#i'm in need of feedback and criticism so feel free to be harsh lmao

[softhaos]

FATE TRANSCENDS TIME

pairing – kim jongin x reader

genre – angst, very minimal fluff, soulmate au

description – set in a world where everyone is born with a running timer tattooed on their wrist that stops ticking once you’ve found your soulmate. it’s possible to reset the timer regardless whether you’ve found your soulmate yet or not. resetting your timer will result in death but will give you the chance to find your soulmate in a different life. you’re considering resetting your clock even if it means giving up jongin in this lifetime.

warning – none

word count – 1.6k

author’s note – did i get inspired by the wonderful dating news for this story yes i did and you can say what you want but there’s no denying that they’re a powerful couple anyway i like reducing myself to a crippling mess, am trying hard to get into writing satisfactory angst and i think i managed to achieve both of them (i lied, it’s questionable tbh) nonetheless i hope you’ll enjoy reading uwu

The stars blazing through the night sky pale in comparison to him. It’s way too cold to be standing outside at this ungodly hour yet here you are with scarves wrapped around your necks and covering your ears and hands shivering due to the frost.

The stars blazing through the night sky illuminate his handsome face and even with his brows furrowed in confusion, he looks beautiful. He stares at you in disbelief, lips slightly parted as he tries to understand your true intentions.

The stars blazing through the night sky bring the best and the worst out of him. He looks beautiful, but that doesn’t hide the bags under his eyes nor the acne scars on his bare skin. Your heart and resolve crumble little by little when he says with a cracked voice and crooked smile, “You’re joking, aren’t you?”

You wordlessly stare at him, hoping that he’d get the hint. When he realizes that he won’t get a verbal response anytime soon, he inhales deeply and runs his fingers through his jet black hair as he tries to process the situation at hand.

“No. No, y-you’re joking, definitely.” his voice is barely audible but you catch each and every syllable. He stares to the ground, more murmurs of irritation and denial slipping past his lips. The sudden urge to lift his chin up lingers in your mind, but before you can act without thinking, his head shoots up.

“Tell me you were just joking about resetting your timer,” he begs and that’s when the last remnants of your heart shatter completely.

“I’m sorry,” you say as you muster up a faint smile.

Jongin fixates his eyes on you longer, trying to comprehend your thought process. “Is it because our relationship has been made public? Is the backlash troubling you? Have people been bothering you–”

“It’s not that! I just–” you take a moment to recollect your thoughts and stabilize your voice, “– the entire fiasco is a lot to take in. I’m not sure if I could ever adapt.”

Though it’s been one month since the public announcement of Jongin dating you for a good year – of Jongin having found his soulmate a year ago – your life has taken a complete 180° turn: You suddenly have a bodyguard, can’t go out of the house unaccompanied and have to be careful about which words you throw out. Neither you nor Jongin expected the massive support from the public, yet the constant attention you garner from the media is something you could never get used to.

“Adapt to what exactly?” Jongin asks.

You shift your weight from one leg to the other. “Everything. Look, it’s already been hard going on dates before we came out clean. It’s just that– I mean– as much as I want to stay, I can’t keep up with this lifestyle until I die. I just– I can’t live like this!” the words leave your mouth faster than your brain can process while Jongin is taken aback judging by his wide eyes at your sudden confession.

As soon as the realization dawns on you, your legs give up on you. But Jongin is fast and he pulls you into his embrace before you can slump to the ground. Although his arms wrapped around you still feel like the comfort you needed the most, not even his hands threaded in your hair or his signature scent that you associate with his warmth can stop your ugly sobs.

“I want to stay, but I can’t,” you cry as the first tears flow down your cheeks. Jongin’s scarf muffles your sounds and you cling onto his jacket while he remains silent and continues with his gestures.

There’s something oddly domestic about the position you're in despite the given situation. A fracture of this reminds you of the time you spent together when nobody even knew you existed in his life. Yet at the same time, it's terrifying. The way he comforts you despite your ulterior motive seems as if he’s picking up the pieces and patching your heart back together but simultaneously crushing the already small shards into nothingness.

Once you’ve calmed down and the tears no longer fall from your face, Jongin says softly, “If you need to reset it, do it.”

Those words are the last words you expected him to say.

“Are you serious?” you look up at him, sniffling once.

“Hey, you were the one who brought it up in the first place, don’t ask me,” he chuckles lightheartedly and caresses your cheek. He pauses, takes a good look at your puffy face and smiles weakly when you stare right back at him.

“If you really feel like you–” he hesitates, but swallows the lump in his throat as he cups your cheek with a trembling hand,“–if you really feel like this isn’t the time where we’re supposed to be together, then reset it.” His voice is a little bit rough at the edges, barely stable, but he manages.

“Are you sure you’ll be fine right now?” you ask, causing him to flash you yet another, perhaps brighter and more convincing smile.

“I’m a big boy, Y/N. Sure, I’ll miss you, but I can handle it. My timer won’t be affected so at least I know that at one point, I already found you.” Jongin retracts his hand from your cheek and instead, grabs your own and runs his fingers over the ink on your wrist that’s not covered by your jacket. “Besides, you never asked for an idol as a soulmate and I know you’ve been struggling because of my job. I want you to be happy and carefree,” he mutters while rubbing the same spot over and over again.

The gesture plants a smile on your face.

“Yeah, what was I thinking? You’ll do great,” you say out loud, though it’s more directed to yourself – as if you were the one who needs to be convinced that everything is going to be all right.

Upon hearing that, Jongin looks up and cracks a subtle chuckle. He opens his mouth to add on to something several times but refrains himself from speaking those words out loud. Under normal circumstances, you would press him to say what he wanted to say. This time, you stay put and invite yourself back into his warm embrace. You don't know how long you've been standing out in the cold in that position, but it feels like an eternity that you don't want to break out of.

It goes without saying that you had to let go sooner or later. Jongin is the first to realize that.

“I guess I should go. It’s way too late already," he finally says. You nod silently and slowly peel off him before you accompany him to your front porch.

Dismissing any further verbal exchange, he smiles at you fondly one last time before he turns his back to you. However, the silence only seems to last three footsteps long until you speak up, “Hey, Jongin?”

Jongin stops in his tracks and looks back to you with expectant eyes.

“Thank you.”

It was then when a switch in his mind flipped. In the blink of an eye, he's suddenly standing right in front of you and the next thing you know, his lips land on yours.

The kiss in itself is slow and sweet, yet you can sense the yearning and regret that fills Jongin up to the brim. He's being careful, trying not to push your boundaries and trying to refrain himself from doing something incredibly stupid. You instinctively wrap your arms around his neck once he pulls you closer towards him.

It's in the kisses like these where the realization hits you the hardest; the depth of his affection for you and vice versa is displayed the clearest in this kind of deep, sensual kisses. Your mouths don't part until both of you are out of breath and the warmth has spread all across your bodies.

As he tries to regain his breath, Jongin presses his forehead against yours and for a while, you stay in that position. Your heart beats furiously against your ribcage up to the point where it might actually jump out and overflow while Jongin's lashes flutter shut, relishing the last sweet moment you two share.

“See you later, Y/N,” his voice is barely above a whisper, but the soft and caring undertone laced in it makes you believe that everything will definitely end well.

With that, Jongin takes a step back, grabs your hand and presses a delicate kiss on your timer before he intertwines your fingers one final time. At this point, you're both smiling genuinely and gone is any sign of desperation and ailing.

“Yeah, see you soon," you whisper in return and then, he lets go.

The stars blazing through the night sky shine down on him as he digs his fists into his pockets and walks further away from your house until you can’t see his silhouette anymore. Your fingers subconsciously brush the tattoo on your wrist and you fondly look at the numbers inked on your skin. A genuine smile makes its way up your face and you sigh when you lift your gaze up to the sky. You don’t know when you will be reborn, but you are certain that the stars will still be there when you graze the earth in another lifetime.

You can’t wait to meet him again.