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#if anything it's the healthiest thing for me to do bc sure i don't actively want to die but bottling this shit up to keep everyone around
asiancatboy · 2 years
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i wish we lived in a world where talking about suicide and suicidal ideation wasn't so taboo, treated with the sensitivity it deserves but not overcautious to the point everyone affected feels like they can't reach out or talk for fear of being institutionalised against their will
#suicide#suicidal ideation#i've grown up passively suicidal for as long as i can rememeber and honestly me talking about suicide is rarely ever a cry for help#if anything it's the healthiest thing for me to do bc sure i don't actively want to die but bottling this shit up to keep everyone around#me comfortable at all times is isolating. and i don't mean talking about suicide like mid-breakdown wanting to die type talk like obv be#concerned there. but i wouldn't be able to talk about a passing thought or talk about my progress with combating said thoughts or even joke#about the fact i wanted to die today but didn't yay me without some bitch somewhere being like um actually that's so manipulative go to#therapy get a diary you are only making yourself worse by letting yourself think these things#like yes i agree. time place audience consideration & an understanding that the subject is sensitive & not always welcome. but also why is#that. could it be that our lack of willingness to talk about suicidality is contributing to the hostile reaction in the face of ppl who#experience it which leads to more involuntary hospitalisation and in turn makes vulnerable ppl feel worse and unsupported#society has failed us bad like they'll have everyone believe that the only way to deal with suicidality or severe mental health problems is#to lock everyone away and chalk it up to a chemical imbalance. not saying everyone should suddenly be fine with the topic or forget#how to be courteous with boundaries but i do believe we are collectively hurting ourselves by refusing to engage conversation entirely#7
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violettvents · 2 years
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i don't really wanna be here anymore??? i'm not in like active danger dw but i just don't really have a will to be here. i'll never be good enough, i'm not enough. i don't really want to get older. i don't really have anybody in my life. or i guess more so people that i could go to so i don't feel alone. i have a couple close people, but i don't really ever talk to them much. i'm sure they would miss me, but i don't think about it much bc i'm not like actively wanting to do anything you know. i just feel way too empty to even feel alive anymore. i'm empty but overwhelmingly emotional and full at the same time
idk maybe i don't wanna die, i just wanna leave everything behind and move countries and restart my life. maybe in that life i'll be good enough and even happy? or dying. either one is fine with me i guess
dance is kind of the only thing i have left it feels like. and i mean dancing until i'm physically exhausted because it's the only way to give my mind a break and get my emotions out and exhaust myself is a... good even if not healthiest coping mechanism
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