#i'll chase you back and forth to oslo until you do

[folerdetdufoler]

oh friday. we love a fredag in this house. this was the one day i had plans, and by “i had plans” i mean i tagged along for haidee and nadège’s plans because they were in oslooooo! they were flying in later that morning, so i had some time to spend on my own, which was good. i took my sweet ol’ time eating breakfast, looking out the window and hoping for the clouds to part, a ray of sun to appear, anything. but no. it remained quite dark most of the day, and the light you see in the photos is mostly due to editing in instagram. there was also a pretty constant drizzle that remained from the day before, but i wasn’t going to let that stop me. i had a city to explore!

so, naturally, i went back to the opera house, my most visited location outside of my hotel room in all of my trips combined. it was a bit too windy to deal with my travel umbrella so that went back into my backpack after the second time it blew inside out. i walked over to the harbor to see if, perhaps, the view was better over the water. it was not. but i climbed up the opera house steps anyway, because at least i could walk off breakfast. it was strange because i was the only one up there, but it was also shit weather and not much of a view (again), so i just figured i would enjoy having the place to myself (was the opera house closed? mayhaps.). and enjoy it i did, because i managed to slip and fall at the top! i was done climbing, it wasn’t even any kind of incline…i was just distracted trying to take a photo of the non-view and my feet were like “okay let’s make a break for it!” and they most certainly did. now i love my alone time, being able to experience the world without the pressure of existing in it, but i really loved my alone time just then, when my body decided to stop standing. feet went up, ass went down, i probably screamed, and then i posted about it on instagram, like you do. the tradition of climbing up the opera house in the winter and then eating it was alive and well.

i held on to the wall as i climbed back down.

then i walked around the harbor, hoping the light rain would soak enough of the rest of my pants as to disguise how wet my ass was. i went to the salt…area? installation? i’m not sure how to describe it. the other side of the harbor. just because it was a location i’d seen in a bunch of norwegian instagram stories and i had to see these t-shirts for myself. it was cool. i was slightly distracted because i was going low at that point, had walked off too much of my breakfast in fact, and only had a packet of gushers in my backpack for a sugar boost. so i moved on to an apotek to find glucose tablets.

i changed pump systems back at the end of august, adding a cgm and increasing my insulin usage by like…500%. my previous two trips were done on an old, dying pump and barely any bolusing or glucose monitoring, so this was my first trip where i was actively using insulin and keeping my numbers in range. this is a good thing, of course, but it was also new and a distraction and created dangerous situations for myself as i insisted on walking back and forth across the city center. i struggled to count carbohydrates with the different nutrition information on the food i bought (y’all what’s the point of telling me how many carbs are in 100 g of food if i can’t tell how much food is in the container?). i mean, i did okay, because i’ve been eyeballing this shit since i was twelve, but my new system relies heavily on accurate carb counts and boluses. if i don’t give it the right information, it has to compensate with the basal rate, and those automatic adjustments were not jiving with my bursts of activity. ugh, okay, well this was all just a weird venting aside and explanation for what i did in my down time: struggle.

in some flash of unusual foresight, i had kept the empty tube of glucose tablets and was able to show that to the pharmacist so she could do the translating for me. i would’ve cooed over the norwegian version of my tablets if i had the mental capacity in that moment, but i had to eat some first before i could even navigate my bag to find my wallet to pay for them. i was blessedly alone in this pharmacy as well, so only this one lady had to witness me dumping my damp backpack out on the floor to find a fuckin’ credit card. anyway, crisis averted. i chomped on raspberry-flavored sugar as i walked back to the hotel. whatever parts of me hadn’t gotten wet from the rain were now soaked through with my sweat so i had to dry off before the main event.

haidee had arranged for a late lunch for us at ett bord, so i met her and nadège there, along with margaux and charlotte. it was so lovely reconnecting with my girls and meeting new ones, and talking about the show of course but also learning about their regular lives as well. i don’t have much to compare it to, but it always feels so easy meeting strangers because even if we never interacted online, we still have this same source material that, at this point, courses through our veins. we talked about the show and fic and the con of course, since half of us were attending it the next day. i took a picture of the quiche that haidee had ordered because i…did not know that was quiche. and then maybe halfway through lunch i shit my pants?

or whatever it is that my body did when it heard henrik’s voice over my shoulder. maybe it was the opposite of shitting my pants. maybe i was clenching too hard because i felt like my heart was going to fall out of my ass. yeah, that.

our end of the table went silent. i was the last to realize what was going on because i had angled my body to face everyone else so i couldn’t see him enter or sit down. but i heard his voice and i froze and i hated myself for it.

we managed to get talking and eating again like the adult human beings we are. i think a couple were sat between our group and henrik then so it felt like there was a buffer and i could relax a bit. siv came over to chat and we were #exposed as fans (though if the chick clenching so tight she was about to eat the stool with her ass wasn’t a tip off then…) but i think we remained chill? i hope we did? i was still functioning well enough to use a fork so there was that, at least. and the food was good! i cleared my plate.

but then that fucker decided to come over to our group and say hi before he left, exhibiting the kindness and hospitality he’s known for at this point, and ugh. how dare he. i did not consent to death, thank you very much, yet there i was, clenching and dying.

i don’t know how to explain it without sounding rude and ungrateful, so i guess i’m being rude and ungrateful. but it did feel…violating? if only because i thought the screen that had always separated me from him as an actor was still in place. i realize i was in his city, in his family’s restaurant, and i was at this place of my own volition, but i still expected that wall to remain intact. i’d been to the restaurant twice before without coming into contact with his family, or been identified as a skam fan. i had assumed it would happen again. i had assumed those involved with the convention would be busy elsewhere with that, or hiding from it as long as they could. the restaurant is weirdly an established fan attraction, and thus far i’d been able to enjoy it without that association, and i had naively thought it would remain that way even on the eve of such a large fan event. but i’m a goddamn fool, and henrik is a very generous host.

he left. i unclenched. i think everyone else was simply delighted by the chance meeting and excited for the weekend to come because that’s why they were there. they were there to be skam fans. and i guess i…wasn’t? even though i’ve been struggling with my identity as anything but a skam fan, here i was, at the heart of the show, trying to deny it. ugh.

anyway, marie joined us as we were finishing up and from there we all walked to the convention location so they could register in advance. i met up with jenn there, and then we just bounced around until it was time for the play. we went to an atm, then to a christmas market, then to tanum on a sudden, exciting hunt for books, then to the theatre! and finally, finally, surrounded by blonde children who only came up to my waist, i got to hug kit. third time’s the charm, bitch.

then it was time for snøfall! we were seated painfully close to the stage because in my enthusiasm over the summer i had chosen some aggressive seating. on top of that actors were entering the stage from the aisle and the wing right in front of us, so while it was a funny and sweet story, i was legitimately frightened multiple times throughout as residents of snøfall ran right past us. but it was a fun show to watch, and the singing was impressive. i got to tune my ear to more norwegian, and of course, see tarjei. i loved the whole atmosphere of it, because it reminded me of my own family’s christmas tradition as a child, going to see the nutcracker at lincoln center. and holy shit, the set design was amazing? i barely looked at the program but at the end we stood in the lobby and tried to figure out who was responsible for choreographing such detailed settings in a very mechanical yet elegant way (i think it’s gjermund andresen and christer berg, fyi).

it was a wholly enjoyable performance, riiiiight up until a tarjei stan ran up to the stage to hand him flowers. he had to step out of the bows to accept them, which felt rude to the actual stars of the play and the children actors, but i didn’t catch their actual reactions because i was busy dying, again. i slid down in my seat hoping to melt into the floor but alas. #exposed.

we left. no one had a plan (welcome to the club) so we wandered to the christmas market. then we figured we needed dinner, so we walked over to grünerløkka to a place jenn had on her list. they were too busy for drop-ins, but their host kindly directed us to another restaurant with a similar vibe. at this point we’d done quite a bit of walking and were getting hungry, so when we spotted a bislett kebab on the way we decided to just give up and grab something there instead. it didn’t really matter to me, because food is food (and at least i was familiar with this food since i’d had it a couple of times last winter!). i would keep walking for hours as long as we were talking, but it was good to finally rest. i think it made me realize how tired i was, and i wasn’t even coming off of a morning of travel like everyone else. we split off after dinner and i collapsed back at the hotel. what a day.

before i go though, i just need to say that the best part of all of this was listening to margaux, charlotte, marie, nadège, jenn, and haidee talk about fic. i think they talked more about fic and the characters than the actual show, which makes sense, because that’s the most active part of the fandom (this was before the bloopers announcement). they were talking about what was still so alive for them, what they were keeping alive with their own stories and comments, and i just want to…i don’t know, give them credit? these women are amazing. they are why i impulse-bought tickets back in august, so i would have an excuse to see them again, and meet more like them, and attempt to show support in return. they are pursuing what they love, accomplishing so much, honing their own skills and supporting the talents of others. as much as i am ashamed of being one myself, i love how they are fans. i admire their lack of shame and their abundance of respect. they were on a trip, thoroughly enjoying themselves, and it was just comforting and affirming to watch them be relatable and wonderful human beings treating themselves to a fun weekend (what they deserve). i wonder, when i grow up, if i could be like them someday.