#i've already told bf that i'm not trying to get cops involved but

[crtalley]

hate living with people. i want to live alone in the heart of a busy city where no one knows who the fuck i am and also i don't have to pay rent thanks

[traumabrained]

tw: emotional abuse // how do I leave a severely emotionally abusive relationship? It's fucked me up so badly and I can't stand it. I've tried to leave seven times but went back because of guilt and manipulation. I'm about to try to leave again and I really need to hear from someone that it's what I need to do. I've already suffered from CSA, physical abuse, emotional abuse from others and I can't do this. and if he tries to say he'll kill himself if I leave what do I do? (1/2)

btw he wouldn't actually kill himself. the last two times he did it his friend said he was literally fine and eating chips and was making up a whole scene to me. he wrote a fake suicide note and freaked a lot of people out. it's flat out manipulation. but if I don't respond a certain way it'll be used against me. he's also cheated on me twice then told me to grow up when I said it upset me. he's kept me from his friends and lies about me to them. he's called ME abusive, cruel, and "insane" too?

dammit sorry that last one is my last one. I'm the anon dealing with the emotionally abusive bf. sorry. those two are all there is. 2/2 (but technically 3/3 now because of this)

leaving abusive relationships is always difficult and horrible, but. worth it.

you need to leave him. he doesnt love you. he never will. you deserve a million times better than whatever he has to offer you.

since you know he’s not actually going to kill himself, it’s a little easier, yeah? the best way to do it is to just cut ties with him completely. if you have stuff at his house, take it before you break up (try to be stealthy about it so he doesnt notice). im assuming, since you didnt say otherwise, that you dont live together. if this is a long distance relationship, then some of this might not be applicable idk

if you need to remind yourself a lot why he’s horrible, maybe write down all the shitty stuff he’s done, and all the good stuff he’s failed to do. don’t put anything postive about him in it, this isn’t a pros and cons list, you know?

once you have all your stuff, make sure to gather up any of his stuff in a box. if you can, get a friend to drop it off on his porch at night, right before you break up with him. alternately, put it at his house yourself, or near his house, and include the location in a text. but at his house is better.

this is all so that he has no excuse to see you again. otherwise theres a good chance he’d try to come to your house saying “i want my stuff back”.

if you gave him a key, either steal it back (which might be hard) or change the locks, if you live alone, or if your family/roommates won’t care. make sure to give them new keys though.

heres the big one, you can break up with him over text. some people might say that’s shit move but he’s already abused and manipulated you. if it were cruel, he’d deserve it anyway. but that’s not the point, it’s for your safety. you dont have to hear him yell, and he can’t hit you, or harm you in any way.

hell, you could even ask a (preferably muscular) friend, or a group of friends, to break up with him for you. he’s abused you, he doesn’t deserve politeness in this.

if at any point you start feeling bad about it, look at your list of shit he’s done. let yourself get angry about it, if you can.

if you want the cleanest breakup possible, you could text him to end it. and then block his number. he might use a friend’s phone to text you if he figures out you blocked him. block his friend’s number, too. he might harass you for a while, unfortunately, but it will end after not too long, i promise. he’ll get bored. he’ll go somewhere else.

don’t let him into your house again. dont text him again. dont skype him. dont answer his calls. block him on all social media. avoid places he usually goes. maybe avoid places he knows that you like to go. make it impossible for him to gain a foothold in your life again.

if you are a girl, or pass as a girl, you could probably call the cops if he hangs around your house, though that depends on where you live. if you’re a boy, or pass as a boy, that’s probably not the best idea. if you’re not white, it’s probably also not the best idea. but if it’s safe for you to get the cops involved, do so. or threaten to, anyway.

he doesn’t deserve anything from you. you owe him nothing.

when it’s over, if you start to miss him (which is normal in cases of emotional abuse, it doesnt mean he wasn’t that bad, and it doesnt mean that you’re weak for wanting him back) then try to spend as much time with your friends as possible. every time you think about missing him, text a friend. don’t let yourself undo everything you worked for, okay?

i hope this was helpful, and i wish you good luck in breaking up with him.