#i cancelled talking to my therapist bc i dont wanna talk today i dont wanna be verbal i would rather just

[irl-ichi]

and idk im torn bc i know at least talking to someone about the cancer thing would help but 1. i dont wanna do that unless its confirmed otherwise its just Me And That Anxiety Again and 2. i know i shouldnt use my friends like that esp with heavy stuff like this where they feel like they cant do anything or wouldnt even know what to say so is it really worth doing that to them just for a little bit of my own temporary ease of mind? no its not fair to them then theres 3. i cant even talk about it with family since the only ones who know are my dad who is useless with these things and my mom who has been suspecting it for years and is already freaked out which leaves 4. i was supposed to see my therapist today but my dad forgot hed be helping madi move and had to cancel so itll be another two weeks god im a mess right now im just glad this has enough of an impact on my health to convince my mom to let me take work off this week my anxiety spikes like 120% when it hits in public