#i sometimes refer to myself as an ex-teacher & idk if that's really true. i've started teaching workshops very occasionally again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

owlbelly · 6 months

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spectacularly bad idea today to try to finally go through / organize / "deal with" the crate in my closet where i've stored everything related to the ~10 years of my life i spent as a teacher

i only managed about 1/3 of it. turns out the process goes like this: in order to answer the question "do i want to keep this [art/letter/photo/journal] for sentimental or posterity reasons" i have to put one of my feet into a hole labeled THE PAST, & to answer the question "should i keep this [lesson plan/handout/resource] in case i want to use it again" i have to put the other foot into another hole called THE FUTURE

& both of these holes are bottomless pits of trauma, disability & COVID grief

#it's bad #the world i planned for doesn't exist anymore #i'm a different person in a different body #i cared very deeply about & was good at a thing that shaped my life & identity for over a decade #& then it just stopped!#i sometimes refer to myself as an ex-teacher & idk if that's really true. i've started teaching workshops very occasionally again #but now i'm an artist who only sometimes teaches #rather than a teacher who only sometimes makes art #i don't want to trade back. i just wish the transition hadn't been so fucked up #i wish i didn't somehow feel like i failed at being an educator. but that feeling is old too

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