#i don't talk about myself specifically that much on main despite being the current host but. hi

[moogghost]

hi i am having thoughts about aplatonic and i feel bad for the people following our system blog bc i rant too much on there i think. so hi people who follow our main i'm gonna be annoying on purpose /lh (except y'know it. isn't about being a fictive and i'm not bitching about it i'm just rambling here so hgfds there's that)

i am. somewhat shy posting this here mainly just bc people can be. weird about aplspec people and i'm just not used to talking about myself specifically on here (we. don't usually do it often anywhere bc people are weird about systems too but y'know)

being aplatonic/cupioplatonic is. an experience tbh

i mean this in a neutral way, for me at least

because like. i've been mostly just been dealing with the struggles of being aplatonic recently. mainly just being able to maintain friendships or hell even just. understanding how friendship works at times (like. i will be blunt i don't call people friends that often because i don't even know how long that usually takes. yes even if it's been months we've just always been like that i apologise) and while yes a part of it is definitely attributed to being neurodivergent and persodivergent it's also just. the fact that we're collectively aplspec and i just happen to be cupioplatonic specifically

but despite that i wouldn't. call it a bad thing? like yes sometimes it does suck that i genuinely struggle w it and don't experience any sort of platonic attraction or anything like that while also wanting to have friendships at the same time. but i also really like it at the same time because i know that's me specifically? and that they're my feelings? idk perhaps it's mainly because of also being a system and sometimes it's. very difficult to tell who i am but. yeah. i enjoy actually knowing who i am sometimes and being real and having my own feelings validate that, actually

adding that to "cy's list of things that makes it feel like it isn't faking its own existence again lol" because i'm viewing it as a win