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#i'm so tired of not treating myself well or living my life. istg i need to internet detox for like a month or some shit. start reading again
selfinflictedgunshotwound
ยท
4 months
Text
getting tired of myself and everything around me again ๐
#tfw your identity hinges on the people you love because you dunno how to love yourself or control your life
#despite that being the only thing you truly want more than anything in the world... and love is probably a very close second but.
#i'm so tired of not treating myself well or living my life. istg i need to internet detox for like a month or some shit. start reading again
#finishing cleaning my house or at least get more done... i need to reconnect with life instead of continuing to live in delusions
#because they're safe and make me happy but they also rot my soul away and steal my life and my energy and just.
#i don't think it's bad to believe the impossible or anything but i'm tired of disappointing myself by getting my hopes up lmao
#like i clearly know the reality is never gonna match the dream. this is why i escaped the first two times bc it's more pain than it's worth
#i can't hinge my identity on anyone but myself or i'll crumble and die like i just can't do it anymore. it's so evil
#if i never find love that actually exists for me then at least i'll cultivate a world where i can live comfortably alone. sigh.
#like no one can even coddle me abt this or reassure me bc it's just such a stupid and childish thing to begin w/ LMAO like. time to grow up
#put the toys down. ๐ฎโ๐จ
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