#i havent really been inna writing mood as of late

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

sat

 my neighbor (in the lighted window)   - the moon   -  i think my neighbor thot - but maybe not - i lost the foto scrolling - idk how i diddit  - doo wah or p diddy or bo diddley - anyway herez the moon and the rest below cuz i got mad skillz - ru laffing 

that wuz sat - a bit b4 midnite i was feeling hopeful - im almost always inna good mood around midnight - either that or desolate despair like - no imma not bipolar either  - not sure i gotta handle on the side effx tho the meds the new ones - still 2 early for this much 2nd gessing - i can see a valid medical stat for the 4 im taking each one 

i swear i mean to just write a fucking pome not a blow by blow of the current symptoms and conditions - but i think thatz poetry 2 

i miss my early mornings - alone w the kitty - its a whirlwind w the unpoet trynna get ready steady go to an office or a hearing - its ok she likes it - not the leaving but the doing - she likes practicing law and teaching others fine points like a mother hen and she is getting quite popular at the new firm already w her templates from her biz  she shares 

ok maybe its more like a journal but i never keep a journal not even in rehab 

so i think we wuz tawking bout the hour approaching midnight and after - maybe imma really just a nite owl vampire left to my own devices - tho i have found i like sunshine - but late night anything - is possible if unlikely - the cracks in - the spaces - between worlds widen - just a bit - tho as a child there were terrifying endless seeming - somethings - my dreams sometimes 

the quiet dark ish - i usually have a dim light on if im not sleeping and ambient from the windows - late - is a good time to sort realities and fit facts and make prediction  - usually theres a kitty near  we talking lifetime  - and stars  - i sleep really well in a little town called marina - on a sand dune - in a comfy room mind u - my sleeping bag daze r over for a while now - i can hear the ocean all night - havent been there for too long - theres always reasons - and if its not foggy (not a good bet )  omg the stars - yah we stardust joni and gods children if there is one - i act as if cuz it works best it seems - i pray cuz thots r things - i dont know about 6 before breakfast but yah i believe impossible things like a milliner do  - u can beeleef anything u wanna as long as it aint evil - fine by me - and late at night almost everything is ok 

afaik there aint a roadmap maybe not even a well marked path  - wuz thinking bout the heart attack thing and recovery but i gess living - and there never wuz a script for the life i leading  - led or  - in  50 words or less  - at least 50 different jobs not counting temp work - a dozen discretely different “careers” or avocations at least as many total failures - more than 50 places i have called home  not counting hotels and short term “fixes” - been down to less than a suitcase of everything i own fit and nothing in the bank cuz i dont even have an account a few times  - i never own a car tho i bought 1 for the un poet - i literally cant see well enuff to drive ever - i thot it was normal to see double for the 1st 6 years - somehow - im here - in a beautiful city i born in - a couple blocks from the water - yah the apartment izza shambles - old like right around 100 and nothings been done major for over 30 yrs - the last thing was replacing perfectly good heavy  windows w aluminum/plastic leaky drafty ones but at least we got a new roof  - and its gotten 2 expensive to more than think about moving if we wanna stay in the city  - still - its light and cheery inna daytime - quiet and snug enuff at night - im lucky - i know it rarely forget how much - imma survive in style maybe more than deserving  

(ahem  - did u have a point t ?  its ok n everything but u gone on - and on - for a while now - just sayin ) 

oh yah - the regret thing - even edith piaf did from time to time - i think 

therefore 

oh look t !!!! eyore !!

u dont know it but u just got saved from existential

maybe i didnt have a point 

could this uh poem b saved - maybe by a kitty 

nah

but imma post it anyway