polyglotpotential

[thehappinessmachine]

me: (making a very exhausted dumb post half-thinking tired of capitalism WTF IS HAPPENING NOW IS THIS A COMPANY HECKING UP AGAIN AGAINST THE PEOPLE vibes) people coming out of the tumblr woodworks: you’re a paranoid tumblrina aren’t ya. we’re going to psychoanalyze you to hell and back (incorrectly)

[transhawks]

I was tagged by @todomitoukei. Thanks!

Why did you choose your URL?

I was originally waxwingedhawks on here until June 2020 when a very kind mutual gave me the transhawks URL due to me really often talking about the "Hawks is trans" headcanon I have.

Any side blogs?

Yes! My main blog (but quite dead) is @baezetsu, my "personal aesthetic" blog is @bacchantis.

How long have you been on tumblr

I think it might be 10 years, though this is the second tumblr account I made. My old personal tumblr got deleted by me....five years ago?

Do you have a queue tag?

Nope.

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I really wanted to talk about BNHA and Hawks with other people after stalking the tags for a bit. I was never "involved" in fandoms on social media, only forums, so this was a new thing for me.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp

This is by @lemongogo! I just wanted Hawks and Trans flag. Simple, gets to the point, yanno?

Why did you choose your header?

so on the 'main header', it's just a pretty image of Keigo. On the dashboard header, it's basically how I feel most of the time when I make my more inflammatory posts because I've had like.... hero stans, hawks stans, and villain stans upset with so frequently that it felt good to make a joke about it.

What’s your post with the most notes?

My badly made image making fun of Hawks being outed as a spy by the LoV.

How many mutuals do you have?

Probably several dozen.

How many followers do you have?

I lose a lot frequently so often for weeks I'll have a very steady number. Like I get several follows and unfollows a day. Currently it's sitting at 3150-ish, not as many as people think.

How many people do you follow

338. I want to follow more but I'm careful about who I follow since I just don't want to see certain things or rbs from certain people especially. Yes, I xkit and tumblr savior, but sometimes certain usernames on here just honestly trigger anxiety attacks from me.

How often do you use tumblr each day?

I scroll daily if I'm not busy.

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Too many. Some I feel were justified in having due to the...frankly disgusting actions of the people behind them. And some I think I could have let go, not gonna lie. I still clearly have very firm beliefs about things, but I was also in a place where I was very much trying to please my former best friend by following her lead or just being just as quick to argue and fight as she was, with little room for nuance or just letting go.

As much as it hurts that the friendship is over, honestly letting her go was probably one of the best things I could have done for my mental health. Sometimes I feel as if I was in some sort of cult where my every move was evaluated for moral righteousness and approval by someone who ultimately didn't know how to care about me as much as I cared for her.

A few months after I ended stuff last year, I came across a tweet from Contrapoints about how "women" show their bitterness and isolation by moral fanaticism, as opposed to cis men, who usually resort to violence (context was a discussion of incel-led violence) and it made me realize just what had been happening and why.

The constant fights, discourse, need for every iota of fandom activities align with some moral radical leftist code that had genuinely nothing to do with actual fucking activism - it was a product of bitter, angry women and someone who was socialized as a woman seeking to find whatever piece of power they could have since the world so often denies people like us any material power whatsoever. And that's not...who I want to be. I don't want to be domineering or aggressive. Even if I don't mind arguing itself (I'm Ashke, we argue!), the constant fights and constant feeling of having to justify even the smallest, silliest things wore me down.

In short, I was probably an incredibly unpleasant person to deal with for a long time. I'm sorry, and I'm trying to change myself for the better.

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this posts”

Definitely dislike them.

Do you like tag games?

If I'm not busy, I like doing them

Do you like ask games?

Sometimes! If I have time.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Quite a few within the meta-writing or villain/hawks stan community! @thyandrawrites and @moodyvoid and @scarletrain1724 and @linkspooky @todomitoukei and I'm probably forgetting people but if I see you a lot you're bnha standom famous I guess lmao.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yeah. Two of them. I don't say anything though because I'm tired of internet relationships and am trying to meet people in meatspace.