#i think the biggest problem i'm having is when i was writing for niche star wars video games i had a friend group of fellow creatives

[azems-familiar]

having an intense moment of "why am i even putting forth all the effort to write this 30k+ word fic when only one person is going to care about it and that person already knows everything that happens" tonight (not helped by the last 30k word fic i put out getting 9 kudos and one singular comment) and trying to remind myself that i write because i like writing, because there are stories i want to tell and that even if i'm only telling them to myself it's still worthwhile

but also. it's a struggle when part of why i write and post things is because i want to connect with other people through telling stories and making them feel things the way the stories i read make me feel things, and when there's no evidence that people connect with the things i write....ugh. it gets to feeling pointless

i know. i know. and i won't let depression or anxiety prevent me from doing one of the only hobbies i still can participate in, and the creative outlet i've had for years. tonight is just...being very ugh about it. maybe because the scene i'm working on is being very tricky and a struggle to get through right now and i only have the aforementioned one single person to hype it.