#i know i'm tearing a hole thru my heart doing this but. OKAY.

[astrxealis]

good evening 👍 technically morning but wtvr anyway hope u all r doing fine :3 <3 !!

[brynhildr13]

About the GazettE.

TL;DR I had recent experiences that reinforce my belief that Reita REALLY is still with me and with all of us. Even if they can be easily explained as coincidental. Please if you want, share something that has been helpful to heal. Take care. Gazerock is not dead. Gazerock never dies.

Full post under cut.

I consider myself spiritual, but not really religious. But let me take you through my last few days, if you so care. Its important to me and I want to share this in hopes that the others in this Fandom know that I share the pain and want to spread my own love and solace and peaceful mourning.

I took an hour drive to my twin sister's to have our birthday hangout on Wednesday. I had the GazettE on plus other vkei groups on shuffle, but I kept skipping most of the other groups trying to find the GazettE songs. A few came on and even with the heavy and rock and headbanging songs I was just sobbing. To the point where I told myself, "you have to keep your eyes open. You need to watch the road." But the TEARS were plenty and heavy. I also started to judge myself a little. Wondering why I was SO emotional.

Then I had one of those intuitive downloads where like, you know it didn't come from your own brain and then after you hear it your mind expands. I don't know who's voice it was. I couldn't repeat it if I tried. But it said, quote "but feeling is healing."

And I lost it all over. Because I knew it was right and I needed to sit with the feelings. So I let myself cry as much as I could.

And then, To Dazzling Darkness came on.

My favorite song. Well, one of them. The whole Beautiful Deformity album is iconic, but that song specifically is one of my favorites BECAUSE of Reita's bass part. (Plus my twin sister, with her music degree, thinks the song is well written and can back up why and that means a lot to me that my sister who isn't the most into heavy metal or knows the group near as well as I do likes THEIR songs BECAUSE they're good).

And after that I laughed a little and wiped my eyes and said, "ok. I get it. It has to mean you're here right now. Thank you."

Maybe it came from Reita. I'd like to think so.

Had tons of fun with my sister. Come home. Worked Thursday. That night i shed a tear or two as i watched a few music videos in bed. And i just said outloud and in my head. "As long as he's okay. I'd like a sign that he's okay, please." And i fell asleep. Fast forward to today.

Today's our birthday. I planned to grab my free trenta from Starbies cuz $0 is the only amount I'll pay there unless I'm desperate. When I got to the screen in the drive thru, i meant to order 2 cake pops for my treat. Cuz fuck it. Im desperate. I'm a sad bitch and I want cake. It's my birthday. But I have anxiety and panicked and ended up asking for them at the drive thru window instead.

And they gave me the pops and I waited to hand them my card and after a few seconds she came back up and said, "oh don't worry about them today. No charge." Once I was sure they didn't want my money I thanked them profusely.

And I drove away. And I smiled from inside. Cuz I'd like to think that that was my sign he's okay. Maybe he pulled some strings to make me smile and to say, with that grin on his face, "don't worry about me. I'm here. I'll be here. Have a cake pop you sad bitch."

I meant it when I said before his spirit is here.. there's truly a feeling of the hole in my heart filling a little. I feel like emotionally and spiritually he's here in my peripheral stronger than ever before. Especially because I had become more of a backseat fan that would slink out of the woodwork when they had new content. My "obsession" (hyperfixation) died down a lot after saw them in 2016 and 2019, and I shared my gift of art and they shared their gift of music. But that love and adoration never ever left regardless of how often I talked about it and showed it. Or didn't. Cuz NO ONE else in my every day immediate circle knows anything about them.

Cuz here's the thing, and this is just me, too. I don't have any better way or words to string together to say this other than this way. I KNOW that they don't "know me". Like , I'm not missing the physical presence like they are. I didn't sit with him every day talking about all the most common shared passionate things we're doing, etc. Etc. So I can argue for myself that because of that the burden is likely to not be as heavy as any of theirs. But music and the arts connects hearts and minds beyond the physical. And for me listening to the music keeps him close, and I almost think that I can Feel him when I hear it. I can imagine him putting a hand on my shoulder (with his endearingly weird thumbs, they always made me giggle.)

Idk I think Im getting a little off track. Long story short, he was physically here with me when he was at the shows. When he wasn't he was still there, off across the world, doing his thing. and while I knew that like in an unconscious way, i never really sat with that to be like "what are they doing right this moment" or that i could energetically feel them all at any time, you know? And I remember getting upset with myself cuz my first coherent thought after I metaphorically picked my stomach off the ground after it fell out of my butt was "well, it HAS to be ok cuz the world's still gonna turn." And that felt horrible to say. And that's not fair to me or to anyone who needs time to process this. I mean, YA, I GUESS, it WILL. But once again. This WILL still hurt for a while. And that's okay. That doesn't mean i have to "get over" it right away either. Cuz once again. The physical loss isn't felt (yet) or as heavy as the bandmen will feel. But I will feel. And my feelings are my truth. And i can argue the band itself will have worse grieving till the sun dies, and that still doesn't mean my feelings are literally less than for my own personal experience. And thats okay.

But getting back to the point of this, thinking and believing Reita's making his way to us, I now just have this new vibration around me that I know is spiritual in nature and it is energizing the room, especially when I play their music. He's here.

I keep thinking about The Haunting of Hill House and Nell's words in the last episode. And I don't want that to ever fade. I'm determined to keep him strong in my heart and my mind. Just like ruki said he and the guys would.

Anyways, I hope yall are feeling as okay as you can. I hope this may touch someone and bring more healing. Free to share things in the comments if you want, too.

[feitania]

𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: easy; Valentine's day kisses - listen to the playlist!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: some good ass music, canon typical violence, disgusting romance, cursing, alcohol, usage of guns

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: Kazutora Hanemiya, Baji Keisuke, Draken, Hanma Shuji, Ran Haitani, Rindou Haitani, Shinichiro Sano, Manjiro Sano, Wakasa Imaushi, Sanzu Haruchiyo

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: I got hyped and made a romantic playlist because I want to fall in love and now y'all have to go through this with me. Reblogs and tags very much appreciated

𝐁𝐚𝐣𝐢

this isn't just puppy love, girl you really got a hold on me -me and your mama

Oh Baby, baby, baby, I kill anybody that hurt you -mckay&cassie

❥ you think he forgot valentine's day but low and behold, Baji actually had a whole day planned for you two. From dinner at the beach to a possible street fight he can win for you, he has everything covered.

❥ he's quite nervous when he picks you up on his bike, a, from the drive crumpled, flower in his hand that he puts in your hair because the stem snapped of in his pocket.

❥ the whole day is spend with you two fooling around, playfighting over food or running down the beach into the cold ocean to see who how far the other dares to go into the water

❥ Baji picks you up at one point and throws you into the water and you nearly die from a cold shock. When he doesn't see you swimming to the surface again, he jumps after you to save you. When you both are out of the cold he shakes like aleave but still insists that you take his jacket.

❥ He gets his kiss on the beach, while he tries to get you to wear his things and monologues about how he would never get sick from being a little wet. It's a simple thank you kiss but he acts like you just proposed to him.

❥ the date doesn't end when he brings you home, no, Baji wants you to meet his mother, who baked a whole heart shaped cake for you as a secret surprise. He gets another kiss at his front door and when you help him do the dishes for his mom

𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧

I'm on the back, I'm holdin' tight, I want you to take me for a ride -harleys in hawaii

You fell asleep in my car, I drove the whole time, but that's okay I'll just avoid the holes, so you sleep fine -tear in my heart

❥ Of course Draken doesn't want to go the normal date route and takes you on a small road trip, destination unclear. He wants to just drive around and talk with you, listening to music and drinking cold soda in drive-ins. Luckily he got himself a car a few months ago, it's more comfortable.

❥ The playlist he made for the ride was carefully put together with Mitsuya and his sisters so everything suits your taste. It gets a little bit too sappy at times but no one of you really cares. It's actually very cute to see him sing along wholeheartedly to old love songs

❥ While he drives you are in charge of looking up where you two should go to not end up in another country by accident. More often than he likes to admit he confuses left and right for a second and you scream in horror everytime he rotates the car in an action movie worth move.

❥ After a few hours you find a fast food drive thru and eat greasy food and drink milkshakes at the side of the road.

❥ On the way back you fall asleep and Draken snaps a few pictures, one for his lockscreen and the rest for looking at when he misses you. He drives extra careful to not wake you up.

❥ You kiss him when he parks in front of your home and awkwardly stares at you because he doesn't know if it's okay to kiss you. He doesn't let you out of the car for another ten minutes with his lips on yours

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐦𝐚

Baby, come here I get so lonely at night -come here

I wanna be the first man you look at tonight, I wanna be stuck in your head and make you go wild -for your love

❥ Hanma, ever the gentleman, throws stones at your window movie-style to take you out on a surprise date. He accidentally hits you when you open the window at the exact moment he throws another one.

❥ It's okay for him of you were already in bed, you don't need to be pretty to commit some romantic crimes with him. He gifts you your own crowbar and off you are to break into old abandoned buildings

❥ He dances with you on the roof of an old car park - he even got candles so you don't trip and fall to your death. The music on his old phone sounds horrible but it's still perfect

❥ Spins you around until you have to hold onto him to find balance, which he uses to steal a kiss from you. Hanma thinks he's so sneaky but you can still see him blush in the dim candle light.

❥ He walks you home, that sap. You can also keep the crowbar and the pretty lighter he stole from an old guy who was too pushy, after he punched him straight into oblivion of course.

𝐑𝐚𝐧

I wanna touch your body, so fucking electric, I know you scared of me, you said that I'm too eccentric -I wanna be your slave

And think about you almost all the time, all the time and If I wanna see you, I drive by -met me in the pale moonlight

❥ Classic valentine's day date, he takes you out to an expensive restaurant where he pays for everything before he tells you to get on his bike to go shopping (such a Regina George move)

❥ Gets you everything you want. He wanted to only buy you jewelry and maybe some shoes at first but when he sees you all dressed up he drags you around town to buy you everything he thinks could look good on you

❥ The romantic part isn't the dinner or when he tells you how beautiful you look in the clothes he picked out, no, it's when he asks you if you maybe want to go home with him and watch a movie after eating with him and his brother.

❥ It's such a personal setting, seeing him joke around with his brother or dotting on the stray cats that walk over the balcony where you two sit to watch the sunset.

❥ He kisses you while three cats got comfortable in your laps, purring and demanding attention when he stops petting them to lean over and capture your lips in a gentle kiss

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐮

your love is scaring me, no one has ever cared for me as much, as you do, I need you here -scary love

When I'm alone slowdancing in the dark, don't follow me you end up in my arms -slow dancing in the dark

❥ To be honest here, Sanzu didn't really plan on doing anything for valentine's day but after seeing Kokonoi going all out for a certain someone he might have felt a little inferior. So an impro-date it is.

❥ Good thing he's a creative mind. He takes you to a shooting range. And because he wants it to be special he booked out the whole range and printed pictures of the person he knows you hate across the targets

❥ You actually have the time of your life with him showing you how to shot someone dead at first try. Only Sanzu can make killing someone romantic.

❥ Has an arm around your waist and guides you while he leans his head on your shoulder and kisses you on the cheek proudly everytime you hit the target perfectly. Wow.

❥ His own target is Takemichi by the way. You have to take him away by force when he goes a little bit off the rails and starts shooting like a maniac. Good thing you can calm him down with more kisses.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨

I've been watchin' you and I've been tryna decide If I could ever remind you of what you really liked -useless

Pretty Lady you got me so weak, weak for your love -weak for your love

❥ A fool. A fool in love but still a fool. Wakasa has to help him so he has enough money to take you out, only form him to lose it on his way home. It doesn't matter though because there is nothing better than trespassing and picking flowers from his neighbours. Ruining a garden is worth your smile.

❥ Kinda didn't plan further than giving you flowers and chocolate. So you two just hang out in his room and watch old movies.

❥ He cries. Shinichiro gets more emotional with every new movie you put on and breaks down when you two watch pale flower because the characters are just so cool.

❥ Emma and Mikey come in just when he finally finds the courage to get closer to you and he never wanted to hurt his siblings, never ever, but at this moment...

❥ You kiss him. In front of his siblings who both fake gag -but he doesn't even realize it. He's to caught up in the moment and look at that, the rest of the night you make out on the couch.

𝐊𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐚

But I'll be fine, I have to set delay, Before I try to fall in love, not pain, yes I'll be fine -love 2 fast

I wanna give it to you, just to see what you'd do 'Cause I'm so drunk on you, vaby, you're all that I want, I want you all to myself -you know me too well

❥ Super nervous but tries to play it cool. He invites you to go with him to a funfair and meets you there. Kazutora already won you a rose to greet you with properly. Cutie.

❥ This smart guy goes in for the kill right at the start and kisses you instead of a hello. Honestly, it works. He's charming like that and he knows.

❥ You walk around holding hands, he wins some more flowers and a teddy for you and you buy him food in exchange. Because it's already late you eat outside and watch the stars before he talks you into a roller coaster ride.

❥ Tries to kiss you again right before the drop and fails. You have fun while Kazutora holds onto you for his dear life and screams his heart out. You buy two copies of the photo from the ride where he looks like crying

❥ To calm him down and not fight the guy behind you who laughed at him you take him to the ferris wheel and kiss him at the top

𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮

And her lips are like the galaxy's edge and her kiss the color of a constellation falling into place -arabella

Don't you give me up, please don't give up, honey, I belong with you, and only you, baby -dark red

❥ Rindou is the total opposite of his brother. He doesn't even think about eating when he asks you out. He's more the 'let's get drinks and pierce our ears together' guy.

❥ The bar he wants to go to is kinda shady but the old music, candles and darts games are cozy and when you ignore the two or three people who look like they want to kill you it could look like fun.

❥ Rindou takes on all the dudes in arm wrestling. Some are angry, some are impressed - all in all you end up making new friends and drink for free

❥ 'Piercing your ears' turns out to be a tattoo appointment. Of course he wasn't thinking about partner tattoos ( but wouldn't be opposed to that) the artist does small ones too. He gets the first letter of your name behind his ear.

❥ The younger Haitani is shy when it comes to making the first step so the whole date is filled with many 'are we gonna kiss or nah' moments. It's his brother who screams down the balcony to please just kiss. And he does.

𝐖𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐚

I think I wanna miss you, purposely leave so I can come back to you -kiss u right now

I don't wanna leave, but I gotta go unless you show me something crazy make me lose control -Lady in the wall

❥ Wakasa goes ice skating with you. It's perfect for being active, getting closer and it's romantic too! Perfect date idea.

❥ On valentine's day the skating rink turns into a little ice disco with red lights, ballons and romantic music. He didn't know that and was a little confused when you two got in for free as a couple.

❥ Even though he definitely knows how to skate he stays close and links arms with you, hugging or circling around you a few times to tease you.

❥ While you two are spinning around in the middle of the rink a headlight finds you and cheering for him to kiss you. When you two kiss the crowd gets wild.

❥ Wakasa sleeps over that night because it got so late and makes you breakfast in the morning, still smug about the whole thing at the skating rink.

𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐲

Caught in a river of records and dreams will you keep up with me? Everyone's looking for someone to hold but I can't let you go -gimme love

I want you to know you can run right back baby, I quit the show you know my soul -sunflower

❥ Takes advantage of the day to turn it into a baking activity. Popcakes, muffins, dorayaki -he has an recipe for everything.

❥ Baking with Mikey turns out to be really fun. He is playful yet concentrated, throws some flour at you but still doesn't dare to make the kitchen counter too much of a mess

❥ He demands a kiss after you got the tray of cookies you decided on successfully in the oven

❥ One kiss turns into two, three, four...you lose track of time and almost let the cookies burn. Emma saves them in time and you sheepishly offer her a few as a thank you.

❥ Your date doesn't really like that idea at first. When shinichiro joins you three and inhales the cookies like a black hole while whining about his failed valentines date even Mikey laughs.