#i wish they'd go back to having routes and gym leaders and actual towns to explore

[revalentine2]

Roseanne Sets Out! - Team Objective plays Pokemon Emerald

Hey, is-is this piece of junk on?

Ah, there we go...

GREETINGS, POKEMON WORLD!

I am ROSEANNE, Leader of TEAM OBJECTIVE, the EVIL-actual moral alignment pending-team dedicated to showing the world that OBJECT POKEMON are OBJECTIVELY the GREATEST!  In my latest mission, I am...

...sitting in the back of a moving truck.  With grimy camera footage.

we don't have the greatest budget right now, ok?  I've had to hole back up with mom, and these...dirty, hairy beasts!  Horrible.

I wish there were clock and gamecube pokemon.  They'd look so lovely.

Oh thank Regigigas they're gone.  What kind of sick person would let something like that into their-

-oh.  right.  dad.

oops.

I was investigating this other house and thought I spotted a voltorb on the floor-it was, unfortunately, a regular pokeball-when this squirt came over and starting being sexist to my face?  What kind of backwards town IS this???

I walk just outside, and see what I mean???  Mangy beasts.  …I don’t suppose any of the pokemon this man is offering are OBJECT pokemon, are they…?

No, they are not.

Well, until we have another option, I will take the lizard I guess.  Understand that he is being relegated to HM duty as SOON as I have my hands on an object pokemon.

That professor guy said to go look for his son, but I don’t think I’ll waste my time.  I’ll just head out of town and-

-Oooooof course.

Animals.

I’ve looked around, and all I’ve found is a bird I’ve heard some claim turns into a toilet.  Guys, I know that’s just a weird looking bird.  Some people can be so immature.

Hey Brendan, you’re a poopyhead!

I’ve decided to venture out to the next town.  No luck on finding any object pokemon on the route between, either.  I’m beginning to think there aren’t any…maybe that’s why dad moved out here.

Well, let’s get this over with.

Dad I love you but WHY do you surround yourself with the objectively WORST pokemon-

Huh?  Who’s this kid?

…YES!  Child, I will get you an object pokemon, and you can become the next-and first but that’s not important-recruit of TEAM OBJECTIVE!

Huh-WHAT-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I suppose I should not be upset that the sickly child is happier now.

(but I am, kinda.)

…What?  The gym leader in Rustboro is a ROCK TYPE leader?  Someone who would know where and how to find rock pokemon??  Oh, dad, you’re showing support for my interests after all!  I will be off at once!

Hmm…tell me if you’ve seen any object pokemon first, and then we’ll talk.

Aw, what?  I’m an evil team LEADER, not some hero!  …But fiiiiiiiiiine, I guess.

Team Aqua?  Sir, do you know any object pokemon that reside in the sea, because I’ve done my research and have found frighteningly little.   …Knowing this region’s reputation, maybe I picked a bad spot for my first outing.

Nothing to tell me?  Then, off with you!  Team Objective has no time to waste on petty thievery.

The Rustboro gym, home of Roxanne…her name and mine are quite close, actually.  And she’s an honors student?  Surely she must know much about the rocky objects of this region!

…Unfortunately, I'm going to have to take my leave for now.  It’s…disappointing, ending my first day battling in support of Object Pokemon without a one to my name, and just in sight of actually SEEING one…but, next time…next time, we shall not only head inside, but, find our first TRUE team members.  For the Object Pokemon-TEAM OBJECTIVE!