#i feel like there will soon be more incoming photos from tonight’s red carpet event soon

[evans-heaven]

“Hey, legend,”~s.m.

Not What I Can’t Have part three, I knowww but y’all will get that soon, don’t worry! I gotta make it perfect first <3.

For now enjoy idkhowmanywords of fluff. Hope y’all enjoy :)

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“What next?” I murmured, staring at the illuminated screen of my laptop, at the page half filled with pure mumbo-jumbo. 

How about I put....no.

Oh! What about.....God no.

I slammed my laptop shut, groaning. Having my fingers hover over the keyboard while my brain conjured up and immediately denied the next sentence I would write always drove me over the edge. Being a writer was my dream, yes. But I never imagined that it would cause me so much frustration and anger.

I sighed deeply, picked the laptop up, and walked over to the desk opposite my king sized bed. As I set it down, I heard the tiniest of ‘meows’ come from behind me, and I smiled. I turned to face the door, and, sure enough, my orange Tabby Cat, Jimi, stood  there, staring at me with jade green feline eyes, head tilted, ears pointed, face angry as always.

“I’m okay, Jim. Just...fed up,” I shrugged, walking back over to the bed and crawling back on top of it. I patted the empty spot next to me, and he jumped onto it eagerly. He curled his fluffy, twenty pound body into a tight ball and closed his eyes, setting himself up for one of his many deep slumbers. I sometimes looked at him and felt envious.. If only I could sleep as much as he did. My career, unfortunately, did not make life so easy.

I only ever let Jimi on the bed when my husband Shawn wasn’t home. And tonight was one of those occasions.

I wasn’t mad about it- I had grown used to his absence. It did, however, make his homecomings more anticipated. Holding each other in a tight embrace for however long the universe would allow us would always be the highlight of my year each time he came home from 8 month tours. We had been together for 5 years, married for 1, and yet still, looking at him always reminded how in love I was with him, and never failed to make me fall even deeper.

Tonight, he was at the VMAs in Los Angeles, where  he was nominated and performing. The show was immediately after the end of the NA leg of his tour, so he had to fly to Los Angeles instead of coming straight home.

 Normally, I’d be right by his side at award shows, always being the loudest in the audience and the first to stand when he won an award, but duty held me back. I was extremely backed up on work from my job at Seventeen magazine. Of course, Shawn was one of my top priorities, but that night, my job mattered way more.

I might have been his self proclaimed good luck charm, and he didn’t miss a beat calling me this morning freaking out about his performance, saying that he would totally screw up and embarrass himself in front of tens of thousands of people (though I knew his only concern was Ed Sheeran) because I wasn’t there, but I had to put work first. I was a senior editor for a reason.

However, this senior editor was half a typo away from shooting her laptop with 9mm Glock and quitting her job.

Goddamn, I’m missing the VMAs to struggle with my so called profession? Why was I even hired? I thought. I should have just been a trophy wife. All they had to worry about was which dress to wear for which event and which arm to link with her husband on the red carpet of some frivolous event. The simple life, it seemed.

I looked at Jimi, he was fast asleep. Jimi. So named after Jimi Hendrix, legendary guitarist and one of Shawn’s idols. It was a final decision between that and Tori (short for Toronto). In the end we went with the obviously less tacky and Canadian choice. He still barely responded to his given name, but it was already engraved in his collar and there was no going back after shit was set in stone. Or in this case, stainless steel.

He was basically the only company I had in this huge condo in downtown Toronto when Shawn was gone, but I didn’t mind too much. He may have slept 90% of the day, but he was still there with me. And company that was lazy, uncooperative, and the cat equivalent of sleeping beauty was better than no company at all.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the buzzing of my phone on the bedside table. I stretched my arm over and picked it up. It was a text from Shawn.

You like? 

Attached was a photo of him, black and white, sitting on a couch most likely backstage at the VMAs, staring intensely at the camera. His navy blue suit coat was missing, and the sleeves of his shirt, originally blue and white, were rolled to his elbows. His hand was at his chest with his thumb tucked into his shirt.

I bit my lip and held back a heavy sigh, as though not to wake Jimi up. Again, 5 years together, and things like this didn’t fail to bring me to my knees in awe. My husband was beautiful. I wasn’t being shallow. I was stating facts.

My thumbs flew across the screen as I replied to his text.

Is that even a question? You greek god, you ;)

Not even a second later, his reply came up.

I’m calling you. I miss your voice.

Sure enough, right after his text came, his name came up on the screen of my phone, indicating an incoming call. I wasted no time accepting it and pressing the device to my ear.

“Hey, legend,” I mumbled, smiling lightly.

“Hi, darling,” he whispered. I had heard the phrase so many times, Whether it was when he would come home from the studio and follow it with a hearty kiss, or if he was simply coming up behind me while we made dinner together and I was at the chopping board, he always let those words slip past his mouth and I always let them make my insides melt. His throaty voice and the way each syllable would role off his tongue turned my insides into pure liquid.

“Why is it that I can be so deprived of your voice even though I heard it only this morning?” he chuckled. He was all I heard. There was no background noise. i wondered where he was. Clearly not backstage, other wise I wouldn’t have been able to hear a word he was saying.

“I guess I have than affect on you, huh?” I teased. He could be a cheeky little shit sometimes as well, but I took the cake. I knew how to get under his skin (and use it to my advantage) when the time felt right.

I could almost feel his smirk from the other line. “Of course you do, darling. You know my desperate love for you reaches great lengths. It could put the great wall of China out of business,” he said smugly, and for a moment, I wondered if I was talking to my husband or a Tumblr poet. But then I remembered he could be a mix of both sometimes.

“Whatever, Mendes,” I rolled my eyes and dismissed his comment. I tried my best not to feel his imaginary ego sometimes.It only made it grow, which always made me laugh.

“What are you up to?” he asked.

“Laying on the bed, talking to you, wishing I didn’t choose to be a writer,” I lamented, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Y/N,” Shawn warned, and I winced. He hated it when I talked badly about my job. He always reminded why I was hired and that I shouldn’t doubt my ability or my bosses for hiring me. “How many times have I told you that one or two slip ups is completely normal?” he questioned.

“Says you,” I scoffed. “You slip up in front of millions of people and everyone thinks its adorable. I do it in front of an entire board room and I feel my degree in Journalism being torn to shreds,” I said.

“Adorable?” he laughed. “Hardly,” he said. “Are you taking a break?”

“Yeah, obviously,”

“Good. Don’t worry, darling, you’ll bounce back up in the morning. Whatever you’re writing will hands down be the best thing to ever grace the pages of Seventeen, I know it,”

I narrowed my eyes. “You always say that,”

“And I always mean it,”

I smiled. I knew he did. He always would. “So, are you nervous?” I asked, toying with my wedding ring- my birthstone, pear shaped. It left a permanent imprint on my finger, for I never took it off unless I absolutely had to. I felt naked without it. It had basically become a new body part.

“Eh,” he said. “I guess so. I’m kind of like a see saw right now. I’m either nervous as fuck and ready to back the hell out of this, or so confident I practically feel like God. Its fluctuating,” he explained, and I nodded as if he could see me. 

“Makes sense,” I said. “Don’t worry, rockstar, you’re gonna kill it, I have full faith in you,” I said warmly. Just because I couldn’t be with him didn’t mean I couldn’t send some positive vibes, even if they were received from 4,052 kilometers away.

“Thank you, darling. I still wish you could be here with me. It doesn’t feel the same without you, knowing that this is the first VMAs you’re missing since we started dating,” he sighed. I could picture him, if he was sitting, either toying with the collar of his shirt or bobbing his leg up and down. Right or left?

“Work held me back, Shawn. You know I wish I could be there with you,” I told him.

“I know, baby. But, good luck charm or no good luck charm, talking with you right now is the only confidence boost I need,” he said. “Your voice is like a steroid shot or something, and I mean that in the best way possible,”

My face heated at his quirky, funny, yet so, so endearing comment. “God, if only you knew how badly I wanted to crawl through this phone and tackle you to the ground with kisses,” I groaned, throwing my head back.

Shawn’s POV

“Oh really?” I laughed. “How badly, darling?” I asked, standing up from the leather couch in my personal dressing room. I began to pace the length of the space, my eyes drifting up to the outfit I was to wear on stage that hung on a rack. It was nothing fancy, just a gray shirt with my basic black jeans and boots. I didn’t believe in going over the top with things like that unless it had to do with the musical aspect of the performance. I didn’t have to look like I raided Party City to put on a spectacular show.

She giggled on the other line. “When you get home and I shower you with as many kisses as my lips will allow, you’ll know how bad,” she said, and I was almost certain she winked.

“Then damn, I can’t wait to get home,” I concluded. She could have absolutely nothing waiting for me at home and it would still be anxiously anticipated. Her on a whole would be the only ‘welcome home’ gift I would require.

I loved this woman with my entire body, mind, and soul. She had my heart and I had hers. I dared anybody to try to take them away from us.

“How’s Jimi?” I asked. He was a bossy, orange devil, but I still cared about the little fucker, even if I was convinced he had it out to get me.

“He’s right here next to me, sleeping in your spot,” she answered, and I furrowed my brow.

“Baby, I thought I told you not to-”

“Well someone has to fill your spot!” she argued before I could finish.

I laughed. “God, a cat replaces me when I’m not home. Tragic and wrong,” I shook my head and chuckled. 

“Then you better rush home and rectify said wrong, Mr Mendes,” she teased.

“Oh, trust me, I’m counting down the hours til I can, Mrs Mendes,” I smirked, sticking my free hand in my pocket.

“How many hours?” she asked softly. And then suddenly, I knew I had hit a nerve with my statement. We hadn’t seen each other in months. Talking about my return or her visits was bittersweet. They never lasted as long as we wanted.

“Baby,” I cooed. I wanted nothing more than to fold her in my embrace. But I couldn’t. “Its okay. Only 15 more hours until we get to see each other again. Only 15, nothing more,”

“How I wish it were less,” she laughed slightly, and that lifted my spirits. Hearing her sounds of joy, even if they were the smallest of noises, made me feel like I was about to enter the gates of heaven sometimes.

“I’m not father time, love. But I’ll race home to you as fast as I can as soon as the show is over,” I said. There was a knock on my door and Andrew’s head popped in. “One second, Y/N,” I said, and pressed the phone to my chest. “Is it almost time?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “Get dressed, you’re on in ten,”

I gave him a thumbs up and he closed the door. I put Y/N on speaker and walked over to my change of clothes, pulling them off the rack.

“I’m on soon, baby. I gotta hang up in a bit,” I said. 15 more hours.

“Oh,” she said, and there was most certainly a deep pout on her face. “Well rockstar, I guess this is it,” she exclaimed, perking up.

“This is it!” I repeated, chuckling. I pulled my dress shirt off the put the other one on, buttoning it up almost all the way before I removed my belt and dress pants, pulling the black jeans on. “Hey, darling?” I asked after my pants were zipped up.

“Yeah, babe?” she answered.

“You’ll be watching, right?” I clarified. I knew she would be, but what if at the last second she wouldn’t? Maybe she didn’t want to see her trainwreck of a husband totally fuck it up (in the terribly bad way) on the stage? Even through the TV she would feel the humiliation.

“No, Shawn, I won’t be watching at all. I’ll be too busy trying to teach Jimi to write an article for me,” she drawled sarcastically.

I groaned jokingly and stomped my foot after I laced up my boots. “Can you not joke for a second, love?” I laughed, taking her off speaker and bringing the phone back to my ear. I looked in the mirror and straightened my hair, combing he loose strands back from my forehead. Fresh haircuts never lasted long- my hair grew quick. My fans loved it. I was always led myself to think they love ‘the curls’ more than me.

“Alright, alright,” she sighed. “Shawn, you know I’ll always have my eyes on your performances, even in the most unreasonable, unrealistic of circumstances. I wouldn’t miss you for the world,” she said sincerely. I could picture the look in her glimmering eyes, the way they would twinkle in a manner only for me, only when she looked at me.

“You promise?” her reassurance was my saving grace at this point. My heart rammed against my chest like a caged beast wanting to escape incarceration. My palms were sweaty and my body trembled. The norm. The day this didn’t happen before any performance that I had, was the day I stopped being human. I craved this feeling to remind me that I cared, but at the same time, I dreaded it, because it brought on an onslaught of negative ‘what ifs’ that flooded my brain.

“I promise, Shawn. I’ll always promise to be there for you.Even if I’m not with you. I will always be there for you,” she said, and I knew she was nodding firmly.

My darling. I couldn’t picture life with out her anymore. She had become my everything.

“I love you so much,” I mused, feeling my throat clog up. The things she did to me. This wouldn’t be the first time her words brought me to tears. It wouldn’t be the last either.

“I love you too, big guy. Go out there and kill it!” she squealed.

I turned the doorknob and stepped out. My team stood outside the door, scrambling to get the equipment ready.

“Bye bye, darling. I’ll be picturing you out there,” I said.

She giggled that angel like giggle. “Bye, legend,” she said, and kissed the receiver before hanging up.

Legend. She always called me that. And she was one of the reasons I would work as hard as I possible could until i became one. One like her.

She was my legend.

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Hope y’all enjoyed :)