#idk. we're fractured in ways I'm still discovering
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#tag talk#finally remembered I can put library holds online cause I got a library card when we moved here last year#turns out jurassic park was based on novels so whoopee I get to read books again.#I really want to start reading again. I've been in a very self sufficient quiet kind of mood lately and I've been going back to old hobbies#cleared out a ton of tumblr drafts (saved posts for later) and organized my room and I'm feeling great#largely I guess cause I'm out again. fronting like old times. he/him pronouns are back on the menu#gotta get on that grind. dissociative identity stops for no one.#it feels good though. I'm not out in a protective role I don't think. nothing triggered us like last time. nothing needs defending.#so I don't know what caused this shift. usually I'm advising from the back or just plain not paying attention#so idk why our normal persona is riding shotgun this time. it's been almost a week of this#our partner even noticed and said as much when I explained it to him. partner not boyfriend because he's not My boyfriend#as much as I think he's pretty cool I just want to be friends with him. she can date him but I'm not interested at all.#idk how he really feels though. can't be easy to date half of someone. I feel guilty sometimes.#like.. how can I expect someone to commit to me when I'm incapable of committing back?#idk. we're fractured in ways I'm still discovering#one day we'll be whole. put together. we'll grow over old wounds.
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