#i imagine they'll make his character shittier with time but ???

[tagthescullion]

hades being all "I stay out of family drama", my man, did you not try to kill thalia like 5 years before because zeus killed your ex in the 40s?? I mean.. you may want to stay away from it but that drama found you real quick

[bloodpenned]

*dumps sad caleb content* caleb doesn't often have bad days, but when he does, he thinks. cw: me taking his character more seriously than i probably should (feel free to just keep treating him like a loser nd disregard this stuff HAHA), unhealthy coping mechanisms (implied porn addiction, self harm, dubcon done to him.)

there are plenty of lines on his body. most are on the inside of his thigh, pale and short. a name, in one spot. (can't remember their face.) an insult or three. and... caleb has a heart cut in the middle of his chest, too steady to be done by his own hand. at this point, it's years old. thoughts of 'refreshing' it plague his mind, before he can't make it out amongst the patches of his skin. sometimes, he'll sit down in front of a mirror and stare at it. (it took a few attempts. they were both fumbling, jittering with nerves. the blade didn't draw any blood the first time, just left behind a red line on the skin. they laughed, at a lack of anything better to respond with, and said they'll try again. something to remember them by.) it still aches, he thinks. he doesn't like to think.

no, he much prefer to jump from one dopamine hit to the next. his brain in a haze of familiar pleasures as he gets himself over the edge as soon as he has nothing to distract himself with. boredom is his greatest fear. his eyes are fucked up from sitting in a dark room, staring at a screen for hours and hours and hours. doing everything to escape into a life that was anything except his own. he'll live thousands of lives before he dies, ravenous in the way he devours their emotions, their connections. their love. (include tag: happy ending). it's his own fault he's here. destined to die in a shitty apartment in an even shittier neighbourhood, leeching off of his poor mom to keep from starving to death. at some point, he just... stopped trying.

instead of finding work, he spends time on websites with names that would make most people cringe. sludging through lists, sending messages to anyone who looks like they could give him what he wants. sends ugly pictures. goes over to meet too quickly, spending his savings on a train ticket. caleb's seen plenty. people who don't look like the pictures they sent. buildings so disgusting even he wouldn't dare go inside. the knife to is throat, and nothing more, his stuff stolen. it's not all bad. there's the people who ask can i, is it okay, should i, i'm going to keep going, are you okay and he always nods always always nods, doesn't matter what they're saying.

sometimes, he feels... disgusting. dragging himself through an unfamiliar city wearing dirty clothes in the middle of the night. (could you leave? look, you were great, but i have work in the morning. doesn't even let him use the shower. he spends minutes looking for his shoes and feels terrible the whole time.) his hair smells like smoke, and there's blood underneath his nails. neck covered in marks from teeth and a blade, his nose pounding with every breath. it sounds clogged. maybe it's broken. he looks like someone tried to kill him, and he knows there's a decent chance- he couldn't imagine a more fitting way to go. can he say his boundaries are crossed if he doesn't set any?

he's doing that less and less. instead he bothers the people around him, shoving his reputation further down the gutter. it's less effort. he doesn't have to go out of his way to find people, and he still gets attention. even if it's looks of complete and utter disgust. even if it's threats to get his face split open. he keeps doing it, but every violent response he gets, he's mostly turned on, but in the back of his mind... he's a little disappointed.

what is it he really wants? what is it he really needs? what makes him keep doing this? what is he hoping to find?

his phone vibrates. caleb jolts and practically snatches it off of the bathroom sink, thumb trembling so much that it doesn't unlock. he's happy for an excuse to snap him out of his daze. the screen reads; god, what the fuck is wrong with you? go get a hobby. touch some grass. anything except this.

he smiles. obviously, this is all he wants.