#i'm only halfway through this movie i had to pause and puke this all out like real epiphany hourssss

[baddingtonbitch]

don’t reblog obvi i just need to get this out of my head or it’s gonna pop.

it’s so crazy how hard your body and mind work to protect you but also how unsophisticated and flawed those protective measures can be like sometimes the things it put in place to distance you from pain can end up backfiring like i put on this movie because i was like oh yeah acid and dancing those used to be huge parts of my life i wonder if anything in this feels true or well rendered. and i did it so flippantly because that chapter in my life, for self protective reasons has basically been heavily redacted and minimised in my memory as my “stupid silly tripper days lol” and the only things i ever draw on from that time are the wild anecdotes or funny stories. but i literally have such massive life altering trauma associated with hallucinogens and the things that happened to me while i was on them, like one of the worst things that has ever happened to me happened while i was in no state to be dealing with it and to see such hideous things happen to people when they’re that raw and disoriented and the experience is so indescribably magnified, and to have it filmed so evocatively and performed so convincingly (mostly) is just like. insanely triggering! and i should have known that, like there was no deception this movie is very clear about what it is and i should have known what i was getting into given noe’s other films. but it’s just like a really stupid brain error that my mind is still working so hard to keep me from re-experiencing that trauma that it almost lulled me into acting like it was never there. which left me really vulnerable to stepping on it like a landmine. i just ambled head on into this movie like ooh voguing drugs and pretty colours lalala :) and then that thing my mind is still trying to shield me from after all these years later is like. still there. because of course it is! and instead of feeling fully retraumatised i’m just dumbfounded, shocked and believe it or not GRATEFUL to my brain, even though it made a mistake, for trying so hard to protect me. like i talk shit about her a lot but that grey thing in my skull really has my back in a lot of ways that really really matter like maybe she can’t get me to sleep at the right time or do the dishes or remember what day it is but it’s because she’s been taking bullets for me my whole life and she still is because she loves me so much. like i’m still here because of everything my brain does for me even after everything i’ve done to my brain it’s a primal animal system that would do anything for me in the only ways it knows how it’s like those dogs that die getting bitten while protecting little kids from snakes i’m like literally crying rn

[roxygen22]

Thanks to the snack wars video he did with Austin butler we know timothee has a sensitive stomach when it comes to spicy foods. Maybe during date night he gets sick from spicy food and Female reader takes care of him. He feels bad for ruining date night but she promises he didn’t.

Plz

Spicy

>>puke warning<<

Timothée squirmed in his seat next to you in the movie theater. You and he had been excited for months about seeing this particular movie and were ecstatic to get midnight tickets on opening night. At first, he only made tiny shifts. You thought maybe he was just trying to get comfortable, but the frequency intensified about halfway through the film.

"Are you alright?" you whispered.

Timothée nodded, though you could see from the light off the screen that his face scrunched in discomfort. Suddenly he jumped out of his seat and ran toward the aisle. You sat there in shock as you watched him race down the stairs and out of the theater.

After about 10 minutes and no sign of Timothée coming back, you got up to check on him. You pardoned your way past the folks you were interrupting and found your way to the men's restroom. You paced for a moment, unsure of what to do next. You bounced on the balls of your feet and psyched yourself up to crack the door open and call out to him, but before you could, you heard the miserable sound of him puking.

"Timothée?"

He retched once more before responding. "Babe, go back to the movie."

"I don't want to see it without you, love." All he could muster in response was a groan. "I'm going to go buy you a bottle of water. I'll meet you in the hallway when you're able." You walked over to the concession stand and stood in line to get him a drink. He weakly walked out of the bathroom as you got back to the hallway.

You uncapped and handed Timothée the bottle of water. "Here, drink this," you instructed. He took the bottle with a shaky hand. "Any clue what caused this?" You gently placed the back of your hand against his forehead to check for fever.

"I went to that crawfish boil that Austin invited me to."

You crossed your arms. "Let me guess, the food was spicy?"

"Yeah, like the kind that makes you sweat and your nose run."

"Timmy..."

"I know, I know. But I didn't want to be rude. His family went through a lot of trouble to cook all that food. And once I got past the heat, it tasted really good."

You just shook your head. It was just like your Timothée to be polite at his own physical expense.

"I think I can go back in now." You looked at your watch. At that point he had missed at least 30 minutes of the film.

You paused. "I- I think we've missed too much of it. We'll just come back another time."

His face fell. "I'm sorry I ruined our date night."

"You didn't ruin it, love. But next time, try to lay off the spicy food before we are about to see a three-hour movie."

Timothée held out his pinky and linked it with yours. "I pinky promise."

You grinned and kissed his cheek as you walked arm-in-arm out to the car.

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