#i'm calling it now geography will be my problem class next year

[icedcoffee2809]

I DID NOT DROP FRENCH JUST SO THAT ECONOMICS CAN BECOME MY NEW NUMBER 1 ENEMY

[moonchildreads]

small town

Chapter 1 - The Wild Boys

IN THIS CHAPTER: The world doesn't end during Spring break, a basketball ruins lunch, and Eddie threatens the freshmen [1.7k]

WARNINGS: very mild bullying, this is just an intro to the story so it's short and sweet, english is not my first language so i'm sorry if something sounds strange

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The wild boys are calling On their way back from the fire

Monday, March 31st - 1986

Spring break had come and gone in the small town of Hawkins, Indiana and, surprisingly enough, the world hadn’t ended. Yet, thought Dustin Henderson as he parked his bike outside Hawkins High School. He knew something had happened between Mike and El during his friend’s visit to California (and between Mike and Will too for that matter), but if their phone calls were to be trusted, everything had been smoothed out without the need for his intervention. For once, Dustin was glad he didn’t have to be the group’s self-appointed mediator; he already had enough with the guilt he felt for causing Suzie to lose her computer, he didn’t need extra problems on his shoulders. And he deserved a normal school year for once, goddamnit. Those hadn’t been common for any of them in a long time.

As he hurried to get to his classroom, he crossed paths with Lucas Sinclair and his Championship-winning friends proudly wearing their basketball team jackets over their regular clothes. If the newly popular boy had seen him walk by, he hadn’t given any indications as to it, not one look, not one wave. Dustin wasn’t entirely sure why anyone would enjoy hiding themselves behind a Tigers uniform but he sincerely hoped that once Jason, the captain of the team and current King of Hawkins High, graduated in mid June, Lucas would return to them from the dark side. For now though it seemed that he was perfectly content in his jock cult, and Dustin wasn’t about to give his new buddies a chance to throw him into a dumpster by walking into their huddle near the water fountains just to say hello to his (now former?) best friend.

The morning went by rather quickly for his tastes, and he could feel Mike’s anxious leg bounces next to him during Geography as lunch approached without any regard for their heart rates. Both teens had opened their lockers to find a folded black handmade card announcing the start of their next D&D adventure and they were painfully aware that a very uncomfortable conversation was about to unfold at the cafeteria. Their beloved Dungeon Master, for all his enthusiasm and kind-hearted nature, wasn’t very troubled by his social status as the school’s pariah and Mike’s suspicions that he hadn’t immediately considered Lucas a goner following recent events had been confirmed when he saw the subject in question throw his own black card into a bin at the start of their shared Chemistry class. His worst fear had also been confirmed when Lucas chose to sit at a different table than normal, forcing him to pair up with a rather dull girl with wild hair who was clearly not as interested in lab safety as she should have been. Her lab coat sleeve had caught on fire twice by the time the bell rang.

“I say we run,” Dustin proposed, clutching at his hard plastic food tray like it was a shield.

“Dustin. I am not having lunch in the bathroom again,” Mike countered, remembering their middle school days and having to hide from bullies.

“You know, it’s great that you mention that because I don’t think we are ever gonna be able to eat again after we tell Eddie Lucas is officially gone.”

“Come on, he’s not stupid, he knows how things work in Hawkins. I’m sure he was expecting him to leave anyway,” said Mike, completely unconvinced.

“Mike, this club is his baby and Lucas just spit in its face. In his baby’s face,” he said dramatically.

“We’ll be fine. We have Erica now. He’s not gonna care if we already have a replacement.”

“Great, we’re trading big Sinclair for little Sinclair. Fan-fucking-tastic.”

The curly haired boy trailed behind his taller friend on the way to their usual table where their fellow club members were already sitting, picking at their sad school provided lunches. Jeff said something to make Donny snort and choke on his can of Coke; a group of girls walking past them eyed him with disgust while Gareth cackled with glee.

“Hello, boys,” said Eddie, sitting at his usual spot: the head of the table. He looked up at them from behind his book. “Have a nice Spring break? Did you get enough smooches to last until summer, Wheeler?”

“It was alright,” Mike answered, wiping his palms on his jeans. He knew Eddie meant no harm, but his relationship would never be his favorite topic to talk about with the other guys of the Hellfire Club. He didn’t think anyone at the table except Dustin would understand him dating a literal human experiment with superpowers that had saved the world multiple times.

“You know, I’m starting to think your girlfriend isn’t real,” Jeff teased.

“Yeah, you never talk about her, we don’t even know her name. Are you sure you didn’t imagine her?” Gareth narrowed his eyes, a light smile never leaving his face.

“Her name is El- Jane. Her name is Jane,” he quickly corrected himself. “She’s totally real, Dustin knows her.”

“Yeah, Jane is… awesome! She’s great,” he nodded, backing his friend up. “Total babe.”

“Dude!” Mike slapped his shoulder.

“What? I think Suzie is a babe. You don’t think your own girlfriend is a babe?”

“O-of course I do, what are you talking abou-”

“Children, children,” Eddie lifted a hand to stop the fight unfolding in front of him. “If Wheeler says she is real, she is real, alright?” he turned to look at Gareth, Jeff and Donny sitting to his right with matching grins on their faces. “It’s not like any of you three are swimming in ladies, so y’know, don’t throw stones if you live in glass houses.”

There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence where everyone refused to look at each other and Eddie went back to his book: a very battered paperback with a lost cover that was probably hiding somewhere under the mess that was its owner’s bed. He was holding it with one hand, his other hand occasionally bringing a forkful of high school cafeteria mac and cheese to his mouth. It was clear to both Mike and Dustin that he was heavily invested in what he was reading; if they didn’t know him any better, they would have never guessed that under all that unruly hair and leather there was an excellent storyteller and magnificent Dungeon Master. For all everyone knew, he was reading something for his English class but the Hellfire Club boys could tell by now that whenever Eddie had a book around, he was planning something terrible for their characters to go through during their weekly session.

Dustin was trying very hard to focus on his peas and ignore Mike elbowing his side violently when a basketball bounced right in the middle of their table, startling everyone and sending soda cans flying, liquid spilling everywhere. There was loud laughter as one of the Tigers retrieved the ball that was stuck to Gareth’s mac and cheese; Jason, the captain, high-fived whoever was standing next to him as if he had just witnessed the biggest prank of the year. When he turned around, Lucas, sitting at the jocks’ table, sent them a half-assed apologetic glance and went back to his new friends. Wordlessly, Eddie pushed his tray in front of Gareth, who stopped trying to dry the table with the few napkins he had and went back to eating from his new lunch with burning red ears. As the elder leaned forward to steal back his unopened cup of pudding from the tray, he noticed a pair of eyes following him from a nearby table.

He didn’t recognize who it was, but the girl was staring at their table with a furrowed brow, something resembling sadness crystal clear on her face. She turned around to look at the basketball team’s table, shook her head, adjusted her headphones and went back to the textbook in front of her like nothing had happened. It wasn’t often that someone looked at their table like they didn’t deserve the disrespect they got. Making up his mind, Eddie put his book down and crossed his fingers, his rings clinking against each other.

“I think it goes without saying that Lucas Sinclair is no longer welcome in The Hellfire Club,” he said, resolute. “Guess that means you two will have to find someone to replace him. I’ll give you until Friday.”

“But we already have Erica!” Mike said, flinching at the shoe that kicked his shin from under the table.

“While I like the kid and she has more nerve than any of you combined, my newest campaign requires seven players. I’m not gonna rework it because Big Time Sinclair can’t grow a backbone.”

“Eddie, man,” Dustin started, trying to flatter him. “Six players is already too much to handle. Let us make this easier for you. We don’t need a seventh, right, guys?” he looked at Gareth across the table searching for support.

“Uh,” the teen glanced at his friend and leader, words dying in his throat as Eddie tilted his head towards him, sharp eyed and tense.

“Can’t you just ask the redhead you’re always hanging around to join?”

“We’ve asked, she’s not interested,” Mike deflated visibly.

“She has a lot going on,” Dustin said quickly, protecting Max’s honor. “Her brother died last year, she’s still processing.”

“Hargrove, right?” Donny said. “Man, that guy was a piece of trash but at least he kept Jason busy and away from us for a while.”

“I’m sure you two will find someone suitable to replace your little friend if you wanna keep playing with us. And no more middle schoolers. We aren’t running a daycare here,” Eddie smiled in a way that told everyone the conversation was done. “Now if you’ll excuse me, little lambs, I have business transactions waiting to happen.”

With that, the long haired leader disappeared from the cafeteria carrying the metal lunchbox where he kept his, ahem, products in one hand, the book he had been reading still open and the untouched pudding cup in the other one. The other members of the club scattered as they finished their lunch and went back to their routines, leaving Mike and Dustin at the table, heads in their hands, forgotten mac and cheese now sticky and cold.

“We are so screwed,” Dustin said, and Mike couldn’t help but agree.

[naiveandexperienced]

the beginning of the end.

for those of you who remember, i said i would post my final draft of my letter to alex when i got closer to my graduation date. although it's still three months away, i'm satisfied with the final draft of said letter so i will go ahead and post it now. i'm not going to give this to him. here we go:

I honestly don’t know where to start with this letter. You don’t know how many times I have written and rewritten every single word. I have decided that this is going to be my final draft whether I like it or not. Forgive me if it gets all over the place; my thought process when I’m feeling emotional isn’t very coherent. I guess, let me start off by saying that I wish this could be written better. I wish it could sound sophisticated and meaningful but frankly, my mindset is incapable of finding eloquent ways to express my feelings. I suppose a written letter is better than me attempting to speak to you; that would not go well. It’s sad that I still haven’t been able to properly talk to you after knowing you for two school years. Anyways, time for me to pour my heart out in this farewell letter.

Truth be told, I didn’t quite like you when I first came into your AP European History class. It’s not that I disliked you; you just intimidated me. You intimidated me from the first time I met you during orientation, when it was just me and you in your classroom. You intimidated me from forty feet down the hallway. Even during school assemblies, with all of those hundreds of people, your presence still intimidated me. I say ‘intimidated’ like it’s past tense but you still do, if I’m being honest.

Do you want to know what changed and why I so obviously became attached to you?

I doubt you remember, but some kid (Andre or Connor probably) pronounced ‘gif’ incorrectly and you told him that if he pronounced it like that again you would hang yourself with the blinds in your classroom. I know that it’s kind of odd but that is a really fond memory to me. It made me realize that you weren’t as scary as I thought and that you have the millennial sense of humor that I’m so comfortable with. It’s a weird feeling, being so comfortable around someone yet on edge at the same time.

It’s exhilarating.

It’s exhausting.

Being around you is so exhausting but I wouldn’t change it for the world because you have taught me so much. You got me motivated when I just wanted to give up. I wanted to try and succeed, which is something that had been buried for so long. I wanted to make you proud. I know that in the second semester of last year I failed at that.

When I got suspended I wasn’t thinking about myself; I was just thinking about you (which is idiotic, I'm aware).

I was devastated because I knew that I had disappointed you. I didn’t want you to see me as an idiotic child who couldn’t care less about succeeding. I didn’t want you to think less of me. The logical part of me would tell myself everyday that you would understand that people make mistakes but I was still terrified.

Even as I write this now (August 3rd, 2019; 2:55 AM), I still don’t know if I can stand to see you when school starts. Part of me wants you to be mad at me because I deserve it. I want you to tell me you’re disappointed in me. I want you to tell me this because that would mean you noticed and you actually cared. Another, larger part if terrified because I know that the truth is, you probably don’t care enough to get angry with me or to feel anger about what I did (if you do in fact know why I was suspended; if you don’t, long story short, I had a drinking problem and it finally caught up with me). You won’t tell me you were disappointed with my actions or that you forgive me because you’re not as deeply invested in me as I am you.

I’m just another student and that’s perfectly okay with me.

Of course it hurts, but I would rather have my heart broken a million times than have the possibility of your happiness being taken away from you. Seeing you happy is all I need to be at peace with my emotions. Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.

With that being said, I probably acted distant and indifferent to you throughout the year. I don’t know yet since I’m writing this before school even starts—it’s pathetic, writing about the end before it’s even begun. I have made a promise to myself to just treat you like any other teacher because if I allow myself any flicker of warmth, I know I will just fall back into this overwhelming pit. I’m sorry if it hurts your feelings (I doubt it will). It’s okay if you feel relieved (I expect you to). Addendum (August 25th, 2019): This letter was written under the impression that I would be in your government class, which I obviously was not. I don’t know why because I switched from AP to CP as soon as I heard that you were teaching CP Government this year and I put in a request to specifically be placed in your class with my counselor. She did that for me last year when I transferred to your APUSH class instead of Mrs. Wilson’s. With the new policy, I won’t be able to switch out of any of my classes next semester to take AP Human Geography or something that you might be teaching. I have a TA block next semester but it’s during first period and if it hasn’t changed, first period is your planning period. Plus even if it wasn’t, it is so hard to TA for you. A lot of people want to be your TA!

Now this is the part where you probably want to stop because having someone confess the whole truth to you is something that a lot of people can’t handle. The only reason that I feel comfortable enough to tell all of this to you is because you are one of the few people that I can 100% trust. I grasp onto the thought that you still stand by what you said about never getting mad at me ever with every coming sentence.

The saddest part about unrequited love is that you always try. Even as I tell myself to shut out anything other than teacher worthy emotions, I find myself clutching onto a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe you could love me back.

Please understand that although I did and do have feelings for you, everything that I did for you was not me trying to make you uncomfortable or seduce you or something like that. I would never never never want to do that to you. I truly did those things because I liked to make you happy. I love to do things for the people I love.

I don’t think you realized how devastated I was that time I got called to Student Services about you. I was so distraught that I had pushed too far and made you upset. Just the thought of me being the cause of you experiencing negative emotions makes me so upset with myself. I was so close to crying when I came into your classroom to ask if I did something wrong. Then you told me that everything was okay and for the first time in a long time, I actually believed it. You made me believe it.

I know I’ll miss you forever because the parts of you I have seen are some of the most beautiful pieces of a person that I have ever known. A wonderful quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald goes, “Suddenly, she realized that what she was regretting was not the lost past but the lost future, not what had not been but what would never be.” That quote flickers through my head a lot these days and I think it is very fitting for me and how our time is coming to an end. Even though we will never be together, it warms my heart to know that a person like you exists.

It’s weird to think about all of the things that I think about when it comes to you. It’s weird that I’m even writing this letter to you, which you have probably already stopped reading and have thrown it away or given it to administration or something of the like. None of it matters though because even if you have or haven’t stopped, I’m going to get everything out that I need to.

For starters, you confuse me. I doubt it was your intention but some of the things you said to me made me overthink everything. You randomly told me one day after I brought you coffee, and I quote, “Don’t ever worry about making me mad, okay? You could never make me mad.” You even repeated it to me when I didn’t respond to you the first time. You know what I did after that? I took that little bone and ran with it like a starving puppy. Then when I jokingly told Faith to tell you that I love you and you said you loved me too. Then at the Black and White, when I swear time froze when we saw each other for the first time that night. And then when you placed me in my AP Euro seat at the beginning of APUSH, when you were seating us alphabetically by last names and when you got to my seat you were still at the ‘Cs’ but you put me there instead, in the front row and the place you lecture in front of the most. All of those moments mean so much to me even though I know they were thoughtless to you.

Secondly, you ignite me. I know I said this earlier, but I am going to repeat myself because I mean it with every fiber of my being. You motivated me again. You were the only reason I kept coming to school when all I wanted to do was quit. It was so easy for me to get away with not coming to school but when I got into your class, I never wanted to leave. I was actually so disappointed every day I missed school because I wouldn’t get to see you that day.

Lastly, I love you. I love you in a way that I want you to succeed with everything in your life. I love you in a way that I want you to always be happy and content. I love you in a way that is so foreign to me because it is completely selfless. If you asked anything of me, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it. That’s a scary thought to know that you have so much power over me. The only reason I can tell you all of this is because I know you won’t abuse it or me.

I wish I had more time with you. I could sit in those stupid, uncomfortable desks 24/7 and listen to you talk about history, politics, whatever else you wanted for the rest of my life and never be satisfied with the amount of time spent with you.

Although we will most likely never talk again after graduation, please remember that I am forever changed by who you are and what you mean to me. You will always be important to me. I will fade from your memory but I want you to know that you will never fade from mine.

that's the end!

i feel like the letter is really all over the place but i think it does a great job reflecting my mindset and emotions when it came to him. i use past tense here because i have been thinking over a few things for a while. i am not going to be updating on this blog anymore and i am closing it down. i know that i've said this before in the past, but i truly do believe that i have lost feelings for alex now. since my last update, i actually saw him quite a bit and i... didn't feel anything? people change and mature and i believe that i have done that. thanks so much for taking the time to read that monstrosity as well as go on this tiring journey with me through the latter half of my high school years. it means a lot.

please remember to stay safe! thanks again!

[ys405-mdxillustration3]

Chris Marker: San Soleil (Sunless) 1983

Two weeks ago I was put into a new group for a new task on Primary Research; to select a documentary film from the links which our lecture, Samantha sent us on email. After selecting a documentary film our groups will have to debate about it on group chat through Instagram and write about it in our blogs. The group I had to be put in were Emma, Valerie and Amy. Since we have been paired up we were allowed to watch the film together or independently before we could have a discussion about. I did not mind being put into groups, however I was not able to watch the film amongst my class peers as much I prefer doing it independently due to the fact I have assignments to catch up to as I lack behind time management.

Meanwhile I had a look through and watched some of the videos to see of which one would be useful and educative until I chose San Soleil (Sunless), directed by Chris Marker in 1983 filmed at various locations from Japan to Iceland to Africa which includes elements of global studies through society, beliefs, history, environment, culture and arts. It, also happens to be one of Samantha’s favourite films. I thought this would be something to do because I feel like I should learn more history and geography properly which I never learnt from school; and I am inspired between the cultural influence of Africa and Japan. Then I began to watch it; not properly because I left it on while I was doing a bit of research of the film and telling the others on group chat about it. Also I had work to catch up before the end of my deadline. They allowed me to watch the documentary independently, whereas others had the same problem as me. The next week after on an evening night I tried to watch the film properly but I was falling asleep due to being preoccupied with my other assignments throughout the week. Moving on to the week of the presence I am in now I managed to watch the film last night while I was working on my other assignment for Core Projects: FMP (Final Major Project), I did not see everything on screen but I have been listening through my earphones of what the narrator was saying. I learnt that the film was 105 minutes which was two hours long, thankfully it did not put me asleep again like last week. There were a few things I remember from the documentary film: a cat temple, people on the train, the narrator mentioning about young girls attempting to be married early, deliveries on the boat deck, Japanese horror films, a reference from Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo, two different festivals between Africa and Japan; and the narrator amongst her children in the camera from the beginning and end.

Today I have just set up two of my posts so I can try to write about the film and the fun activity I had this morning until I had a meeting with one of my study skills tutor, Caroline, in the afternoon. We, both had a recap on the brief amongst the video until I learnt that I am suppose to select a scene from the film and make statement about it. The questions are I am suppose answer were:

How was the community, society, culture and subculture were represented; was it positive or negative?

Was it ethical?

Did the Filmmaker have a relationship to this community already?

Does it appear they did enough “fieldwork” in advance of it being made?

How is the film written about and edited?

What year it made and how does this perhaps show how the social politics or even human rights has changed?

I knew I was suppose to write a statement about it but I was not sure if I should answer those questions from which Samantha sent us on email. It is because I have my own way of answering them different and I would be easier to explain. However, there is also the three questions from a book, How to write about Contemporary Art which was shown on the key text of the brief. The three questions are:

What is it? (What does it look like? How is it made? What happened?)

What might the work mean? (How does the form or event carry meaning?)

Why does this matter to the world at large? (What, finally, does this artwork or experience contribute—if anything—to the world? Or, to put it bluntly: so what?)

However I did mentioned of when the film was made, who directed it, where was it set and what the documentary was about. I will see if I can try to answer the questions from what Samantha sent us. If not I would rather stick to the other one which helped me to answer properly.

There was one of the scenes I liked was a cat temple in Tokyo, Japan. The temple was called Gotokuji Temple it looked very interesting as it had to be the first time to see a temple of cats. While it was being filmed it shows an old couple leaving items to their idols when they were praying until I learnt that the narrator mentioned about someone’s cat had gone missing and nobody knows of what has happened to it. Could the pet have been stolen, run away or dead? Since the visual imagery showed up after I saw the couple praying it reminded me of Hindu temples that truly have a way of praying and believing in many gods, whereas Japan is different. Mostly cats statures in temples. There are some rumours that tell the legends about the origins of cat charm. During the ancient period from Edo, an anachronistic lord from Hikone, passed by a temple and spotted a cat as it was summoning him to come inside. Then followed it as he went into the temple until a huge thunderstorm struck and the lord thanked the cat for saving his life instead of being left outside to be struck by thunder. He starting collecting many funds to restore and declare the temple as his own by family name for generations and named it, Gotokuji. As years passed on, people would come by to the temple to leave figurines of Maneki-neko as a sign for their of gratitude while praying. Also Maneki-neko was considered an infamous model; and mascot from Hikone City, Hiko-nyan. As a matter of fact cats are Japan’s populated and favourite animals, therefore I am into cats as much as people too. However I do have two cats from home; one is a Nebelung and the other is a Bombay, their names are Storm and Sheba.

Overall, listening through the documentary as I worked around late in the evening there were some things I was not aware of which relates to Samantha’s questions, despite of myself finding difficult to answer them about the community, society, culture and subculture being positive or negative between the areas from Africa and Japan, the filmmaker having a good relationship to the communities and everything. All I know is that the film was very ethical and well done in a way that has been filmed in many countries from around the mid-80s (1983) as we are learning some facts of philosophy, cultural arts and other minority backgrounds so we want the world to decolonise to show equal views through race, gender, religion and sexuality. What could have been better next time if I could just set up a timetable to do a 45 minutes studies on Contextual Studies, then move on to the other assignment for Core Projects after a 15 minute break so I can improve my time management which I usually do before the pandemic happened.

References

Accessed Date: 16/05/2021

Shoko, (2014), “Gotokuji Temple - Cats, Cats, Cats, and…Cats?”, Tofugu, 7 May. Available at:

https://www.tofugu.com/travel/gotokuji-temple/

Accessed Date: 15/05/2021

Williams, G, 2014, How to write about Contemporary Art: The three jobs of communicative art-writing, Thames & Hudson, Limited, pp 9-10

https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/mdx/detail.action?docID=5878108

Accessed Date: 14/05/2021

San Soleil (1983). (Online). Directed by Chris Marker. Japan, Guinea-Bissau, Cape Verde, Iceland, Paris, and San Francisco. (N.D) Available on The Criterion Collection, Kanopy:

https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmdx.kanopy.com%2Ffrontpage&data=04%7C01%7CYS405%40live.mdx.ac.uk%7C40d5db07d7ae46be094d08d90bba3f97%7C38e37b88a3a148cf9f056537427fed24%7C0%7C0%7C637553716825118115%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C1000&sdata=fGV5EAVVkxDIQRVJBjEvMPVcc9icV2qgXsvKfVH2Fg4%3D&reserved=0