#i've always been a 0 or 100 mph girl and i am Paying for it .
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this i will have to delete soon
#also something i cannot discuss or else i;ll go too insane is that all this lying in bed due to severe physical and mental decay#plus constantly epxerimenting with various pasta shapes so lots of carb heavy meals#is fucking with my body in a big way#none of my jeans button up anymore so i do exist exclusively in linen and corduroy pants#trying to tell myself that the sudden disappearance of my waist does not make me less worthy or deserving of love but like#god damn#also i still dont know how to diet in a normal way like all i know how to do is panic and not eat for a few days and then suddenly#reach my limit and spend the next 2 days binging/gorging myself to make up for lost calories and somehow all of it feels awful at once so .#i've always been a 0 or 100 mph girl and i am Paying for it .#learning balance is Hard!!!#tw: ed
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