#i think the thing that makes me so angry is that while this dream wld never happen

[absolutiions]

´   ･   .   ✶   ⧼    madchen   amick,   non   binary,   she   &   they   /   fucked   my   way   to   the   top   by   lana   del   rey   +   eyes   the   color   crimson   and   hands   stained   in   crimson,   too.   victim   of   the   underworld,   you   are   not.   you   came,   not   to   sit   silent   at   his   side   as   dutiful   wives   do,   but   to   whisper   in   his   ear.   pouted   lips   smeared   ruby   stoke   the   flames   of   his   darkest   impulses   and   his   deepest   desires.   you   are   the   conqueror.   you   are   the   queen.   and   may   god   have   mercy   upon   anyone   who   underestimates   this   :   because   you   will   not.    ⧽   ━━   don’t   look   now,   but   that’s   ATHENODORA.   the   TWO   THOUSAND,   FIVE   HUNDRED   &   TWENTY   TWO  (   varying   physical   )   year   old   GIFTED   VAMPIRE   has   been   here   in   seattle   for   three   minutes,   and   is   considered   a   member   of   the   VOLTURI.   they’ve   always   been   MACHIAVELLIAN   &   INDOMITABLE,   but   i   guess   this   town   just   brings   out   the   worst   in people   ;   apparently,   they’ve   been   way   more  INSOUCIANT   &   SUPERCILIOUS   than   usual.   it   wouldn’t   surprise   me   if   they   knew   what   was   going   on.   click   HERE   to   check   out   her   stats.

they   told   you   that   you   were   a   nobody,      so   you   became   the   QUEEN.   (   now   everybody   knows   your   name   )

SECTION ONE OF THREE : background / human era. trigger warnings for talk of pregnancy, death, abuse

born circa 502 bc, in a little village that has no lasting name nor impact in ancient greece. 

five of the children born to her parents survived to adulthood, and since she was the last one... it is almost like, her whole life, she has been suffering from younger child syndrome. who knew !

she very literally grew up in a diff time, so when i say she wasn’t rly close to any of her siblings, i don’t mean it in a like... horrible way. it’s not a reflection of character. they just didn’t have a tight sibling bond, though she loved them greatly. 

same w her parents. they were unexceptional people who lived unexceptional lives, and though she was grateful for, u know... their creation of her - they were not close. they did not, in laymans terms, have the lorelai and rory gilmore dynamic. 

her whole family were content to live their dismal lives, and... tho athenodora did not vibe, she, again - grew up in a diff time. of course she dreamt of more. of course she prayed to the gods for something better. but she was achingly aware of the fact that no such future would ever exist for her. such is life in 400 whatever bc, bumfuck, greece.

she was just barely eighteen when she was married to athanasios, to secure land, or smth, because those were the times. of course it was something like that. 

he was... fine, at first. a little small minded ( that wasn’t the ONLY thing that was small, haha ). he, like everyone, was content to live the same old life, and athenodora just... wasn’t. she had been raised on stories of grandeur, and her parents had thought she would settle for the regular - it should not have been a surprise that she didn’t want to, but gods, did she try.

she never loved him, she can safely say ; but she wished that she did. for a long while, athenodora thought it would be easier, and thought that she could do a lot worse. unfortunately... she cld not.

their lives were meant to follow a certain pattern. they had gotten married, and now he would work all day, make them money, tend their land. she would stay home. cook. clean. raise the children that they were sure to have. athenodora was capable of almost everything expected of her, except for the most important part - she couldn’t seem to give him children. not strong sons. not beautiful daughters. 

at first, he told her that it was fine. 

after a year or so, he still told her that it was fine, but she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.

two years after this, he called her the ancient greek version of defective for the very first time - and things only got worse from there.

he had always been a perfectly fine husband, until he was not, and athenodora had always wanted to love him, until she did not. she prayed to the gods every morning and night, to give her what her husband so desired. to give her that which would make her life better, even if she knew it would not heal the wounds already caused.

sometimes the gods r not dicks. a miracle! she becomes pregnant, aged twenty four ( i kno it sounded like she was a crone but again please remember the times ). she always thought it was just what was best n only athanasios would care, but , wow... suddenly. she cares. she has never felt this level of love with anything, until now.

but, tragedy :// straight white men ( idk, i just feel like her husband was the root of all evil ) are not so easily satisfied. who wld have guessed he wld continue to be an abusive asshole even after his wife succeeded in getting pregnant? i bet i shocked u all. who wld have guessed that a huge part of his problem wld end up being that suddenly, athenodora clearly cares abt something - and it isn’t him. again. got you all!

over the course of her pregnancy, he becomes, for the first time, a real threat to her - or maybe, athenodora simply never took him seriously until there is another person to think of. either way, she TRULY fears him and what he’s capable of by the time she gives birth, and after he makes some passing remark abt their baby, she yeets the FUCK out of there in the middle of the night, eirene ( baby ) only a handful of days old. she takes what she can carry and nothing more, and she... makes it pretty far, thanks to the kindness of strangers. you love to see it.

she settles somewhere ( she considers to be ) far away, and she makes up a good story : her husband died in a war ( there were probably a lot of time, i dont know ) and she was widowed, left to care for their young daughter alone. i know. its really original. they didnt have tv shows back then to rip stories from though.

stays in a hovel on the edge of their village. think the shittiest home you’ve ever seen and then make it shittier. there are rumors about her being a witch, and she kind of appreciates them, because it keeps kids out of her yard. and shock of all shock : in spite of being... u know. a woman. and not very skilled. she finds a very hot ticket job - working for the very wealthy volturi family who live on the other ( opposite ) outside of town, but like, in a considerably better home, obviously. 

honestly, i don’t kno what the ancient greek equivalent of that secretary in new moon is, but that’s the vibe we’re going for, here. she’s like, a chambermaid or smth. and she makes a tidy little sum. doesn’t question her weirdo bosses that much. doesn’t know what anemia is because im p sure it wasnt discovered by then, but presumes they have it.

and maybe, just maybe, it’s the finesse of the century : or maybe, just maybe, it is destiny. in no time at all, she has caught the eye of the volturi’s most eligible bachelor(tm) : caius volturi. many another worker is made upset by this fact, as athenodora is very quickly alotted VERY special treatment as the apple of his eye, which includes, i don’t know... hand delivered baskets of pomegranates, a nicer home and in due time, the simple pleasures of the flesh.

so that’s pretty neat. and life’s pretty fine. she feels like an ancient greek sugar baby, and honestly, isn’t that all she’s ever deserved? she’s got some nice digs ( i don’t think she’d have called them that ) and a man who worships the ground she walks on and who spoils her with pretty things, and most importantly : she is taking care of her daughter, who i absolutely didn’t forget about. eirene is the literal light of athenodora’s life, and everybody knows it. if i say jean valjean and cosette vibes, can we all pretend we get it?

and then it goes to shit. as things do.

her daughter is fourteen years old, when her father finds them ; and she doesn’t know, she never knows, if he was seeking them out or whether it was all DUMB luck. regardless of it all, he is stood inside her home, his breath coming in angry half pants, and athenodora is convinced that this is it. that her end has come. that her freedom is over. she dies, she thinks, or she returns back to the house that was not her home with him. these are her options. 

she tells her daughter to leave. she stops him from following. when she is shoved and her head hits the table, she is aware of the option he has chosen for them more than all else - but the gods, or perhaps, just one - intervenes.

until this night, athenodora had never known the truth of the volturi. but when her beloved saves her from athanasios, she sees him for what he is. she UNDERSTANDS. and she isn’t frightened. she should be, for sure, she should be running as fast as she can - but all she can think in that moment is that she is free now in all the ways she has never been... and caius, her love, is something so much larger than this life. 

for the first time, the godhood that athenodora has always dreamt of is within her grasp. she makes him promise that once eirene comes of age, he will make her into the same creature that he IS. she makes him swear a solemn oath, and he who has been so infatuated by her for so long cannot argue.

four years. this is all it takes, and then eirene is eighteen - capable of standing upon her own two feet. athenodora leaves her everything - all the gifts she has ever been given, all the wealth accumulated, the home. everything she will not need, once she is gone. and she says a final goodbye.

caius turns her himself. the greatest gift he could ever give her.

and reborn, athenodora is MORE than everyone in her life could ever dream of being. she is the queen of the underworld, the goddess of death. she is all of this, and more. at his side, she finds GREATNESS. and once she had it, athenodora decided she would never again be without. 

SECTION TWO OF THREE : volturi era.

became cool. became powerful. very emma frost of her, rly 

didnt rly care for the rest of the coven outside of caius but sometimes u gotta hang w scrubs 

didyme dies sometime after her turning, and that kind of fucks everybody up

not so much her bc like i said she didnt rly care but... caius b frightened of losing her, i guess

kind of throws a spanner in the works 

she spends a lot of time ‘locked away’. not , like, literally ( bc that’s gross! ) but... caius takes over protective to the extreme

uses this time to harness her power and fuck

not always in that order

also spends a lot of time telling him he deserves to b leader

deserves to b the new aro

who needs powers?

not u, caius

go kick their ass baby i got ur flower-

( he doesn’t go kick their ass but man she wishes he wld )

she’s genuinely devoted to him, however, as much as it sometimes seems as if she’s using him as a means to an end

she DOES do that with a LOT of people, but caius... that’s her baby! her darling! her sweetie pie! fuck everybody else in this house caius, she respects YOU ! 

she jus wants to see him be the best there ever was, and he’s.... p... happy to giv her everything she wants, so their dynamic is actually p equal 

we love to see it

anyway lots of years happened and now she’s here

seattle sucks -athenodora’s official review

but she’s fucking SICK of aro’s shit and thinks her 2020 birthday wld be the best time for an official change of pace

obviously aro can read minds so he knows athenodora has high aspirations but he has learned his fucking lesson w killing ppls mates, i guess

lucky for her!

that’s all i got

hehe

SECTION THREE OF THREE : power.

athenodora is an ungifted vampire in twilight canon, but to that i say : fuck ya chicken strips. in equinox, she be special. her power is life force manipulation, in a pretty unique ( and dare i say ) way.

she was a forty two year old woman, when she was turned. she had lived a life, and she had the MARKS to show for it. but the very first time that she drank human blood from the vein, athenodora realized that she was not as unexceptional as she had always been lead to believe she was. vampires do not change. they’re frozen in time, like statues, portraits, photographs... and yet, before caius’ very eyes - athenodora did what no other vampire could. mere seconds passed, and suddenly ; she was stood before her beloved, decades younger. it lasted as long as her thirst was sated, with her age returning to her as her eyes darkened once more. and it happened all over again, when next she fed. 

over time, she’s come to understand it well enough. she has a particular love of younger humans ; those in their twenties, and thus, physical primes. she thinks that is, in part, down to her gift ; she seeks these out to drink from because when she feeds, she’s not simply drinking their blood, but also, their life force. she’s taking theirs to add to her own.

like many gifted vampires, she has spent time learning what she can of her gift, and learning whether there is some other way to apply it. it took almost two thousand years, but eventually - athenodora discovered that with a touch, her fingertips to their skin ( and a great deal of focus ), she could render another changed, also. it lasts for only a short amount of time - an hour, maybe a little longer, depending on how strong she is. but it works. and it makes her think that, in all her unlimited time : she might just be able to do even more. be a danger. manipulate life force in a way that can DESTROY. she’ll keep on working on that for as long as she lives. 

[frywen-babbles]

Sounds of Silence pt6

"They shouldn't send you messages like that. You've done nothing wrong."

"It's okay. It'll die out soon enough when they realise I won't make any of this public. I just want to move on with my life." She shoved some cake into her mouth before she continued. "Enough about me. How have you been?"

"Studying," he replied before he thought of something. "I'll visit mother tomorrow... I thought... maybe you'd..."

"I'd love to come. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."

He nodded in response and took a sip of his tea. Why was the situation suddenly so... awkward. What did people talk about in dates... non-dates anyway?

"Um... What's the new job you got?"

"The same old. Shelving in a grocery store, just in a different one than before."

"That must be... interesting."

"Please, it's boring as fuck. But it's a job."

Mitsunari regarded her carefully. Once she had talked about wanting to become a teacher and he couldn't but wonder what had become of those dreams. Now she seemed content at working in a grocery store, her dreams seemingly forgotten. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but he remembered how fondly she had talked about her dream. Had she given up on it completely? She wouldn't, would she? He worked so hard to achieve his dream and proving himself it seemed almost unthinkable someone would just give up.

"Earth to Manju-boy, are you even paying attention to me?" Mitsunari was woken from his thoughts when she tapped his arm gently.

"Just thinking about my studies."

"How are they going anyways?"

*****

Miraculously, their non-date had ended well and way less awkwardly than he had feared. They had ended up talking about his studies for way longer than he had planned, but she hadn't seemed to mind.

He was just about to go to sleep when his phone blinged with a message.

<i wntd 2 apologise> <i hd no rght 2 b that mean 2 u>    <What do you mean?> <thse mssgs i swd u> <i thgt ud say th same> <thnk u> <it rly mns a lot ur on my side>    <Of course I am.>

She didn't reply so he put his phone down and closed his eyes ready to sleep. But just as he had drifted off his phone blinged with a new message waking him up.

<it tk me 2 long 2 admit wht ws gng on. nd aftr thn i wnted 2 stay bc i lved him. i blievd it ws nly once. twice. i thght if id jst chnge myslf he didnt hve any rson 2 gt angry at me. i trd so hrd 2 be the prfct wife i feel like i lost myself. Ths isnt how I thght my life wld be.> <im scred> <i have no1 I cn rely on> <im sorry im blathering u must be thinking abt ur mom> <i shldnt cmplain evrythng is fine im sry>    <No, it's okay. It's understandable to be scared.> <sry> <im jst so lost> <nd scard> <all of ths is nw 2 me> <we gt mrried whn i finishd hgh school. i rlied 2 hm on evrthng> <nd nw its jst all gne> <sry 2 nght evrthng jist cmes rshing dwn> <ill go 2 bed now night>    <Don't apologise. Being scared of the unknown is part of human nature.>    <Good night.>

***

The next day he waited for her in front of the hospital. He had come way too early so his thoughts turned into the previous day and to his... non-date. She had looked very pretty. Beautiful. He looked at his watch when he felt a light tap on his arm and turned around to find her standing next to him.

"Are you sure you want to come?" he asked.

"Of course! I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to."

Mitsunari sneaked into the first bathroom in the ward and a moment later when he emerged he expected her to laugh or... something. Instead, she looked at him earnestly, her expression serious.

"Are you ready?" she asked before she reached to straighten out a hair on his wig. He gave a firm nod before he headed out towards his mother's room.

"Mitsunari!" He stopped when he heard his name and sighed before he turned around to greet one of the nurses. "I see you brought your girlfriend today, how nice of you. Why haven't you told us before you have a girlfriend?" the nurse winked at him and he resisted the urge to either roll his eyes or facepalm.

"We're friends," he said at the same time she bowed.

"Thank you for taking care of Mitsunari," she said aloud. It was the first time Mitsunari had heard her speak. He missed completely when she introduced herself, his mind focused only on the sound of her voice, on the way she slowly pronounced each word, on the melody of her voice and he couldn't help but want to hear her voice again and again. He wanted to hear what she sounded like when she was happy, when she was excited, when she was sad. He felt selfish in his want, but still, he wanted her to show all sides of herself to him.

Mitsunari tugged on her arm and bowed to the nurse, repeating his earlier words of them being just friends, but it didn't wipe the knowing smile from the nurse's lips.

Just when he was about to knock on the door of his mother's room, he felt her take a hold of his hand and give it a firm squeeze. He held her hand a bit tighter too and knocked on the door.

"Mother? It's me, Saki."

"Saki! My beautiful, darling Saki!" He heard her voice before he saw her.

"Mother, I brought a friend with me." He stepped inside and gently pulled her in with him and introduced her.

"It is nice to meet you, Mrs Ishida." She bowed and his mother beamed at them. He didn't even remember when he had seen her looking so happy.

"I'm so happy Saki brought a friend with her! Come here, sit." His mother patted the bed beside her. She glanced at him and when he nodded she sat beside her.

"Thank you."

She paid close attention to his mother, turning every now and then to him for clarification. He felt like his mother recited every embarrassing thing he had ever done, his face burning hot with embarrassment under the makeup. A small (well, a big) consolation was hearing her laugh aloud, something he hadn't heard since the day after he had rescued her from her ex.

When his mother started to look tired he got up and nudged her arm.

"I think we should go now, mother. I'll come back soon."

"Please bring your lovely friend again too! It warms my heart to know you have such a good friend."

"I'll have to ask her..." he mumbled giving his mother a hug.

When he took her hand to lead her outside he could feel her hand tremble. He glanced at her, but her expression was a calm, calculated mask. As soon as they were outside of the door he let go of her hand.

"Your hands are trembling."

"You're imagining things," she replied with a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes.

"But-" he started, but was cut off when she turned away from him.

"Excuse me..." she hurried to the nearest bathroom leaving him to stare after her. He was still staring at the door when she emerged a moment later her eyes red and puffy.

“Sorry...” she forced a smile and as much as he wanted to ask, he decided not to pry was probably the best option.

“I’ll go change. We could... You could come for tea... if you want.” How did people ask others to hang out? It was apparent he was terrible at it.

“I’d love to.” This time the smile she gave him was genuine.

Their trip at his place was mostly filled with comfortable silence. She leaned against his shoulder on the train, dozing off every now and then. He concluded she must be tired but didn’t want to pry the reason why. She would tell him if she wanted to.

When they reached his apartment, Hideyoshi was already there, half asleep watching YouTube videos in the living room.

“Oh, heeey... I didn’t think you’d be back yet, you okay?” he mumbled waving his hand at his general direction without turning around.

“We came to make some food.”

“We? I thought you went to- oh hi!” Hideyoshi turned around to look at them and as soon as he saw her he waved at them awkwardly.

He laid over the handrest of the sofa looking at them while they unloaded the groceries and prepared the food.

Mitsunari sighed and turned to look at Hideyoshi, who had a bright smile on his lips as soon as he looked at him. “Do you want something? If you don’t, stop staring like a starved puppy. The mutt next door does a good enough job on that already without your help.”

"I thought you'd never ask me to join! It smells so good."

Hideyoshi made the table and they sat down to eat.

"So, what were you up today?" Hideyoshi asked filling his bowl with food.

"None of your business."

"So it was a secret date!"

Mitsunari was just about to reply when she coughed and reached for a glass of water her face starting to turn an adorable shade of red.

"Are you okay?" he asked her when she managed to gulp down some water her face still bright red.

"Why does Monkey think we went on a secret date?"

Mitsunari felt his cheeks start to burn out of embarrassment too, her embarrassment only increasing his own.

"I don't know! Stop inventing stupid nicknames to my friends."

"Shut it Manju-boy! You better tell Monkey-boy he has it all wrong. We are friends, nothing else."

Mitsunari translated her words to Hideyoshi who had been grinning knowingly at their mutual blushing, but he couldn't help the pang in his heart at her flat out refusal of them being on a date.

It must be so terrible to her to even think him as a man after what she had seen of him today. After all, she knew of him.

She would never see him in any other way than as a friend and realising that hurt way more than he thought it would. It hurt so much for a while he couldn't even think straight, yet alone be a part of the conversation.

"Mitsunari, did you hear what I said?" Hideyoshi's words brought him back to himself and when he glanced at her, even she was staring at him with a small frown between her (very beautiful) brows.

"No, my mind was elsewhere."

"In the gutter, I imagine?" Hideyoshi winked at him but all he could do was roll his eyes.

"You had *something* to say, so spit it out."

"Um, yeah, Nobu wants us to go play Wii next Sunday, why don't you two come too?"

"And he expects us just happily spend a Sunday dealing with utter torture?"

"There will be free food! Nothing beats free food."

"Fine..." he grumbled and turned to her, but her eyes were already sparkling. "A friend of ours wants us to go play Wii at his place on Sunday. Do you want to come?"

"Only if I get the promised free food you were talking about!"

***

The next Sunday they found themselves in front of a grand downtown building where Nobunaga's personal apartment was. She was staring at it her mouth agape.

"Your friend lives here?"

"Yeah."

"Wow..."

She held onto his sleeve when they entered the building, her eyes wide at the sight of the doorman and the security.

When the doors opened at the top floor she was stunned. He had to nearly drag her forward to meet their host.

Not that that went any better. As soon as she saw Nobunaga, she yanked at his sleeve until he was sure it would rip off.

"That's- that's O-da No-bu-na-ga!"

"I know. Now stop pulling my sleeve!"

"But... how?"

"Blame Hi-de-yo-shi, he always wants to drag me along..."

"Wait how does Monkey know him?"

He was about to reply when Nobunaga seemed to get bored of not being a part of the conversation.

"The least you could do was to introduce her."

As soon has he had managed to introduce her, Hideyoshi, who had come at the same time with them leant towards Nobunaga with a conspirational grin.

"You know, she's Mitsunari's 'special friend'"

"Oh, is she now?" Nobunaga had an amused smile on his lips when he eyed her.

"Stop making it sound so dirty," he huffed at them and took her hand to lead her away from the two men determined to misunderstand their relationship.

They found Hanbei huddled at a corner already, his nose deep in a book. He didn't pay any attention to them so they sat on the sofa next to him. She was tense, eying her surroundings like a caged animal before she turned to him.

"Just... how? You do know he's very famous, right?"

"Yes. But Hi-de-yo-shi keeps dragging me along every time..."

"You're playing Wii with the famous O-da No-bu-na-ga..." she repeated it to herself as if to make sure she understood correctly. Suddenly, she lifted her head and grasped his arm. "How did he know who I was?"

"It was him who offered to let you stay in the guestroom in the house. It's only used when someone in the Oda family has important guests over."

"Wait what? I thought that was where miss Oichi lives?"

"No, she was just staying over so you wouldn't have to be alone."

She buried her head in her hands for a while before she looked at him again, a hints of despair in her expression.

"How can I ever repay them?"

"You don't have to. Everyone wanted to help."

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Even though it ate him alive he’d had to ask for their help there was no way he would tell her that. He would repay them as soon as possible.

The atmosphere relaxed as more people showed up. She didn’t leave his side until her gaze shifted to all of the snacks Nobunaga had brought out.

"What a nasty little piggy you have found for yourself."

There were people he’d be glad if he never had to see ever again. Tokugawa Ieyasu was one of them. Even the existence of him made Mitsunari’s skin crawl with disgust, let alone hearing whatever hideous thing he had to say. Why Nobunaga kept inviting the man was beyond him.

"Shut your mouth, filthy tanuki!" he spat back at Ieyasu, his eyes on her. She kept happily showing a snack after snack into her mouth until she glanced at him.

She froze, her eyes travelling from him to Hideyoshi and back at him.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing."

"Why won't you tell me?" She looked around the room, at everyone staring at them and she shrank back, averting her eyes to the floor. She made a quick bow and fled the room.

He followed her to the entrance hall, where she was desperately hitting the button to call the elevator, her face turned away from him so he couldn't see her expression. She cast a quick glance at him before she averted her eyes again and dug out her phone.

<i dnt blong hre ill jst go> <tll evry1 im sry>

The doors slid open and she took a step towards the elevator, but he took a hold of her arm to stop her. He needed... wanted to know what was wrong with her. Why did she suddenly decide to run away from him.

She froze, standing completely still. He slowly let go of her arm and she quickly hugged herself. He was at loss at what to do. He followed her to the elevator, but she kept her eyes on the door, completely ignoring his presence.

Had he done something wrong? If he had, he had no idea what it might be or why had she reacted the way she had.

When they reached the ground floor he followed her out of the elevator but reached for her arm again, this time just to gently touch her. She turned to look at him, tears glistening on her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away, her lips pursed to stop the quiver of her lower lip.

"What happened?" he asked. She took her phone and fiddled with it for a moment and soon he heard his phone alert him of a new message.

<i dnt blng>

She turned around to walk out of the door, but he reached for her again.

"What do you mean? Explain." She was just about to look at her phone again when he tapped on her arm again. "Talk to me."

She turned her head away from him and he was just about to reach for her arm again when the security guard interrupted them.

"Is everything alrigh, miss?" he asked. She jumped a bit and looked at his face, a small frown between her brows.

"...sorry...?" she whispered.

"Is everything alright, miss? Is this man bothering you? Do you need a taxi to get you home?"

"Thank you, we're fine," Mitsunari interrupted.

"I was talking to the young lady, sir." The security guard gave him a stern look. She looked from him to the security guard, her expression guarded.

"...fine... no... taxi..." she mumbled.

"Could we talk somewhere a bit more private?" Mitsunari asked the security guard, who pointed them at a bench at the side of the entrance hall, hidden from the view by a large plant. He guided her to sit down and sat next to her touching her hand gently to get her to look at him.

"Talk to me, please?"

"This... everything was a bad idea. I should have listened to Yoshi, I’ll never fit in..."

@masamunesmistress @han-pan @you-mass-effect-my-dragon-age @honeybeelily @dreamfar628

[actiasteeth]

angsty relationship asks: david/ryan

do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what? so so so many. typically ghosting / lack of communication and “”needing space”””””. later: “pls stop trying to fucking kill me.””

who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize? seeing as ryan’s generally the one in the wrong,,,,,, he’s the one who Should be apologizing first. a lot of the time tho, he leaves it up to david or he apologizes w/o Explicitly apologizing b/c he has trouble owning up to being a shithead. ryan just gets softer and more affectionate w him, tries to do sth to make it up to him. a lot of “pls i didn’t mean it”” / “”forget abt it”” / “i love u”””.

which one has more insecurities? over what? david. probably abt whether or not he’s actually done sth wrong to warrant being treated poorly.

who gets more riled up? do they show their anger? nnnnn. it would depend on the context?? both of them are capable of showing their anger, lmao.

how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain? on the rare occasion that ryan is not the one in the wrong he’s verbally v quiet abt being upset. he p much goes silent and gets v tense and untouchy. it takes a while for him to rly find the right words to be like “hey this upset me”” b/c on some lvl he’s always gonna feel like he deserves it.

who tries to make up first? does it work? ryan. he can go from 100 to 0 in the blink of an eye if he’s over it. will try to act like nothing fucking happened. it’s,,,,,,, iffy at best.

would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? if they had a falling out? eeeeeh. theoretically ryan could be into this but in practice he closes off when he’s angry so probably not. they’re all abt that make up sex game tho.

do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other? david does more so than ryan. once ryan is over sth, once he’s had the time to process it, he’s over it and doesn’t care to revisit it.

is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed? no?? i mean there’s a lack of communication sure but they don’t rly keep things from each other??

if something already happened to tear them apart, what would make them come back together? is it even possible? main verse, i think they’re p much doomed. breakup au?? there would need to be a solid exhibition of Growth mostly on ryan’s end—in his stability, in the way he handles situations, in reeling in his vices. david would have to trust him to be better.

what’s their favorite pass time when they’re upset? leaving mean drunk comments abt himself on david’s videos.

who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)? ryan always goes to his sister loren if he goes to anyone at all. 70% of the time he’s gonna keep that shit to himself tho.

is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest? david is more open than ryan is when it comes to Real Shit. whenever ryan is gearing up to vent abt things he just ends up sitting there saying nothing. ryan needs a couple drinks in him before he starts talking tbh.

who grieves more when the other is away? david.

who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more? also david. it’s not that ryan doesn’t think abt him or miss him, he’s just less inclined to let it bother him.

do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? if so, what is it? what do they do with it (read, wear, look at, smell)? ryan’s absconded w enough of david’s clothes,,,,,, he wears them around the house p much 100% of the time tbh, even when he’s not Highkey missing him.

who cries more? who gets more emotional in general? is this evn up for debate?? david. it’s david.

do either of them have the other’s stuff lying around their house? feel like david would be more inclined to leave shit lying around ryan’s.

how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)? unlikely. they generally take their fights p srsly?? unless it’s like clearly a fake argument then 5000% yes to both.

do either of them have any vices? ryan drinks too much and gets progressively worse as their relationship deteriorates.

what’s the thing they miss most about each other? ryan doesn’t usually miss one thing abt david in particular??? if he’s missing him, he’s missing him as a whole. if anything got to him in time tho, it would probably be the lack of physical touch. as shallow as that sounds, lmao.

what’s their go-to breakup/angst song? for ryan, trouble by cat stevens.

who’s more jealous? neither of them rly. like, sure, they’re falling apart but it’s not like there’s any legitimate fear of unfaithfulness or anything of that sort.

who is the first to forgive? again,,,,,,, not that david is the one who needs forgiveness, lmao. but ryan will convince himself that things are david’s fault evn when he Knows they aren’t; will then proceed to drop it and be all “””i just want us to be ok,, dw abt it”” ?????????? whom’st’ve’d.

what’s the one deal breaker for either of them (lack of communication, fear of commitment, etc)? lack of communication, def. and being “””needy””””””””.

who would take longer to let go? do they ever really “let go”? both of them get an F in letting go (see: the breakup au). never in the 4yrs that they were apart did ryan even Try to move on or let go. like did he date?? sure. but he never went into it w the mindset that it would last and the Smallest things fucked him up on how Wrong everything felt and how Not David everything was and he just,,,,,,,,,, No. also main verse????? david won’t go into the fuckign light and insists on terrorizing ryan instead???? double F in letting go.

which is more afraid of confrontation? neither of them are a fan.

who’s the first to distance themselves (if either)? u kidding?? ryan.

who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience? david. he put up w so much, pls. that said, ryan likes to think he’s p patient w ghost!david but That is too little too late.

who’s the first to blame themselves? david. ryan will shift blame off himself evry chance he gets even when he Knows damn well he’s in the wrong.

who’s more likely to do something out of spite? both.

who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it? ryan. not to his face but he def told his sister that he hated him not long before david died. he didn’t mean it for a single second. even when he starts being a shitty demon abt things ryan still doesn’t hate him. he clings so hard to this ideal version of david that,,,,,, idk if there will ever come a time where there isn’t this part of him that’s so incredibly deep in love w that version of him.

who worries more? in the grand scheme of things, probably david. but i don’t see either of them as particularly big worriers.

what scent reminds them of the other? firewood. warm sugar syrup. asphalt.

do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)? ryan regrets taking david for granted. he regrets not actively trying to better himself regardless of always arguing that he was “”Trying””””. he regrets that he couldn’t commit himself to having a proper Talk abt how they could begin to fix things. not spending more time w him. not giving him the love he deserved.

who’s quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated? ryan generally backs off if david starts crying??? but if they’re just having a yelling match and no one is crying,, it just goes down until it doesn’t.

who is more prone to anger? ryan. he’s more irritable at least, so small things can set him off.

who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry? david obvs. ryan cries After the fact when he’s alone but p much nevr in front of david. he Will cry in front of ghost!david tho b/c it’s not like he’s got a choice.

does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling? no,,..,,..,….,,,,,

who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other? ryan sleeps on the couch but not rly b/c they’ve been fighting. he’s just restless and gets frustrated if he’s lying there for too long trying in vain to sleep. that said they can sleep w/o each other (ryan isn’t exactly the biggest fan of cuddling anyway) but they Do appreciate the idea of waking up together so,, while it’s nice when it happens, it isn’t Necessary.

who’s more likely to protect the other? ryan??? in that if someone is talkin shit or sth he will Pounce both verbally and physically if he’s gotta.

if one of them gets injured, who worries more? i mean ryan’s out here encouraging david to do risky shit, Sure, but he’s like,, halfway joking and if david gets so much as a Scratch u bet ur ass ryan is tending 2 that shit. whenever they’re play fighting or w/e ryan is also rly conscious of letting up if david shows any sign of discomfort. i think ryan is?? generally???? less inclined??? to get injured????? but he will straight up Fight ppl if they push him so idk,, david might have reason to fuss over him but it’s Rare. he was probably a whole five and a half messes after asking david to teach him how to skate tho.

who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm? LOL. i feel like this wasn’t rly a thing they worried abt Legitimately?? then it Happened and,, rip.

who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all? 50/50 depending on what the argument is abt.

who would be more likely to save who? i wld think both of them wld make efforts to keep each other safe?? can’t speak for ghost!david’s problematic ass.

who stays up at night brooding? ryan’s insomniac ass.

who has more dreams/nightmares about the other? ryan has a lot of both after david dies. if u thought he wasn’t sleeping well Before,, that shit got 100% worse. he hates both but the good dreams especially always choke him tf up.

who comforts who after a bad dream/event? ryan before. now, no one.

do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork? in the earlier days of their relationship ryan was so bad at work, especially if they had plans for after he was off. he was constantly checking his phone and sending not-so-sneaky texts. catch him zoning out thinking abt him too. if david ever surprised him at work he always came back late from his break, lmao. he was bad in other ways when shit started going downhill in that he was absent and cold and quick to snap at anyone who breathed in his direction.

if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back? don’t think either of them would actively seek the other out?? i.e their reconnection would have to come as a coincidence. this goes abt as well as u would expect. both of them are some part willing to take each other back but,,,,, there’s def some hesitation there. ryan doesn’t trust himself to not fuck up all over again and sometimes it’s like he’s watching himself frm the outside. he keeps slipping up and making moves and trying to get david into bed but he always ditches before they have a chance to get Too Deep into feelings. eventually he ends up spilling his guts ofc (“””i’m still so fuckign in love w u u have no fucking idea”””) and they eventually bite the bullet and decide to try again. how well That goes is up for debate.