#i know i tend to get a little flowery with words but also her arc is a little difficult to summarize

[treesap-blogs]

GUYS IM BACK! with another review(I know it’s not saturday shhh!), this time of “when the moon was ours”!

Hello, Tumblrians! I’m back. After a couple months. Life happened. Well, to be exact, death happened(rip Dad, 1964-2023)(someone better not use that against me in an online argument), and I was in a terrible space to the point where blogging felt like an obligation and a chore meant to worsen my depression. I’m back, though! I missed being on here more than I’d like to admit. I wish I could say when I’ll start posting consistently, but the truth is that I’ll continue to get busier and my mood fluctuates frequently. 

No, it’s not a Saturday or Sunday, but I didn’t feel like waiting for that point! So.

The first book I read after everything kinda unfolded was Blanca & Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore, but I already have my thoughts on that posted on Bookstagram, so I’ll just link my profile instead of regurgitating my thoughts here.(I usually keep things mostly positive there, and share about books I loved and/or others recommended to me!) One thing I did not say in the review, however, was that sometimes the characters had a tendency to say descriptors that were either similar or the same word-for-word in other chapters, which was kinda annoying. There was a specific galaxy? star? metaphor that was used once in Blanca’s POV and another time in Roja’s, which I guess was there for cinematic parallels but just felt repetitive instead of clever. Overall a pretty great book though and I liked the POV distribution(flowed a lot smoother than another McLemore book with multiple POVs, Dark & Deepest Red). 

I suppose while on the topic of Anna-Marie, I’ll move on to another book they wrote! I don’t think I’ve reviewed “When The Moon Was Ours” on here, but it was the second book of theirs I’d read, and I loved it! (Even though that was months ago when I did read it.)

“When The Moon Was Ours” is a 2016 novel written by Anna-Marie McLemore, following two third-person perspectives of a trans boy named Sam(ir), and his close friend-slash-lover, Miel. The two of them met when they were both little, and Miel unexpectedly came out of a rusty water well being taken down. Being scared and frightened by this new environment, Sam became Miel’s first companion and someone she first trusted(before being taken into the care of a young woman named Aracely). Both Miel and Sam have been the subjects of their town’s folklore: Miel’s mysterious origin, combined with her ability to generate roses on her wrist, made her rumored to be a witch. Sam, by proxy, has been looped into that. Present day, the three Bonner sisters(I don’t remember their names, but I remember they were nicknamed “Las Gringas Bonitas”) are hoping to take advantage of Miel’s abilities for their own gain, forcing her to make three roses for them(one for each girl) under the assumption their scent will make boys fall in love with them. In order to get Miel under their control, they’re determined to use every possible secret against her, including Samir’s past.

This story was one of a few novels I read in roughly under a day, for a multitude of reasons: I tend to binge-read books with difficult subject matter or harsh events so I don’t have to stick with them much longer, and I also remember being very entranced in the writing. Finishing it wasn’t an obligation, it was something I genuinely wanted to do and I was so wrapped up in Samir and Miel’s story that I read to the very end to see how all the events played out. The prose was beautifully written, and I thought both Miel and Samir’s arcs were engaging. With that said though, it’s a) been a while since I’ve read this book, so I don’t fully know to the extent that prose might have become repetitive, b) Anna-Marie McLemore has a writing style that’s very hit-or-miss, something I’m familiar with as a fan who’s read six of their books by now. Some think it’s lush, others think it’s a little too flowery. But here, I felt that style added to the unconventional, sometimes “fucked up fairytale” feel of their magical realism. (Which I think is an interesting thing to note, considering that McLemore’s written retelling and also takes inspiration from fairy tales from their childhood for their fantasy/magical realism writing!)

Also, just something I noticed: this is one of a few books I’ve read with names for chapters! Very cool. More books should do that.

Spoiler Section from here until the end of the review!! Tread carefully(or avoid entirely), if you do want to read.  

To start, Samir being transgender is an integral part of the plot, which is why I mentioned it in my summary: Yes, I could include that one aspect of that is the harassment and bullying Samir faces because of his identity as a trans boy(his deadname is even used as blackmail by the Bonner Sisters). But he is also coming to terms with him being a boy. Samir’s cultural background involves a tradition called “Bacha posh”, in which girls can spend a period of their life presenting and dressing as boys in order to be the breadwinners for their families or to get more opportunities. The girls are still cis in these cases, but being recognized as male gives them more opportunities and freedom, hence why families with no sons do it. There’s a timeframe for this, though: once the girl reaches puberty, she transitions back to living in female gender roles, which is not always easy to do. (For context, Samir is Pakistani, but I understand that bacha posh is an Afghan tradition. I’ll have to go back and reread the author’s note or possibly parts of the book to see if this was addressed..?) Samir volunteered to become a bacha posh for his family after finding out about the practice, and as a result thinks that the reason for his discomfort in “going back” to living as a girl is due to that, not because of being transgender(even though long past the start of puberty, he presented as male). 

And while Samir’s arc is a difficult one to read because of the oppression he faces, both as a Pakistani boy and a transgender one, I remember really liking how his gender identity was presented in the narrative. Sure, it may take him a while to realize himself, but his loved ones(such as his mother and Miel) already know him as one. (There was also a moment where another transgender character recognized his internal struggles and tried to connect with him on that! Kinda..sucks that Samir being in denial and it being an emotionally intense climactic moment meant that didn’t really get to go any deeper, though.) His gender dysphoria was also realistically depicted, in my opinion. While I wish there were more opportunities for transgender joy in the narrative, I still think he was good representation in that regard.

Something I liked was that there was also a consistent air of mystery throughout the book. Part of Miel’s strangeness comes from her vaguely-remembered appearance all those years ago, and Aracely’s just as sudden one. Plus, there’s…whatever the hell is going on with the Bonner Sisters. That’s part of what kept me drawn in, but there were some…just as strange magical conclusions to those plots! Which I vibed with in the case of Miel and Aracely because I liked the possible symbolic interpretation(and..I’m not boring, I like weird sometimes), but with the Bonner girls, it felt like there was an attempt to make a meaningful, even beautiful ending for them. I do not think those three deserved that, considering what they subjected Miel and Samir to(emphasis on Miel, because she’s being taken captive by them and all, but it’s equally sucky they decided to use Samir’s deadname as ammo). 

I also just had a lot of questions about the Bonner sisters after I read the book?? Like..were they even people, this entire time, or was the magicked away thing just another part of them letting go of the mortal realm and moving on from the pressure put onto them by their family? (So was that also more symbolic?) How are we supposed to feel about them?? Miel is able to connect with the youngest one in the end, and if I’m not remembering incorrectly, kind of has a moment of forgiveness with them..? Again, considering everything they put both Miel and Samir through(like..they were literally in danger), I don’t feel it’s deserved. It feels too pretty of an ending, like they didn’t get enough repercussions for their actions. 

Last point I’ll make! I haven’t talked much about Samir and Miel as a pair/romance. While I didn’t mind them being pre-established, and I think they’re compelling as individual characters, I wish their relationship had more time to be fleshed out. Although my first impression of their romance was positive and I rooted for them, my thoughts have kind of shifted since that time period(evident when comparing my Goodreads review to this one, if any of you follow me there)! There was also a miscommunication problem throughout the book, which was, granted, also a huge part of Miel and Aracely’s dynamic, but it was also present in the main romance(to my annoyance). Which ended up bringing my attention to a prevalent cliché in McLemore’s books! It goes something like this:

Some issue in the plot means that two characters cannot be in a relationship together, lest they jeopardize themself and/or their partner. Feminine-presenting character says to masculine-presenting character they cannot be together, but does not elaborate on the true reason why, and just blames it on not having romantic feelings for them. Masculine-presenting character is devastated but reluctantly accepts this breakup. The two spend some time apart or not as a couple, until even with the current circumstances, the feminine-presenting character can’t manage to be without their partner and goes to both apologize and continue the relationship.

Other books I’ve read in which this happens: Dark And Deepest Red(Lala and Alifair), Lakelore(Lore and Bastián, although it’s more emotional stakes than physical, and Lore’s gender expression varies), Wild Beauty(Estrella and Fel). I have Venom & Vow on my TBR, and I hope it does not also go to that trope because I don’t want to have to deal with that conflict again. It's tired, and I don’t know why it’s so prevalent across Anna-Marie McLemore’s books. I mean, I get the stakes, but…deciding the one way to go about things is to just say you don’t love the other person to make them go away? Feels a little unnecessarily devastating.

End of spoiler section!

Hello, to those who didn’t feel like getting spoiled! I’ll summarize my thoughts without going into detail: I didn’t like how the Bonner sisters(the antagonists of the story) were written and resolved, miscommunication was prevalent in this book and kind of annoyed me(additionally agitating, considering a specific kind of miscommunication present in the book is a McLemore trope), and I liked Samir as trans representation.  

Although there’s a fair share of flaws within this book, I still liked it and recommended it to some people a while back. But thinking back on a few things, I’ve lowered my rating down from a 4.75 ⭐.

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars. Content/trigger warnings: Child abuse(described), racism, suicide(attempted, on-page), transphobia.

~Paz, signing off!

(Follow me on Bookstagram! I post books I love/like, which I won’t post here so I’m not redundant:

[delineative]

writing year in review

i was not tagged but i've wanted to do this meme for years, and FINALLY this year i wrote more than 2 fics, so here i am at last!

total number of completed stories:  

ao3: 15 (+1 unrevealed)

tumblr: 3

overall: 18

total word count:  

ao3: 46 302

tumblr: 1 881

overall: 48 183

fandoms written in:

7 seeds

boku no hero academia

haikyuu

mystic messenger

pokemon go

yugioh arc v

looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? way more. way, way more. to put it into perspective, i wrote 11 572 words for 2014-2015 combined. i can't believe i somehow managed to write nearly 50k this year, particularly considering how busy i was with school… it's not much in comparison with other writers, but i'm a notoriously slow and unproductive writer, so i'm very proud of that wordcount!

what’s your own favorite story of the year? a tie between 'a girl of routine', which i'm ridiculously fond of despite the pacing problems, and 'the snow covers us', which i think hit the balance between pretty prose and intensity of emotional impact. they're not perfect, but i really love them!

incidentally, least favourite would be 'all the choirs in my head' and 'all of those better days' because i'm not happy at all with the characterisation (i've kicked them both onto a pseud).

did you take any writing risks this year? quite a few! i signed up for hqhols for the first time, wrote treats for the first time (1 in hqhols, 3 in yuletide), broke 10k on a fic for the first time in 'A History of Storms', published a fic on the same day i wrote it, and tried out epistolary for the first time! i did quite a lot of experimentation with my writing style, going from super dense and flowery ('an outline of shapes i used to know', 'the dimming divide') to more relaxed and subtle ('a girl of routine', 'i won't say it') and ending up somewhere comfortably in the middle.

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year? next year i enter the Hell Zone of school so honestly, i'll be happy if i can finish just one fic. i'm going to try signing up for yuletide again (even though it's right in the middle of my exam season) as well! this year i spent a lot of time working on dialogue and narrative flow, and next year i'd like to work more on pacing and plot. i'd also like to figure out how to strike the balance between authentic narrative voice and my writing style.

best story of the year? 'A History of Storms', definitely! overall i think it's my best work in terms of plot, pacing, characterisation, prose and general narrative construction, and i'm very happy with how it turned out.

i'm also very proud of 'emerge in the telluric light', which i feel was a sort of turning point re the quality of my writing--it was the first fic i'd written that i felt didn’t have any glaring errors in flow/pacing/characterisation/dialogue.

most popular story of the year? 'i won't say it', which is sitting on an incredible 630 kudos and 24 comment threads! the reception to this fic has really blown my mind. i wrote and published this the day the team leader designs were released, and i suspect getting in early (creating the blanche/candela tag, no less!) played a big part in this fic's popularity… thank you pokemon go fandom!

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: i'm not generally surprised when my fics don't get much reception, because i tend to write rarer fandoms/ships/characters, but that being said i think 'how the sky looked after they left' is still a pretty nice story. it's a short gen character study of a minor female character, though, so i understand why it hasn't gotten as much attention as my other fic.

most fun story to write: all of my 7 seeds fics were a blast to write, but particularly 'show some entrepreneurial initiative'! shoutout to my best girl mayu for having such a fun pov to write in, and for the general weirdass hyperspecific summer a narration style.  

story with the single sexiest moment: um… i think the scene where candela kisses blanche's hand in 'A History of Storms' is very sexy. there is also a wound care scene in the unrevealed fic which is pretty hot, imo.

i don't think the actual pwp has any sexy moments.

most sweet story: i think the most straightforwardly sweet story i've written is 'tell me we'll never get used to it' which is pretty much just 1.3k of domesticity with slight edges, but even that dives a little bit into the oikawa talent narrative. maybe 'show some entrepreneurial initiative' if taken purely at face value and ignoring canon etc?

”holy crap, that's wrong, even for you!” story: n/a nothing is wrong for me, this year it finally hit me that i don’t owe anyone anything and i can literally write whatever i want, which i did.

but i guess i did venture past a soft T rating for the first time and write something slightly more explicit than my usual fare of 'thinking about holding hands'/'intense eye contact', so that's something.

story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: i began 'the snow covers us' with a vague but earnest enthusiasm for minor female characters in general and finished the fic as fuyumi's #1 fan. i have so many thoughts about her position as the eldest child in a family like the todorokis (and all the failed expectation that comes with that), and her relationship with her youngest and most powerful brother. i wish someone else would write an epic fuyumi biopic so i won't have to!!

most unintentionally telling story: all… of them… but i projected particularly hard on blanche in 'the dimming divide', and jaehee in 'heart wide as the sea'. something about that imposter syndrome and repression of feelings. you know. the sudden shift in tone to optimism in the endings is pure wish fulfilment.

and i didn't realise it while i was writing it but 'a girl of routine' was absolutely me setting out one of my biggest fantasies ie being able to step away from something you've devoted a huge chunk of your life to so you can evaluate how you feel about it from a safe distance, and then reengage with it on your own terms, surrounded by a support network, without any fallout or consequences for leaving in the first place.

hardest story to write: i started 'an outline of shapes i used to know' last year and it took me half a year to finish because i really wanted to do oikawa's character justice and acknowledge as many different facets of his personality as possible! i was also working through a lot of personal stuff re his natural talent vs hard work arc and publishing the fic was definitely kind of cathartic.

biggest disappointment: pokemon go fandom at the height of its hype really spoiled me with my first two fics, so i'm a little bit sad that the kudos count on 'A History of Storms' doesn't really reflect how much effort and energy i put into it ;v; especially considering that it's my best and longest piece by far! it isn't the fic with the lowest kudos count--that would be 'antebellum' and 'all of those better days', both on 3 kudos--but since those are for small fandoms like yugioh arc v i'm not too disappointed by that!

biggest surprise: still not over that word count?!?!? also, breaking 100 kudos for five different fics when i'd never managed to do so before (my shock when 'all the choirs in my head' and 'i won't say it' broke 100 kudos in like a day…)! and the fact that people have offered to translate three of my fics, which i will never be over. honestly i will probably never, ever be over the fact that people like my fic at all, so if you've ever read/kudosed/commented on/recced anything i've written, thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️