#i see one (1) biphobic take in my rbs i'm whipping out the block button

[daswarschonkaputt]

look don't leap (drabble)

fem!kinn/m!porsche | rating: t | words: ~600

The most disconcerting thing about hiring Porsche onto her team of bodyguards is that Kinn keeps catching herself looking.

so i was just minding my own business, enjoying a break from writing when @luckydragon10 appeared in my inbox and was like "het kinnporsche go write it now" and look i've mentioned before but nemi is chief squirrel wrangler she makes the decisions on what gets written not me, so i wrote it. ofc bc it's me i had to find a really queer way to do it, lol.

big caveat: this is not going to be for everyone. the main meat of this drabble is about fem!kinn trying to figure out what to do about the fact that she's attracted to one (1) man. it might make some people mad. you don't have to read it if you're gonna be one of those people.

that said, for those who might wanna read it, enjoy!

oh and if you need a visual for fem!kinn good news i already have fem!kinnporsche art here.

look don't leap

The most disconcerting thing about hiring Porsche onto her team of bodyguards is that Kinn keeps catching herself looking.

It’s not that Kinn hasn’t ever felt interest in men before. Compulsory heterosexuality being what it is, the ill-advised and ill-fated male crush is almost a rite of passage at this point, and Kinn suffered from a particularly foolish strain of it. To her teenage self, Tay was everything she wanted: clean, well-mannered, sweet, and above all pretty. He was also incredibly gay. Incredibly, obviously gay.

They dated for about three months, when they were sixteen. Then Kinn got drunk and fucked Tay’s older sister, and neither of them cared enough about the infidelity that continuing to date seemed like a good idea.

It’s one of those things that’s become a funny story. A joke that they tell when they’re tipsy. Time’s never found it funny, but Tay likes to say that Kinn’s the only person he’s dated that thought he was butch.

So, Kinn’s aware that men exist and she’s not totally incapable of finding some shred of them attractive – but it’s never been something that she’s given any weight to. She realised somewhere after the sixth delicately androgynous woman she fucked that the things she liked in Tay were just thing she likes in women, transposed onto her pretty, gender-indifferent best friend.

Porsche isn’t delicate. He’s not even slightly androgynous. He’s pretty, but it’s a decidedly male type of pretty – sculpted torso, cropped hair, the masculine curve to his lips.

He’s nothing like the girls she fucks.

And she wants him.

It’s unsettling.

Kinn’s not scared of him. She hasn’t been scared of a man since she shot her first one, and realised just how easily they die to a bullet through the skull. But the attraction niggles at the back of her brain, even when she should be thinking about anything but that.

There’s a part of her that wants to fuck Porsche, just to see what it would be like. It’s the part of her that gets interested in new cars and new watches – the part that wants to have something, just for the novelty of it. Kinn’s not going to have many chances to fuck a guy that she’s attracted to.

Another part of her is calculative about it. It’s the part that’s been trained to pull apart every situation until it’s stacked into rewards, risks and their mitigation strategies. Porsche is an employee of Kinn’s, and that’s not a line she’s ever crossed before. There’s an implicit power imbalance there, that Kinn isn’t entirely certain she cares about, whilst also not being entirely certain she doesn’t.

And—well. She’s a mafia heiress. As a woman, there are things she can’t do, simply because they’ll invite ridicule. Fucking women has allowed her a lot of respect that she wouldn’t otherwise get, in the mafia. Getting fucked is still seen as a submissive act – and for all her father’s friends sneer at her and call her butch, they listen to her more, because she doesn’t let men fuck her.

In a few years, Kinn knows she could weather the hit to reputation that would come from letting a bodyguard dick her down. Now, with her father’s health failing, and every eye on her, waiting for her to fuck up enough to justify a coup – it’s probably not the best time.

And on top of that, there’s a small, distant part of her that’s just… apprehensive. Kinn doesn’t know how to fuck men in a way that lets her feel in control. And Kinn doesn’t fuck anyone when she can’t be in control.

So, even though Kinn can’t stop herself looking – even though she can’t stop herself from thinking about it – she doesn’t act on it.

She can’t.

Then, there’s the diamond auction. And everything goes to shit.