#i cant believe this is the fucking prince of egypt now what the shit

[seethingballofhatred]

Various ConMan headcanons

There will never be enough content for this ship Sorry its long ;-; and alot of stuff involving homestuck.. Uhhh.. Yeah -Both these boys are just.. A fucking mess and they should be messes together -.....connor counting all of jareds freckles -He wont let jared move until hes done -So a sleepy connor is counting THOUSANDS of freckles on a boy complaining about how connor wont fucking kiss him -Connor will tell people the exact amount of freckles jared has to embarass him -Jared gets antsy when connor is counting his face, jared TRIED to kiss him and connor just "kleinman i swear to fuck if you distract me i will walk out that fucking door and we will have to start over" -Jared tried to make connor eat a bathbomb -Connor licked it, and freaked the fuck out (like a cat with cucumber) -Connor is now scared of fucking bathbombs -Connor: *is sick with like.. Idk something* Jared: ill start a bath for you because.. I love you but damn you reek babe Connor: thank youu Jared:*puts a bathbomb in the tub* Connor: SCREAMS AND SLAPS JARED -They watch old disney movies together, like cinderella, alice in wonderland (only when high/drunk), hercules, prince of egypt, etc. -Jared: beauty and the beast is stalkholm syndrome Connor:jared you know it fucking isnt and here is fuckin why *long rant from my son* why do you say this every time we watch it? J:because i love your voice more than this movieeee -JARED POKES CONNORS SIDES -connor fuckin hates it but he blushes and wiggles every time its super cute -Hes not super ticklish.. But ticklish enough -Jared is the ticklish one -One time jared kicked connor in the dick while connor was giving jared hickeys -Jared is not only covered in freckles: but is also covered in hickeys, evan thought jared joined a fight club or something because he thought the hickeys were bad bruises -Jared and connor died -They both burst out laughing -After jared composes himself: "first rule of fight club, dont talk about fight club" -Sleepy/delerious jared: c-con.. You.. You could do an amazing gamzee cosplay Connor: what the.. Jared you... You never said you were... One of.. /them/ -They have a whole conversation about couples cosplay when they wake up -Connor: jared i will never join your fuckin blood cult Jared: oh come on connor /plllleeeaaassseeeee/ Con:NOOOOO They go as gamzee and tavros for halloween -Jared wouldve much rather been nepeta or kanaya, but.. He had to do the ship -Jared sees kanaya as a fucking gay icon -Jared:rambling about how cool kanaya is Con: dude it would be fucking hot if you could glow in the dark *hes high as ffuuuuuuccckkkk* -Jareds search history: "Glow in the dark paint" "Glow in the dark paint safe for human skin" "How to litteraly glow in the fuckin dark" -Connor borrowed jareds laptop after that -Con: "jared... Why were you googling shit about glowing?" J:b-because.. Yo- BECAUSE I FUCKIN CAN MURPHY *redder than a fucking tomato* -Omfg terrible puns -Jared: *makes a bad pun* Connor: why am i in love with you again? Hmmmm idk.. Guess ill leave *sits up from cuddled* Jared: omfg connor nooooooooooo -Jared has rambled about every troll and kid, he rambles while high and connor loves it Connor will never read homestuck, but he has a favorite character: terezi -His second fav is equius -Jared for sure thought connor would like gamzee or karkat, but nope -Connors thought process: "ive delt with cops so often that terezi seems pretty cool" -Jared every time connor has to leave a cuddle pile: wweh -Connor, with a horrible fake lisp: ill be back fish dick -Jared loves his terrible fake lisp tho -Connor hates it (kinda) but it makes jared happy and thats all that mattets -Cue:jared finds out connors a closet furry -Jared has a full nepeta cosplay.. Obviously. He wears it to school on halloween -Connors mind: "holy shit your boyfriend has a fucking TAILLL it looks so soft?? I?? Ahh??? Oh wait shit fuck time to hide boner shiitttt" -Connor has never kissed jared so pationately -Jared: con i cant believe your a fucking furry Con:well atleast im not into homefuck -Both are offended -One time during sex at jareds: Jared: hey babe.. Want me to get the tail? Connor:...i fucking hate you *red af* -Con:...yes please holy SHIT get the tail -Jared:nope sorry cant Con: but.. Why?? J: oh idk.. Maybe because your dick is in my fucking ass murphy -They have a code word for when their having a bad day and just.. Need affection (its fucking larry) -Connor: *visibly angry, slamming his locker* Jared: con whats wrong? Con: fucking larry -They then skip school and watch bad movies at jareds -Jared to evan: dude i had a great time fucking murphy over the weekend Evan:.. Oh haha Jared /sure/ you did Connor:*comes up behind jared and hugs him from behind, placing his head on top if jareds* hey evan Evan: O.O holyshityouacctualydid -Oblivious Evan who never got the memo or always though they were just joking Jared: "Evan you're invited to Connor and my wedding." Evan: "YOU GUYS ARE DATING???" -Jared:..evan..weve...weve been dating for FOUR YEARS you watched us make out dude WHAT THE FUCK -Evan:i.. I thought you were joking??? -Connor *tired and high*: JARED babe jar reddy boi hun fuck uhh what did i wanna say.. Uhhh can i get a fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HELP ME MAKE A FURSONA Jared: connor why the fuck are you at school like this -Con:*falls to the ground and just... Hes asleep.. Holy shit he just fell asleep in the middle of the hallway* -Jared has to take connor "home"(jareds house) and he misses a test he had first period -After that school day: Jared: connor holy fuck i told you to sleep Con:but. . i didnt wanna sleep without youuuuu J:bab thats adorable and cheezy as hell but please i cant miss a test again Con: *slaps his hands together by his mouth* do you.. /really/*moves hands to point at jared with them* care about your grades babe?