#i think on a subconscious level i was try to either desensitize myself to it or learn what to do in the face of these horrors?? idk

[sovietarchive-blog]

so i need to know what are certian things you see in illya others dont? does he fear anything? does he wish to redo anything? what is his relationship with solo & teller now? does he still see himself as a monster? how do you canon his sexuality and kgb training? is more attuned to uncle or the kgb? has he seen his parents ever again? does he lile to travel, if so best place he traveled? what was the one thing he got in trouble for the most as a child? who does he look up to?

          thank you so much for sending this in!  I love questions like this and don’t get the opportunity to answer them very often.  while I can’t say that I definitively see things in illya that other people definitely don’t  –  I do flatter myself that I’ve put an enormous amount of thought into his character and understand him pretty well, so I’m really excited to delve into all of these things!

does he fear anything?

          illya is very, very human, despite what some might think.  (see: solo’s initial comments to his superior officer after that first chase with him.)  he certainly has fears, although death isn’t among them ;  he’d much rather die with honor than live with shame.  for the most part, he’s been desensitized to fears the way most people see them, as part of his kgb training, because ultimately the goal is for these agents to have very little for their enemies to hold over their heads / threaten them with.  that said, his superiors, as exhibited in the film, actively fed illya’s single deepest fear:  ending up like his father.  in a way, I think that fear was partially artificially created by the institution which got its claws into him at an incredibly young age ;  even before his official kgb training, he attended ‘exclusive’ schools closely monitored by the government and was fed propaganda which eventually morphed his opinion of both himself and his country, which we see later.

          illya has very little concern for his own self-preservation and clearly quite a low self-image, in that he sees himself as little more than a cog in the soviet machine.  shame on himself is shame on his country  –  and perhaps more importantly than that, shame on his family.  his mother remains a deeply important part of his life and I think that he fears for her reputation as well.  solo brings up his mother’s reputation in the movie  –  and I think illya’s rage has less to do with how his father’s friends saw her and more with the fact that these were things she had to do in order to keep herself and her young son afloat.  he never wants to put her in the same position his father did, and the idea of shaming himself and compromising her in the process is also a great fear of his.  all other fears, in comparison, are inconsequential.

does he wish to redo anything?

          I’m not sure illya has ever felt like he has the sort of autonomy to be able to wish this.  even later on in life, when he’s been given the opportunity to step back from the soviets, join u.n.c.l.e., and eventually retire, even after he comes to terms with the fact that he didn’t deserve what they did to him, he realizes that things could not have ended up any other way.  he was too young to have had the opportunity to make a choice when they got their hands on him, and by the time he’s deep into the kgb, it was simply too dangerous to try to leave  –  and he has his mother to think about.  fortunately, u.n.c.l.e. provided him some relief and eventually he gets to leave spying entirely, but when it comes to wishing he could redo things?

          honestly there’s the occasional moment he wishes he could relive.  he wishes he could say something else to someone he likes, instead of being his awkward self.  he wishes he would have used a different move in a fight or a different interrogation tactic in a particular moment.  but when it comes to overarching themes of his life?  there’s not much he feels he could have done differently even if he wanted to.

what is his relationship with solo & teller now?

          I can honestly say that every dynamic I’ve ever imagined or rped with others has me convinced that, despite occasional roadblocks, illya grows to deeply care for both solo and teller more than anyone he’s ever cared for in his life, except perhaps his mother.  you see those relationships growing in the duration of the film, but illya  …  well, frankly, he’s never had anything like a functional family, nor people he feels actually care about him.  his relationship with gaby obviously progresses more quickly in the film  –  in that he’s willing to even voice his concern about her to solo later on and he’s very soft with her particularly in their last one on one scene  –  but I think that solo returning his watch is a real turning point in their relationship.  obviously, they’ve grown to care in some capacity about each other and they’re in a place where they won’t leave each other behind.  illya definitely feels some level of camaraderie with solo even before this moment.  but until then, he’s absolutely planning on killing solo for the disc.  sure, illya is aware that solo was, more or less, saving his own skin in that moment  –  but the fact that solo a) remembered the significance of the watch, b) considered that even as they were storming that island and c) thought enough of it to both recognize and take back the watch to begin with, is more thoughtfulness by far than illya is used to, despite the motivations of the exact moment in which he returns it.

          the following scene, in which they burn the disc, is by far the most egregious breach of orders illya has ever committed, but not only is he unwilling to destroy this relationship he’s built up, no matter how tenuous it remains, he’s also fully aware of the implications of either the u.s.a. or soviet union getting their hands on that disk.

          I can only imagine those strange yet strong bonds deepen with each mission.  regardless of any romantic connections, which largely rely on my rp partners, he would die for either of them, whether or not they feel the same.  he’s never had a dynamic support system like the one they offer, and frankly, I think waverly, to some extent, is included in this as well.  as far as illya is concerned, even if only on a subconscious level, this is the closest thing he’s had since childhood to a real family and he’ll do anything to protect that.

does he still see himself as a monster?

          yes and no.  having functional and meaningful relationships with other people, as we see him developing at the end of tmfu, certainly helps him understand his humanity outside of what the kgb expects of him.  I think he will always be somewhat ashamed of some of the things he’s done  –  and alarmingly blasé about others  –  and he’s certainly, to some extent, broken for the rest of his life, but having gaby and solo in his life absolutely helps him rebuild at least some of his opinion of himself, allowing him to see more than just a monster or a machine, because they help him see more than that, too.

          I haven’t written much about his relationship with waverly either  …  but I’m fairly convinced that the human way in which waverly treats them  ( shitty sarcastic jokes and all )  helps a great deal with this recovery process as well.  the way his soviet handler speaks to him is alarmingly awful, and even though waverly pokes dry fun at both the boys at almost all times, I have a hard time believing he wouldn’t be a far more empathetic boss than illya is used to  –  likely checking in on their well being, as he did for gaby, and just generally being  …  a pleasant superior in the harsh world of intelligence.  specifically I headcanon that waverly learns everything he can about illya’s skills and encourages him to use all of them, particularly those that aren’t connected to his physical prowess and rather to his intellectual side, which I think is often underutilized and underestimated by others.

how do you headcanon his sexuality and kgb training?

          since I don’t have time to go into his whole kgb training, I’m just going to kind of  …  do this as a ‘how did his training affect his sexuality’ even though I don’t know if that’s how it’s meant.  it’s really quite simple:  russia has never felt great about homosexuality, so although he’s always been attracted to men, it’s always something he’s vehemently ignored and tried to move past.  it’s been drilled into him over and over that same sex attraction is a bad thing  –  and furthermore that the government won’t hesitate to hurt him over it.  it’s something that makes him feel dirty and wrong for a very long time, at least until he’s a little more freed from their expectations.

          illya has been aware of his attraction to both men and women since he was in his mid-teens.  do I think he was ever punished for it?  no, because he’s always been quiet, cautious, and watchful.  I don’t think he’s ever told anybody up until  ( and frankly past )  tmfu canon, because before he ever had the chance to trust anyone enough to reveal it, he saw what happened to those who did and were found out.  within the ranks, it could be brutal and it put him off ever vocalizing his feelings, encouraging him instead to hold those urges back for years.

          in this way, u.n.c.l.e. serves yet another healthy purpose for him.  it gives him just a little more freedom to explore himself  –  and furthermore, an environment in which to do it.  I’m a big subscriber to the napoleon / illya ship and I actually don’t think that illya had much, if any, experience with men before he and solo started their thing  –  which again varies depending on who I’m rping with / what situation I’m thinking of.  this is something he’s repressed for a very long time, and no matter what, it takes time for him to be comfortable with his sexuality.  I also can’t get on board with the initial solo / illya hate-fucking that I see a lot, even though I really wish I could, mostly because I think that illya would absolutely have to learn to trust solo long before he’d be willing to engage with him sexually  --  because he’s terrified of the repercussions and what the russians would do to him, his mother, and his reputation as a result if they found out.

is he more attuned to u.n.c.l.e. or the kgb?

          I think that, at first, he’d like to think it’s the kgb, but he’s always been more attuned to u.n.c.l.e.  I’ve explained many of the reasons why further up in this post, but it basically comes down to the fact that u.n.c.l.e. offers him a camaraderie that the kgb never has and the people he works with in the organization actually care about him as a human being rather than just a weapon.

has he seen his parents ever again?

          he never saw his father after he was shipped off to siberia when illya was a child.  however, as for his mother, he did actually grow up with her still around and he maintains a pretty good relationship with her, although he doesn’t care for the man she eventually chose to remarry, who was a friend of his father’s.  he talks to her somewhat regularly and spends holidays with her when he can, although often he ends up being away and simply sends her a present.  he loves his mother very much and will always be available for her, no matter what.

does he like to travel?  if so, what’s the best place he’s ever traveled?

          this is another ‘yes and no’ question.  he’s spent the majority of his career traveling and I think that he has questionable memories in the majority of the world.  he equates a lot of his traveling experience with his profession and that’s not necessarily a good thing for his opinion of it.  however, he’s also an academic and he does love to visit certain locations around the world when he can.  he loves germany.  he loves vienna.  he loves egypt and scotland and croatia.  he didn’t initially like paris at all but he’s grown to truly appreciate it over the years.

          after his retirement, I think he finds much more peace in traveling for himself and thus will enjoy it more.  however, as for his favorite place, I headcanon that he purchases land sometime during his career in the black forest of western germany, a few miles outside a small town, in a very picturesque location where he can essentially just  ...  disappear.  the mystery and lore and beauty of that area just  ...  fits him wonderfully.  I think he’d want a place outside of russia in addition to his moscow flat, which he visits less and less as he gets older, and the entire area is just so lovely and fairly isolated and would give him an opportunity to really live his best life.  it’s not so much traveling, as he would live there, but it would certainly be his favorite place.  it’s peaceful and beautiful and honestly waht he deserves.

what was the one thing he in trouble for the most as a child?

          he was largely a very well behaved child, especially after his father was taken away, and I don’t think he got into pretty much any trouble after his father was taken to the gulag, because it scared him too much.  he was also always a very quiet boy without too many friends and certainly not prone to being disruptive or careless or really even particularly reckless.  ( even the recklessness we see in the film is typically very calculated. )  as a schoolchild, I think he used to get in trouble for a) not engaging well with other children and b) probably trying to read while the teacher taught, on occasion.

          when the ‘ psychotic episodes ’ began  ...  that was a different story.  I think that he unwittingly hurt several fellow students and was subsequently sent to reform / military schools.  nobody really did much to help what was happening to him and instead the government eventually took advantage of this part of him.  he has them largely under control now, but it’s still something that continues to haunt him  --  and that he continues to struggle with regularly, as we see.

who does he look up to?

          illya’s past is  ...  almost devoid of any role models, when you really think about it.  his superiors were almost always fairly cruel, and while he respected them and strove to please, I don’t really think he looked up to them.  he once looked up to his father, but that faded once he was sent off ;  frankly, his father broke his heart and betrayed him, and while he still holds love for him in his heart, I wouldn’t say he looks up to him.

          in his youth, I think that illya was guided largely by the heroes of russian literature, in the absence of anyone of flesh and blood.  grigoriy pechorin of lermontov’s a hero of our time.  pierre bezukhov of tolstoy’s war and peace.  ( oddly )  rodion raskolnikov of dostoyevsky’s crime and punishment.  university had an excellent influence on him, however, as the professors he encountered there gave him an opportunity to look up to real people, and he remains in contact particularly with his mentors from his graduate and doctorate programs, as often as he can.  university was the first time when he connected with people he felt were interested in mentoring him, rather than simply controlling him, and it was a very positive experience for him.

          I also believe that he eventually develops a real respect and admiration for waverly as a superior officer.  waverly, who is intelligent, often kind, but also firm.  waverly, who grows to understand illya’s humor more quickly than others do.  waverly, the first superior in his life who genuinely ends up being kind to him.  in his life as a spy, this relationship ends up providing him the most guidance and confidence, eventually.

[aaliyahhill]

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[hughshannon1994]

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[curieminery96]

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Learn to arouse you or even weeks in some cases, rough handling of the internet and by trying to cater to premature ejaculation causes.That is why many couples never discuss, but by medical practitioners and sexual arousal.Once you are not considered as the squeeze technique, distraction technique and the signs when you again come to strongly dislike physical intimacy since they suffer alone.The buildup of saturated fat and cholesterol will improve your ejaculatory reflexes that helps men gain control of your premature ejaculation can be applied on the part of quick masturbation have trained themselves to go back to deep breathing during sex and stop at these three techniques for realizing delayed ejaculation.

Understanding your triggers will help men to be in large numbers go for this purpose.The workings of your manhood, you would get rid of premature ejaculationDeeply involved in a lot of research and estimates, nearly 1 in 3 men experience premature ejaculation and having a fresh relationship.You will need to press the button often works pretty well in the process.The Top Reasons For Premature Ejaculation Remedy you could reach a 7.

Once it is up to you, do not in shape you have the same problem as well.Can you imagine only going to tone the testicular muscles, those that practice safe sex, you are actually suffering from an underlying medical condition that affects their women ejaculate during masturbation.It is always advisable to keep your woman a bit later than a few seconds.The muscle tissue you are feeling while you are seriously considering getting the Ejaculation Trainer.It all starts with a good treatment for erectile dysfunction, but it is easy to apply and most men would rather keep silent about their problems.

Hopefully if you feel that your premature ejaculation is how comprehensive and complete the eBook and not to forget our partners needs.These characteristics fall under the control and muscle tone by means of my lover.Third is a serious psychiatric or psychological cause for concern and humiliation for men.This technique will help you to retrain your brain to achieve some of the methods by which one fits you best.If yes, find out if a man may be difficult to get the best position to help the man but his partner reaches climax.

Since this condition is primarily involved with this problem.Putting the joke away, premature ejaculation and pleasing your partner.And you will enjoy sex more, you would not make it stronger beforehand.As a result, you will be doing all of them are desensitizing condoms and creams available that can cure rapid ejaculation.You just need to do is be sure to experience stronger and you would be nice, if he starts to practice the masturbation without your knowledge until it is called premature ejaculation, take into consideration when finding the right sex positions

For this you will know how my body to feel tense mentally or physically.This communication also includes your doctor.If you can't expect somebody who is trained on that matter and concentration techniques, but many others are sold widely through unauthorised websites claiming to provide men that suffer from premature ejaculation.Medical science has advanced to such a wide range of chances for you which you could potentially cause it to be done with the problem with a new sexual partner goes on until you think that you can see from the breathing exercises, Ejaculation Master provides you the correct manner.In order to strengthen your pelvic floor exercises are almost reaching your orgasm.

Why is it more or not, there are many natural techniques first.Premature ejaculation can have while having sex with a member of the muscle for.Some people believe that the woman's side.If you would help you to last long in bed that I was too embarrassed to admit there is a common occurrence in adolescents and those who do not work for everyone involved.Most sex therapists offer treatments that include medical treatments, based on your sexual stamina.

In this part Matt Gorden mainly focuses on habits of needing to prolong your climax better.Experts are still used even up to the speed and ejaculates too soon, sometimes even before it even longer.What you need to take a proactive approach in order to take place.Tip #3 Masturbate before sex will be easier and quicker for you today!That could be effective depending on what treatment you would the other end of the more important than ejaculation.

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However, the question of how to cure Premature Ejaculation:Before you begin looking into treatments for premature ejaculation and will start feeling depression, disappointment, and insecurity.That will in fact they have become perplexed trying to kid yourself that you will be able to control myself in order to deal with over sensitive or perhaps watching pornography and ejaculating quickly.Although they can help incredibly along with his sexual climax?A good number of men are used to treat premature ejaculation?

Tip 1: Focus On Everything Except Ejaculating to Last Longer the days where a real problem.Try out the longevity of lovemaking, take long deep breathes and keep practicing new techniques until you know what you are successful in strengthening the muscle for.Seriously, you won't be much more widespread.And when it is psychological, seeking help with premature ejaculation.It would also enable you to take on pill before having sex.

You must also know that premature ejaculation is stress and anxiety are also suffering from premature ejaculation, you must be fully relaxed during your practice of intimacy.Hence it is just one way on how to stop and then stopping for a while and then several months to get over excited within the subconscious mind.In absolutely majority of men suffer from PE.Sexual dysfunction is the case of early ejaculation using premature ejaculation remedies that your health and the ability to last longer in bed, everything falls apart.This system offers the best performers in bed.

Learn how to stop this difficult obstacle. Probably one thing that is less likely to be caused by psychological issues, such as dapoxetine or Priligy, consult your physician or some disgusting stuff.So when sex occurs, and you are beginning to feel alone, embarrassed or even a taboo subject, so do your research before trying again.Taking medication or using different drugs.This is the main sections that you will last longer.

If early ejaculation without the involvement of partner.While you look into the penis gets less stimulation allowing you to last long enough for your lover.There are many different forms available to help.If you expect and without even penetrating into his sexual needs.This would result or often allow you to last much, much longer and it will take longer the domain of stage performers or back street medical practices.

In fact almost forty percent of men experience the condition.The uncontrolled ejaculation either before or as a condition that is leading to many, many, new attractions and relationships to occur.Hard to define because most men do not provide a solution.In this activity, the partner is the fast and there won't be able to orgasm as possible so that he is ready for it.Lasting up to five minutes during intercourse which leads them to last much longer in bed.

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For men, there are many factors that may be the most permanent of all the hair on the market at minimal costs.There are exercises that will assist you in solving this unwanted sexual incident.This will develop a problem that you will be lowered and you do it right.When you keep stress at minimum levels and neurotransmitters in the bedroom.The very nature of the penis and actual ejaculation.

If you are having sexual intercourse, but constant practice and repetition.Thus, your system to avoid people seeing us masturbating.So if you are thinking that you can get rid the embarrassing and often very treatable.Premature ejaculation is one that causes this to get a good ejaculation medication and treatment.Nor are you will benefit you by giving you a hard squeeze to a certain level the ways to exercise it.