#i too would like to tailor my appearance to the level of misogyny people around me radiate

[piscesintherain]

White-Tie for the Terminally Asinine

I’ve been seeing a lot online about what the Shitgibbon and his wife are wearing, and, because I’m low-key into the rules around the types and rules of formal wear here in the West, I wanted to get into it a bit.

We don’t really have many, if any, public events in the US that are true white-tie events.  The Oscars are black-tie.  The President’s Inaugural Ball is traditionally black-tie.  The closest I can think of is the Met Gala, but even that tends to be more about spectacle than conforming strictly to traditional dress.

But this kind of formal state dinner with the Queen of England?  There’s few things that more call for traditional formal attire.  But because we don’t really see it as much in the US, people may not be as familiar with what is considered appropriate for this type of event.

First off, I need y’all to stop with the comments about him being fat or her looking like a prostitute (the latter of which isn’t even true).  There’s lots wrong here, and they’re both truly awful wastes of good oxygen, but we can get into that without the fatphobia or misogyny.

So, let’s start with the SCRoTUS himself.  First of all, his tailor should either be fired or applauded, I’m not sure which.  The cutaway coat required for a white-tie event needs to be closely tailored to be body, and that takes a great deal of skill.  And, frankly, because he’s not built like a model, it probably would have required more than one fitting.  I don’t know if he didn’t make time for the fittings, or if it was just poor tailoring, but the cut on the jacket is just a bit too loose.  Moreover, the sleeves on the jacket should be short enough to show just a bit of cuff - you should be able to shoot your cuffs in a jacket of this style.  His sleeves are almost comically long, hanging down past his wrists.  And then there’s his waistcoat, which is ridiculously long.  Perhaps the tailor was trying to lengthen the appearance of his torso?  But if that was the case, the front of the jacket should have been longer to compensate.  It is acceptable, in this style of coat, to show a little bit of waistcoat at the bottom edge of the jacket, but not the expanse demonstrated here.  Also, and this is a small point, but where in the nine hells is his pocket square?  And finally there’s the pants - they’e cut a bit too loose, and they look sloppy, because the cut means they don’t break cleanly at his shoes.

Now let’s move on to the other embarassment to our country.  Put simply, she wore a black-tie dress to a white-tie event.  I’ve seen a lot of people criticize her for having bare shoulders, but that isn’t the issue at all.  Here’s a photo of the Obamas at a similar event with the Queen in 2016:

Notice her bare shoulders - and yet, she doesn’t look out of place.

So what is actually wrong with Melania’s outfit?  A dress for a white-tie event is traditionally a ballgown - fitted bodice with a full skirt.  Now, for a middle-aged woman, that doesn’t mean she needs a Cinderella-style dress with a huge skirt, but some fullness is appropriate - again, see Michelle Obama’s dress, or even Duchess Camilla Parker-Bowles’ dress in the current photo.  Melania is wearing a sheath dress that is closely contoured to her body, which is definitely inappropriate for this level of formality.

But the problems don’t stop there.  Because as bad as that dress is, her accessories are worse.  Let’s start with her gloves.  Yes, white elbow gloves are appropriate (though no longer absolutely required, as you can see from the Duchess’ outfit).  But her gloves are just a shade off from her dress, which makes them look out of place, and, more importantly, they don’t bloody well fit!  Look at how they slouch on her arms and bunch at her wrists!  They actually cheapen her whole outfit, making it look like she threw it together at the last minute (which she most certainly didn’t - I’m quite sure she chose her outfit carefully, if perhaps with less skill or attention to the details of etiquette than should be expected of a first lady).

I also think she made a poor choice with her earrings.  White-tie does actually call for a bit of sparkle to one’s jewelry - you wear your nicest things.  She certainly wouldn’t have the same level of jewelry that the royal family was wearing, but she could have stood to have something a little more ostentatious.  Michelle’s chandelier earrings in the 2016 photo strike that balance perfectly.  If Melania didn’t want to wear more striking earrings (certainly, chandelier-style would have been a poor choice with the neckline of her gown), then perhaps a bracelet might have been an option.

Finally, the accessory that she simply didn’t include, that could have improved her outfit, is a clutch.  You’ll notice every other woman in these two photos has one.  And it is as much a stylish accessory as one’s jewelry, and serves to help finish off an outfit.  It’s not required, per se, but it is typically done.  Her choice not to carry one is unusual, and, in my opinion, a poor choice.

So, there we go, there’s my take on why the attire of these two noxious weeds in the garden of humanity was an embarrassment to the United States