#i didn't mention it here but there is one other fandom i might consider switching to but that one is so uncertain to me that i don't even

[n-agiz]

another ramble about my ongoing writing related existential crisis that no one asked for but that i will still put out there hehe

i genuinely love writing as a hobby and stopping it rn is kind of out of the question for me because it is one of my biggest creative outlets and i'm still not ready to let go of it — that being said, and i've mentioned this multiple times over the last few months, i have been feeling pretty unhappy with my work. i enjoy writing smut, but i think kinktober has made me realize even more that my fav genre might be angst, because although i enjoy indulging in the filth every once in a while, i absolutely adore writing sad stuff for some reason that i cannot point out. beyond that, i think my main issue is that i am not as into anime as i was when i started writing two (?) years ago on my previous blog . . i barely watch anime anymore and the same goes for reading manga, which is why i keep writing for the same few characters, because those are the ones i can still feel some sort of connection with and feel any sort of enjoyment writing for. my main problem though isn't exactly my fading interest from animanga, but the fact that even if i can acknowledge it, i still can't think of any other fandom i would want to write for. i could move onto writing for f1, but then i would probably only write for the two or three drivers i actually find attractive, and for some reason even that doesn't appeal to me at all, or i could switch to kpop, but i don't even know what sort of stuff i would wanna write or for who i would wanna write, so i'm left with nothing else because besides those two most of my interests seem to come and go randomly. i have toyed with the idea of doing more of those your fav x you posts and maybe even dipping my feet into some oc related stuff but i'm not sure how that would do in the long run, so i am at kind of a loss right now lmaoo. i still have all intentions of finishing kinktober, but after that i'm not sure in which direction i will be taking this blog. continuing with animanga isn't completely out of the question because, again, even though i don't care much for it anymore, i still feel comfortable enough writing for a very limited list of characters, which is already something ig . . .

anyways, all of this to say i might end up doing a whole revamp to this blog and changing everything about it hehe, hopefully the few people who actively keep up with me will continue here through whatever might come in the future, but even if you don't, that is absolutely fine ! i'm honestly excited to see what path i might chose but also even more excited for the experimenting process that will come before it where i will try to figure out what works for me right now <3 i just wanna have fun with writing and tbh, right now, creating stuff that isn't exactly tied to one already existing character or person doesn't seem too bad so maybe that's the next step for me ? i don't know we shall wait and see

[inbarfink]

Random question but I just realized/remembered that Calvin and Sam were YOUNGER than Barbara.

Yet I don't remember them being babysat by her the night she died so where do you think they were?

Also I was wondering if I'm the only one who thinks Rick might not have killed Barbara?

Cause it COULD be possible that the serial killer/deranged fan part of the comic could have been real. Meaning that that could be why Rick disappeared.

Anywho sorry for the out of the blue question/rant. I just didn't know who else to ask.

(Sorry for the late reply @hannahhook7744, it's been kind of a Weird Hectic Weekend for me)

The thing about Barbara's Death Sequence is that it's really the most 'distant' one we've had. Most other Finches have records written by themselves just before their deaths or written by someone close to them just after their deaths. Barbara got a fictionlized comic book written by strangers for strangers that came out a full year after her death.

Sure, it seems like the Finch family collaborated on the story (since they've got the music box in there), but it's still pretty different from Molly's diary or Lewis' therapy notes. Espacially as a lot of little details in Barbara's room seem to contradict the story. So it's probable that Sam and Calvin were also being babysat by Barbara that night, but as they didn't figure into the narrative the comic-writers were telling they just casually dropped them from the narrative or merged all three younger brothers into Walter's role.

Or maybe they were out having a sleepover with friends or a boyscout camping trip or something but the comic didn't mention it, cause, again, it didn't factor into it's story. This comic was obviously not a serious documentation of Barbara's death, it's a fictional horror story targeted at people with just a casual understanding of the Finch Family outside of Barbara - if at that. So if that comic dedicated a whole narration box to "and also Barbara had two other little brothers but they were off at camp and had nothhing to do with this story" that would just seem Weird to the in-universe readers of 'Dreadful Stories'. Even if it might be useful to us, the REAL audience trying to piece together the timeline of the Finch family.

(Also I do suspect that at some point of WRoEF development Calvin was supposed to die before Barbara and then their timelines ended up being Switched so the Weirdness here might be a remnant of that)

As for the matter of Rick. I think the reason why he's considered the Prime Suspect of Barbara's death within the fandom is due to the Law of Conservation of Detail. You know, like, Details in stories come up because they're important to the story in same way. And yeah, 'What Remains of Edith Finch' is not exactly a traditional narrative and not every detail here has to "further the plot" - but even the most unimportant little details in WroEF still serve to add flavor to the characters, atmosphere and the themes. Which are things that are important to the story.

So why bring up the fact that Barbara had a boyfriend and even give him a name and a face? (which is very rare for anyone outside of the Finch Family in this game) Why doesn't Barbara just die alone in the house with just Walter? Rick has to be Important in some way if the game went to all this effort to create and establish his existence to us, right?

Plus, there's the thematic role of 'Dreadful Stories' within the narrative. Personally, I can't see the idea of there really being a serial killer or a real-life crazed fan that inspired the 'monsters' at the end of the comic. Because my read of 'Dreadful Stories' is that it's made to be so ridiculous and sensational- with both a serial killer AND monsters out to get Barbara - to showcase a little taste of the wild and weird stories being told about Barbara's death. And to put the first subtle little wrinkle in the poetic idea that the Finches deaths always match their lives - Edie had to choose this silly little comic to deliberatly turn Barbara's death into something horror themed. And if she chose something a little closer to reality, it would've turned out to be much different.

So what is the mundane Not-Thematic-Enough-For-Edie's-Tastes way for Barbara to get murdered? I can see why for a lot of people, the 'obvious answer' was 'got killed in an argument with her boyfriend'. Since, again, we need to have a reason why he exists in the first place.

...Although that's actually not my favorite theory lol

I think Barbara's death was even more mundane than that. One of the few details about Barbara's death we can confirm are based on reality is the moment where she pushes the killer off the railing.

In the current-day Finch House this little piece of railing IS noticeably broken.

So someone did absolutely fall off the second floor of the Finch House at some point.

So what I think happened is that Rick and Barbara did have some sort of a lover's tiff that night, then Barbara slipped on these rollerskates the Hookman slipped on in the comic.

In a panic she tried to grab on to something and only managed to catch one of Rick's crutches. (The important thing here is that Barbara is ALWAYS memorialized holding that crutch. Even in pieces that were made prior to the comic's printing, like her portrait)

So that part of her story has to be true in some way.

Barbara's death was just yet another Patented Tragic Finch Accident, but suspicions kept falling on Rick from the General Public and the media, and so he had to go into hiding. Meanwhile the Finch Family, or at least Edie, kept promoting the most Bonkers version of her story they could find.

[fireofjudgement]

Marking the territory

Requested here

Fandom: Alice in Borderland

Pairing: Niragi x gn!reader

Summary: Being a militant at the Beach might sound exciting to some, but to you it's mostly doing Hatter's dirty work, late night patrols and worst of all - boring meetings. This particular one started off just like the others but thanks to a new member it would quickly go downhill.

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: swearing, established relationship between reader and Niragi, mentions of alcohol, nudity, teasing, public sex, exhibitionism, oral sex, jealousy, requested reader was feminine I think but i didn't mention any genitals or specific pronouns so I tagged it as gn reader - please let me know if I missed a part that would suggest otherwise

A/N: Yes, I turned a simple request into a rant about Niragi's exhibitionist kink, what are you gonna do about it. And yes, this is the first thing I'm posting after like six months, you're welcome 😌

--

"And why exactly did I just waste a fucking hour listening to some..newbie's life story?"

You relaxed your face, careful not to show your amusement at Niragi's words. You lived at the Beach long enough to understand that the militants and executives were basically Hatter's chosen family - their so-called duties weren't always taken too seriously. He did like to play pretend however and look professional, in front of newcomers at least. Something something elite organization, something something only the best players. Usually you'd all play along, but clearly someone had other plans today.

"Hmm..Let's see." Of course Hatter had to pretend to take Niragi's question seriously. You've yet to see him break character in front of a new member. "Considering the fact that it's only ten in the morning, on a Monday no less, and yet Aguni had to drag you, in his own words, out of the bar and threaten to take your beloved weapon away, just for you to put a shirt on- I simply assumed you didn't have anything better to do anyway. Please forgive me if I was wrong."

"You are indeed wrong, Hatter." It was almost impressive how the obvious irony in the older man's voice seemingly escaped Niragi's attention completely. You had a theory as to what was occupying his mind at the moment though, and his next words only confirmed it. "I could think of someone..I mean something I'd rather be doing right now. Preferably shirtless." He said the last part looking directly at you, a smirk on his handsome face. 

You were trying your best to control yourself, unwilling to entertain your boyfriend in front of a stranger, but it was getting hard with the way he was looking at you. You knew he'd take you right then and there if he could, on that very table you were sitting at. It wouldn't be the first time either. Suddenly your brain was flooded with images from the past, in-between or after meetings, when it was just the two of you. Niragi wasn't a patient man, that much you were able to figure out before you even talked to him for the first time. Seeing him lose his temper at even the slightest mistake of another member was a common occurrence. He liked to get straight to the point and his impulsiveness transferred into every aspect of his life. Sex was no exception to that rule.

Unless there was even the slightest possibility of having an audience. It wasn't until some random, probably drunk and/or high, person stumbled into your room while your boyfriend was going down on you, that you realized he might have a thing for being watched. It was as if a switch was flipped inside his mind that day. Ever since then the meeting room became his favorite place- he could spend hours exploring your body, his hands and lips marking every inch of it, bringing you as close to release as possible, only to withdraw completely over and over again.

You could only guess how many of your friends have seen you all fucked out, a shaking and drooling mess, all while he didn't lose a single piece of clothing. He'd never share you and you felt bad for all those poor idiots who attempted to flirt with you only to never be seen again, but he loved nothing more than to show you off, make everyone see that you're his and nobody else can have you. Damned be the person who figured out how to charge the phones given to players during each game.

"And what about you, Y/N?" The sound of your name snapped you out of your thoughts, the looks on the other executives' faces clearly suggesting they all knew what you were fantasizing about. At that moment you wished you paid enough attention to answer Hatter's question. You shot him a begging look, hoping he'd have mercy on you this time. "What do you want to say to our newest member?" He granted your wish, but not without a loud, exaggerated sigh. 

Oh, so that's what it was about. Thinking about it now, you had a lot to say to her. Starting with the fact that you noticed how she looked at your boyfriend ever since she entered the room. That everyone else noticed too. How ridiculous she looked trying to catch his attention and how annoying and unnatural her voice sounded the entire time. And most importantly, that it would be better if she stopped embarrassing herself - Niragi didn't look her way even once, you knew for sure he would forget there was a new member introduced that day as soon as everyone leaves the room. Your relationship was far from perfect but jealousy was not something you ever had to worry about. The thought of having him all to yourself later filled you with excitement but for now you had to stay focused. 

"Welcome to the family!" You exclaimed instead of voicing your thoughts, in a sickeningly sweet tone, with the fakest smile you could muster glued to your face. "It's always a pleasure to meet people with such a..positive attitude." Your last sentence caused some barely contained laughter among the other executives. Even Aguni looked a little less intimidating than usual. It was hard not to notice the newbie's poor attempts at flirting, the only oblivious one remaining was ironically enough the very target of these attempts. Or at least that's what you thought. 

Hesitantly, you got up from your seat to properly greet the girl, as you did with every new member. It was awkward to say the least, forcing yourself to be so friendly with someone who probably hated everything about you. Maybe except your significant other. Luckily, judging by the amount of cards she presented to Hatter upon joining, you didn't think she'd last long at the Beach. 

Finally, after the longest and most uncomfortable hug and hand shake of your life, you made your way back to your seat. A loud gasp escaped your lips when suddenly you felt someone's hands firmly grabbing your waist, pulling you into their lap. It was unexpected and it caught you off guard, but you soon recognized your boyfriend and calmed down a little. It was quite unusual for him to act that way. You started to think that maybe he wanted to tell you something without the others noticing, but no, he wasn't even facing you. You followed his gaze and..oh. You couldn't hold that smile in anymore, not when the new girl was staring at the two of you with such pure disgust written all over her face. It definitely didn't suit her, you had to admit. But it wasn't exactly your fault that you and Niragi made for one hot couple.

That's when it finally occurred to you however, that he did, in fact, notice her advances. He just waited for a perfect moment to shut them down, and since he couldn't just fuck you right then and there in front of everyone..he settled for the next best thing. It would be an understatement to say that him acting so possessive, though in such a subtle way, made you incredibly horny. Now that you were so close you could tell he was excited too. And judging by how fast the girl stormed out of the room after the meeting was done, she must have received the message, loud and clear. When all of the other members left the room, you knew Niragi would show you that he only wanted you. You also knew that Hatter and Aguni would not let this go for a very long time, but you'd deal with that later. Much, much later.

[cielsosinfel]

reading log #1100111 1100001 1111001

I was keeping reading logs of books and comics I'd completed here, and then on Dreamwidth... but I think I'm gonna end up doing them here first again before archiving on Dreamwidth lol. I have had a very bad time following up on things like this the last few months but I HAVE been finishing books (or giving up on them in frustration.) So, here's some recent ones and some meandering thoughts (if I had typed these up closer to finishing the book I would have much more to say, but alas, memory is a sieve)

CW for mentions of CSA/incest in the "Angels Before Man" section.

A Man of Lies by Ben Crane: This came up in the library database when I searched for Queer Fiction, and it was described as a heist novel with a gay lead. It's the author's first novel, too- he was a film screenwriter (none of his movies seem to have been very successful, though.) It sure is a heist novel! The MC, Barret, is an enforcer for the biggest mob boss in the Midwestern states, and falls in love with the boss' top accountant, Mickey. They want more out of life than the criminal underworld, and hatch a plot to steal shitloads of cash from their boss and flee together. But the plot is of course found out, and Mickey is killed right in front of Barret, and now Barret is forced to pay off the debt or be killed himself. But he has a better idea- one more risky scheme to to make millions and live the life Mickey wanted for them.

I actually enjoyed this one a lot!! It's very fast-paced. There are way too many POVs- it switches characters every chapter, and the narrator PoV shifts from first-person when it's Barret to close-third-person for everyone else, so it felt hectic at times. I think you can definitely tell this was written by someone used to writing film scripts- so many scenes are written in such a way that feel like they'd perfectly translate to a film scene (I got the feeling the author might be wanting to turn this into a film at some point?) There's also some flashback fuckery near the end I found kind of obnoxious but oh well, it didn't detract from the book.

It's a super ridiculous book at it's core and definitely leans hard into the tropes of its genre. Some things made me roll my eyes, especially with Barret's narration (I'm a liar! You'll never know when I'm telling the truth!) but there were some sexy moments with his suffering. I REALLY liked Cass (long-time petty criminal with a bitterness toward the world, looking for her big break), Johnny Boy (Cass' pacifist friend who just wants to do right by everyone and keep his friends safe, but can never meet Cass' expectations and is always the target of her anger), and Pickens (long-suffering genius lockpicker who just wants to get paid without getting dragged into other peoples' bullshit. He is, dare I say it, my poor little meow meow.)

It ends in a ridiculous but good plot-twist that actually makes me want to read the sequel when it comes out (this is rare. I have very low patience for multi-book series anymore lmao.) So yeah. Quick, easy, fun read, excited for more.

Idol, Burning by Rin Usami (tl. Asa Yoneda): This is a book about a high school girl's life in idol fandom, but so much more than that. I wasn't sure what I was expecting going into this- I only heard about it because I saw someone talk about an essay they wrote on this, about how it shows how idol fandom could be considered feminist- but it really was not what I expected just going off that!!

This is about a girl who is being failed by many people around her. This is a girl who has undiagnosed dyslexia and learning disabilities; a girl who is very depressed, suicidal and self-harming; a girl with a worsening eating disorder; a girl with a total disconnect from the people around her. She falls into idol fandom for a particular idol, a boy who she has been obsessed with since she was a young child watching him as a 12 year old, performing as Peter Pan, and it becomes her solace, her refuge, and a crutch. She doesn't understand herself or her life, so she obsesses over trying to understand every ;ittle detail about her oshi, from the smallest facial movements to the tone of his social media text posts.

When her idol is suddenly in a media storm for hitting a woman- a woman he may have been secretly dating- it's like a spiderweb of cracks in a dam are suddenly broken through and she's struggling to tread water.

I feel like what this book really captures is how being deeply involved in fandom, and being super passionate for a hobby, and online communities of likeminded fans, can both help and hurt. The more depressed Akari gets because of her family life, of failing in school, of being treated as an idiot because of ableist barriers she doesn't even realize are blocking her path forward, the more she fixates on her idol- constantly watching and rewatching shows and interviews to try to see beyond her oshi's public persona, updating her blog with in-depth reviews of albums or summaries of interviews, buying up all of the merchandise she can for what amounts to an all-consuming shrine in her room filled with trash and uneaten food.

Her oshi becomes the only reason she gets up and leaves the house, the only reason she gets dressed (always in blue, her oshi's official color), the only reason she continues to work (she needs the money to support her oshi), the only reason she interacts socially outside her family (with fandom, with other obsessed fans who understand why she's so emotionally reliant on a celebrity that she'll nvver truly meet). But this hyperfixation is undeniably a large part of why her life is stalling and backsliding, even if it's not the /root/ cause, but a symptom presenting an out-sized impact.

Anyway, it like, resonated with me as someone who was also once a young girl with undiagnosed dyslexia/learning disabilities, with all-devouring depression, with suicidal urges, with eating disorders no one recognized. And no support structure but my hyperfixations on fictional characters and the friendships I had with other fans via internet communities. It's just such a painful, painful book to read because even though the cultural context and fandom context is so completely different (I was born and raised in the US, I have no idea what girls in Japan go through), it resonated SO MUCH.

The ending is also something I like a lot- it's not a Happy Ending(TM) at all, but I found it much more impactful in its realism. Akari is not "better," she is still in such a bad place, but she's taking these small steps to break the self-destructive cycle she's ended up with. And that's what's important- is the small steps, and the acknowledgment that there are steps to be taken at all.

Also, the ending of the English edition has a letter written by the author addressing her younger brother, who has dyslexia, and discussing the failures of the Japanese education system regarding disabled students. She says in the letter herself, that her brother will never read it because it's in English, and she'll likely never say any of what she wrote to him, but the letter was still so, so, so affecting... Just, this acknowledgment of both her brother's struggles, and how she added to those struggles when they were younger and she understood less. Much like how Akari's older sister in the novel can't understand why Akari struggles so much, and takes out her own frustration on Akari- her frustration at bearing so much responsibility in a family with a single, over-worked mother, and no matter how much she tries to steer her sister in the right direction and help her (taking on the role of a mother for her), nothing seems to help. It's not something children can help! It's the adults refusing to see that the system they set in place is not helping these children!!

But the letter also says that though the Japanese education system almost failed the author's brother, he was able to go to a school specifically for children with learning disabilities, and he excelled and now leads a happy, successful life. Akari doesn't get that in the book; Akari's story is the other side of the coin. But where the ending of Akari's story is not quite happy, it's like a soothing balm to read that the author's real, living, breathing brother got his own happy ending.

Angels Before Man by rafael nicolás (Did Not Finish lol):

OK. OK I SUPER HATE THIS BOOK SO MUCH JESUS CHRISTTTTTTTT OK. Ok. So this is a "queer retelling of the fall of Lucifer." Right? And I, being an ex-catholic trans faggot, am totally into reclaiming Lucifer in the name of being a filthy dirty gay heathen? Right??

But this book is sooooooooooooooo

I'm gonna make a bullet point list

It's extremely unimaginative when it comes to what Heaven and angels are like, for one.We have some mentions of chariots and ophanim who are these otherworldly beings, but 99% of the cast are just regular Joe Schmo cis dudes with wings. They live in a very run of the mill pseudo-Roman town with regular buildings and colisseums and bathhouses and stores. It's very uninspired imo. They pass their time talking, lounging, bathing, trading fruits and eating, and competing in the colisseum, and just... not very Angelic??

The first 150 pages is some of the most repetitive writing I have read in years. I kid you not, the book starts with Lucifer's creation and then for the next 150 pages it is just variations of: Lucifer is lost and confused; Lucifer cries; everyone compliments Lucifer's beauty; Lucifer cries over being beautiful; they eat some fruit and walk to see people; they go on flying lessons; repeat. repeat. repeat. EVERYTHING IS DESCRIBED WHEN ITS NOTE VEN NECESSARY FOR ANYTHING BUT PADDINGGGGG

Also Lucifer's shame over being beautiful: WHY is he ashamed? Every single time he gets attention because of his beauty and being God's favorite, every time someone compliments his beauty, we get a paragraph about how ashamed he is of his beauty and his body, but never WHY. There are no details about what is causing him this shame. And if God made him to be beautiful, to embody beauty, why would he have any shame over it? Why is he ashamed of the being he was made to be, the attribute he was hand-crafted to embody? We're not given anything deeper than "Lucifer is so ashamed and he cries and cries and cries." Stop crying over being pretty god damn!!

Basically none of the characters have any voice or personality except for like, Uriel and God. Lucifer's personality is crying and being confused and having a crush on Michael. I'm not even kidding. Maybe some hyperbole but everything in this book is so FLAT and LIFELESS.

Also Lucifer is created not knowing a single thing about existence- he doesn't know what roads are, or what water is, or what air is, or what creation is- but this is also close-third person POV and his internal narration is constantly making reference to things you'd assume he'd be unaware of. Sometimes there will be some metaphor or comparison to an object, that a few pages/chapters later Lucifer will be introduced to for the first time. It just really takes you out of the story, you know?

OK the big thing though

the thing that pissed me off the most?

The entire thing that brings about the fall of Lucifer is being raped by God.

lmao

lmao!!!!

OK see I could see this kind of narrative being potentially compelling and meaningful in the hands of a good, experienced writer but that's not this writer. No. It just is such utter fucking garbage that, to me, personally, was outright offensive as a survive of CSA/incest. This is horrible writing, and horrible handling of the subject matter. It's just, so poorly thought out in so many ways.

Literally the mainstream opinion in Catholicism already is that child sexual abuse survivors are sinned, stained, ruined by the abuse and violence they have suffered. This does not add a single new thing. ugh. ighhhhh!!!

On top of that the writing of the CSA itself and Lucifer's emotional interiority in the aftermath were really fucking shallow for a book that has this as the traumatic pivot of the narrative and Lucifer's character arc into becoming a fallen, corrupted being. It's literally "he's this poor shaking crybaby everyone loves->God violently abuses him->he has violently gone off the deep down and lost his mind in some of the most cliche writing I've seen yet"

And to top it off the writing is full of spelling errors, grammar errors, punctuation errors especially-- I do not say this lightly because I am someone who writes fanfic and holds it near and dear to my heart, but this reads more like someone took a fanfic directly off Wattpad or AO3 and slapped it into a book with no editing. It is so. Bad. good lord!

If this was just porn I would not care nearly as much, like whatever gets your noncon kink rocks off, but this isn't porn, this is trying to be a deep insightful exploration on sexual trauma and incest and I can't deal with how bad it was.

[protokirby]

A little story for yall. Ingo and Emmet stuff at the end.

I'm going to confess here. I had a twitter account before I had a tumblr account. And though I just coincidentally decided to make an account during the time a bunch of people were migrating from twitter, I would say I'm not a twitter migrant. I would more say this situation is more akin to being switched at birth and now I just recently found my real family after being in a bad place by mistake.

Let me explain. I've been aware that tumblr exists through my life, just- never made an account for some reason. I always felt like I matched the vibe of this place regardless. I do not know why I didn't think to make an account here before. Maybe because I mostly don't care much for a lot of social media. I use Discord a lot considering it's my primary source of talking to people with how far away from people I live and people are scary offline. Aside from that, I go on youtube some and most of what I put on twitter nowadays is videos from my switch.

I feel safe here. Like I'm at home here. I can post things here and feel good about posting stuff.

Twitter on the other hand, I had only made a twitter account because of a game I played as a kid (cough cough Hungry Shark Evolution cough cough) where I could get free stuff or could keep my game progress or something like that if I connected to a twitter account. But eventually when I decided to actually make tweets on there, I felt like an outcast and nothing I ever tweeted felt "twittery" and more like very undercooked tumblr posts.

I had a reddit account for a little while years ago too but I never felt safe there. Dunno why I had even made the account. One day I posted a meme to a pokemon reddit. The meme had Ingo and Emmet on it and people kept asking what it had to do with pokemon. This was WAYYY before legends arceus back when Ingo and Emmet were.... obscure for some reason?? I really like both of them and I always have and I was aware they had obscurity I just didn't know they were obscure enough for an entire reddit page(?) to come after me for putting a meme "that had nothing to do with pokemon" on there. I'm very glad legends arceus brought more people to the submas fandom. I also made a little reddit page(?) thingy because I thought at the time that's just what you do on reddit and then forgot it existed for weeks until I went back to discover people were putting digimon porn all over it and I panic-deleted my reddit account. That was the end of that problem. Don't get me wrong, I love digimon, maybe even more than I love pokemon but there's this one meme I've seen going around tumblr. What was it? Something like the gnome saw a ding-dong and started to cry(?) I don't remember the exact wording but that was the emotion there.

I want to make friends with some people in the submas fandom on here. My favorite pokemon games may be sword and shield, but that doesn't mean I neglect other generations. I know I talk about Ryuki from sun and moon a lot on here and have mentioned Ingo and Emmet in posts before and the submas posts might have the most notes of anything I have posted.

I'm not tagging this post with them though because this post isn't entirely about them, though I am about to talk about them a lot in this post. I just feel like it wouldn't be morally ok to tag submas and all that when there's all this other stuff. Or my morals are being way too sensitive but idk

So anyhoo...

I keep wanting to reveal some au versions of Ingo and Emmet to tumblr but haven't gotten around to it among other things. Specifically from an au I have that I call the beast au. A lot of what I have is edits of official art of characters because I'm not comfortable enough with my art level just yet. I've been drawing my whole life, except I've always just tried to mimic the artstyle of whatever I was hyperfixated on and I don't actually have an artstyle of my own. I of course, still draw pics of the aus sometimes just that I like to have my art references in the official style.

Something about the beast au is that like all my aus, nobody uses the bathroom and children are had in alternative ways so they don't have all those things I don't like. Folks could go out naked if they absolutely wanted to because there's nothing to hide. In the beast au, some beasts look more beastly than others or even wear less or no clothes. They have fur though. The ones with more fur tend to be less likely to wear clothing. The beast au is not specific to Ingo and Emmet by the way. I have Grusha from scarlet and violet. I feel confident in my art skills when I look at it. This au, like many other aus of mine is very complex and even has some non pokemon characters in it. I have beast au versions of three characters from Megaman Battle Network.

I just can't show the beast au Ingo or Emmet because- their beast au versions have been in heavy need of a redesign for a long time. Also I kind of want there to be drawings of them rather than showing edited official art to tumblr. For anyone curious, they look like this right now but whenever I look at that edit, I always think something like "I can do better. I can do way better." If you saw checked out the embedded like when I mentioned the beast au Grusha, anyone could tell I can indeed do better. I intend to have drawings of them before I show improved versions to tumblr though.

The problem is that I need to wait until I have a specific kind of drawing motivation and I'm still waiting for that motivation to appear to get better images of my beast au versions of Hop and Leon. The Leon is... acceptable. And an edit of an anime screenshot. But if you couldn't tell why I embedded a link to that and not the Hop, it's because the Hop is completely unacceptable. I just have to wait for the right kind of drawing motivation.

(Some people who follow me may remember another au Hop I have shown off a lot. He isn't from the beast au, though he visits the beast world a lot because he's a universe traveler in a complex system of universes. Some universes he goes to significantly more often than others. He's friends with several beasts including beast Hop so yeah he'd go there a lot. I have an entire alternate multiverse basically. The beast world is just one of many. Would that be called "am" instead of "au"? The au he's from takes an entire google doc to explain. If you read it, feel free to scroll down past the blank pages heheh)

Though fret not, my friends. I have a drawing of normal Emmet. Putting it under a keep reading because I'm sky about showing drawings just there and I don't want to just embed the link to it in the post like the other things. I don't know why "Image Options" has been inaccessible for months when I used to be able to cover things in a sensitive content warning (I'm sensitive to showing stuff so I did that a lot)

It's kind of a rushed thing I did years ago about a dream where Emmet won a horse race and was flocked to by many women. I vividly remember this scene and Emmet saying this in the dream. It was rushed because I worried I would forget but I never forgot

[macaronnya]

Fresh(?) Impressions (11)

Other parts: |Trickstar| |UNDEAD| |2wink| |Ra*bits| |Akatsuki| |fine| |Ryuseitai| |Knights| |Valkyrie| |Switch| |MaM/Double Face/Crazy:B| |Eden| |Alkaloid|

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Hello Enstarries~☆ The most very likely longest post I've ever posted on this hellsite (affectionate) is here! I'll rate MaM, Double Face & Crazy:B (not in this exact order) and it should be obvious I'll only show one picture per character except for two. It would probably be better to show their whole outfit but I wanna use their cards for the aesthetic. I'm actually procrastinating rn bc I still have so many days left to do in the current event (Intersecting Motorshow) but the repidigit mission is causing me psychic damage. I'll come back to it later.....Oh and my wrist is still killing me 😭 It's actually both of my wrists now....

DISCLAIMER!: Everything said here is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to attack anyone. This is not an accurate description of any characters but my subjective rambling for fun, so please don't take it too seriously. (Just to be safe, I'm kinda scared of elite idol fans) Also, you will hear me mention other games a bunch of times bc I'm that bad and uncreative at explaining and I'm still grieving A3!EN's shutdown. Eng is my 2nd (or 3rd?) language so there might be some weird grammar or spelling mistakes. And I write at 3 am usually.

Without further ado.....Let's Ensemble~☆

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By the time I am writing this part.....it is unfortunately not high noon; it's 9pm right now!!! Interesting to see one guy being a w h o l e unit by himself. I was always confused why there's just one guy but eh whatever. No idea where the idea of spreading hope, positivity, motivation and cowboys intersect but if it works 🤷‍♀️ I can't say I like his outfit bc cowboys aren't my thing but he looks decent enough. The colors especially fit him very well but that's to be expected, considering there's only 1 guy to tailor the outfit to. The red piece of fabric on his waist is a very nice pop off in terms of colors & sillouette. Btw is that brown strap on his trousers the gun holder? Inconvenient placement but it would be very cool if the gun is an actual part of his outfit lol. Now comes the sad part, I don't vibe to his songs I've heard yet in the game. There is smth that makes me unrationally irritated and angry???? He's just cheering us up and encouraging us but I just don't like his songs for some reason? Sorry man 😣

5.5/10 - I think it's the first time the music brought the rating down

Madara Mikejima

Howdy boiiiiiiiiiiiii I feel so bad 🥲 He seems like a genuinely good guy. I mean, I did hear smth about him lowkey gaslighting Anzu into thinking they're childhood friends to get closer to Trickstars somehow but I don't think it could have been so bad. I hope. He really wants to spread ~good vibes~ and all and is adamant in being true to himself and his fans. Going after his own beat so to say. A strong boy. Another rich boy apparently???? Which I didn't see coming at all, though he doesn't really care much about that anyways. A very healthy boy. Like, carrying a 17-18 y/o girl is still taking a lot of power and energy even if she's only 50ish kg. And he went quite a while from what I get in his Ep.1. The absolute confidence this guy has to just become a solo performer amidst all these groups. Ik inside the world there are obv other soloists but he radiates confidence one way or another. Initially, I thought it was just the fandom making him out to be the mom friend bc of his unit name and personality but he actually says it himself 😶 I get the feeling others tend to underestimate or are intimidated by him due to his self-assured and almost over-friendly attitude, which he makes use of very well. He's the perfect example of charismatic. I am pretty sure he's also quite popular with mothers, grannies and children. Kinda like Chiaki in a lot of aspects. He looks pretty good. He's falling perfectly into my preference of brown haired green-eyed 2D guys so that checks out. His voice is also pretty nice. It's smooth, rich but still somehow airy like.......liverwurst (I had to google this word and, like, I didn't expect it to be a literal translation from the german one, very very tasty btw). There's still smth nnnggghh about it, though only minimal.

7/10 - kinda intimidating extrovert but definitely looking forward to learn more about him

Ah yes, another one of my fav units musically. They just sound so DAMN AMAZING!!! No idea what genre they tend to go but it's wild and fun and makes me just lose myself. There is not a single song I dislike, literally every song is a banger in one way or another. They all sound good together and just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd keyboardsmash but I think you get it already. If I were forced to chosse favs, I'd say Crazy Roulette and PARANOIA STREET but all songs are really good. It was when I watched their MVs when I noticed how long their torsos and tiny their waists are. I like their uniforms very much as well. There are 2 variants with slight differences and everyone wears individual accessories, which is a bit like Ra*bits and obv makes me weak. It looks like a stylish everyday outfit, if not a bit fancy but it fits the theme of freedom and fun. Black and white are always safe options to go with but it's not boring at all with the different prints, the little bit of other colors and the bling overall. The bee brooches are soooo cute and just make the outfit 10x better. The buttons are shaped like honeycombs!! Honestly, it's probably one of the best regular unit outfits in the game, for me ofc. No idea about the group dynamic but I know that everyone is kinda wild and weird and not a single normal person is in this group, which might not seem much in this game but I mean, I can't even see them functioning with each other but at the same time it's kinda obv they just do whatever and it somehow works??? As I've said, officially, I've only read their Ep.1. And with the memes (and therefore random spoilers), that's kinda the vibe I get. That and I saw a twitter post on tumblr listing their canon crimes, which I shouldn't trust blindly ofc but there's that. I guess it's in the name. Kinda cute how they're bees though. You'd think they'd go for cooler animals like idk leopards or dogs or smth and not little bees but it's a fun novelty.

9/10 - I wanna gobble those bumblebees

Rinne Amagi

A runaway ex-monarch, now where have I heard that before???? Well, Citron (A3!) eventually got back, gave up the throne and peace somehow happened with everyone but I don't think that's the case for this guy here. I don't know much more about his past except, that he's Hiiro's brother and they lived in a remote conervative village. I can definitely see, that he used to be smn important with how he acts. He seems very carefree, lax and rough around the edges but he is in no way stupid and actually pretty sharp, I think. I couldn't fully concentrate when I was reading his Ep.1 bc 1. it was midnight and 2. he talks like a radio host or game commenter 😂 Talks a LOT and very lively. I already knew he had a good as in attractive but yeah also good singing voice but holy did his normal talking voice catch me off guard. It was very...👀 To put it in my unique descriptions....idk man. No words, it's a bit more difficult bc he goes up and down a lot, it's a very nice kind of deeper voice, though. He'd tell the best stories for children. I guess it's comparable to a nice quiet day at the beach with a bit of wind. Not too sunny or too hot. Unsurprisingly, he's obsessed with thrills and new things too, I'd say. Probably stems from the fact, that he used to live a set path in his zraditonal village. Likes gambling and considers even marriage gambling, which isn't wrong. Nothing in life is set in stone, after all. I did hear he can be kind of an asshole and self-absorbed, which is also not surprising. His vibe kinda gave it off. Very likely impulsive and does not think things through 80% of the time, which makes him not stupid but stupid. Fun person to watch but not to hang around with. I feel like he'd drag you in his problems regularly. I don't think he can cook or do basic household chores so how did he survive alone then??? He didn't get scouted immediately, right? He can clean the toilet at max. Btw. he has a pretty good sense of fashion for smn who's pretty new to urban life. He also has certain charm to him and looks kinda good. Oh and he seems like he's in his 20s, which makes me question why he calls us Nee-san. "Miss" would be more appropriate, no?

7/10 - interesting fun guy but I'm preparing myself for the coming headaches

HiMERU

So mean of him to let i be the only small letter :( Or is it some symbolism? Ok, so straight up, I heard he's impersonating for his younger hospitalized brother, which is why he always refers to himself as "HiMERU" and not in first person. If I remember correctly ofc. Now, that already goes to show he cares greatly for his brother but also that he has determination of steel bc who would go through so much trouble wth. And the thing with acting as close as the original Himeru is just.....😧 Why would he do that? Does he actually care for him, or was he somehow forced to do it? He seems pretty chill, obv very secretive and relatively distant, to no one's surprise. He's also polite but can roast you without you even noticing. Maybe I'm just being judgemental but he might also be more cold. His hair looks like bedhair but the good "I woke up like this" ⭐ variant Nonetheless, he should probably get those strands down and away from his face. Black goes very well with him for some reason. His voice sounds so seductive when he sings but is pretty calm and rather quiet otherwise. It's not weak, though, and rather like a sturdy bench but with ventilation since it's also a bit airy.

6/10 - there's a lot to uncover but I'm in no hurry to find out

Kohaku Oukawa

I'm having difficulties telling his and Niki's singing voices from each other apart. It's so stupid considering how often I listened to the songs but their differences are not that noticable and both fit. Kohaku's normal talking voice is very easily recognizable, on the other hand. In Crazy:B at least. It's similiar to Mika and Shinobu but he has a less stretchy speech pattern (M) and his voice is deeper (S). He sings pretty decent. Not 100% sure what's up with him but wasn't he some assassin or smth? He seems too friendly and normal to be one. I almost wanted to ask what one would even do here but that's a stupid question 🤦‍♀️ He seems to have family problems. I heard somewhere that he likes sweets as well so....Welcome to the club💖!!! I sure hope he's open for all kinds of sweets around the world. I thought he'd be more grumpy and serious but he's a normal amount of that. I like his hair and eye color. It's the same combination as Shu's but I like it on him more. Probably bc I like his hair more and he just looks friendlier.

7/10 - sympathetic dude fr

Niki Shiina

I see a lot of :P from him. Is the bit about his condition about being less able to absorb nutrients true? That would suck man. Being hungry 20/7 sounds like a nightmare. What also sounds like a nightmare is cannibalism, which I sure hope is just a misnderstanding or misinformation bc wtf. Anyways, aside from that, he can cook! Plus point here already. Trust goes through the stomach after all. Talks similiarly to Rinne but more playfully. His voice reminds me of fresh citrus fruits. Seems diligent (for the sake of food) and is pretty cheerful (unless there's no food). Mans got his priorities straight of retiring as an idol if it strains his physical and therefore mental well-being. Must be a bit of a pushover if he got talked into becoming an idol of all possibilities. I mean, it's obv they can't eat a lot and have to work hard to stay in shape and sing well. I thought he'd be more reserved and uh normal bc malewife material and memes portrayed him as the one who cleans up the chaos. Maybe, my memory is pretty hazy on that regard. I like his appearance. Pretty hair, blep, kinda cute.

7/10 - kinda like and curious about him

Remember how I said the typical idol outfit is inspired by imperialistic european military uniforms? I guess it's taken literally here but more shifted to the 20th century. I have no idea what the theme is supposed to be. I did see that they were called executioners when I picked the cards from the wikia but is that it? Back to the clothes, they look good! You can't go wrong with suits and gloves. It's with darker grim colors (pretty sure they're from Madara's MaM outfit) which fits to executioners. The sherrif star is a bit funny but I guess it works as a medal here. What puzzles me is the puzzle piece on their belts. Are they also seekers or smth? The harness??? or how they're called on Madara sure give the extra spice along with the ¾ sleeves, that leave a bit of room for peeking skin. And the magically hanging coat gives him the a bossy feel. Kohaku on the other hand resumes the role of being the cuter one out of the two and has cool cape-shirt to his shorts and overknee boots. The asymmetry of the top makes it more interesting to look at and shifts the focus on the basically only patch of light color on his outfit. He looks like Madara's assistant or second-in-command, not that there are others.

I don't think the group exists yet bc 1. it's not shown anywhere in-game and 2. Kohaku is a new character after all and just got introduced to be part of Crazy:B (I think, I haven't read the story yet). It will probably be formed later on for some reason. It doesn't seem like he left the other unit like Nazuna left Valkyrie. The music can be pretty good. It's more serious sounding compared to what they usually sing and it sometimes reminds me of these cool cinematic chase scenes in oldie movies.

7.5/10 - dunno what's up but I'll look forward to more or actually seeing it formed Ig

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Conclusion

Sry to any MaMPs here, I guess the positive songs are too pure and burn my dark soul away or smth along that. Maybe Madara is mermaid prince and his songs are effective against me, an evil fish (Mermaid Melody reference that nobody gets bc barely anyone knows it :,)). Crazy:B got pulled like crazy high through their songs but they're also pretty balanced on their own.

It is now 5 over half 6 am and I already completed the event before starting Crazy:B's part. I am literally so close to simply drifting off to dreamland. I tried to look out for any mistakes but I don't think I found them all. I'm gonna do the rest this week no matter what.

If you wanna share smth just write away with the limit being respectful boundaries and the knowledge, that everything here is just for fun and games! See ya'll later~☆

[lqtraintracks]

I wish I didn't care about the top/bottom and I know I do in part due to heteronormativity, but a lot of gay relationships irl have a top/bottom dynamic, and I really can't change my tastes, trust me I'm missing out on so many great fics I really wish I could... So I am forever grateful to people who tag it, but I would obviously never request it of anyone. Some of us are just quietly and peacefully trying to find what they love (for me it's the bottom Harry dynamic, in tragic minority lol).

Hey there! I appreciate the honesty here and the lack of entitlement and vitriol. And I used to feel very similarly, not so much in HP fandom, but in earlier ones. And I still have feelings like I’m missing out because it’s hard for me to read Draco or Harry in any other pairing, and some pairings like that are squicks for me, and I see others enjoying them and I feel a tiny twinge of sadness. But the great thing about Drarry in particular is that it is a huge fandom, and whatever your tastes, you can generally find plenty of what you like, and even stuff that tags the stuff you like, even if that content doesn’t always get tagged.

Look, I hear you. I don’t actually care who tops, but I do like topping and bottoming dynamics in fictional relationships here and there. Personally, I think it can be hot when one is more toppy or bottomy than the other. Then again, I really dig it when they switch too. But sometimes I’m just in the mood for [fill in the blank] to top or bottom. Personal preferences are a-ok. What you’re saying here is a-ok. What’s not is when someone says, “My preference is the right way, and you’re wrong, and by the way [name-calling, pairing shaming, personal attacks].” People get very worked up over who tops and bottoms, and even that is okay so long as it’s not turned on someone else and used as a weapon. It’s like the saying goes: My rights end the moment my fist meets your face. 

One good thing about your particular taste is that there’s a whole fest devoted to Draco topping! @dracotops-harry I’m looking at you, beautiful. So at least there is a once-a-year feast. And I do think there’s quite a lot of Draco topping out there (and will likely be more now that antis have taken to people’s stories and brought their venom and hate where it doesn’t belong; I do love that this fandom’s reaction to that is to write more of what’s getting hated atm. So more bottom!Harry! Hurray!)

I get what you’re saying about tagging. I believe in a creator’s right to tag or not. And I have certainly stopped reading an author for not tagging something that was very squicky for me rather than ask them to tag for my own personal preferences. We all get to draw that boundary for ourselves. When I tag for topping and bottoming, it’s not because I’m afraid I’m going to get hate; I use it as a come-hither, as an enticement to people like you who might really like that thing. I don’t always tag it. I tend to go with my gut on whether or not the sexual dynamics are important enough to the story to mention it. I’m sorry that that leaves some readers like yourself wondering if the content will be to your taste. And since I tend to include switching at least a little in a lot of fics, that may be a dealbreaker for you and others, and I totally get that. I appreciate very much that you have the capability to distinguish between ‘I’d love it if people tagged more’ and ‘Creators owe me these tags’. Not everyone can do that, so thank you.

Also, I considered not answering this at all, not because you were anything but lovely and honest. But because a) I don’t want to add to the ‘discourse’; it’s been talked to death and not much comes of it honestly, and b) ANY talk about topping and bottoming tends to act like a campsite to a bunch of bears. (This metaphor is really unfair to bears.) Antis can’t seem to help showing up and being hateful. I hope I’m wrong and this post just goes on its merry way, being civil and empathetic and all that. But I’m afraid it won’t. Because you can’t say Draco topping Harry or Harry topping Draco in this fandom (or pick a fandom; it’s not HP specific) without some anti (or a flock of them) showing up to tell people that they’re gross and should die for their preferences, and often getting a treatise on that subject for your trouble, complete with swearing that would strip the paint off a barn. Antis don’t do civil, and they can’t abide anything that doesn’t look just exactly like the inside of their own skulls. So yeah. I’ve thought about not answering this, because it’s easiest to just not talk about it at all, rather than deal with that sort of crap.

But you were very genuine in your Ask, and I wanted to meet that with something genuine as well. We’ll see if our good deeds don’t go unpunished, I guess.

And here’s to more bottom!Harry in the world! I’m all for it.

[mocacheezy]

Looking at the trailer for the upcoming Netflix Cuphead show, I am just a little dissapointed. I mean it's a short teaser trailer, I dunno what I expected. I was so excited I was hoping the show was out already but aight. Aight. My mistake, am still very excited though.

The animation reminds me of the new Mickey mouse cartoons, which aight, will take me some time to get used to, since it combines the rubberhosey style but also makes it fast. But hey, it's good. I like that the animators are bringing the old timey charm and modern cartoons action pacing together. But, may I say:

King Dice looks amazing, though his voice sounds??? Off??? To me???

It might just be the fact it's been a long, LONG TIME since I've been in Cuphead waters and I didn't play the games (wistfully looks @ Switch prices and vows once more to get that game and the console), but the voice for him I have in my mind is that of Alana Bridgewaters, who sang the Die House song (and how I adore the performance, I am in love with this song still, relistening to it made me smile).

But like, from what lil' dive into the trivia I made (this is just me musing about this stuff, so I am not looking too deep. Don't take this small rant of mine as The Truest Truth Of All Truths aight?) here are some inspirations for the guy:

Now I knew about Calloway, because again, I loved the game since I was also in the BATIM fandom at the time, and the two games are both in the old timey style. Not to mention the jazz music covers and fan songs these two spawned.

Just, *chefs kiss* it was beautiful I tell you guys. My "old soul" heart sang with joy.

But anyways, thanks to that combined hyperfixation I did learn just a bit more about old timey animation (and the studios that competed at the time, and the practices/working conditions, and the lawsuits, and the -... well, you get the picture. It was a hyperfixation of almost three years or so.) which also made me realize that yea, I can see the influence of the singer.

And the song that was sung by Bridgewaters is how I imagined his voice to be (aight, also some of the amazing VAs that used to dub the fancomics, have to pay my respects to them, because they did a wonderful, amazing work. The voice claims for him were all over the place, but her version od Die House was and is my fave) so hearing the speaking voice in the show is... Off. Strange.

I consider myself someone who can and WILL find a way to make even a slight detail in a piece of media make sense or find an explanation, so a thing that doesn't fit with what I thought about a show/character/etc., etc. ends up working, so here it is:

The voice a person talks in can be completely different than the way they sing (and honestly in jazz? In the way these people sing where it can be like listening to silk and smoke, a voice that puts your mind in a relaxed haze, but can also be a wild whirlwind depending on the singer performing?? Like... Yea, there is def a difference, gotta keep that voice in shape and that throat well tuned)

The voice actor for the character Alameda Slim in Disney's Home on the Range (2004) could not yodel, so the studio contacted a singer who was in the scene, was well known and could yodel so well, that my lil slovene self wanted to learn how to yodel, and probably drew my parents NUTS with my attempts. So there IS a big chance in my opinion, of our Mr. getting a different VA for singing (oh let the man sing, please good goth give us the sleazy bastard singing, I will throw all of my non existent cash at his feet, go into proper debt and sign my soul to his boss if that happens. Yes, it appears I am an unshamed simp for villain men who have purple in their colorscheme. With each year I mind it less)

Not only that, but I am uncertain if the song was a spurr of the moment decision/fun easter egg made by the creative team, or if they wanted to include it, but lacked the budget/time/ideas who to contact (the game was supposed to be released earlier, but took longer to complete which... Have you SEEN the game? Like, I bet the wait was worth it, the animation is HAND FUCKING DRAWN!!!). Whatever the reason was, Madam Bridgewaters has my heart, and my wish to one day be able to get my voice to that kind of tones because damn. Damn my heart. Hearing that voice after years had me melt. Hats off madam. Miss? Madam? Ma'am.

Netflix gave them a good budget. They are using their budget. That's it. They have a vision of how the show will look, however I do hope we get an actual trailer soon. I want to see more of this amazing thing they are making (but patience is a virtue, so just *vibrates with restrained excitement*)

...

So to wrap up this Netflix Cuphead rant of mine:

Mr. King Dice still has my heart, even if I am a bit iffy about the voice. Also, shout out to the people in charge of getting the sneak peak out, they KNOW who the fans simp for.

The animation is more crisp than I'd imagine and faster than what the game style animation was. Again, will get used to it, but it will take some time. Kudos to the animators because well damn, even the other cartoons have great designs and I love the phone dude. I hope he rolls high. (also good fucking point from some other people, if the full show was done in the style the game was done, it would take years for one/few episodes to be finished)

I will keep an eye out for when the show drops, and might screech about it in the future. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THOSE TWO CUPS BE THEIR MOST AMAZING RASCAL SELVES!!!

Anyone who will not be able to look @ the gaming dice if I start simping for that dapper casino manager again, I apologize, may your gaming nights not be too awkward if you own purple/lavender dice. There will be no actual content that you'll have to shield your eyes from, but just know it's out there and that it is 😙👌 and you are being spared from my full on thirsting on main.

[lqtraintracks]

I posted 3,608 times in 2021

111 posts created (3%)

3497 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 31.5 posts.

I added 724 tags in 2021

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Longest Tag: 89 characters

#1:30 am on a tuesday morning the parking lots wiped clean of cars slick like roller rinks

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I wish I didn't care about the top/bottom and I know I do in part due to heteronormativity, but a lot of gay relationships irl have a top/bottom dynamic, and I really can't change my tastes, trust me I'm missing out on so many great fics I really wish I could... So I am forever grateful to people who tag it, but I would obviously never request it of anyone. Some of us are just quietly and peacefully trying to find what they love (for me it's the bottom Harry dynamic, in tragic minority lol).

Hey there! I appreciate the honesty here and the lack of entitlement and vitriol. And I used to feel very similarly, not so much in HP fandom, but in earlier ones. And I still have feelings like I’m missing out because it’s hard for me to read Draco or Harry in any other pairing, and some pairings like that are squicks for me, and I see others enjoying them and I feel a tiny twinge of sadness. But the great thing about Drarry in particular is that it is a huge fandom, and whatever your tastes, you can generally find plenty of what you like, and even stuff that tags the stuff you like, even if that content doesn’t always get tagged.

Look, I hear you. I don’t actually care who tops, but I do like topping and bottoming dynamics in fictional relationships here and there. Personally, I think it can be hot when one is more toppy or bottomy than the other. Then again, I really dig it when they switch too. But sometimes I’m just in the mood for [fill in the blank] to top or bottom. Personal preferences are a-ok. What you’re saying here is a-ok. What’s not is when someone says, “My preference is the right way, and you’re wrong, and by the way [name-calling, pairing shaming, personal attacks].” People get very worked up over who tops and bottoms, and even that is okay so long as it’s not turned on someone else and used as a weapon. It’s like the saying goes: My rights end the moment my fist meets your face. 

One good thing about your particular taste is that there’s a whole fest devoted to Draco topping! @dracotops-harry I’m looking at you, beautiful. So at least there is a once-a-year feast. And I do think there’s quite a lot of Draco topping out there (and will likely be more now that antis have taken to people’s stories and brought their venom and hate where it doesn’t belong; I do love that this fandom’s reaction to that is to write more of what’s getting hated atm. So more bottom!Harry! Hurray!)

I get what you’re saying about tagging. I believe in a creator’s right to tag or not. And I have certainly stopped reading an author for not tagging something that was very squicky for me rather than ask them to tag for my own personal preferences. We all get to draw that boundary for ourselves. When I tag for topping and bottoming, it’s not because I’m afraid I’m going to get hate; I use it as a come-hither, as an enticement to people like you who might really like that thing. I don’t always tag it. I tend to go with my gut on whether or not the sexual dynamics are important enough to the story to mention it. I’m sorry that that leaves some readers like yourself wondering if the content will be to your taste. And since I tend to include switching at least a little in a lot of fics, that may be a dealbreaker for you and others, and I totally get that. I appreciate very much that you have the capability to distinguish between ‘I’d love it if people tagged more’ and ‘Creators owe me these tags’. Not everyone can do that, so thank you.

Also, I considered not answering this at all, not because you were anything but lovely and honest. But because a) I don’t want to add to the ‘discourse’; it’s been talked to death and not much comes of it honestly, and b) ANY talk about topping and bottoming tends to act like a campsite to a bunch of bears. (This metaphor is really unfair to bears.) Antis can’t seem to help showing up and being hateful. I hope I’m wrong and this post just goes on its merry way, being civil and empathetic and all that. But I’m afraid it won’t. Because you can’t say Draco topping Harry or Harry topping Draco in this fandom (or pick a fandom; it’s not HP specific) without some anti (or a flock of them) showing up to tell people that they’re gross and should die for their preferences, and often getting a treatise on that subject for your trouble, complete with swearing that would strip the paint off a barn. Antis don’t do civil, and they can’t abide anything that doesn’t look just exactly like the inside of their own skulls. So yeah. I’ve thought about not answering this, because it’s easiest to just not talk about it at all, rather than deal with that sort of crap.

But you were very genuine in your Ask, and I wanted to meet that with something genuine as well. We’ll see if our good deeds don’t go unpunished, I guess.

And here’s to more bottom!Harry in the world! I’m all for it.

108 notes • Posted 2021-04-27 15:18:03 GMT

#4

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Words: ~2,600 Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, going into heat, going into rut, Knotting, Hate Sex, Enemies to Lovers, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Rimming, POV First Person, POV Harry Potter, Accidental Bonding Summary: Finding out I’m Malfoy’s Alpha and he’s my Omega might have gone a lot differently had we not still hated each other. But we do, so here’s how it goes: A/N: Written for @drarrymicrofic and the prompt, ‘Alpha’. Unbeta’d so forgive any wacky mistakes! Please do mind the warnings! It’s a bit filthy. <3

119 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 22:47:58 GMT

#3

Hello! 😍 It's currently 04:10am and I've been obsessively (re)reading your fic Right Hand Red on ao3, but just as I was about to start the third chapter it told me that "This work is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!", but I was sure I'd read chapter 3 before? It's also not possible to go back to the previous two chapters 👀 is it just a glitch or did you remove the fic? 🥺 Sending you love and healthy vibes, stay safe ❤

Crap!!! I just okayed a bunch of requests for it to be part of various people’s collections. I knew I shouldn’t have done that! I’ll see what I can do asap. I’m so sorry!

176 notes • Posted 2021-04-05 02:16:52 GMT

#2

Bluebutter Art for Bixgirl1's 'Touch'

“It’s fine that it feels strange, Potter. It's that way for a lot of people,” Malfoy told him softly, after a moment. “It’s not as if it's something you'd considered before...”

Harry breathed a laugh. Malfoy still smelled of that comforting smoky blend of apples and spice, and Harry wanted to roll over and inhale him. “That one day I’d be paying you to hug me? Not in a million years. You?”

Malfoy went quiet for a minute. His hand idly stroked Harry’s stomach, and Harry shifted, trying not to notice—or not to let his body notice, at least. It wasn’t working.

“No,” Malfoy said at last. “I never thought you’d be paying me to hug you. Even recently, it’s not something I ever would have imagined.”

Harry twisted around, caught by something in Malfoy’s tone. Malfoy didn’t lift his head from the pillow; his eyes were closed, and though he must’ve sensed Harry’s movement, his stare, he didn’t open them to acknowledge it. Harry resettled, brow knit.

“You said—this morning you said you Glamour for clients,” Harry murmured. Malfoy’s hand came up and pressed, flat, against Harry’s chest, between his nipples. He could undoubtedly feel the thud of Harry’s heart getting faster, but Harry refused to move again, refused to let himself feel embarrassed just because Malfoy’s legs were tucked into his and he was pressing Harry closer against his chest. He was so bloody tired of feeling embarrassed about what people were thinking. “Why not for me? …Or is that too personal?” Harry asked, not bothering to hide the challenge.

“I didn’t think it was fair,” Malfoy admitted. “I don’t have a—a history with any of my other clients. I don't know any of them personally. If they found out about me… At the most it would be unpleasant, and I’d lose a job. With you—”

Vaguely offended, Harry started to turn again, but Malfoy kept his hand where it was, holding him in place. “You thought I’d what? Get you in trouble?”

He felt a shrug. “No. It just seemed unfair,” he repeated. Then, in an obvious bid to change the subject, “Would you like a shoulder rub, like last night?”

“No,” Harry said, though it sounded rather lovely. But his eyes were heavy, and the unhurried way Malfoy was moving his hand from his chest to his stomach—up and down—was doing more to wake him up than it was to relax him. “I think I’ll go to sleep.”

“You should,” Malfoy said, encouragingly, those posh, clipped tones going low and almost melodic. Harry jerked a little when he felt Malfoy’s hand move to give his waist a little squeeze, as if he approved. He left it there, open, fingers splayed, the heat of them bleeding through the thin cotton of Harry's shirt. “These are good sheets,” he complimented. His breath puffed, warm, over the back of Harry’s neck.

I commissioned this beautiful art by @bluebutter-art for @bixgirl1's wonderful story, Touch. Bix, I just wanted you to have something beautiful and nice today, and who better than Blue to illustrate the exquisite tenderness, the UST, the fragile intimacy of this scene between them that you wrote? Happy birthday. <3 <3 <3

455 notes • Posted 2021-08-13 11:00:50 GMT

#1

What do you love about Drarry?

Dude, I have been staring at, and then running away from, this Ask for a good while now, and I’m sorry it’s taking me so long. My therapist says not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and I just encountered that advice again today in a book I’m reading, so I’m coming in here to imperfectly answer this finally: I love that they are in many ways opposites. They are, putting it very simply (oversimply) Good vs. Bad. As much as I think there was a huge missed opportunity in canon for JK to redeem Draco in Deathly Hallows and have him fight alongside our beloved group, alongside Harry, it gives fic writers someplace to go with their storyline that she didn’t do that. (And don’t get me started on her many deficiencies today; that’s another post). Anywho, I love that Draco is awful in canon but that we can see some awful humanity in his choices as well: fearing for his family, abiding with what he was taught about the world and Pureblood culture until it was simply too late. He clearly wanted to be friends with Harry from the start, whether that was from an ambitious angle and getting Harry in his crew would be not only a feather in Draco’s cap but a huge chess move for him in the cutthroat game of life... or if it was more personal, his hero-worship of The Boy Who Lived realized into a friendship. I love that there is so much to work with in him. I love tension and antagonism as starting places for relationships to crackle to fiery life and then transform in their own flames into something no one expects, something that threatens both their ontological points of view. I love that they change each other, forge new selves because of the other’s influence. I love that they hate one another and want one another and hate that they want. I love the heat that comes off their friction against one another, that it starts as a fight; it was always an obsession. Hell, that’s canon for each of them!  I love that they can’t fucking stay away from each other, even when it hurts, even when it burns, even when it makes them hate themselves and causes rifts with their friends.  ...and then I love when that starts to transmute once again. And Harry finds himself laughing at something Malfoy said, and it surprises them both. When Harry defends Draco when someone decides to attack his past choices. And Draco deserves it. But Harry becomes consumed with anger on his behalf regardless. I love enemies to lovers, and I love enemies to friends to lovers. I love when they pine for each other. I love when they break one another open in a way no one else can. I love when hate has somehow simply fled, and in its wake there is something suspiciously close to... love. That revelation. That ‘My God, I love him.’ I live for how fic writers can make that happen over and over and over again. I love it when they have hate sex, when they have rushed sex, rough sex, shower sex, public sex, kitchen counter gotta have you now sex. When they kiss. When their gazes meet and it’s an inferno, it’s a rending, it’s inevitable between them. And I love that we can explore ourselves through them, our fucked-up selves, our heroic selves, our gentle softness, our hard hatred, our inflexibility, and our ultimate surrender to something more, something better in ourselves, something we find in one another.  And I love that we can come together as a community, loving these two idiots, and writing them in as many ways as we can think of, sharing that, sharing the love of that. There’s nothing better.

633 notes • Posted 2021-03-27 21:22:29 GMT

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