cleveland Browns. In return, the Browns will set an undisclosed 1969 draft choice. The Cowboys will still have Don Meredith and Craig Morton in addition to Roger Staubach the former Navy great who joins the team this fall. And a final note, preparations are being made for a hero's welcome for the Apollo 10 crew at Pago Pago. Governor Owen Aspinall says he will personally supervise the welcoming. Over.

146:04:11 Stafford: [Laughter.] Roger. Houston. That's quite a bit of news. And tell the governor down in Pago Pago we appreciate it but he doesn't have to go to any special effort. Over. 146:04:24 Lousma: Yes. Well. I didn't read the last sentence here. It said. "Maybe there will be dancing girls there"; But now you know. And by the way, the unemployed local philosopher now says that... 146:04:36 Stafford: Oh, well. If he wants to go to the special effort. 146:04:41 Lousma: Yes, I thought you might change your mind. By the way, the unemployed local philosopher... 146:04:46 Stafford: [Garble]. 146:04:47 Lousma: ...now says that due to your efforts, color television is now on its way back. 146:04:59 Stafford: Roger. Give our best to the unemployed philosopher there. And that total situation down in Samoa sounds like it's - Is that going to be a top hat or topless type of affair? Over. 146:05:24 Lousma: Just come as you are, Tom.

day 8:

163:14:04 Lousma: Hey, Gene. I've got your astrocast here. We're trying to whip up some news, but I think it will be a while. Yours is... 163:14:13 Cernan: OK. Go ahead. 163:14:14 Lousma: This Sunday may find you in some quandary over home conditions. There should be some help available. Don't make smart remarks about Marines. 163:14:31 Cernan: Who wrote that? Did the great philosopher write that? 163:14:36 Lousma: The unemployed philosopher. He's got the day off today. 163:14:46 Cernan: Im still waiting for that special song. 163:14:53 Lousma: And here's John's. His money has to be spent today on institutions and the use of them for various purposes. Take the time to check everything out before doing anything drastic. Finding out the "why" in a situation may be more important than any other determination. 163:15:16 Young: They got me there, all right. 163:15:23 Lousma: Yes. And, Tom. Your relatives and neighbors expect to see you this Sunday. Do the amenities gratefully. Make the rounds; there are gifts for you here and there. Then seek solitude. Reprimand all those in your command who make smart remarks about Marines. Over. 163:15:44 Stafford: [Laughter.] 163:15:57 Stafford: Tremendous, Jack. Just tremendous. 163:16:02 Cernan: Hey, Jack. Don't you call us. We'll call you. 163:16:13 Young: Are you just coming on duty, or are you leaving? 163:16:16 Lousma: Just coming on. 163:16:20 Cernan: Oh, my golly. 163:16:22 Lousma: I've been out guarding the gate all night, of course. 163:16:29 Stafford: [Laughter.]

167:14:59 Lousma: Apollo 10, Houston. We've got another news item here. In the Atlanta Classic, Bruce Crampton is leading. In second place by two strokes, Bert Yancy, Bruce Develin, and Gary Player. And the unemployed local philosopher- He just showed up unexpectedly, and he says that color TV is on its way back, just as he predicted, and it's going to make a real splash around here pretty soon. 167:15:28 Stafford: [Laughter.] Roger. Thank you very much for the news there, Jack.

day 8 telecast:

186:56:03 Lousma: Roger, Tom. And I think the people around the world are kind of sad to see this to be the last TV shots from space for a while, and I know that they've been very interested and enthusiastic about the pictures and the total flight. 186:56:22 Stafford: Roger. It's kind of a feeling of the same way for us not to see these beautiful views. Of course, we're certainly looking forward to being back on the good Earth in about 5 hours. And it's really been a fantastic overall flight for us, and some of the experiences that we've had all the way, from liftoff on the Saturn V to seeing the Earth and Moon, the lunar orbit work, and the climb out from the Moon and all the way back. And why don't we take you inside the cockpit for one quick minute? 186:57:31 Lousma: OK. We have it inside the cabin now, Tom, and weve got a pretty good look at a clean shaven Command Module pilot there. 186:57:42 Young: This is your old retired philosopher speaking to you from outer space, and telling you that TV is on its way back. 186:57:54 Lousma: Roger. Thank you for those words from the old retired philosopher. 186:57:59 Young: We have a little more work to do and then we'll be back with you and it will sure be great to be back. It's been utterly unbelievable, the mission has. We've really enjoyed every bit of it, so until we see you again, we'll say so long.

[nqsa]

can’t get over what like great dialogue that apollo 10 transcript is. going to adjust my personality and behavior and start talking like a 1960s astronaut