#i will say tho. it's a vibe to dream of thingd you consider hot in concept but terrifying irl (controlling/abusive men <3)
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Me when i dream of lil Mika but it's another nightmare
#and this one was so stressful bc like#i dreamt he was indeed my s/o but he was so controlling#like i was so stressed out felt like a trapped deer trying to gather a support circle so i can get away from him and he just kept ruining it#all for me. fucker learnt my native lang just so he could monitor my conversation with my family🤕#at one point he made me agree to marry him and dream me did just bc she was absolutely terrified of him????#girl just beat his ass ?????????#but like jokes aside i'm still in that ''just woke up from a nightmare'' mood so i still feel the adrenaline so i still get#why he was so scary like. i didn't know he knew my lang until he threatened me and told me i'm not allowed to speak to#my family anymore (bc i tried to get my dad to help me) and he was very. pushy with se.xual stuff#which like here's a fun fact but i'm a hypochondriac and i find it very hard to bond with people so i just kinda#accepted that i'm waiting for marriage (which is easier to explain than ''i need to REALLY trust you'' and agreeing to marriage is on that#level anyway) so when i TRIED to get him to stop by telling him i don't want to before i have a ring it did fuck-all to stop a guy#who was just like ''well we ARE getting married so what's the problem''😔😔😔😔#i woke up before he did anything tho which i'm thankful for bc every time i dream of being sa'd it feels like it reopens old woundd#and it takes me a while to actually calm down from it#i will say tho. it's a vibe to dream of thingd you consider hot in concept but terrifying irl (controlling/abusive men <3)#bc like you know in-dream it FEELS like it's real life i really didn't care that it was Mika and he's not real it was reality for me#and so it was terrifying i was crying every time i'd get a hope of getting away from him he'd ruin it for me very swiftly etc etc#like i'm still stressed out. but. the concept? like now that i know i'm safe and none of that was real? i just think o-kayyyyyyyyy#lmfjsjsnmemdksks i'm hopeless. but not really! confirmation i'm actually normal just like certain things from the safety of fantasy
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