#i'm a little nervous because i'm made of anxiety and second-guessing all life-changing decisions but you know what they say. yolo

[beesinspades]

guess who's finally starting boy juice next weeeek

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 3

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello's masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite , who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310 , @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria . Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 3497 (oops 🙈)

Additional note: what you’re going to read is not realistic.

Enjoy 🙂

🛡⚔️🛡

With his stomach in knots and a frown on his face, Ivar watches closely his godfather, who enters the living-room, wheeling a large trolley case behind him.

"Hello, Ivar." Floki looks around, an eyebrow raised questioningly, "Lagertha isn't here?", before flopping down on the corner sofa.

"No," Ivar shakes his head, wheeling up next to him, "She's out on a date with this English guy... Hammond, Halmund or whatever his name is."

Scratching his ear, Floki tilts his head, "but she knows you're going, right?" He pulls the trolley case closer and then snorts, mumbling under his breath, "don't think I can't see you rolling your eyes!"

"What do you think? Of course, she knows. She said, and I quote," Ivar raises his hands to make air quotes, his voice tinged with obvious annoyance, "'Of course you can go, sweetie, you know I don't want to be the one holding you back. Call me if anything goes wrong. And don't forget to take your meds.'"

"She cares, Ivar." Floki's tone is soft as he places a hand on his godson's shoulder.

Ivar lowers his gaze. "You should have taken me in." His words are barely audible and suddenly he feels like he's eleven again and he has to swallow against the sudden dryness in his throat.

"You do know that back then I wasn't in a good place." Floki's sad sigh almost gets Ivar in tears as memories of his parents and Helga flood his mind. The pain in his heart becomes nearly unbearable but he fights it off with all his might. He never wants to feel broken and lost again.

Ivar lifts his head up and Floki can see the stubbornness in his eyes. "I could live with you now."

"No, you could not, and you know it!" Floki smiles and taps Ivar on the cheek. "Ivar, I live between two flights, today in Norway, yesterday in Iceland and after-tomorrow in Canada. What kind of life would this be for you, huh? And besides, living with Lagertha is not that bad."

But living with Sigurd is! Ivar wants to shout. He keeps quiet, though, shrugging before eventually mumbling. "Guess not..."

"So," Floki starts, eager to change the subject, "where are your brothers, by the way?"

"Where do you think they are, huh, you knock-kneed fool? They're already there." Ivar glances at his watch, furrowing his brow. "Harald's party started twenty minutes ago."

"We better hurry up, then!" Crouching down, Floki slowly opens the suitcase under Ivar's scrutinizing gaze.

"Quick!" Ivar commands, barely able to contain his impatience, his nervous fingers tapping his push rims. "What do you have for me, old man, huh?" He even contemplates climbing out of his chair to open it himself, but the fear of breaking a bone at the worst possible time is stronger than his eagerness.

"You're going to calm down, young Padawan." Floki quips, slowly moving his hand in front of Ivar with eyes full of mischief. Ivar immediately slaps his godfather's hand away, mumbling under his breath, "I'd rather be a Sith Lord." That earns him a loud, hysterical laugh from his godfather.

Ivar grunts, ready to protest, but all thoughts leave his mind as soon as he's able to see what is in the trolley case. The scowl on his face obvious, he doesn't even try to hide his disappointment as he utters, "you made me braces?"

He hates braces with a passion. Along with underarm crutches, he had some, as a child. They were bulky, stiff, painful and walking with them was tedious, agonizingly slow, and exhausting. Ragnar had been adamant that he wanted his youngest to walk, no matter the struggles, no matter the nearly unbearable pain. Ivar had settled his ass in a wheelchair the day of his father's funeral, getting rid of his braces shortly after, a decision he had never regretted. So no, such torture devices were not at all what he was hoping for.

"Have a little faith in me," Floki rolls his eyes. "These," he looks lovingly at the strange contraptions in his hands, "are not braces, Ivar. Have you and your crippled ass ever heard of exoskeleton?"

Ivar's eyes widen. "It's that thing used in rehab that allows paraplegics to walk, right?" As Floki nods, Ivar gives him a puzzled glance. "But, erm, you do know I don't have a spinal cord injury, don't you? Or are you suffering from memory loss? Maybe it's your age?"

Dismissing the remark with an exasperated wave of his hand, Floki hisses, "I'm well aware that you don't, godson dearest," before narrowing his eyes, his voice now serious, "you may have full sensation in both legs, yet they can't exactly support your weight and your lack of motor function can't be denied. Not really different from some paraplegic dudes, what do you think?"

Feeling a heavy lump in his throat, Ivar frowns, not pleased with the idea of him being like a paraplegic. Almost without thinking, he contracts his quads as best he can, as if he wants to make sure he's still able to do it.

Floki doesn't miss the barely-there movements in his thighs, though, and his voice softens. "Look Ivar, you're not a paraplegic, okay? But I used the exoskeleton technology. And since you're not paralyzed, I was able to make a smaller device that you can wear underneath your clothes, and you're going to walk. I mean, really walk, not just like those guys in rehab, between parallels bars and with a PT right behind them."

Ivar, his eyes bright, stares at his godfather, slack-jawed with amazement. "I'm..." He begins to sputter, voice filled with emotion, "I'm really going to walk?" Feeling like his heart is pounding out of his chest, he fails to contain his excitement, drumming the fingers of his right hand on his lap. He'd tap his feet if only he could.

"You are." Floki nods before taking out of the trolley case a pair of dress shoes. "I put dozens of sensors in the insole of these shoes, which will enable the exoskeleton to correct your stance practically every second. Therefore, you won't need crutches, although I would say it's safer for you to use this." Reaching down, he grabs a black derby-style cane, simple and sleek in design. "You know," he shrugs, "just for extra support. Better safe than sorry, hmh?"

Ivar, who doesn't even flinch when he sees the walking stick, just reaches out, his hand grazing the carbon fiber exoskeleton. "Is it really for me?" His eyes filled with wonder, his voice trembling, his lips stretch across his face as his godfather nods. "And you made this in what?... four, five days?"

Letting out his signature giggle, Floki waggles his fingers in front of his face. "Even I couldn't make this in such a short time. No, the truth is, I've been working on it for a while. Let's say your phone call just sped things up. Though I must say, this marvel of technology is not flawless... It has a really low battery life, like four hours of autonomy at best. If I had more time, I certainly could have done better, but for now, it is what it is and you'll have to make do with what you've got." Pursing his lips, he glances at his watch, "So, just so you know, if you put this on now, you'll have to come back around midnight if you don't want to have to crawl around. And if you hear a beep, you'd better hurry, okay?"

As Ivar just nods, his beaming smile never fading, Floki adds, tilting his head, "and now, go get ready, young Padawan, you have a party to attend!"

***

Sitting on a bench at the seaside, Ivar watches the party from afar, a feeling of uneasiness tightening his chest. It was a mistake. Attending to this party was a mistake. Despite the exoskeleton, despite the fact that he walks almost normally, it was a mistake. He shouldn't have come. He shouldn't be here. Anxiety surges like the swell of a wave, and he struggles to breathe. Sigurd was right: he doesn't belong here, doesn't belong to this life.

A part of him wants to leave. It would be better to run away, to go hide in his room. But he won't. He can't. Because just a moment ago he saw you. Because he's not ready to give up on you now that he is here, eventually close to you.

He recognized you the moment his eyes fell on you. Looking radiant in a polka dot dress, you're as pretty as he remembers. Pretty? Who's he kidding? The girl you were six years ago was pretty. You're a woman now, and one of the most beautiful he's ever seen.

Glowing, smiling at everyone, you didn't even see him. In his head, of course, he makes plans to approach you, even if deep down, he knows all too well he'll never muster enough courage to talk to you. You probably wouldn't want him to anyway. After all, he may be standing tall today, yet he's still a freak, a fucking cripple. He's still cursed with his bony, twisted, useless legs. He's still a burden.

Yet, there's this little voice inside of him, barely audible, whispering that you're not like this, that you never were in the first place; and that's partly why the ten-year-old boy he was when he first met you felt drawn to you almost instantly.

Closing his eyes, he focuses on his breathing and decides to take a little trip down memory lane, bringing him back to that sunny, summer day of his first – and only – encounter with you. His memory so vivid it's like it happened only yesterday.

He can't hear the chirping of birds as his brothers are loudly playing and bickering in the pool. His beloved mother is nowhere to be seen and he's willing to bet she's taking a nap, but not without first making sure he has everything he could possibly need. Lying on a sunbed in the shade of an oak, a glass of lemonade within reach and a thick book on his lap, he hardly notices his father coming into the backyard, Harald Hårfager following close behind.

Since Ivar knows Harald is here to talk business with his father, he pays no attention to the two men, who take their seats at the patio dining table.

He nearly falls off the sunbed when a tiny voice startles him. "Hello!"

Stunned, he turns his head towards the voice and comes face to face with a smiling girl he doesn't know. You. He'd say you're about his age.

"I'm Y/N," you tell him, waving your hand shyly. "I'm at my uncle's for the weekend," you keep going, pointing your finger at Harald, "and I was wondering... May I join you?" You finally ask, dragging a second sunbed closer to his.

His first instinct is to look around, because you can't possibly be talking to him. Why would you? Surely you can't have failed to spot his leg braces, nor his hideous orthopedic shoes. You can't have missed that he's a cripple.

Frowning as he sees that no one is around, he snorts, his nostrils flaring. He can tell you're wearing a swimsuit under your pink dress. What do you want, then? Are you here to mock and ridicule him or what?

"You better get in the pool with my brothers." He knows he sounds rude, not answering nor greeting you, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to be made fun of and doesn't intend to give you the chance to do it.

Seemingly undeterred, you speak with a soft voice. "No, I'd rather not." Your smile is so genuine he can't help but think you mean no harm. "Actually," you shrug, sitting next to him, "I'd rather stay here with you, if you don't mind. What are you reading?"

Gobsmacked, he just looks at you – and gods, how pretty you are! – for a long time, unable to utter a single word. Are you truly interested in what he's reading? Interested in him? He swallows hard, his heart racing. A small smile dancing on your lips, your kind eyes never leave his as you wait, full of hope, for him to finally talk to you.

And that's what he ends up doing, almost in spite of himself. For the next two hours, he shows you his astronomy book, a gift from his godfather for his tenth birthday, and tells you about the stars, the constellations and the nights he spends watching the sky, when his mother allows him to. And for two hours you listen to him, asking a question here or there and always smiling. He's pretty sure you're not faking being interested in what he's saying.

All too soon, your uncle tells you it's time to go and you stand up with a scowl, letting out a sigh of regret. The next moment, you flash Ivar a grin. "I had a really great time with you, thanks! I'm going back to my mom's tomorrow but I hope we can spend time together again sometime, maybe next summer. I'd love to stargaze with you, you know?" With that, you lean forward and as your lips touch his cheek, Ivar's breath catches in his throat, his heart pounding like a drum in his chest.

Ivar inhales deeply. That kiss... That's when he fell madly and hopelessly in love with you. If he concentrates enough, he can still feel the softness of your lips against his skin, still smell your sweet, flowery scent.

That day, he had watched you leave with a smile on your face, already dreaming of the day he would see you again. You had said "next summer" and even though it was a long time away, he was willing to wait. In the meantime, he would have plenty of memories to recall - your joyful voice, your sparkling eyes, your lovely smile... Sure, he could wait.

And he had waited, hopeful and happier than he had been in a long time.

Not long after, however, his life had been turned upside down, his father being murdered and his mother dying in a car crash. Lost, angry, broken, and infinitely sad, he had gone through the following months as if anesthetized - barely living, hardly functioning, sometimes feeling as if the memory of you was the only thing keeping him from drowning.

Yet, and he doesn't know why – or perhaps simply because Ragnar being dead, Harald had no reason to visit anymore – he had never seen you again.

"Hello!"

His whole body freezes and he stops breathing. This voice... Your voice... He'd know it anywhere. Yet, it can't be, right? Did he fall asleep? Is he dreaming? Is one of his brothers tricking him? Why would you talk to the cripple?

"My name is Y/N." He can hear the smile in your voice. "I was wondering... May I join you?"

Summoning the courage he's not sure he has, Ivar looks tentatively toward you.

Gods! You're even more beautiful up close. Fuck. Now that you're here, right next to him, he doesn't know what to say, what to do. Panic seizes his hammering heart as a lump rises in his throat. He attempts to swallow around it to speak, to say something, anything, but the words won't come out and he finally just nods, his hand gesturing to the bench for you to sit on.

"Thanks," you give him a broad smile before taking your seat.

Ivar cannot believe his eyes. What are you doing? Did you recognize him? Why are you here, with him?

"Woul–", he sputters, struggling to find his voice, "Wouldn't you rather be there?" Pointing his index finger at the crowd gathered in front of the makeshift stage just a few meters away. He frowns, tilting his head, "the party is in full swing."

"No, I'd rather not." You shrug and as you turn your head toward him, he breathes in your sweet scent, suddenly feeling dizzy. "The guys are already drunk and really have one thing on their minds. And those who are not are boring." You lower your gaze, as if embarrassed, and it's so adorable Ivar feels like his heart is melting. "I'd rather stay here with you, if you don't mind."

Oh, he doesn't. He doesn't mind at all. The truth is, there's a fucking firework inside of him, and he barely contains the screams of happiness that threaten to escape his lips. "That's okay, you can stay," he says instead, his fidgeting fingers dancing on his lap.

Over the next hour or so, the conversation flows easily as you speak about Karasjok, the small town where you live, telling him about your mother's people, the Sami, their culture and customs.

Ivar shares with you bits and pieces of his life too, speaking about his passion for the Viking culture and about his belief in the ancient gods. The night, his night, is full of your laughs, full of your smiles, full of you. He wants it to never end.

He's still trying to figure out if you know who he is, if you remember meeting him once when you rise to your feet, almost bouncing with enthusiasm. "Walk with me, will you?"

He's about to break the truth about his inability to walk when he remembers that actually, thanks to Floki, he can. His eyes never leave yours as he grabs his cane with a little bit of self-consciousness, wincing as he stands up, but he can't see disgust, contempt, or disappointment on your face and your smile doesn't falter as you delicately slip your hand under his free arm, curling your fingers back over it. Shaken by your sudden proximity, Ivar feels goosebumps rising on his skin.

"It's such a lovely night and I'm so happy spending it with you."

Your words leave him speechless as you lead him close to the water. A bunch of guys can be seen in the distance and Ivar is pretty sure his brothers are among them. He can feel their heavy stares on him and doesn't need to hear them to know what they're saying. "Who's this dude? Do we know him?" Standing tall, with his braided hair and a blue suit, he knows he doesn't look like himself. Yet, as he locks eyes with Hvitserk for a second, he'd sworn he sees a hint of recognition crossing his brother's face. And as the latter gives him a thumbs up, he knows his mind is not playing tricks with him.

"Oh, I love this song!" You clap your hands twice before shrugging shyly. "Let's dance, please!"

Ivar's heart breaks. Scared out of his wits, he swallows hard, his breathing uneven. "I... I can't." It's a painful admission, and he wishes the ground would just swallow him up.

He realizes you pay no mind to his defeated tone, though, as you grab his cane, leaning it against a nearby tree. "We'll go slow, I promise."

Almost in spite of himself, he places his hands on your hips as you wrap your arms around his neck. Gently – cautiously – swaying to the music, Ivar leans in close and, inhaling deeply your delightful scent, he feels like he's going to spontaneously combust. Your head resting on his chest, he's sure you can hear his frantic, pounding heartbeat. But he can't bring himself to care, not when you're finally exactly where he wants you to be. In his arms.

That's why he doesn't hear the first beep, or if he does, he doesn't pay any attention, entranced by your beauty, your kindness and the mesmerizing color of your eyes.

But when you stop dancing, your eyebrows raised, "What's that beeping noise? It doesn't stop," he hears it too, cold sweats washing over him as panic courses through his body.

"I... I must... I must go," he stammers, and honestly he's about to throw up. He can't think, can't speak. All he knows is that he doesn't want you seeing him crawling around. He won't allow it. He can't.

Fuck.

That's why he leaves. He just strolls off. He doesn't see the appalled look you're giving him, doesn’t' realize he's leaving his black cane behind, doesn't hear the despair in your tone as you shout, "wait, please! I don't even know your name!"

He has only taken a few steps when crocodile tears run down his cheeks, blurring his sight. It hurts so much he could scream, and he can barely breathe as the realization starts to sink in. Who was he trying to fool? Sigurd had been right all along. No matter the exoskeleton, no matter the genius of his godfather, he's still a freak. A monster. An abnormality.

He doesn't belong. He's not worthy.

Fuck.

His heart shatters in a thousand pieces.

Fuck.

Y/N.

Fuck.

🛡⚔️🛡

Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom @adrille88

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings @heavenly1927 @dini73

[jediken0bi]

Home

Summary:

After a rough case Spencer knows exactly what he needs to feel okay again. Or rather, who he needs

(no smut, pure fluff)

word count: 1747

-

On days like today, the only thing Spencer wants to do is be held by you. It took him some time to figure out that physical affection was something that could make him feel calm and content as opposed to the feeling of discomfort he used to experience every time someone invaded his personal space to go in for a hug or something of that sort. His best guess was that it's different with you because he loves you. Not like he loves Derek or JJ or any other member on his team, but in a way that feels all consuming sometimes.

He means that in the best way possible.

He fell in love with you almost as quickly as you fall asleep after a hard day in the shop. It overwhelmed him at first. He wasn't used to feeling with such intensity.

There was a time where Spencer believed he couldn't love and be loved in return. He didn't think he knew how. But you just walked into his life one day and before he realized it his heart had made the decision to love you.

He'd like to say that he doesn't remember what life used to be like without your constant reminders that you fell in love with him because of what he considers his quirks and not despite of them, or your cuddles that were usually followed by praise or words of encouragement, but the truth is he does remember.

He remembers how dull life felt before you. How lonely he was and how undeserving of love he felt all his life.

Sometimes he can't help but fear what would happen if you suddenly got tired of him.

But then he remembers the words you whisper to him ever so often when you feel him growing anxious:

"You're the brightest star in my galaxy, Spence"

It's cheesy and it's cliche but it soothes his soul like nothing else. Hearing you say those words makes him feel like he can finally let out that breath he's been holding all day long.

It's cheesy and it's cliche but it is perfect.

It's been a little over a week since you and Spencer have last seen each other. Sure, you've texted and called as often as your schedules let you and you even convinced him to facetime you once, but it just doesn't compare to actually being with each other.

The team had just wrapped up a horrible case involving young women. Without going into detail it's fair to say that Spencer couldn't wait to wrap his arms around you tight enough to ensure that you're here with him, that you're safe.

The Metro was late, delaying his arrival by approximately 20 minutes. While that's not enough time to raise concern for a lot of people Spencer knows better than to not let you know.

His job puts him at risk every day and you're not naive enough to believe that safety is a given for people in Spencers line of work.

He shoots you a quick text letting you know he'll be late and you reply with lots of exclamation points, emphasizing how excited you are to see him.

He can't help but smile to himself. He closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. He's struggling with letting the events of that recent case go.

The victims looked too much like you and it sometimes took Spencers focus away from what was right in front of him. He can't help but feel like he should've been quicker.

There's no doubt in his mind that you'll start questioning him as soon as you spot the distressed look on his face and you're going to want him to tell you what happened. And he will. Just maybe not tonight. You two agreed to have no secrets and the key to that is total transparency when it comes to what's on your mind.

He doesn't worry though. You never make him talk about work when he tells you he doesn't want to yet.

You don't push because you know that he'll tell you the next day once he is rested and convinced that both of you are safe.

Completely lost in his thoughts, he almost missed his stop. He managed to get off in time and from there it was only a 5 minute walk to your place.

Your Place.

These words are starting to taste bitter on Spencers tongue. He's been wanting to ask you to move in with him for weeks now but every time the opportunity presents itself he chickens out.

Part of him is so scared you're going to reject him and he's going to lose you.

Realistically speaking he knows that you value your time together as much as he does and he can't imagine you'd ever laugh at him or leave him for something like that but it's those pesky insecurities he's been trying to overcome that tell him that he can't really be sure.

He's confident though. Tonight is the night. As much as he doesn't mind going to your place to see you after cases, he can't shake the thoughts of him being able to come home to you. Thoughts of you waiting for him with open arms and a overall presence of love that will fills your shared apartment.

Before he can get too lost in his thoughts he knocks on your door and starts nervously shifting around on his feet.

It's not that he's afraid you're not happy to see him. Quite the opposite actually you've made sure he knows you've missed him just as much as he missed you. It's just that Spencer never really got used to being on the receiving end of such strong affection.

He loves it. God, he loves it so much but it still feels like it's too good to be true. His job makes him paranoid and as much as he wants to, he can't quite shake his anxieties about losing you just yet.

You open the door and he looks up with wide eyes.

There you are in your worn out Star Wars shirt with those adorable matching shorts practically beaming at him. You look so happy to see him. Because of him. His eyes immediately soften and he opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it.

"Spence!! You're back!"

Before he knows it you're already in his arms. Legs wrapped around his middle and arms around his neck squeezing him tightly before leaning back to press a firm kiss to his head.

He doesn't waste a single second. Wrapping his arms around you and pressing you closer to his chest. He lets out a breathy laugh.

"Hey there beautiful. I missed you so much"

You let out a small giggle before leaving the embrace to properly look at him. One of your hands goes to rest on his cheek while the other starts brushing through his messy hair.

You look at him with a wide smile.

"I can almost guarantee i missed you more, handsome. Now come in we haven't cuddled in over a week and i'm starting to feel very serious withdrawal symptoms!"

This time he lets out a proper laugh, nodding his head and taking your hands in his.

"Yeah i know a thing or two about that. We got a lot catching up to do then"

You only smile wider and drag him inside, promptly closing the door behind you.

"Indeed we do so go get changed. You must be uncomfortable in those clothes. You're in luck sir your pj's just got out of the dryer"

You push him towards the bedroom door and both of you laugh at the domestic scene at hand before Spencer stops, turns out and wraps one of his arms around your waist.

"Can i get a 'welcome home' first"

He looks at you with such love in his eyes you almost forget what you want to say.

"Hmm well technically you're not home yet"

You say teasingly knowing exactly what he is actually asking for. You're more than willing to give it to him considering it's all you could think about this past week and a half but you always did enjoy watching him squirm.

Spencer doesn't seem fazed by your comment. He looks a bit nervous but other than that he radiates a certain confidence you're finding incredibly attractive on him.

"You're here, aren't you? My home isn't a place. It's a person and that person is standing in front me right now"

You stare at him with shiny eyes. Despite what he may think, Spencer is actually quite the romantic. It's not unusual for him to compliment you out of nowhere. You're fairly confident you never experienced genuine love until you've met Spencer.

But this? This was so much more than a compliment. It's him wanting to make you understand just how committed he is to you. How much he loves you.

Not wanting to wait any longer you just grab him by the collar of his vest and press a firm kiss to his lips. You only hope that Spencer can feel the extent of your love through this kiss.

What starts out as a innocent way to proof that he is your home too quickly turns more heated when Spencer presses you closer to him.

His tongue asks for entrance and you grand it to him. You're completely lost in the feeling of Spencer and every second that passes you get more desperate to proof your love to him like he did by telling you you're his home.

Your hands start roaming through his hair before landing on the nape of his neck.

He lets out a soft sigh as you start playing with his curls. After some time the two of you are starting to slow down until it was only an exchange of little pecks and reassuring kisses to the forehead, nose or cheek.

Lips just millimeters apart you whisper: "You're my home, too, Spence"

He smiles and presses another soft kiss to your lips.

Not ready to break the embrace just yet, you hug him tight. He, obviously not wanting to let go of you either, starts rubbing small circles on the sides of your hips.

"Welcome home baby"

You whisper into his neck. Loud enough so he could hear it but not loud enough so it would break the quiet atmosphere around you two.

[suchalonelysunflower]

The Greatest Thing You’ll Ever Learn is to Love (A.I)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin X fem!Reader 

Request: Yes!

Summary: Ashton is trying to propose, but fate’s not putting it easily 

Warnings: Smut, oral (female recieving) unprotected sex in a stablished relationship (wrap it before you tap it, please) Language, maybe a few grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 5.3 k

Author’s Note: Requested by the lovely Lizza @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof 💕 is my very fisrt attempt to smut writting (I literally have no experience with this) so please be kind. Reblogs, comments and feedback are always welcomed and encouraged so please, I would love to know your opinion 😊 You can find the rest of my work HERE. Hope you like it and Happy reading  ✨🦋

@iknowyouthinkimbulletproof​​ :  hi, i hope i'm not bugging you (wow didn't know my social anxiety shows so much) , i wanted to ask if you could write some fluffy smut with ash or mikey. maybe they just got engaged or something. lots of love - lizza

Everything was going according to plan. At least that’s what Ashton thought 5 min into the date. 

“What do you mean there is no reservation?” He asked the host, as calmly as he could. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Irwin. But I have no reservations under your name for tonight” Said the lady, trying to avoid any conflict “I do have one for the 24th but for the next month” 

Ashton wanted to slap himself in the face. Did he really make the reservation and messed up the date?! Tonight, out of all nights, it had to be tonight. His mind was racing like the Lightning Mcqueen himself, trying to find any kind of solution for this inconvenience.He had to find a way to stick to the plan, even if the first step was already ruined. 

“Is everything okay, Ash?” A voice snapped him out of his head. 

Ashton looked at you and his eyes softened when he felt your delicate hand on his arm, he was thankful for this little comforting gesture you always do when you notice he was starting to get frustrated. He gave you a reassuring warm smile as he interlocks his fingers with yours. 

“Yeah,” Ash said, thanking the host and guiding you out of the fancy restaurant onto the busy LA streets. “I'm just an idiot who can't tell June from July appart” He sighed. 

Your mouth became a thin line as you tried to hold back the laughter. “Oh no, baby…” You said, barely holding in the giggles. Ashton rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, let it out” He said as you burst out laughing in the middle of the sidewalk. Ashton briefly stops, but you kept on walking, allowing him to pull on your hand and make you turn around until your chest hit his “Well, now you´re just being mean” He pouted as you started giggling again. 

“Aww I´m sorry, baby” You said pecking his lips “But that's what you get for always teasing me about not remembering dates” 

“Yeah, I guess I deserve that” He sighed “You're not mad?” 

“Why would I be?” You frowned confused. 

Ashton looked at the floor, his hand still intertwined with yours as he played with your fingers. He didn’t try to hide his disappointment. 

“Because! We’ve been waiting for this date for a while now and you spend a lot of time getting yourself all ready and gorgeous to go to that fancy restaurant and I just ruined by getting all wrong from the beginning and-“

“Ash!” You interrupted him, cupping his face in your hands and making him look at you “Nothing’s ruined and the date isn’t over! Maybe it was fate… think about it! I bet that restaurant didn’t even have fries and I’m seriously craving some right now” Ashton chucked “The important thing here is that I get to spend time with you, so as long as I do, I don’t care if it is in a five star restaurant with minuscule portions of overly priced food or in a McDonald’s parking lot” 

Ashton looked at you and all he could see was how your eyes crinkled with your smile. He swears that if he were to die in the next 10 seconds then he would die a happy man, because your smile would be the last thing he’d see. 

This was just a minor setback, he thought, just one piece of his plan that didn’t exactly stick to it, but he still had all night. 

“I love you” He said, smiling as he brought his lips to yours. 

“I love you too, baby” You responded, stepping back and tugging on his hand “But first, fries” 

Ashton laughed, letting you guide the way to the closest fast food restaurant. And as he felt the weight of the small velvet box on his pocket, he knew that you were right, as long as he was with you, then everything would be okay. He only hopes the rest of the night goes according to plan. 

In a matter of minutes, you and Ashton were sitting on the sidewalk in your fancy clothes eating fries and milkshakes, laughing and joking around without a single care in the world. Your head was resting on his shoulder as you both saw cars and people pass, trying to create narratives with complete strangers and laughing at the absurdity that came out of each other's mouths. 

With every passing second, Ashton was even more sure about his decision. He was looking at you while you wondered aloud about the possibility of fate and he couldn't believe his luck. It seemed like yesterday where he got the nerve to ask you out on a date, palms sweaty as he blurted out the words, holding his breath until you smiled at him and said yes. He's hoping that tonight you would do the same. 

Your words drift away in his head as he starts daydreaming about your future together. He can see you standing all in white in front of him, a house with a lot of rooms to let your friends crash whenever they needed to or to fill with toys for your children, oh he can't wait to start a family with you, knowing that that's what you want too, eventually, maybe in a few years. Or maybe not at all? You could´ve changed your mind and that would be alright by him, after all if he has you then that's all he needed. But maybe you don't want him anymore, maybe you changed your mind completely. What would you say then? Is he rushing this? You talked about this before, but you could still say no. Would you say no? You have all the right to do so. Oh God, is he ruining this by asking you? Would you break up with him? Wh-? 

“Ashton?” 

Your voice pulls him out of the trance, just like it did the first time he asked you on a date. 

“Hmm?” He hums. His eyes find yours and it's easy to spot the worry in them, the anxiety of it all is consuming him, but he can't let it show. 

“Where'd you go?” You chuckled, knowing he was in a different headspace. 

“I'm right here” He said, sliding his thumb against your lip to clean a bit of ice cream that was left forgotten,  pressing his lips against yours right after. 

He knows he shouldn't overthink this instead of enjoying this moment with you. He loves you and he knows you love him, that's all that matters, that's all there is to care. You belong together and if fate wants it, then you´ll be together for all your lives and he wants nothing more. He couldn't be more grateful when he's holding you like that, kissing you like that. With you, he feels like home. You are like a dream come true. 

He pulled away after a while, giving your forehead a little kiss and staying like that. You smiled.

“Not that I'm complaining,” You said, lifting your gaze to meet his eyes “But are you okay, baby? You seem… off” 

Ashton just smiled and nodded “I´m good, love. Just thinking,”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Maybe later.” He chuckled, getting up from the sidewalk and offering his hand for you to the same “Now, are you ready for step two?”

“Ooh, there's more?” You teased, locking your fingers together as you walked side to side. 

“I want you to have the best night of your life, dear” Ashton said, pulling you closer. 

“I already do! Every night that I have you with me is the best night of my life” You leaned closer to whisper in his ear “Where I can have you all by myself,” You bit his earlobe quickly, wanting to tease him just enough. 

“Careful, princess” Ashton warned in a low voice “Don't want to start something you don't intend to finish. We still have a long night ahead of us ” 

“Oh, I'm counting on it” 

*************************************************

“Excuse me, what?!” Ashton asked the security guard of the gallery. The man just stood there and shook his head. 

“I’m sorry son, but the exhibition is closed until next week for reparations” 

“Oh no, no no no no no” Ashton murmured, tangling his fingers in his hair “fuck fuck fuck fuck” 

He was thankful that you needed to go to the bathroom, that way you didn’t see him freak out in front of a complete stranger. 

The security guard looked at Ashton like he was crazy. 

“Are you okay, son?” 

“No!” He said loudly, but quickly lowered his voice when he realized more people were staring “That exhibition belongs to one of my girlfriend’s favorite artists, they have this whole collection of couples in different stages in life and intimacy and she just loves it so much and I already plan on asking her to marry me but the restaurant didn’t have my reservation and now the gallery is closed and I’m fully panicking because I don’t know if she’s going to say yes now that I ruined again just because I didn’t ask before coming in here and-“

Ashton was interrupted when he felt two large hands grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him slightly. 

“Calm the ef down, chief” Said the old man “You are going to have seizure if you keep rambling like that without taking a breath” Ashton closed his mouth and just stared at the man who still hasn’t let go of him “Look, you love this girl, don’t ya son?” 

“More than anything”

“You wanna marry her?”

“Yes.”

“She loves you?” 

“She does” 

“Then why the hell are you so nervous?! If she loves you and wants to marry you then just ask her! Believe me, women don’t care about the flowers or the chocolates or all that bullshit. If you are the one for her and she’s the one for you then that’s all that truly has value” The man gave a small, kinda ‘wake the hell up’ slap to Ashton’s cheek that made him blink in disbelief “Now, don’t be an idiot, puff your chest and stop being a little scared puppy and go ask her!” 

Ashton nodded, kinda weirded out by the whole interaction but still understanding everything that man said. He thanked the man for the pep talk and walked a little too fast over where you were standing. 

You had just come out of the bathroom when you saw your boyfriend walking up to you. You noticed he was a little distressed once again. 

“Hey, Ash. Everything okay?” 

“Uhh, yes? No, yeah. What?” He mumbled, trying to wrap his head on what he should do next “Sorry, it just seems like the exhibition you wanted to see it’s closed for the week” 

“Oh no,” You said in a little disappointed tone that Ashton was quick to catch up, cursing at himself for making you sad, even though it wasn’t exactly his fault “Eh okay, that’s fine. Maybe we can just hang out on the other exhibitions” You smiled. 

“Babe, we’ve seen the other exhibitions like a million times already, don’t you think it’ll be a waste of time?” Ashton carefully asked. 

“Of course not! I love them,” You exclaimed, tugging on his hand and already walking to an isle full of portraits “And besides, time’s never wasted when you’re in good company and I so happen to have the best one there is” 

Ashton returned the smile and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to peck your cheek “I love you so darn much” he whispered in your ear “Why don’t we make this a game? You give me a list of things I have to find within the gallery, since we’ve been here before you need to make it clever so we don't end the game too soon, and I’ll do the same to you. Okay?”

Your eyes lighted up at the idea of a challenge. Both of you were very competitive and you knew this was going to be one of those times where it was all or nothing. 

“What happens if I win?” You asked.

Ashton pulled you closer, his hand dangerously placed on your lower back, slowly traveling lower and lower, making you shiver under his touch “We can do whatever you want, baby” he whispered, leaving a burning kiss on the side of your ear. 

“Mmh, whatever I want?” 

“I’ll be at your mercy, my princess” He smirked. 

You grabbed him by the neck and pulled him into a kiss “Then let’s make sure I win, then” 

You exchanged phones and opened the notes app. The goal was to find ten items, it could be people hiding in one of the pictures or portraits, sculptures or random pieces of art scattered around the gallery. To prove you have them all you had to take a picture next to it or of it. Once you finished writing the list on each other’s phones, you started your search. 

You walked alongside each other, hands laced together as you took in the different kinds of art the gallery offered, stopping from time to time when one of you spotted one item on the list, making one of you take the picture while the other rejoiced in victory. 

“Hold up!” Ashton said as you passed in front of a peculiar painting “If I remember correctly… yes!” He celebrated quietly “There’s the duck with a bow tie! That means I win” 

“This isn’t fair!” You whined after taking Ashton’s picture next to the stupid duck. He had a smug smile on his face as he held two thumbs up to the camera “I can’t find the last item! You cheated!” 

“Aww” Cooed Ashton “Someone’s being a sore loser” 

“Am not!” 

“That’s alright babe, you can win another time” Ashton chucked “What’s the last item?” 

“The lady with the diamond ring” You groaned, rolling your eyes “It’s so stupid! I’ve been here before like a thousand times and I’ve never seen a painting or anything like it with a lady with a diamond ring. Diamond tiara yes, but ring?” You scoffed, clearly frustrated “Are you sure there’s a lady like that here?”

“Well…” Ashton started, but he was soon cut off by a loud, annoying sound. 

Soon enough, droplets of water started falling down the roof. The sprinkles had been turned on, meaning there was a fire inside the gallery. 

You looked at Ashton with fear in your eyes, the same fear you saw reflected in his hazel gaze. He grabbed your hand, ready to sprint out of there in a second when someone started yelling.

“Sorry! False alarm! I fell and pressed the button sorry! There’s no fire!” A masculine voice echoed through the isles. 

Ashton was livid, once again his proposal suffered a step back. How could everything get so messed up? He had everything planned and yet none of that worked. He was always used to having at least some sense of control over things but now he just felt completely helpless. Everything was wrong, everything was-

“Pfft” 

He snapped his face towards you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he saw you place a hand to your mouth, cheeks turning red from trying to stifle your laughter. But as soon as your eyes met his, you lost it completely. 

Your laughter burst through the halls, crackling at the situation “You-,” You said through a fit of giggles and snorts “Your face! You-“ You gasped for air, trying to gain some composure but failing miserably “I- we’re soaked! Look!” 

Ashton gaze followed to where your finger was pointing, finally stopping at a mirrored window in front of you. The image of both of your fancy outfits completely drenched, humid strands of hair falling on your faces and your make-up completely ruined except for the waterproof eyeliner was truly a sight to behold.

Ashton’s eyes were concentrated on your reflection the entire time. Even soaking wet you were the most beautiful piece of art he’d ever seen, your laughter filling his ears as a muse’s melody. He couldn’t wait to hear it every single day of his life. 

He joined you soon enough, his giggles resonating along yours, finally accepting how ridiculous this situation was. That’s something you love about him, his laugh. You’d never get tired of it. It was so sincere and pure, you don’t know how’d you spend so much time without that laugh in your life. 

He was truly the love of your life. You knew, as soon as you saw him, that you were done for. You remember waiting patiently for him to ask you on a date, almost giving up and asking him yourself when he blurted out the words one day, thankfully. You are so in love with him it hurts, and to know that the feeling is mutual is just… the greatest thing that could ever happen to you. 

You pressed your lips against his, both of you smiling into the kiss as your hands played with the back of his neck, training the lines of the condor tattoo. His hands quickly found their way to your waist, rounding it as he lifted you off the ground and spun you around the soaked marble floor. 

Ashton broke the kiss when he put you down once again “Wanna get out of here?” He asked, smiling. 

You nodded as you let him guide you outside the building. 

The cold air of the city made you shiver as soon as you stepped foot on the streets, Ashton quickly gave you his jacket, which was a sweet gesture even though it made no difference since it was soaked as well. 

“Let’s head back home” He said, placing an arm around your shoulders. 

“Thought you had a whole night planned?” You asked, not wanting to discourage him.

“Yeah.. but that already went to the dogs. We can’t go anywhere in this state” He chuckled, making you laugh as well “And besides, someone once told me that the most important thing is that we get to spend time together. So as long as we do that, every plan is a great plan, don’t you think?” 

You hummed softly “Must be a very wise person” 

“Very much so. And beautiful. And funny. And hot as hell…”

“Wow, really?” You asked sarcastically. 

“Extremely” 

“I must meet them someday” 

Ashton laughed and pulled you closer to him. Never wanting to let you go. 

*************************************************

The drive home was peacefully quiet, both of you content with each other’s company, the radio filled in the silence and the traffic lights gave the atmosphere an ethereal feeling. You knew this was one of the moments where words were unnecessary, one of those moments to put away in a little box and opening it for a rainy day. It was a moment of love and peace. A true treasure. 

Once you are home, you open the door as soon as Ashton stops the car, expressing your dire need of a hot shower “Can I join?” Asked Ashton as he took the key out of the engine tab. 

“Always” You winked at him. 

He chucked, making the car keys fall from his grip “Aw shit, go ahead love. The keys are in the pocket of my jacket” 

Ashton heard you mutter an okay as he bent down to grab the car keys from the floor. Realizing a moment too late that there was something else in his pocket that night. 

“Ashton…”

Oh shit. 

“A-Ash, wha-“ you stuttered, holding a little blue velvet box in your hand. 

He rushed to you, quickly grabbing the object from your hands “Oh shit, uuh” he gulped, starting to panic “I-I, fuck. I didn’t- Oh fuck it” 

In a matter of seconds, Ashton fell on one knee. He grabbed your hand delicately as he looked into your eyes. He took a deep breath and gained the courage he was trying to master since the beginning of the evening. 

“I honestly didn’t expect to do this on the porch of our house. I had everything planned. The fancy dinner, the gallery, countless other romantic activities we could’ve done tonight… as you can see nothing went as planned. I tried so hard to find the perfect moment to say this, but there isn’t such a thing. There isn’t because I know that every moment that I get to spend with you is the perfect moment. 

Y/N, I love you. I have loved you from the moment I laid my eyes on you, and I haven’t stopped since. I find myself falling harder for you everytime you smile or you laugh, god I would give anything to make you laugh every single day of my life. You are the smartest person I know and I love hearing you talk about the topics that make you happy, wishing I could be one of them. Y/N you are… kind, you are funny, you are the most patient and resilient person I’ve ever known. Baby, you are my everything and I don’t know… I don’t want to know what I’d do without you. 

I want you with me, always and forever. I want to be yours in more ways than one. I want to cherish you and be able to call you my wife, my love, my world. Everything I have, everything I am is yours. You make me a better person and you just make me the happiest man on earth just by staying by your side.

I’m yours, Y/N. In every possible way. Will you be mine? Will you-“

“Yes.” You said breathlessly through the tears. 

“Yes?” 

“Yes! Ashton, yes! A million times, yes” 

You pulled him up from the floor and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him like your life depended on it. 

Ashton cupped your face in his hands and deepened the kiss, parting your lips as you both melted to one another. 

“I love you” he said, breaking the kiss to slide the ring onto your finger.

“I love you more”

He chuckled “Not possible” 

You barely make it through the door before you are kissing him again, not being able to stand even a few more seconds without being close to him. Your heart is beating faster than ever, almost bursting out of your chest as you tangled your fingers in his hair, pulling it slightly in a desperate need to have him even closer. 

“Fuck, baby” Ashton groans, cupping your ass and squeezing it as you jump and wrap your legs around his waist “You don’t know what you do to me” he said planting kisses all over your jaw, marking up a trail down your neck. 

You moaned as you felt his lips sucking your sweet spot. Ashton had you pressed against the wall, his mouth clashing with yours, feeling every inch of your bodies as you battled for dominance. You let one of your hands fall and travel to where your lower halves meet, palming his growing erection and earning a low moan from him. With your other hand, you tug on his hair and whispered in his ear “Show me” 

In an instant, Ashton dropped you to the floor and picked you up bridal style, making your way to your shared bedroom. He gently put you down on the bed and kneeled down in front of you. 

He slowly started to undo the straps on your shoes, kissing your legs from your ankles to your knees in an agonizing pace before moving to the other one. 

“So beautiful..” He said, sliding his hands up your body, removing your clothes in the process. 

“Ash..” you whined. Pulling him by the collar of his shirt and disregarding it completely, bringing your lips together. You moaned into the kiss when you felt his fingers brush through your sides, leaving a burning trail of goosebumps wherever he touched. 

“Where’d you want me, baby?” He said, kissing down your body, leaving marks wherever he could, stopping just right above your hip bone. You shivered when his fingers traced along your panties, adding pressure where you needed him most “You’re so wet, my love” He whispered as he hooked his thumbs on the side of them and pulled them off completely. His fingers running up and down your folds collecting your wetness and using them as lube “All of this for me?” 

“Yes” You breathe heavily, moaning as you feel one of his fingers slip inside you. 

“What was that, Princess?” He teased, kissing the inside of your thighs. 

“All for you, Ash. All for-“ You moaned as he inserted another finger inside your hole, setting a pace that already made you see starts “Ash… please” you begged.

“Please what, Princess?” 

“I need you” 

Ashton presses his lips to your clit, kissing and sucking it as his fingers curled up inside you. Your hand made its way to his hair, fingers locking with his curls as you tugged on them, holding him in place. 

You let out a pornographic moan when his fingers brush your g spot, bucking your hips when you felt that tight knot in your stomach, but Ashton put his arm above your hips and held you down. You whispered as you felt him groan against your sex, sending vibration all over your body. 

“You’re close, aren’t ya?” Ashton said as he quickened the pace of his fingers “I can feel you clenching around my fingers, baby. C’mon, let go. Let me hear you, baby” He attached his lips to your clit once again, sucking it hard as your orgasm hit you, moaning his name as you came down from your high. 

Ashton kneeled down on the bed, bringing his fingers to his mouth “Mmh” he moaned as he tasted your juices “Baby, you’re exquisite” 

You quickly sat up as well, smacking your lips against his. Humming into the kiss as your hands started to unbuckle his pants and lowered them down just enough to palm him through his boxers, already feeling the precum leak through the thin fabric. Ashton let out a low moan at your touch, dropping his hand to stop yours.

“But-“

“Later, Princess” He said, bringing your hand to his lips, kissing it softly “I need to be inside you” 

And with that, he pressed his arm around your waist and flipped you over so you were on top of him. You quickly caught his idea as you started tugging down his pants and boxers, taking them off completely, 

“You don’t know how many times I imagined this” Ashton hissed when you speed your legs to each side of his hips, starting to grin on his cock with your bare sex, coating it with your wetness and moaning with delight “You riding me wearing this” He said, grabbing your left hand and kissing your new ring “And only this” 

Your eyes were fixed on him as you stroke his cock and lined it up with your entrance “And how was it?” You asked in a teasing tone. 

He smirked “Just like this” Ashton said, grabbing you by each side of your hips and slowly entering you until he bottomed down “Fucking fantastic” 

You moaned at the stretch, loving how every inch of him filled you up and made you feel whole. Ashton groaned when he felt your walls clench around his cock, letting you adjust to him before you started to move and setting up a pace. 

You started rocking on him, lifting your hips up and down his length as your hands flew to his chest for leverage, nails digging on his skin and leaving marks for you to trace later, a faint memory of the night that Ashton would treasure forever. Your moans grew louder and louder as you started going faster, Ashton’s name became a mantra to your lips as you started chasing your own pleasure. 

Ashton grunted and moaned praises to you, stretching his hands so he could cup your breasts in each one “So fucking right, princess” he said, squeezing your boobs while his thumbs brushed your nipples “So. Fucking. Good. And all mine” 

You moaned loudly at his actions. The feeling of him suddenly becoming too much as he lets go of your breast and grabs you by the hips once more, meeting your thrust and fucking you harder. 

“Say you’re mine” He moaned, digging his fingers into your skin, applying a pressure that will leave bruises later on. 

“Ah- a I’m yours! I’m yours” You said between your panting and your moans. Letting your upper half fall onto him, placing your arms at each side of his face as you let him take control. 

“Yeah, baby... Fuck” He groaned in your ear as he speed up the pace, feeling his release approach with yours “You’re mine. My wife. My princess. My everything.. Fuck” 

“Ashton…” You whined. 

“Come baby, come on my cock. C’mon, I’m right behind you” Ashton said, bringing his lips to yours for a messy kiss, sticking your moans as you came all over his cock. 

You felt dizzy as Ashton fucked you through your orgasm, your whole body trembling against him as he chased his own release. Ashton’s body tensed, his thrusts became sloppier as your walls clench around him, making his cock twitch inside you and filling you with his cum. 

You both sighed heavily, content in your own pleasure as you slowly started making out again. Soft kisses and touches mixed with reassuring words of love filled the room as your post orgasmic daze faded away. Ashton carefully pulled out of you and made his way to the bathroom, bringing with him a small wet cloth to clean you up, peppering kisses all over your body as he did so. 

Once he was done he laid in bed next to you, pulling you to his chest and kissing your forehead.

“You make me the happiest man on the planet” He whispered, not wanting to break the comfortable silence between the two of you “Fuck, baby. I’m so glad you said yes” 

“Was there another option?” You chuckled “Did you really think I would’ve said no?” 

“To be honest, I was a little worried you might” He laughed “It seems stupid now but I was so pissed earlier, I wanted to propose on the restaurant but then I messed up, then I thought that the gallery would’ve been a better option anyways and it ended up beign-“

“One of the best dates of my life?” You interrupted him. Ashton looked at you confused “I had fun today, Ash. I had a great time just being with you and having our own little chaos. And even if you decided to proposed at that McDonald’s I would’ve said yes regardless” You said, placing a small kiss to his lips “Though I’m still pissed about the game” 

Ashton raised his eyebrows “Oh! That reminds me,” He got out of bed and started looking through the clothes that were laying on the floor for his cellphone. Once he found it he came back up and took a picture of your hand with the engagement ring, turning to you with a shit eating grin “I win” 

“What?” 

“I found the lady with the diamond ring!” He said excitedly. You slapped him in the chest “Ouch!”

“So you did cheat!” 

“In my defense I was going to propose right there and there” Ashton said in as a matter of fact way “I was trying to be romantic” 

You rolled your eyes and curled up to him, placing a soft kiss to his chest. His arms wrapped around you and traveled along your back, caressing it softly as you drifted to sleep. 

“Y/N?” He whispered after a while. 

You hummed “Yes?” 

“I can’t wait to marry you” 

You smiled into his embrace “I can’t wait to marry you, either” 

[justniaaa]

Unravel Me (3)

Rating: 18+ NSFW

Work Count: 3.8k

Pairing: Christopher “Rio” Martinez x black!oc

Warning: Panic attack, anxiety, self doubt, swearing, use of the “n” word

A/N: Hey loves! So excited to finally share the third chapter with you all! Forgive me for the late posting, I wanted to be a post once a week type of writer but that seems to be not the case, especially with my semester starting soon and a new job being in the works. But please bare with me, I will try and make sure you guys get content even if it’s not consistent.  Thank you for reading my story and please like, comment and reblog. Alright enough of my ramblings,  Enjoy and happy reading! <3

Summary: Toni forms an unsuspecting friendship with Christopher that turns into something more. As her feelings towards him continue to grow she starts to  unravel the secrets that surround him and in return, he unravels her completely.

Chapter 3: Welcome back

“Finally,” Toni said with relief as she pulled up in her Honda Accord at Lux. She made sure to get to the bar early and was happy when she got there with five minutes left to spare. Taking a moment to herself before going in, she tried to occupy her mind with checking her hair and makeup in the rearview mirror. Try as she must, doubt began to settle in the forefront of her mind, in if she was making the right decision. 

Toni felt her heart begin to beat faster and faster. Out of breath, and body hot she turned her AC on at full blast, Dr. Simone’s instructions ringing in her head.

--------------------------------Flashback------------------------------------------

Now Antonia if you ever feel like you’re going to have an anxiety attack, I want you to try this breathing exercise called “Calming Breath”.”

Toni listened to her therapist Dr. Simone with rapt attention, “Honestly doc, I’ll take anything to just stop this shit, excuse my french.”

Dr. Simone chuckled, amused by her slip up. “No need to apologize, Antonia. How many times do I have to tell you this is a place where you can express yourself freely without judgment?”

“I know, I know.”

“Now like I was saying before, I want you to try an exercise called “Calming Breath.” What that entails is you taking a long, slow breath through your nose, and holding your breath to the count of three then exhaling slowly through your lips. It should help you relax your muscles in your face, shoulders, and stomach. We can practice a couple of times if you would like.”

Toni shook her head in understanding, “Thanks doc, but I think I got it.” After a few seconds of silence, Dr. Simone gave her a knowing look. “But just in case I don’t have it, can you repeat the steps again?

----------------------End of flashback-------------------------------------------

Hearing Dr. Simone’s directions, Toni began her breathing exercises, breathe in, hold, breathe out. She did the steps a couple more times until she slowly felt her heartbeat go back to normal. Softly smiling Toni was proud of herself for getting her anxiety in check until she looked at the clock on her dashboard.

She had two minutes until her shift started.

“Fuck, I can’t be late when I’m literally sitting right in front of the place”

Toni made sure she had all her belongings and shut off the ignition, quickly hopping out and closing her car door. Walking to the entrance, she took in the building, like every bar it looked mediocre in the daytime, with its red brick and black awning. But at night that’s when it’s beauty really shined especially when they turned on the fairy lights outside that gave the establishment a welcoming shine. She reached the entrance and was debating if she should walk-in or call Avery, but before she could decide the door swung open, almost hitting her in the face.

“Woah!” Toni said, quickly jumping back and almost breaking her neck in the process from her heeled boots.

“Oh, shit my fault ma!”

Toni heard a low voice apologize as she was looking down at her scuffed boots. Anger and embarrassment flooded through her, she was angry because her boots had white marks all over them and embarrassed because of course, this would happen to her of all people.

“Shit, you not crying right? Your shoes are fire but they not worth your tears.”

Is this nigga for real?

Toni finally looked up to show the man she wasn’t having a breakdown, “First of all, I’m not crying, I'm pissed and second of all the door is literally glass how did yo-?!”

“Oh shit Antonia?!”

Startled by the interruption, she stared confused at how he knew her name. A few seconds passed until the realization set in after she took in his dark skin and short box braids. He’s had the same hairstyle since college.

“Sean?!”

“Yoo! I can’t believe it’s you!” Sean came in for a hug as Toni stood there in shock, her hands came up awkwardly to hug him back. “It’s good to see you girl! How you been?!”

I’m emotionally damaged, I haven’t had sex in months and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

“I’m good, and I go by Toni now mostly. How are you?”

Sean shook his head, “My fault, my fault.”

Her question wasn’t answered as Sean took a step back, eyes roving over her body. He had a smirk on his lips as he took in her black sheer top, fitted black jeans, and her slightly damaged snake print block heeled boots. “Damn Ant- I mean Toni, you look even better than you did in college.”

Toni was grateful that he caught himself and at the same time she sucked her teeth. “You are so full of shit, reminds me of back in the day when you would flirt with all the girls in our Humanities class, and Honey would get pissed at you for it.”

His smirk noticeably dropped, showcasing that her sister was a sore topic. Trying to lighten the mood Toni bumped him with her hip, “Anyways, I can’t believe you still work here, looking cute with your all black ensemble on.” He was wearing black, from the t-shirt to the jeans and even his Vans.

It reminds me of a certain someone.

“You know how I do.” He told her, popping his faux collar, “My I.T hours are slim to none sometimes, so a couple of months ago I asked Avery for work to keep me above water.”

Toni let out a harsh breath, “That’s why I’m here too, I just hope I can remember my orders, hell even how to make drinks properly...”

Sean nodded and wrapped his arm around Toni’s shoulders, noticing her growing unease. “Hey, no need to be nervous. You know this bar like the back of your hand and from what I remember I know you would’ve brushed up on your skills before you even thought about calling Avery for a job. I got your back, with whatever, so stop worrying about stupid shit.”

Toni looked up at him and saw the sincerity on his face. When they met freshman year he always treated her like a sibling, making sure to help her out if she ever needed him.

“You getting soft on me nigga?” Toni asked, breaking the sappiness between them. She lightly punched his stomach, making Sean playfully wince in pain. She laughed and wrapped her arm around his side, “Damn, you really are soft Sean.”

“Shut up killa, before I tell Avery on you for being rude to his favorite employee.”

“Now that I’m back, I think that title comes back to me,” Toni gestured to herself.

“Fuck out of here.”

They both chuckled as they walked to the entrance, the joking continuing between the old friends.

********************************************************************************************

Toni had been at the bar for hours, and like Sean said she quickly got back into the swing of things. When she walked in three minutes late because of her small catch up with him, she was worried Avery was going to wring her neck especially since it was technically her first day. But all he did was yell out, “Toni, baby welcome back!” His New York accent prominent.

The Italian man looked mostly the same if not a little gray on the edges of his once all black hair. The last time she saw him he didn’t have crinkles near his eyes when he smiled but Toni thought they fit him perfectly. Avery had a small belly now and wore a red dress shirt that was rolled up at the sleeves, showcasing his tattoo of his favorite pinup girl Bettie Page on his forearm. After all these years he still hadn’t strayed from the black slacks always saying, “The color never shows the stains of a bad night.” After introducing Toni to the rest of  her coworkers he went to the backroom to meet with some associates, letting her know he would be back to help out later.

It was ten o’clock and Rihanna’s Work was playing in the bar, making the mass of people sway to the music and talk with drinks in their hands. The crowd seemed to not be getting any smaller and Toni was taking people’s drink orders as she was making other customers drinks. She didn’t remember it being this busy on just a regular Wednesday night, but she could guess as areas started to get more gentrified the crowds began to change. 

The hanging lights gave Lux an intimate glow but provided enough light for people to see each other. Stools were lined up in front of the bar, and they were all filled with customers, laughing and drinking, some of them eating onion rings and french fries or whatever other bar snacks that were served. The wooden booths that were along the wall, gave patrons the option to be more personal and away from the crazy that was the bar counter.

“Hey Toni, I need a pitcher of Budweiser,” Rosa, her coworker, stood next to her, her voice was slightly raised because she was trying to be heard over the volume of the chatter.

“Gotcha babe,” Toni got out the plastic container and put it under the spigot, pulling the lever. As the brownish-gold liquid poured, she looked out into the mob, watching individuals coming in and out of Lux. Sean was vaguely seen from where she was standing, checking ID at the door. Toni stopped the stream of beer and turned to Rosa, handing her the pitcher, “Thank you!” The blue-haired woman said with a smile, leaving to go tend to her customer.

Toni was about to put her hand out to stop Rosa before she got too far. Wanting to let her know she was going to take her fifteen-minute break, when she heard, “Can I get a Jack on the rocks?”

Toni frowned, in confusion at hearing the deep voice that had been on her mind for the past several days. Was she thinking about him too much, that she conjured him up somehow? She slowly turned to the individual that never failed to give her goosebumps whenever she laid eyes on him. In his usual calm demeanor, Chris was sitting at the bar, looking at her with a raised brow and smirk playing on his lips.

And he looked good, really fucking good.

He had on a black button-up and a chain around his neck that made the eagle tattoo on his neck stand out on his tan skin. She didn’t know if it was possible but he looked even better than when she saw him last.

Fuck me.

Toni bit her lip from her sinful thoughts and got a glass from behind the bar, beginning to make his drink. She glanced up and saw him watching her with his dark eyes, making her downcast her gaze. Not wanting him to notice her slightly shaking hands as she got ice out of the chest, Toni finally spoke, “Well, look who's back.” she said while she poured the liquor into the chilly glass.

Chris looked amused as she put the drink down in front of him and in the process of releasing it his hand came up, holding onto the glass as well, making his fingers come in contact with hers.

“Missed me?” He asked both of their hands still on the drink and unmoving as they checked each other out.

Toni shrugged, “Hardly.”

“I think my feelings would be hurt if I actually believed you ma.”

Toni grinned at his words, “How was work? I didn’t think you would be back so soon.”

“Cut ties with some of my partners for fucking up the numbers, but shit is all good now.”

Toni went to reply when suddenly Avery came up next to Chris, he put a broad hand on his shoulder, “Toni I didn’t know you knew Rio.”

She moved her hand away from Chris’s touch and picked up the rag that was on the counter, cleaning up the sticky bar top. Toni felt like Avery caught her hand in the cookie jar and from his knowing look, it seemed like Avery might have the same sentiment as well.

Toni cleared her throat, “We just met, actually.” She didn’t really understand where the hell “Rio” came from when she had been calling him “Chris” for the past several weeks.

“Well let me introduce you two then, Rio this is Toni my returning employee and one of the best damn bartenders, I’ve ever had and Toni this is Rio, the co-owner of Lux and your boss,” Avery said making introductory motions between the two.

Toni’s eyes widened and she stopped fake wiping the counter. My boss?! How many businesses did this man have?

“That shits all semantics Avery, you're the real boss of this place. I’m just here to be a helping hand,” Chris said, giving Toni a pointed look, showing her that it wasn’t as simple as it seemed.

“I suppose.” Avery patted Chris’s shoulder again with a grin, then turned to Toni once more, “I think it’s time for your fifteen Toni the crew and I can handle it if another wave comes in.”

Toni nodded, “Thanks Avery, and nice to meet you, Rio,” she said sickly sweet. Toni left the rag on the counter and squeezed behind Rosa, leaving from behind the bar. She took a look behind her and saw Chris and Avery talking and her usually chill boss didn’t seem all that happy. Toni walked outside, seeing Sean sitting on a chair, his fingers moving quickly on his iPhone. He looked over when he saw her walk out, and gave her a smile displaying his pearly whites. “I was right, wasn’t I? Shit was like you never left.”

“Yes negro, you were right.” Toni said leaning against the window, her feet becoming achy.

“You can take my seat sis. I need to be standing anyway or Avery will have my ass if he catches me sitting again.”

Toni laughed, “Thanks.”

Sean got up and let her sit down, standing in silence. He kept glancing over to her while opening his mouth and closing it like he wanted to ask Toni something. After the third time of this, Toni sighed, “What Sean?”

“Nothin, Nothin…”

She gave him a sour look until he finally broke, “What’s with the name change?” Sean put his hands up in mock surrender, “Don’t get me wrong Honey and some of your friends called you Toni but you’ve never told anyone that they had to do the same.”

Toni went for nonchalance not wanting to alarm him, “I just thought Toni was better, it definitely helps with the awkwardness of people calling me Antonio all the time until I corrected them.” She thought that would be enough for Sean, because what she said made total sense but Toni was very, very wrong.

“Bullshit,” Sean said, making her mouth fall open.

“What do you mean, bullshit!?”

“You loved watching people get red in the face when you corrected them, so whatchu sayin’ is bullshit. We haven’t seen each other in a minute but I still know you, so give me the real reason before I call Latoya.”

They both knew her mom couldn’t hold water sometimes and even if she didn’t know the real reason, Toni didn’t want Sean talking to her and possibly unearthing secrets that she tried to keep buried for as long as possible. She took in a breath and crossed her arms. At first she didn’t know what to say to appease her old friend, as he waited for an explanation but she decided to stick to the truth as close as possible.

“I just wanted a change, I went through a hard time and to completely be rid of it, I made the decision to have people just call me Toni rather than Antonia. It really cemented for me that I was a different person than I was before.” Toni fiddled with a loose string on her jeans, “I mean my parents still call me Antonia and there are certain family members as well that do it too, but in my everyday life, I stick with Toni and the solace it gives me.”

Sean appeared satisfied with her answer, but Toni noticed there was a little squint to his eye like he knew that wasn’t the full truth but he let her statement stand.

“So, I’m probably hella corny for this and I know you won’t let me live this down but..”Sean outstretched his hand, “It’s nice to meet you, Toni.”

His expression was sincere and comical at the same time and it made Toni grin, “Nice to meet you too, Sean Puff Daddy Combs.”

Sean sucked his teeth, “Here we go with that Puff Daddy shit.”

A party of people came walking up as they were laughing, making Sean check their ID’s ending their conversation.

For a few minutes, Toni was scrolling through Instagram readying herself to go back inside soon when she saw Chris walk out of the bar. He was standing at the threshold and he seemed to be scanning the parking lot. When it appeared he didn’t find what he was looking for he went to turn back around, but he suddenly stopped when he saw Toni sitting in the corner.

Toni waved her hand, “Sup, Rio.”

Chris snickered and walked towards her, getting close enough that Toni could smell his cologne. He looked down at her as she looked up at him. “I can start calling you Rio if you prefer. I mean I have my own hang-up with my name, so it’s really fine,” she said.

“Nah,” He said, a matter of fact.

He didn’t supply any other explanation so Toni gave a soft “Okay,” and leaned back into the chair. Sean gave Chris a head nod as he kept doing his job and telling an apparent drunk couple, that they couldn’t come into the bar, much to their dismay.

“I didn’t know you had a problem with your name, I’ve been calling you Antonia since we met,” Toni turned her attention back on him, taking notice that he had a blunt in his hand and was lighting it up with a skull covered lighter. His gold rings glimmered from the lights coming from the windows of the bar.

“It’s my own personal shit, but shockingly I don’t mind hearing it from you.”

“Is that right?” Chris said. He took a hit and held in the smoke until he released it into the cool air, through his nose and mouth. Toni was mesmerized by the tendrils of smoke, she didn’t understand how he made even smoking attractive but everything Chris did turned her on. He offered her the blunt, probably thinkings that’s why she was staring but Toni declined, not really into smoking much like she used to because of a bad trip she had years ago.

“You probably think I’m weird as hell, that I pick and choose what people can address me as.”

“Nah I get it, some believe knowing a person’s real name makes you have power over them.”

Toni knitted her brow, “Do you believe that?” she asked him. Chris took another hit and rubbed his beard like he was mulling over the question.

“I tell my associate’s my name is Rio ‘cause I don’t want them to get to close, too familiar. When they start to get too comfortable and start to think we friends or some shit than that interferes with my business and I can’t have that.” Chris began playing with his rings like it was a tick of his that he probably never noticed he had, “So yeah I think having knowledge of someone's name can have some sort of power.”

She sighed and crossed her leg, “I think I agree with you, but if you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you care about me knowing your real name? It's not like we’re exactly friends.”

“Oh shit, we not?” Chris said feigning shock, “ Damn mama that’s fucked up.”

Toni rolled her eyes, “Oh please.”

Chris grinned at her and licked his lips, throwing the finished blunt on the floor and ashing it under his black and white Converse. “You’re different and if you gonna be my girl, I think it’s best if you know who I really am right?”

“Your girl? You haven’t even taken me out on a date, so how in the hell am I going to be your girl?”

“Right, Right,” Chris said. His phone began to ring and he took it out of his dark blue jeans and muted it, his eyes never straying from Toni. “So let me take you out this Friday.”

Toni snorted thinking he was joking but stopped short when she realized that he didn’t even crack a smile, “Wait you’re serious?”

“Dead ass”

Chris’s phone rang again and this time he did look at it, with an evident scowl. Abruptly he said, “I gotta go Antonia, but I’ll text you the details,” Chris kissed Toni’s cheek and turned to leave, in the process he took his keys out of his pocket.

Toni’s eyes were wide as hell at what just happened. She blinked a couple of times to get out of the fog that took over her mind and noticed that he was almost to his Range Rover.

As he walked further away Toni yelled out, “Wait I don’t even have your number!”

He took a look over his shoulder, “It’s straight, I got yours!”

She went to nod then paused, “Wait, what?!”

Toni heard Chris laugh as he got into his car, turning it on. He sped out of the parking lot, leaving her to watch his taillights disappear into the LA traffic. Sean came over to where she was sitting and heavily sighed fatigue, and annoyance relevant in his form. “Got damn, did you see how fucked up they were? Imma have to tell Avery I need help ‘cause I can’t take ID’s and pat them down while babysitting grown-ass adults. Fuck that shit.”

Toni didn’t say anything, her thoughts still on what transpired seconds before. Sean took notice of the silence and softly elbowed his friend, used to her having a sarcastic quip. “You good? What did I miss?”

I’m going on date,” Toni said, feeling a glimmer of happiness.

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