i think what upsets me most, besides the fact that this means no more accordion unless i somehow miraculously get it fixed, is that despite my best efforts to be careful and not mess up, i still managed to make a mistake and fuck it up. despite understanding and appreciating how expensive and valuable and fragile this instrument is, despite my best efforts to keep it safe and in good condition, i still managed to mess up and damage it.
like ... I just mess up. I have something nice, something of value, and I cannot seem to keep it safe and taken care of. things end up ruined. shirts get holes, dresses get stains, electronics get battery acid leaking or cracked, dishes get broken, book pages get torn or bent, trinkets get chipped, instruments are bonked and rattled. i am so terrified of handling anything that things most often just stay sitting in lidded bins so they are safe from carpet beetles and dust and dirt and food and me.
i just feel awful, i dont understand why I can't just keep things safe and in good condition ?? why is this so impossible for me, especially when i care so much ??
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In my head *cough, fantasies* RGG isn't so centered on their need to 'one game only' their villains, and allow the characters they already have to expand and grow beyond those games. (Ryuji-though he came back in Dead Souls, Mine, Aizawa) they do a good job making really compelling, interesting characters and then have to speed run to their demise. It's unfortunate, but I do understand they were operating with 'there might not be another game after this so we don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves' much of the time. Hell I don't even need redemption arcs, just..not having death be the only answer, if that makes sense? Or I just get to attached to the well-done villains. Heh. (chaoszonenate)
noooo it makes me sooo pissed actually just because kiryu (and even ichiban !!) Every Time preaches about people's capabilities to start over and so long as you have a will to go on you can right your wrongs but !!!! these fucks aren't ever given that chance and i'm over it !!!!!!!!!
if no redemption arc for them then at the very least let them go to jail idk- just stop killing them because the game's over
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idk if this is an autistic thing or whatever but oh my god why is writing so HARd? like, im afraid of constantly implying things other than what they mean
"does this sound like im demonizing mental illness?"
"what if this makes it seem like i think the answer to struggling with mental health is suicide?"
"what if this relationship comes off as toxic,"
"does this seem like x character is trying to fix y? what if it reads like x is being manipulated to try and help y?"
"did i accidentally give x a savior complex?"
"does y come off as an abuser just because they did bad things out of desperation? what if giving y a happy ending ends up feeling like abuser sympathizing?"
"how do i make y's character arc without it feeling like they suddenly realized something obvious and were fixed magically"
writing is hard
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ive always had issues with the term "terminally online" mostly because of how it swiftly devolved to just mean "anyone online i disagree with", however recently it did finally click for me when someone messaged me about my aaron bushnell posts and ended it with "yeah idk i just think it would've done more good for him to stay alive and donate to esims for gaza" bc i just. like. where do you even start with that. like that to me is an opinion that cannot come from anywhere other than having your entire frame of reference for activism and the united states military be gathered online. you really think someone who thought they had to /kill themselves/ to avoid /active contributions to genocide/ would've done more good just. keeping their head down and doing what they were told and throwing a spare couple dollars at the esims fund? do you think you know more about the harm he was helping do than he did, that you can speculate on how best to outweigh it? do you think if "donate to esims" was actually a more productive option he wouldnt have picked that before SELF IMMOLATION???? and like ive since blocked that person because of some other issues but. it took quite literally everything in me not to say anything about it in the moment
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