#if you look thru my blog that’s obvi tho

[vandergeld]

                  hey  everyone welcome BACK to my blog  ,  hi  , how  are  ya ?   i’m   RUZZY   (  or  ru  ,  rudy  idk  if thats too  much  lmAO  )  &  i  have  not  been  apart  of  a  group  in  84  years ............  that  graphic  is  so  extra  but  i  was  bored  &  first  impressions  are  everything  ,  ANYWHO  this  is  my  mans WARNER  played  by  my  mans  GRAYSON DOLAN  ,  who  lacks  f’n  resources  so  i  gotta  work  some  magic  w/  all  these  gifs  on  tumblr  lmao  so  any  gif  icons  are  noT  mine  for  the  most  part  they’ll  be  taken  from  gifs  alr  created  (  s/o  2  the  fly  hunnies  that  made  ‘em  )  anyway  ya’ll  don’t  really  care  abt  me  lmao  soooooo here’s warner ! PLS  feel  free  to  hmu ANYTIME  for  the  plots  &  things  of  that  nature  u  could  lit  never  bother  me  idc ,  my  discord  is  𝐫𝐮𝐳𝐳𝐲𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐳𝐢#1643 if  u  everrr need  to  get  ahold  of  me  when  im  not  on  tumblr  !

         𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍, cismale, he/his. → look out, there’s 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐃. you know, the 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘  year old 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 of 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐀 𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐀𝐃𝐀 𝐌𝐔. you know, i overheard someone say that they were 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄, 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 , 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆  and 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃. but that’s just rumours. fresh new pairs of air jordan 1's, the roar of a crowd in a stadium, and lost weekends come to mind when i think of them. what about you? [ ruzzy, he/him, 18, est ]

TW : CANCER MENTION  ,  SMOKING  MENTION  .

//   »    GENERAL      :

FULL NAME   :   warner     evangelino   alexander       vandergeld       (   inspired by the antagonists of white chicks lmaooo   )     .

HOMETOWN  : new  york  city  ,  new york  .

NICKNAMES   :   dumbass   .

AGE   :   twenty  .

BIRTHDAY   :   october twenty-first   .

ZODIAC   :   libra   .

GENDER   :   male   .

PRONOUNS   :   he      &      him   .

NATIONALITY   :   american   .

ETHNICITY   :   german  ,   italian  ,  irish   .

LABEL(S)   :   the   golden boy   ,   the   lothario   ,   the   jock   .

TROPE(S)  :  chick magnet  ,  hormone-addled teenager  ,  unwitting pawn  , upper class twit  ,

OCCUPATION   :  college student  &  collegiate football player  & full time frat bro  .

FRAT : beta lambada mu  .

MAJOR   :   environmental science  .

POS  : charming  ,  charismatic  ,  brave  ,  athetic ,  dedicated  ,   eco-friendly  ,  high-moral compass  ,  book smart  ,  kind  ,  energetic  ,  optimistic  , loyal (  most of the time  ) ,  respectful  ,   well-rounded  ,  level-headed  , ambitious  ,  debonair  ,  life of the paty  .

NEG   :  compulsive  ,  easily-influenced  ,  dimwitted  , hypersexualized  ,  problematic  ,  addictive  , rebellious  ,  bemused  ,  defensive  ,  clingy  ,  hopeless-romatic  ,  overly-competitive  ,  envious .

INSP  : nate archibald  (  gossip girl  )  

//   »    PAST      :

          warner   was  born  &  raised  in  the  city  that  never sleeps  and    is  the  product  of  evangeline   moretti-vandergeld  , an   intelligent   american-italian  socialite  turned   environmental   politician  ,   and  captain  william   vandergeld  ,  a  former   navy   captain  ,   and  now   a   shareholder   in   some   boring   fortune   500   company   that   allowed   his   wife   and   son   to   live   an   affluent  ,   and   privileged   life  . his   mother  however  ,   was   the   real deal  ,   often   using   their   sum   of   wealth   to   donate   to   multiple   charities  ,  organizations  , etc, she was  dedicated  to  keeping  new  york  city  (  and  all  who  lived there  )  clean  and  safe   , and  she instilled  those  same  values  onto  her  son.

          some people are born lucky  ,  and others  ,  lucky  to  be  born  .   warner  was  the  first  option  .  his childhood  was  nothing  short  of  happiness  ,  and  happiest  days  were  with  his  mother  ,  for  as  long  as he  could  remember  ,  any happy  moment  in  his childhood  was  faded  right  into  her.

          things  took  a  drastic  change  his freshman  year  of  (  private  obvy lmao  )  high-school   .   warner’s  mother  was  diagnosed  with  breast  cancer  ,  and  little  to  his  knowledge  ,  it wasn’t  looking  pretty  from  the  start  .  she was  frequently  in  and  out  of the hospital  for  a  few  months  at  a  time  and  it  was  not  looking  good  on  any  fronts  .  one  day  when  she  went  to  the  hospital  it seemed  like  she  never  left  ,  maybe  she  didn’t  ,  those  days  were  a blur  for  warner  to  be  honest  .  watching  his  mother  lose  life  , every  single  day  was  not  a task  he  was  up  for  .

          by  then  it  was  just  warner  and  his  father  ,  they  were  all  they  had  in  the big  city  . (  when  he  wasn’t  always  away  on business  )  warner  grew  up  in   that  big  luxy  town  house  all  by  himself  ,  with  the  company  of  loyal  maids  ,  chefs  ,   and  nannies  of course  .  but  in  high  school  , the  more  he  really submerged  himself  into  it  ,  it  was  a  crazy  world  &  he  loved  it  .  whilst  getting  demands  from  his  father  in  tokyo  to  attend  those  boring  sailing  classes  ,  warner  instead  headed  out  to  their  beach  house  in  the  hamptons  for  an  early  20  rager  .

       warner  undoubtedly knew  the  power  he  possessed  ,   big  man  on  campus  type  &  it felt  good  , until  about towards  the  end  of his  junior  year  he  was  honestly  all   partied   out  ,  but  of  course reputation  is   everything  ,  in  order  to  keep  up  thats  when  he  picked  up  the   real  ugly  habits  ,  that  were  of  course  fun  .  smoking  numerous  amounts  of  marijuana  ,  various  girls  in  -  and  -  out  every other  day  was  a  feeling  like  no  other  ,   he  knew  it  was  wrong  ,  he  knew  his  mom  would  be  ashamed  ,  him  doing  all these  things  and  not carrying  on  her  legacy  in  some  way .  but  he  couldn’t  help  himself  in a  all  honesty   ,   and   no  doubt  some  of  that  transitioned  over  in  college .

//   »    AES   :

          lost weekends partying  ,  chicken  wings  &  french  fries  ,  air  jordan  1′s  ,  gucci  guilty  cologne  ,  friday  night  lights  ,  clouds  of  smoke  &  red  eyes  ,  diamond  encrusted  jewelry  glistening  under  bright  lights  in  a  dark  room  ,  nike  sweatsuits  ,  game  winning  moves  ,  new  york  city  at  night  ,  hamptons  in  the  summer  ,  spring  break  in  miami  ,  impulsive decisions  .

//   »    TL;DR   :

(  and  some  stuff  i  probably  missed  oops  )  warner  is  a  conflicted  mama’s   boy  who  knows  half  the  shit  he does  is  wrong  but  can’t  stop  .  after  his  mothers passing  he had  an absent father  who seemed  to  always  be  away  on  business  ,  only  in  town  for  a  month  or  two  ,  missing  his sons’ multiple  feats   to  keep  himself  distracted  from  the  fact  that  his  wife  was  no  longer  with  them. created  immense daddy  issues  for  warner  ,  especially  since  he  was  a  standout  football  star  &  2x   stage  champ in  high  school  ,  and is  currently  playing  collegiality  for  the  irish ,  with  dreams  of  making  it  in  the  nfl  cause  screw  his  dad  he  don’t  wanna  go   2  the  navy   ,   or  work  for  dat  company # not  gonna  happen .  warner  took  great  advantage  of  wealth  &  his  fathers  absence  ,  but  he’s  lowkey  partied  out  in  college  ,  or  so  he likes  to  say  but  he fakes  it ‘till  he  makes  it bc  he  doesn’t  his  brothers  to think  he’s  lame . HE’S  LIVING  FOR  EVERYBODY  BUT  HIM  BASICALLY .

//   »    HEADCANONS    :

warner  is  on  a  football  scholarship  majoring  in  environmental  science  bc  although  he  most  likely  won’t  do  shit  w/  da  degree its  for  mommy  .

he can EASILY  be  manipulated  or  taken  advantage  of  ,  he’s  book  smart  but lowkey  dumber  than  a  fucking  box  of  rocks 

immastonerbyyoungthug.mp3  .  occasionally ,  but  ,  more  so  than  that  ?  he  always  manages  to  flush  out  his  system  in  time  if  needed  be  ,  but  he  loves  2  roll  up  #  stress relief 

a  BEAST  on  that  field  (  student  athlete  meme  here  )

has  all  the  canon  gray  tattoos  bc  fuck  what  dad  thinks  .  he  wears  a solid  16 inch gold  chain  ,  and  another  of  the same  length with  his  moms’  name  on  it  , never  fucking  takes  it  off  ,  showers  with  it  cause  he  can  .

ok  ........  he  rich  ,  but  like  not  i  can  do  whatever  i  want  rich  ???  he  may  not  ever  have  to  work  a  day  in  his   life  ,  but  he  don’t  got  the pull  u  think  he  does  w/  his  dumb  ass  u  probably  couldn’t  even  tell  he’s  got  money  with  his  minimalist  fashion  sense  .

he  has  a  higher  moral  compass  than  most  of  his  frat  bros  ,  but  the  stupid  shit  he does  ,  u most  likely  won’t  even  be  able  to tell  ,  he’s  definitely  a  serial  romeo  and  a  heartbreaker  ,  one  compliment  ?  he’s  ready  to  drop  his  pants  &  fall  in  love  w/   u  .

HE DUMB  ,  but  like  he  can  talk  his  way  into  &  out  of  anything  ,  most  of  the  time  ,  batting  those  big  brown  eyes  &  a  million  dollar  smile  has  saved  his  ass  on  multiple  occasions  .

//   »    WANTED CONNECTIONS   :

EX-GIRLFRIEND :  i’m  thinking  his  first  &  only  “  serious  “  relationship  while  in  college  .  were  going  pretty  steady  until  he  cheated  on  her  (  hmm wc  on  who  he  cheated  on  her w/ ??  ) ,  she  never  found  out  but  that  guilt  ate warner TF UP  so  he  cut  things  off  with  her  via  text  message  and blocked  her  number  ,  ignores  her  any  chance  he  gets  ‘till  this  day  ,  cause  he  doesn’t  have  any  balls  and  cannot  face  his  fears  .

FRAT BROS  : lowkey  what  i’m  MOST  excited  for  asdfgh  like  whoever  is  in  beta  lambada mu  hit  me  the  fuck UP so  we  can  discuss  dynamics  ,  roomates  ,  allat  .

FOOTBALL TEAM  : same  for  above  ,  he’s  lowkey  cocky  &  got  sly  comments  when  he’s  on  the  field  ,  he constantly  humbles  himself  but  can’t  helps  it  ,  he is  hot  shit  and  he  knows  it  , how does  his  team  feel  ab  that  ??  w/  his  defensive  ass  !

GOOD-LUCK CHARM  :  prolly  a  girl  (  bonus  points  if  a  cheerleader  ???  im  not  picky  tho  i promise  if  ur  muse  don’t  shake  poms  idc  )  it  happened  out  the  blue  ,  they  screamed  his  name  while  the  team  was  walking  out  for  a  game  ,  and  she  called  that  he’d  get  3  td’s  and  thats  exactly  what  he  did  now  they  joke  ab  it  and  shit  (  maybe  a  goodluck  kiss b4  games  bc  its  warner lolol  ) idk  i  came  up  wit  it  on the  spot but  i love  it.

//   »    MISC   :

i’m a dumbass  &  this  got  way  longer  than  i  expected  but  if  u  made  it   all  the  way  thru  ily . 

[ubelyptus]

soooooooooooo bb,,,...,.,,,strawberrry.

......I JUST FIND IT

  interestinggggggggg

how you Big mad cuz MY block game seeems 

skrong or summn

hanh???

oh.

well.

i never blockedt you 

on snapchat 

or whatsapp (you weren’t even muted),

yup, i still haven’t

but i didn’t have a properly working phone...

still......don’t

but either way you keep threatening to split on me 

like a weapon…fcking

manipulative as shit

it just seems to me that you just want to?

you never imprinted tho 

but she did 

so why should you?

i won’t ever, again, fight....

….with you.

my favorite accomplice

i wanted to learn with an open mind 

even after my phone died 

how to remain soft with you.  

even after being callled 

“old news" 

pffft

at least until

 i ‘m  eventually murdered by a cisgender man...

but

don’t fckn

pppppppop shit 

cuz like….. literally…..all i did was change my url.

shit, i Only blockedt you AFTER i saw you referencing gaslighting.

bc uhmm IIIIIIif that is about meeeeeeeeeeee 

ha!!!

 how fucking dare you.…..lyk....wuhh?

like when you said there is no difference between syn and alesia?????

HANH?

oh, but you think i blockedt you first bc i didn’t wanna get my feelings hurt?

….mhhhhhhh. ok.

seeems odd since you’re not liar 

right, eli????

but,,,,,so what’s this about the cozi password change? am i just shifting too rapidly between your and my reality???

bet.

no, i blocked you on things after THAT 

AND THAT WAS TODAY

oh, and didn’t your friend, my so-called “fighting buddy,” anan…

.just,,,,,fckn block me like i’m useless

trash

randomnly 

after all

i asked 

was that they 

not speak to me 

about you?

but YAAAAAAS  twas ONLY Me and simply Myself and just i 

who ain’t wanna get….hurt.

hanh?????

oh ,

obvi,

yeaaaaaaa

yeeeei

truuuu,

sooooo 

sssssorry,,,,but

calling me “old news” or saying i’m “old too” 

don’t forget your girl is 2 yrs older than you 

and then staying silent for these few days about changing passwords

that..... already did that, boo

at least i sent alesia third party emails thru the app, boo

she pushin 30 and can only talk you 

venuse....????. no....a 

talking and 

w a l k i ng tragedy

entyway don’t bring that up just to be loud and wrong about that too

you’re not always wrong tho, you know

you’d probably fuck up and slit my throat 

 powertripping

when i’m wrong about you

and you can only do that if you

 black and white 

me out 

to NEVER BE WRONG 

AND I DO 

ACTUALLLY HATE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!!! 

WHY CAN’T I EVER BE WRONG, ELI???? 

WHY????//

OH your emotions....? about your father that after 6 yrs you didn’t tell me about?

your reality? when you have a habit of projecting?

 and lowkey being dishonest 

to yourself first

 and then subsequently

 to me????

your time? when i’m mostly on yours?????

your efforts? like ripping up notes and telling me 

“my turn” to get fucked 

by you 

was over

when the only reason i was tiredt

was bc i crashed

too tiredt after explaining to You

that

  i‘m not even going to LET you play middleman

for a baby pushign 30????

oh. bet.

but since we’re being transparent:

here are receipts with timestamps:

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-hop-hop

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop+hop+bun

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-bunny

yea you must love dirty laundry

oh.

but that’s what i knew about you.

oh:

be yr own guest my love

i Knew you would ignore the “old news” message since that's literally when you started telling on yourself 

you do treat trans partners

 like side hoes, 

thasssa wholeBET 

and some change

 for you to create

cuz thassssssss 

how you feel about me fr fr

so that “like” is mine but

  i…..actually really Really love that you laughed tho.

bc i haven’t heard you fully belly laugh in a long time.

if ever iirh.

even after knowing you for 6+ years, 

your supposed “first friend “ in the DMV

the person i can trust my life with

the only

you’re my only...

 ,,,,,even after i spiraled 

and cut myself for the first time since middle school?

now my friends are fucking spotting you 

and talking to each other 

about you

oh, you didn’t know. 

but i got mehndi done today 

let a summer baby boy

love 

a cut up 

by me

body

 before noon

today 

thinking i’d see you and we could talk like,,,,

…..like real people do.

and you’d be distracted by the design and not zone in

 on the failed cuts

 on my wrist 

since i’m shit at not just repeatedly carving into 

white meat

 when i can only use a ceramic blade

i just didn’t WANT you to 

so i never “came home to [you]”

you said that on nov 4th/5th of last year

and

i’ve been looking up bpd all day

eventho i told you

  i don’t trust the internet 

sooooo you not telling me 

didn’t hel p

but it’snot at all your job to 

and i sitll

stilllstil stil stilllca’t see

....and i dind’t want you to see.

bc i’m not just a man.

i’m still femme

which you seem to love to forget

and still soft enough, i think.....

i hope…..or learning to be soft,,,,

where it won’t get me killed,,,,,

but where it still counts.

with…or without you.

either way i’m a man who loves you. a man whose phone died at 28% trying to get you to see that i was trying to be soft even after you called me

 “old news”

but,,,,,.....,,,compared to …..who?????? sh....oooo??????

your new girlfriend who is 1 or 2 years older than you?????

and can’t speak to me 

a man who is only barely out of 23???

and instead only whispers

 to you?????

bruh, she’s clearly not fond of me. 

and you’re not a liar , 

so don’t 

she had to tell you that she wasn’t the one putting out “aggy energy”

specifically

during yennayer which

i ruined

and im still sorru

but which means

she’s probably done it in your apartment on purpose already, boo

didn’t think of that, did you

lingustically.,,,,,nope.

oh, but there’s power in a whisper, darling.

i am just cardinal like you

i am air too.

  i should know 

bc i accidentally whistled....and,,,,,,

i only blockedt you so that you wouldn’t “hurt [your] own feelings”

 like you told anan you sometimes do.

sooooooooooooo yea... i

did it so you wouldn’t hurt you. 

as cardinal water/pisces moons 

are prone to do.

you can;t drain

and you can’t drown

 ain’t that how i affirmed you

i already hurt me 

when i dissociated 

and i’m STILL FUCKING sorry 

that there was blood that you had to see. 

i couldn’t stay in my body long enough to clean fast enough

but i still didn’t want you to hurt you bc of me.

like you did repeatedly

bc of bpd or bc of basically cishet or at least cis ~queer girls

or other partners 

like when you were with kat,

who’s still disgustingly attached to a messy white

and now a new black kid.....

or with shushoo.

and how you might with alesia.

no, correction: how you have with alesia. 

how you will continue to, if you’re not careful, with alesia.

you’re a lion facing a prince of a house kitten ,....,

.,, who is homeless.

do you feel good, big boss?

all i asked was for you to listen t

o how you were speaking to me 

on the phone 

at your place of work 

and when she’s there

possibly a place of worshiop

..... even after i told you 

that i was intentionally putting energy into Not fighting you

and you

  say you

"don’t wanna be a middle person" 

but you also….wanna cape for yet another fucking cis girl.

who isn’t even muslim this time. 

HOWtragic.

i couldn’t laugh

couldn’t ever laugh at sway

bc by whatever fortune if you do split or don’t 

 i still  love you

i love you too much

but in those moments after that phone call….

after my phone died…

and my body couldn’t move to charge it.

wouldn’t move….

and all i could do was cry during the adhan.

bc you’re tooo much like matt now

i wish i knew what it could feel like to

 hate someone 

who called you 

"OLD NEWS” 

compared to a bitch pushing 30 

youza WHOLE fuckn clown, dawg.

matt did this same shit

move me out for a new side bitch

yet anotehr cis

look at how cute trans love can be

oh

no

NO

no,

no

no

this is what you give me:

laughter.

BC what fucking luck.

BUT IT’S gotta be TROOF

  s ince you don’t lie?/?

shit I LAUGHED TOO:

it sounds like….

NEITHER OF US

KNEW WHAT COULD

HAVE BROUGHT US

HERE, ELI.

maybe you nursing poison in your own home

and telling me i’m making you feel unwelcomed

on a blog and not to my face did it

fuckingggggggggg. why’ald.

you think it’s too much sweat????? false. 

that apartment stayed cold.

too many tears?

 ok ok yea troof.

but too much love? forreal?

we?????

ooooop

hoooop!!!

oh, you speakin’ french now. our collective colonizers tongue in 20gayteeeeeeeen?????

CAN’T RELATE 

bc I’M TOOOOOO GAY

wow. we ruined it, fam???? fr fr?

nah, chosen fam.

you ruined us.

you ruined us over:

 a cis girl and

your own impatience

and your own anger.

and my slow brain and my slow body

//

i’m not sure she’d find you from maryland

if you dissociated bc your other semi

 but not 

girlfriend emotionally abused you

until people who didn’t know you were muslim

thought you were fucking drunk

and you fucking stilllllll 

work with her?????

why couldn’t you just wait until she found a new job???

ain’t she trying????

or izzzzzz she??????

hahhnh???

where was the damn rush?????

you’re like two goofy high schoool kids 

reaching for the quickest nuts every 6 hours

 like jesus fuck.

you’re irresponsible as shit telling me i’m a grown man making grown decisions and i see this 

?????

unREASONABLE, ELI.

this isn’t a situation of a kettle calling a pot black

 babe

bc i’m actually Black

and you’re not

but she’s black too.

what did i tell you:

"you datin’ two whole Niggas. if you fight me over her, you will lose either way.”

but instead you called me “obtuse”

SAT words for me

 but not for you…….what.,,,.,,,,,,,, fckn luck……..

what luck,,,,,that the one person who housed me consistently

and kept me alive

when i trusted no one

would call me "old news”

and let their cis girlfriend

 turn herself into your

personal "healing” …...

sibkid. \\\\

howTragic like all of CC’18

you know what happens when you slip and get sloppy and let a baby bitch be responsible for your healing?

she leaves. 

for a real bitch 

with microhealing abilities, 

GOOFY.

she worships a new goddess every friday?????

well, i know only of orixas 

and only of black power

 but from what i know of goddesses OFF of OUR continent…

soooon...

at least one of them WILL want a soul from her

just letting you know it might not have to be hers.

…..OH!

and when i chargedt and openedt my phone after days of wandering. ….the last messages from you are:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID “LEAVE [[[[MMMMMYYYYYYY]]]]]] KEYS”

like a fucking baby.

imagine that.

even to you, i’m still a whore.

out…the…bakc….dooor.

??????

i couldn’t even work a john when i wanted to

 if i was sad about you.

but imagine?????

  a cis-pixie woman older than you

letting you treat her like a child?????

then

imagine me feeling shamed into leaving

bc of pictures of your smiling face

after i cut myself and felt shame 

that

in your unwelcomed  to both me and you

BLOOD

 blood 

is what brings me back

 to life.

how.

fucking.

why’yald.

i blockedt you so that you didn’t lurk.

bc THat is what you do.

instead of speaking with me, 

you seem to have expected me

 to read your blog back 7 years.

and just know all of the fatherly things that trigger you.

like…even during the times when i was afraid of my own phone and laptop for 2 months bc of my sister, brother, and birth parents????

funny how i’m the youngest of us “grown folks” and yet still find that really 

FUCKING

immature.

of YOU

to do

you really never knew me, or did you…..??

you donated to me before you even knew me.

so i know your heart has parts made of gold.

but now you show off your crystals and your gold.~~~

yep.

here we are.

you’ve "only every seen [me] as a boy.”

ok. bet.

and unti this post:

i’ve hardly heard you refer to me as a man.

so:

ain’t you late?

ain’t you late, babe??

ain’t you late?

i’m a year younger than you.

which means if you grown

i musta BEEN a man too, boo.

but you’ll always be

 my favorite accomplice

 and always be my favorite friend too.

but you cannot think you can play me by calling me

 “old too” or “old news"

 for young fish who is basically femme trade

and thinking i won’t cut open a fool.

which coincidentally always happens to be me

she’s hardly out to anybody important and lying at work too.

i must be bigger fool.

bc you knew better and didn’t do better.

but i’m being immature.

  ok ...,.,,.,,

cute.

your pisces moon is keeping you from seeing clearly but that’s what young water seems…to do. to much light reflected; tho it is a fountain of youth.

she’s pushing 30 baby 

but true, you’re her boo.

yea, a childish boo.

you ever wonder why her playlist from you had more songs than ours did?

why she can never keep a man around for valentines day?

oh but don’t you love “patterns”, baby????

unless it’s her leaving shit around the apartment

or her triggering you

or her treating your dick like it’s foreign, 

even to you.

my gay ass was shookedt 

when you told me you voluntarily 

triggered yourself

 for her kitty too

but i AM 

a grown man

 who is “running” from….you

you think that statement is not…. dishonest??

you really think that statement is true???

—

i didn’t run. i just

needed space

and you afforded me none.

you couldn’’t afford it.

february is before march which is before april 

sooooooo it’s always a tight month ain’t it???????

oooooooh but you afforded her plenty.

she gets to take off her fucking pants while i try to figure out if i should move from a spot next to you….

on your fucking bed.

she took off her pants to climb near you before she could even say hi to 

nooonoo

ahh right

and THEN ME.

“Oh, you CAN stay”

that’s what She told me.

and you said nothing.

so i left….the room.

i never run.

you pushed me out with your captain save-a-cis silence.

it’s violence.

and

you’re still pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing 

until me…you know 

i, the "old news” 

just feels like he should just 

fucking fall 

onto the district streets

and she finds it

to her fucking fancy 

to fall

 into your lap

like a damn,,,,zel. 

distressedt.

with a roof over her head outside of your apartment too.

woooooooops!

yip, as she is probably prone to do.

her kind….isn’t new….boo.

her kind isn’t new to me

her kind isn’t new to you

you ever wonder why she feels so familiar to you?

she reminds Me of the girl who told you 

she could never marry you 

and is now trying to date someone just like you

so don’t be so unkind to me 

or to you 

or be so foolish

 as to believe i gave up on you

you gave up on me

and on top of that

you think i just...ran

ran….with what clothing?

the ones you packed up for me and left at the door 

that i was suppose to pick up 

and slide out the back….like a fucking whore?

you just tryna be

a cissie's bae

who stay clownin on trans folks now?

oooooooh issa bet, mo

. i mean.,,,.,,.mhhhh i guess?

—==—

but troooof, i don’t “need" anybody.

but i want you.

but you need her.

that’s how it work, don’t it?????

that’s why you risk job security every day.

and let her leave her panties on my clothes.

and let her tell me i "can stay" in …..A, not MY, spot next to you

in yo'bed?

what fucking fools. the two of you.

but “no one is forcing [me] to"

oh, baby you /are/ forcing me too

i look on your blog and then find out you’ve been feeling “unwelcome in [your] own home”

this whole fucking time

all the way since early november, innit?????

if i love you at all, 

what else am i to do?????????????

??????????????????????????/

know that you will self-destruct 

and just…wait for you to????????????????????

???????????????????????????????/

no

i didn’t run.

you just fucking pushed me.

and you’re still fucking pushing.

and you’ll keep pushing.

bc that is what you do.

embe…..@strawberreli 

se sá’m te konne nu’ou.

you like microblogging so much

so like it if you read this shit