#i can't even lay like a goddamn corpse without being in pain what kind of fucking bullshit body is this
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stupid fucking broken body
#low health#i haven't had a single second of feeling no pain in my entire memory#i can't do a single thing without hurting#not even laying completely still in bed completely flat and straight#i can't even lay like a goddamn corpse without being in pain what kind of fucking bullshit body is this#i did a symptom assessment and the symptoms list was more than twice as long as my phone screen#and the text was fucking TINY too aha#there isn't a single part of my body that works like it's supposed to and that's not an exaggeration#so many people always assume it's hyperbole but it never ever is#everyone always assumes i hyperbolize and dramaticize and exaggerate and play it up for pity#or whatever other insidious shit they always assume I'm doing#to a point where I'm starting to HAVE to play it up now because nobody will fucking listen#and if the only thing that works is 'im literally fucking dying' then fuck me i guess#they treat me like a boy who cried wolf without ever even bothering to fucking check if i was right#and I'm surrounded by fucking wolves now but everyone's so busy ignoring what i say they can't even see the fucking wolves#i first started getting joint pain when i was FOURTEEN and i have gotten *how many treatments?*#ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ZERO.#i have NEVER received a single fucking DIAGNOSIS much less any FUCKING HELP#and it has been OVER SIX YEARS#and i have been telling my doctors over and over that i am rapidly deteriorating and won't be able to MOVE for much longer#and they WON'T EVEN SET ME UP WITH AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE SPECIALIST CLINIC.#i am so fucking angry and so fucking tired and I'm quite literally reaching my fucking breaking point#i haven't had this bad of a mental state since my ABUSIVE GASLIGHTING TRANSPHOBIC ABLEIST EX#and if THIS is making me revert back to THAT then IT'S FUCKING SEVERE AND I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HELP YEARS AGO#i am fully and wholly being genuinely neglected and left to die#and the ONLY person who seems to genuinely give a shit about me is about just as restricted by circumstance and health#so we can barely even help each other even if we want to
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