#i cannot remember if anything traumatic happened to sparrow

[eldritchsurveys]

984.

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? >> That’s a good question. Sparrow sees me in various states of undress sometimes, but I don’t remember the last time I was fully naked long enough to be seen by anyone. The only time I’m nude is when I’m in the shower or putting on moisturiser directly after said shower (which I do in my room).

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? >> I don’t want to do this. I wouldn’t want to do that to the person, either, like... that sounds traumatic as fuck. (Now, if it were an Inworld type of situation, that’d be way different.)

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? >> Various aspects of myself, I guess. But maybe they’re not truly lost. I have no way of knowing right now.

4. How would you describe your current mood? >> Neutral. I am rarely in an actual mood of any sort when I get this question, obviously -- I tend to only do surveys when I’m in this state, because it’s hard to focus on survey questions (or anything, really) if I’m actively having an emotion.

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? >> I don’t remember.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? >> I don’t know, lying isn’t something I normally do -- unless lying by omission counts, because I don’t say literally everything that I’m thinking or tell everyone literally everything about a situation. Or whatever.

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? >> Inworld.

8. What is your earliest memory? >> I have a vague impression of being on the floor of a dog breeder’s house? When we got my childhood dog Roxie, I guess.

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? >> I often drink alone just because I’m in the house alone during the times when I’m most likely to drink. I like to just vibe, and not have to worry about “putting on my human suit” or whatever. Sometimes I like to be weird and dreamy or dance-y and vibrant when I’m intoxicated and I like to have space to do that.

10. What type of a drunk are you? >> I don’t know, I haven’t been drunk in a long time. I think at this point in my life I’m probably just a sleepy, cranky drunk. Which is partly why I don’t drink nearly enough to get there, lol.

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? >> Death is the Road to Awe means a lot to me because The Fountain as a whole means a lot to me and the music is a big part of that whole yarn-ball of meaningfulness. It’s something I really can’t explain. The feelings I have about the movie and the song are on the “this is actually kind of painful in its intensity” level of emotional connection.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? >> I don’t remember. Revealing my feelings isn’t a common activity here in Mordredland, as I’m sure is obvious, and I rarely have any remarkable (or share-able) feelings about people anyway.

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? >> I think the last time I was in a hospital was when Sparrow’s sister had her child.

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? >> ---

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? >> I don’t classify drugs this way, so I don’t know how to answer this question. The drug I know I will never try is crack, and a drug I am interested in trying is shrooms.

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? >> ---

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? >> I am uninterested in the “good person” designation. I just want to be valuable to and loved by a few people, maybe. That’d be nice.

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? >> I don’t think I have an overall life philosophy, because that seems terribly impractical at best. Life is so complex. Maybe that’s a philosophy -- rejoice in and value the complexity of life. *shrug* 

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? >> Hmm. I think a living thing should be allowed to live out its life and not be abused or willfully subjected to conditions that disrupt its quality of life. That’s really it, though.

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? >> I don’t remember the last time that happened.

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? >> I don’t know what the worst thing I’ve done to myself is, but one not-great thing I’ve done to myself is become a chronic self-injurer. One not-great thing someone else has done to me is, well, I don’t know, physically abuse me repeatedly?

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? >> I’m not sure.

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? >> The fact that he emotionally abused me, probably. That’ll do it.

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? >> There are a lot of things I haven’t “gotten over” because their traumatic nature changed the way I am as a person and now I have to deal with that. I don’t really see a point in forgiveness, personally -- what I do see a point is forgiving myself and treating myself better than I’ve been treated.

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? >> I don’t remember.

26. Where did your last injury come from? >> I don’t know! I just have this random gouge on my finger, like someone just took a small sample of my skin.

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? >> Trying to describe the things I like is hard because 1) it’s often dependent on context and 2) it’s more... specific kinds of things happening in specific kinds of situations and I don’t want to like, have to lay out a whole scenario, lol.

28. What are you like during arguments? >> I have an insanely heightened physical response to conflict, for some reason (I say “for some reason” like I’m not literally post-traumatic, but I don’t know what exactly contributed to this particular symptom) -- crazy heartbeat, flushed skin, shaking, the whole nine. So I guess I’d say I go full monkey-brain during arguments and I tend to do/say whatever will get me the fuck out of the situation because I cannot process anything but “I’m in danger and these people are dangerous and did I mention DANGER”. I’ve been working on trying to express myself rationally during perceived-conflict or actual-conflict situations, but it’s a long process and mostly I just try to avoid getting into the position to begin with.

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? >> *shrug* Who knows.

30. Where do you like to be kissed? >> Everywhere, when a person I’m available to in that way is doing it. (So, Inworlders.)

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? >> I don’t look into people’s eyes, period. It’s the practice of eye contact itself that is inconceivably difficult for me.

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? >> I really don’t remember the last time I was legitimately furious (and not just using bluster to suppress a more vulnerable feeling).

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? >> Why was I in Honolulu, though...? I need more context for this situation that I cannot imagine myself in.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? >> Well, obviously I tell my spouse, and then I guess... some people I hang out with online? I don’t know what I would do with my remaining days because I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in that situation and how it would change my priorities. And, of fucking course I’d be afraid.

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Usually when someone says that, a list of two things would follow. <--

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? >> I don’t work, so that’s the first problem with this question. In a general sense, though, I would probably risk a consequence of that caliber in order to try to save a life if I can. (I don’t know about this specific situation, though, because I can’t swim...)

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? >> It’s people that I trust and love (those are the same thing, sorry, I don’t get how they can be separate *shrug*) that would have the best chance of hurting me, because of the emotional attachment...

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? >> ---

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? >> No, man, we went through this already in an earlier question. No matter how you present the circumstances, I’m not bringing anyone back from the dead, period.

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? >> Well, I don’t know???

41. Does love = sex? >> Inworld, it does, because that’s just how it works for Us.

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? >> ---

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? >> I haven’t done that in a long time, idk.

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? >> I think the “I don’t love you back” conversation would be way harder, lmao. People get really upset about that sort of thing.

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? >> *shrug*?? 

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? >> ---

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? >> No.

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? >> My apartment is on the third floor... my biggest concern would be “how the fuck is this person walking on air???” I don’t know why I’d want anyone in particular with me -- why, so we can both be killed by this apparent superhuman? lmao.

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? >> If I felt confident in my ability to perform CPR, I might. I think it’s mostly the fear that I’m going to do it wrong and... idk, kill the person quicker? that would prevent me from doing it. It does sound vaguely irrational when I write it out like that, but hey.

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? >> ---

51. Are you old fashioned? >> No.

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? >> I’m not “nice to” people. I just treat people with basic respect and consideration, and of course I expect that in return...

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? >> ---

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? >> ---

55. What was the last thing you ate? >> A few toasted vanilla Smashmallows.

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? >> ---

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? >> I don’t think any of the things that ended my friendships were stupid. It just sucked.

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex for? >> Inworld, probably... an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours? Outworld, I don’t remember or care.

59. What reality shows do you watch? >> I don’t think I watch any. I’m trying to think if anything I’ve watched on purpose qualifies as “reality” and I... don’t think so? Untold Stores of the ER is basically just dramatisations of allegedly-real stories, so maybe that’s the closest thing to reality tv that I watch? Man, I do love that show. Oh, wait, those cooking shows! Those are reality TV, right? Okay, yeah, I watch stuff like that.

60. Post a video of yourself here: >> No.

61. Where do you work? >> ---

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? >> ---

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? >> I don’t have a designated place where I buy most of my clothes. I shop for clothes so infrequently that it’s really just “wherever has the specific item that I want”.

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? Getting tired of the unrealistic hypotheticals. <-- My constant mood with surveys.

65. What’s your most irrational fear? >> ---

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? >> Zero.

67. What kind of music do they have? >> ---

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? >> Oh, but I would go to either...

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? >> Yay :)

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? >> Ha! Hilarious.

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? >> ---

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? >> Inworld I will spend all day cuddling if I can. Outworld, I legitimately cannot remember the last time I initiated a hug with someone. It’s been years.

[camryndaytona]

Books that deal with PTSD

Did you know that June is National PTSD awareness month? And the 27th in particular is PTSD Awareness Day?

PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder, is something thats most commonly associated with war veterans, but it’s something that anyone can suffer from.

I do.

Mine comes from childhood trauma, things that happened before I was even in school, but I still live with the effects everyday. I have few genuine memories of anything that happened before high school.

Oddly enough, books are one of the few things I do vividly remember. Books saved my life. They gave me something to hold on to, no matter how chaotic things were in the real world.

Thats the reason I started writing, because I wanted to engross myself even more in fantasy, in a place where I felt safe and loved. More recently, I’ve started creating characters that I can relate, who suffer from mental illness as well.

I based the character of Siveril on my own experiences with invisible illness. He clearly suffers from PTSD, but I gave him a gruesome, scarred appearance, a physical manifestation of the effects of PTSD. His injuries are as much physical as they are mental, so no one can ever tell him that he’s faking it, or exaggerating.

So for today I wanted to make a list of books that have characters who deal with PTSD. I could make a much longer post, but I wanted to only share books that I personally read and liked the representation in. I did make a post on instagram that includes books I have not read that have PTSD rep.

The Last King of the Mountain by Camryn Daytona Published by JIMMY Patterson, Scholastic Press, Simon Pulse on November 15, 2019

Ever since her mother Queen Aramaris was killed by the Malda, Ariawyn has been raised to be the next Queen Of Lathai. But she feels unprepared for her role, and instead flees from the elven lands, joining a group of wandering dwarves and returning to their homeland in Fighgarum. As Ariawyn finds herself embroiled in the politics of the dwarves, those she left behind grapple with a kingdom that has lost its heir, an over ambitious regent, and unwelcome tidings from the Northern Isles.

Amazon The Book Depository Barnes & Noble Barnes and Noble Target If you purchase through these links, CamrynDaytona recieves a small commission.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw Published by Simon Pulse on March 6, 2018 Pages: 310

Welcome to the cursed town of Sparrow… Where, two centuries ago, three sisters were sentenced to death for witchery. Stones were tied to their ankles and they were drowned in the deep waters surrounding the town. Now, for a brief time each summer, the sisters return, stealing the bodies of three weak-hearted girls so that they may seek their revenge, luring boys into the harbor and pulling them under. Like many locals, seventeen-year-old Penny Talbot has accepted the fate of the town. But this year, on the eve of the sisters’ return, a boy named Bo Carter arrives; unaware of the danger he has just stumbled into. Mistrust and lies spread quickly through the salty, rain-soaked streets. The townspeople turn against one another. Penny and Bo suspect each other of hiding secrets. And death comes swiftly to those who cannot resist the call of the sisters. But only Penny sees what others cannot. And she will be forced to choose: save Bo, or save herself.

Amazon The Book Depository Barnes & Noble Barnes and Noble Target If you purchase through these links, CamrynDaytona recieves a small commission.

Stalking Jack the Ripper (Stalking Jack the Ripper, #1) by Kerri Maniscalco Published by JIMMY Patterson on September 20, 2016 Pages: 337

Presented by James Patterson's new children's imprint, this deliciously creepy horror novel has a storyline inspired by the Ripper murders and an unexpected, blood-chilling conclusion... Seventeen-year-old Audrey Rose Wadsworth was born a lord's daughter, with a life of wealth and privilege stretched out before her. But between the social teas and silk dress fittings, she leads a forbidden secret life. Against her stern father's wishes and society's expectations, Audrey often slips away to her uncle's laboratory to study the gruesome practice of forensic medicine. When her work on a string of savagely killed corpses drags Audrey into the investigation of a serial murderer, her search for answers brings her close to her own sheltered world. The story's shocking twists and turns, augmented with real, sinister period photos, will make this dazzling, #1 New York Times bestselling debut from author Kerri Maniscalco impossible to forget.

Amazon The Book Depository Barnes & Noble Barnes and Noble Target If you purchase through these links, CamrynDaytona recieves a small commission.

Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2) by Suzanne Collins Published by Scholastic Press on September 1, 2009 Pages: 391

SPARKS ARE IGNITING.FLAMES ARE SPREADING.AND THE CAPITAL WANTS REVENGE. Against all odds, Katniss Everdeen has survived the Hunger Games. She and fellow District 12 tribute Peeta Mellark are miraculously still alive. Katniss should be relieved, happy even. Yet nothing is the way Katniss wishes it to be. Gale holds her at an icy distance. Peeta has turned his back on her completely. And there are whispers of a rebellion against the Capitol - a rebellion that Katniss and Peeta may have helped create. Much to her shock, Katniss has fueled an unrest that she's afraid she cannot stop. And what scares her even more is that she's not entirely convinced she should try. As time draws near for Katniss and Peeta to visit the districts on the Capitol's cruel Victory Tour, the stakes are higher than ever. If they can't prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that they are lost in their love for each other, the consequences will be horrifying. Katniss is about to be tested as never before.

Amazon The Book Depository Barnes & Noble Barnes and Noble Target If you purchase through these links, CamrynDaytona recieves a small commission.

About Camryn Daytona

Camryn Daytona is the author of the upcoming fantasy novel The Last King of the Mountain.

She is a fan of all things fantasy, from books to movies to video games. As a child, she preferred to spend her time in fictional worlds including Zelda, LOTR, and Harry Potter.

She also hates writing about herself in third person.

About Kerri Maniscalco

Kerri Maniscalco grew up in a semi-haunted house outside New York City, where her fascination with gothic settings began.

Camryn’s Reviews of their Books

source http://camryndaytona.com/2020/06/ptsd?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=ptsd

[eldritchsurveys]

276.

Looks and Personality

What do you look like? >> I was going to just paste a selfie in here but I felt weird about having a big photo of my face just... here, like that, so here’s a link to one instead. Which is also ideal because then people can choose to look if they want to know, or not look if they don’t care. How often do you bathe? >> Three times a week (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday). How do you wear your hair? >> I just keep it short. The longer it gets, the worse my ability to take care of it gets, so it’s way better for my sanity to just buzz it and call it a day.

What colours do you tend to wear? >> Black, mostly. At this point it’s largely just convenience (a black garment will automatically match everything else in my wardrobe), not because I don’t like other colours. Do you have any tattoos? What, where and why? >> The number 19 in Roman numerals with a spider dangling from the “I” on the inside of my wrist (Dark Tower reference, and a reference to me); a Mannaz rune on the back of my hand (it’s the Norse rune I like best); “scully, it’s me” on the inside of my elbow (I’ve been an X-Phile for literally most of my life and it really does define me at this point. Sparrow has the matching version -- “mulder, it’s me” -- but I had been planning on getting this even before we decided to do it this way).

What kind of clothes do you wear? >> A lot of band shirts and branded lounge pants and hoodies. I like to be comfortable but also advertise the things I like. What kind of jewellery do you wear? >> A few important pieces, but nothing much. Jewelry annoys me because I love the way it looks but it can be such sensory bullshit. Is there anything else you often wear? >> Not really. Would you say you had a “look”? >> I don’t think so, no. I used to, but I don’t have any of the clothes I used to have and finding new ones to match the look I like is... so fucking hard. I cannot convey to you how much of a nightmare trying to shop for clothing is for me. Another reason why I just buy a lot of t-shirts. :T When going out, do you dress up or down? >> That obviously depends on the outing. And how I feel that day. What do you wear to bed at home? >> Lounge pants and an undershirt. What do you wear to bed when your somewhere else? >> The same. Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? >> If there was, I wouldn’t tell you. What’s your favourite food? >> I don’t have one specific favourite food. What’s your favourite drink? >> Non-alcoholic? Jasmine green tea (cold). What’s your favourite desert? >> I don’t have one. What’s your favourite type of food (e.g Mexican)? >> That’s really difficult to choose. Do you have any mental problems? >> Sure. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? >> I don’t have any phobias, no. Why might somebody dislike you? >> There are a variety of reasons someone might dislike me, and I’m sure I can’t even think of them all, because I can only see myself from the inside. But everyone’s dislikeable to someone. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? >> I think I have a way with words. I mean, I spent most of my developmental years really interested in language and story-telling, and I guess it paid off. Or maybe it’s a Gift(TM), I don’t know. Who knows, really? It’s just the only kind of charm I have, so I’m glad I have it. :p What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? >> Resilience, adaptability, curiosity. They kind of all go hand-in-hand. What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? >> My tendency to treat myself harshly for even the slightest things. But whereas my greatest strengths are innate, this greatest flaw is definitely learned behaviour from how I was treated. Who do you most admire? >> *shrug* Who do you most love? >> *shrug* What three things do you look for most in a partner? >> I don’t really look for partners in the first place. Do you like crowds? >> Crowds tend to be sensory hell for me, so I avoid them whenever possible. What are your hobbies? >> Mehhhhhh. If you can’t get to sleep in the middle of the night, what do you do? >> Read, usually. What is your favourite animal? >> Otters and capybaras. What is your favourite colour? >> Gold. If you could ask God (to athiests - IF there was one) one question, what? >> Well, as neither a monotheist or an atheist, I really don’t know what to do with this question. If I have a question for a god, I usually just... ask them. Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10. 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper >> Number scales are so arbitrary to me and my personality traits are dependent on situation, person, etc. None of this is set in stone like I’m some kind of character trope. Skipping. Charm Cheerfulness Confidence Courtesy Curiousity Forgiveness Generosity Greed Helpfulness Honesty Loyalty Optimism Patience Self-sacrafice Wit

Background

Where were you born and raised? >> New Jersey. Briefly describe your family. >> I really would rather not. You must choose one - your childhood was calm/peaceful or tragic/turbulent? >> My assessment of my childhood is extremely unreliable because I really wasn’t too present for most of it. I spent most of my childhood inworld. Outworld was just this incomprehensible mess that I couldn’t make any sense of until well into adulthood. Did you have any rolemodels? >> No. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? >> Hmm. How did it affect you? >> All in all, I had a maladaptive development, still have remnants of post-traumatic behaviour, and still lack the ability to form healthy emotional bonds with other people. Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares? >> I mean, maybe when I was younger, but I don’t remember. What were they? >> ---

Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? >> Something like that. Do you have any close friends? >> No. Briefly describe your best friend: >> --- Any enemies? >> No. What’s even the point, really. Who? What are they like? >> --- Would you risk your life for your best friend?(not lover or family member!) >> I... can’t imagine risking my life for anyone. With who was your most important romantic relationship? >> --- Of what are you most proud? >> I don’t know. I guess the fact that I kept living, and kept fighting for a better day. Of what are you most ashamed? >> Maybe that I can’t just... fix everything wrong with me through brute force, by myself. Which is stupid, because no one can do that. But I feel like I have no other choice, so if I can’t fix me, then...????

Alignment, Ethics and Religion

What is your religion? >> I am my own religion. --Facetious answers aside, I don’t have a religion because none of them suit me. At best, I’d be a syncretist, but mostly I’m just irreverent. Where do you stand on abortion? >> I am pro-choice. Where do you stand on the death penalty? >> I really don’t see a point to it. I mean, I can see what other people regard as the point, but it doesn’t sway me personally. Where do you stand on wearing fur? >> I really don’t care. Wear all the fur you want; that’s not a hill I care to die on. Do you have a moral code that you follow? What? >> Meh, not really. My take on morality is really just... everything is situation-dependent and moral codes are always subject to revisions -- and when people refuse to revise them, messy shit tends to happen. Could you kill somebody? >> I mean, maybe. For what reason would you kill somebody? >> I don’t know. I feel like self-defense would be a pretty solid reason for me to kill someone. But if I’m honest, “curiosity” is just as solid a reason, for someone like me. (Fortunately for everyone involved, the law exists, and I like my freedom.) Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now? >> No. Do you trust easily, or not? >> Not. What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)? >> I have no political beliefs. I literally could not be bothered to give a fuck, and I certainly couldn’t imagine seriously arguing with someone about this shit. What, if anything, WOULD you sacrifice your life for? >> I really can’t imagine sacrificing my life for anything. My life is the most important thing to me, and it’s the only one I’ve got. Would you ever, for any reason, abandon your friends in an hour of need? >> I mean, yeah, there are certainly situations and unforeseen circumstances that would necessitate me abandoning a friend in their hour of need. But I think I would do my best to not do that unless it was extremely necessary.

Motivation

What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? >> Hm. How do you plan to reach them? >> --- How would your ideal partner look? >> *insert a picture of Cenarius from World of Warcraft here*

Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? >> Oh, I don’t know. I think a lot about what it would be like to raise a child with all my sensory issues and... unorthodox approaches to life. I’m still not entirely convinced I could do it, especially if I’m the only parent at home most of the time. I’d prefer to help raise a child, like in a communal kind of setting, and contribute to the child’s development by being someone who will encourage their creativity and curiosity and sense of wonder and sense of humour. But the real messy shit (literally) about raising children? The noise and smells and dirt and all of that? I’d do it if I could, but I’m pretty sure it’d be at least mildly disturbing for a child to see their parent or parental figure having a meltdown while trying to clean up after them. Children tend to take shit like that real personally and there’d be nothing I could do to persuade them otherwise. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? >> --- What would stop you from reaching your goals (e.g. death, retirement fund)? >> --- What do you see yourself doing next year? >> I have no real comprehension or concept of anything past a couple of weeks into the future, at most. What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? >> See above. Would you ever have an affair? >> I’m not in a strict monogamous relationship, so that’s not even necessary. Would you ever have a one night stand? >> No, those days are over. What are your greatest fears? >> A bad death is a great fear of mine. I don’t think I’m particularly afraid of death itself, I’m just afraid of a bad death.

More information

If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do? >> My life is mostly like that already. How do you relax? >> Eh, it depends. What one thing would you change in this world (free Tibet, abolish Sweden)? >> *amused look at “abolish Sweden”* I don’t have anything like that. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? >> No. How would you like to be remembered after your death? >> I think I would just settle for being remembered for a while. I don’t like to focus too much on how I’m seen by other people, because that’s completely out of my control. Plus... I’ll be dead. It’s not like I’ll ever find out how people remember me, so what’s the point in caring?

Random questions

Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? >> Nope. How did they affect you? >> --- Do you have any famous relatives? >> Not that I know of. Wouldn’t really care if I did, either. Do you have to try and live up to your family’s expectations? >> --- Are you a loyal member of any organizations? >> No.

General Information

Name: >> Mordred. Age: >> 31. Date Of Birth: >> May 28. Race: >> Black. Height: >> 5′5″. Weight: >> 148lbs. Are you happy with this? >> No, but I’m trying really, really hard not to hyperfocus on it, because all it’ll lead me to do is punish myself and we’re trying to move away from that kind of behaviour. Desired weight: >> 130lbs. Sexual orientation: >> Inworlders only. First language: >> English. Second/Third/Fourth etc. languages (if any): >> --- Why did you take this survey? >> It looked interesting enough, and I hadn’t already taken it.