#i think it's fitting to get rid of the clutter and distantness and lack of energy.

[selccuth]

Currently debating on what seems to be a somewhat-annual (for me) reboot where I move blogs and somehow that gives me the boundless energy and clarity to write. Sometimes it feels like the cleaning really makes things feel tidy and active again.

That being said, it may take me awhile to start and get it all set up, but I would love to actually exist more consistently again and see you all there. I’d love to interact with all of my friends again, and all of those new people that’ve just come around that I haven’t had the chance to write with yet! (´｡• ω •｡`) If you’re still interested in interacting with little ‘ol me, of course.

[iwritetrash]

What’s a little mess?

A/N - I have been horrifically inactive lately, and for that I apologise, I have, in general, entirely lost my motivation (and free time) to write, but here’s a little fic @xyalovegood beta’d for me, that I’d completely forgotten I’d written. Enjoy :)

Finn was neat.

It wasn’t that he was a neat freak, not at all, it’s just that he had virtually no possessions and far more free time than one person should ever be allotted.

Finn was still trying to find his way in a world outside the First Order, and with no clue what he could do to be of use to the Resistance, he found himself somewhat unemployed. What few tasks he was allotted, he often completed quickly and efficiently, a mannerism drilled into him by the First Order.

He also had a distinct lack of things to call his own that might serve to fill some space in his room. At that moment in time he had accumulated the following items: 3 standard-issue T-shirts 1 standard-issue long-sleeved top 2 pairs of standard-issue trousers 7 pairs of standard-issue boxer-briefs 1 pair of standard-issue boots 1 Resistance-issued datapad 1 wash kit Poe had found for him to use, including a toothbrush and paste and body wash 5 holonovels Poe had given him while he was in the hospital 1 walking cane to help him get around while his back healed Poe’s jacket

All in all, his possessions hardly took up any space in his room (small by Resistance standards but equipped with a desk, shelving unit, wardrobe and a bed). His possessions could hardly even be considered personal, since none of them actually belonged to him. Everything he had was on loan from the Resistance or from Poe.

A combination of too much free time, too few possessions, and rigorous stormtrooper conditioning left Finn with a room that barely looked lived in. His bed was always made, his wardrobe was organised by style then by colour (but Poe’s jacket hung on the back of his door when Finn wasn’t wearing it), his wash kit sat next to the datapad on his empty desk, the boots waited for him by the door, the holonovels were stacked alphabetically on the shelf, and the walking cane rested in the corner, unused but also unreturned.

Poe’s room was the polar opposite of Finn’s. Constantly cluttered with various knick-knacks picked up on distant planets, it was an explosion of colour, despite the basic white walls. His floor was covered with an exotic rug, his desk was littered with engine parts and mission reports, a small charging station was stashed in the corner for BB-8, his walls were covered in posters and wall hangings, his bed was swallowed up by an immense red quilt he’d brought from home, his shelving unit was filled to the brim with books and holonovels and souvenirs and candles (so many scented candles, surely it was a fire hazard?) and photo albums and photos in frames. A small table sat next to his bed, another item from home, with books piled high on top of it and a lamp resting precariously atop the stack. His wardrobe was full to bursting with flight suits and button-up shirts and T-shirts and uniforms and jackets and sweatshirts and jogging bottoms and pyjamas and a pile of shoes stuffed down at the bottom, ranging from dress shoes to plimsolls. Poe even had a collection of goddamned hair products next to the mirror in the ‘fresher attached to his room.

As unruly and cluttered as Poe’s room was, Finn couldn’t help but feel a deep-rooted desire for his room to be in a similar state. He wanted piles of built-up mementos, things brought from the home he’d left behind, stacks of worn, well-read books, clothes in all colours and styles instead of the standard black, ill-fitting clothes he was stuck wearing for the moment.

He wanted to be busy, busy enough that his room wasn’t in a constant immaculate state, busy enough that his free time was treasured like Poe’s was, busy enough to fill his desk with paperwork and pens and stationery to use. He wanted mess and disorganisation because it meant he had something better to do with his time than incessant cleaning, and more things that suggested his existence.

Fast forward three months and, after a lot of dancing around and a lot of groaning on behalf of Jessika and Rey, Finn and Poe are finally given the gentle shove towards the relationship they both wanted (BB-8 tripped Poe so he fell on Finn, leaving the two of them unable to focus on anything but the other’s lips. After some insistent beeping on BB-8’s part, the two of them were locked in a kiss they had both been craving since… well, since Finn took off his helmet and told Poe he was breaking him out).

Jump forward another two months and Poe is asking if Finn would maybe like to live with him. His answer, of course, is Yes, absolutely yes.

By the time Finn gets around to actually moving in, Finn’s belongings have only increased slightly in volume with the addition of a sketchbook and some charcoals (Poe had bought them for him after he spotted Finn doodling absentmindedly on a napkin, and Finn had been sketching in it ever since), and a textbook for his basic medical training, having finally found something he wanted to pursue, because let’s face it, he wasn’t cut out for fighting in a war. All in all, his things still all fit into a single box, and Poe stares at him as he arrives like Finn just turned up with a snake.

“Where’s the rest of your stuff? Do you need a hand with the boxes?” Poe asks, confused, and Finn shakes his head.

“This is everything.” Finn shrugs. “I just haven’t really managed to accumulate stuff to decorate my room.”

“Oh, right, okay,” Poe replies, gesturing for him to come in, but there’s something in his eyes that worries Finn a little.

“Did I do something wrong?” Finn asks quietly and Poe turns to him with an expression full of shock.

“No, Finn, no, of course you didn’t!” Poe hurries over, shutting the door as he does. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I just forget that you don’t have anything from home and you haven’t had the time to build up as much useless crap as me because of those goddamn First Order bastards…” Poe’s jaw tightens and Finn instantly brings a hand up to brush over the twitching muscle.

“Poe, I’m not there anymore,” Finn whispers gently to him and Poe breathes out in a slow, steady exhale as Finn’s hand brushes along his jaw, then up his cheek, ghosting over his cheekbone. “Besides, I have all the time in the world to accumulate useless crap, and the best part is I can do it with you.”

“Finn…” Poe smiles, but he can’t find the words to express how he’s feeling, so instead he presses his lips against Finn’s, capturing them in a gentle kiss that tells Finn everything Poe wants him to hear. Poe pulls back gently and rests their foreheads together, a small smile lifting up the corners of his lips. Finn returns the smile for a moment, then his eyes drift to the walls behind Poe’s head and he notices something odd. It dawns on him as he pulls away from Poe to take a better look at the room.

The walls are scattered with empty spaces where posters and hangings used to live, half of the shelf unit has been emptied, the desk has been tidied of engine parts and shuffled so all Poe’s things live on one side. Finn can’t see inside the wardrobe but he’s fairly sure there’s space there too.

“Poe…” Finn begins, taken aback and a little choked up by the gesture. “Honey you tidied.”

“I wanted there to be space for you.” Poe comes up behind him, wrapping an arm around Finn’s waist. “I want this to feel like home.”

“It will always feel like home if you’re here, Poe.” Finn turns his head a little to look at the man by his side.

“But I won’t always be there.” Poe whispers quietly. “I want this to still feel like home even while I’m away.”

“Well then, Poe, I promise to fill every single space you have made for me with yet more useless crap to take the place of the old useless crap.” Finn smiles warmly, turning his whole body and looping his arms around Poe’s waist.

“You think you’re up to the challenge?” Poe asks and Finn grins at him.

“I think I’ll manage.” Finn laughs, before catching Poe’s lips in a warm kiss again.

Within a year, Finn’s side of the desk is covered in notes and binders and textbooks as he enters full time training to become a doctor. He’s cluttered the shelving unit with various odds and ends he’s picked up in the few places he’s visited since joining the Resistance, including bobbleheads of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and, much to Poe’s jealousy, General Leia Organa herself (though he would never admit that to her). He’s also got, to name but a few knickknacks, a shell from a beach he visited with Poe, a decorated pot filled with paperclips, and a few candles of his own. Kriff, he even had a jar of sand from Jakku (he still maintains that that planet is what hell looks like) that Jess collected for him on a mission because she thought it would be ‘funny’. Finn hadn’t laughed, but he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it.

He’s decorated the empty spaces on the walls with posters he found from Poe’s brief stint as the ‘face of the resistance’, much to Poe’s dismay, and some of Finn’s own sketches, which Poe is far happier about. He’s also framed some of his favourite photos, one of Rey that BB-8 had managed to take before she left, and several of him and Poe that, again, BB-8 had taken when they weren’t paying attention, providing Finn with plenty of images of the two of them staring right into each other’s eyes as though nothing was more important.

The room was restored to its formerly cluttered state, with Finn and Poe both busy almost constantly, spending any free moment they had together, leaving no time for tidying. This fact, when combined with the sheer amount of useless crap and important crap alike, made for a very messy room.

And Finn loved it.