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travllingbunny · 4 years

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The 100 (re-) rewatch: 4x12 The Chosen

4x12 The Chosen

While this is the only penultimate episode in the first 5 seasons that isn’t supposed to be the first part of a two-part finale, half of the episode (the storyline with Clarke, Bellamy and the rest of the team on the mission to fetch Raven) is practically Praimfaya, part 1, while the A storyline feels like the season 4 finale for everyone who is still in the bunker(Kane, Abby, Jaha, Octavia etc.), although she gets two more scenes at the start of 4x13, before that storyline gets a direct continuation in the flashbacks of 5x02, Red Queen.

This episode also feels like the culmination of Kane’s arc. After this, it seemed like the show didn’t really know what to do with him, except to make him a supporting player in the story of Abby’s downward spiral, which really begins here. (I do really like Kane’s final episode in season 6, though.) Jaha will get one last hurray in his important role in Red Queen, but after this, it feels like the leadership baton has really been passed to the younger generation.

My thoughts on the complicated grey moral issues from this episode and season 4 in general got too long when I finished writing them, so I’ve put them in this previous post.

Other thoughts on the episode are below.

This may be my favorite Abby moment in several seasons: going back on her previous statement that “Maybe there are no good guys” (from the season 2 finale) and telling Clarke that yes, there are good guys, and Clarke is one. She is a hero. It’s also a sign of the show starting to show that moral relativism of that kind is not its final statement on morality. Sadly, Clarke does not quite believe her (as we will see in 5x01, she still tends to think “There are no good guys”, and even after changing her mind and accepting Monty’s message to “Be good guys”, she still doubts in 6x02 that she is one of them – even hearing Abby in her mind, voicing Clarke’s own guilt and self-loathing, telling her she is not one of the good guys.) Instead, she is looking towards Bellamy – wondering if he will forgive her (which he does, just a few hours later) and needing to know if he also thinks that she is one of the good guys.

I’ve always thought that the moment in 4x11 when she aimed a gun at Bellamy and burst into tears as she realized she couldn’t do it, was what finally pushed Clarke to fully understand and admit to herself how she felt about him. When we see everyone at the start of 4x12, Bellamy is brooding and looking at no one, while Clarke is hyper-focused on him.

This is the last time Clarke and Niylah see each other before Praimfaya and the six-year time jump – and it’s a bit sad that Clarke doesn’t even seem to say goodbye to her, but – even though Clarke did care for her and has tried to make sure that she survives, Niylah has probably always known that she was not one of the people Clarke feels most strongly for. That was already obvious in 3x11, when Clarke was focused on Bellamy’s emotional state (even though she had learned Niylah had lost her father). Niylah was a good friend (with occasional benefits) who provided some comfort to Clarke when she was traumatized by Mount Weather and wanted to run away from everyone, when she was grieving for Lexa and when she was feeling the pressure of trying to find a solution to save the human race from the upcoming end of the world, but it was also a way for Clarke to avoid the potential pain of a relationship with someone she really loves. In any case, this short scene is where Clarke barely even sees Niylah or can’t pay attention to her because her focus is elsewhere - is very telling.

Later on, after Bellamy, Clarke and others leave, Octavia saves Niylah when she almost finds herself thrown out by both Grounders and Arkers – which makes her later devotion to Octavia perfectly understandable. Niylah’s laid-back, kind and empathetic nature (she doesn’t blame the Arkers who wanted her to throw her out for being a Grounder and points out it’s a result of people being afraid) seems like a perfect foil to Octavia’s anger. Unfortunately, as we saw in season 5, Niylah proved to be way too adoring of Octavia and unable to challenge her and help her moderate her actions.

During season 6, I’ve seen a comparison made between Abby bringing Kane back through bodysnatching to Kane saving Abby against her wishes in 4x12, but I don’t agree with that: it’s a very different thing to have to actively kill someone you love, and I think it was very unfair of Abby to ask that of Kane. She could have committed suicide instead, like Jasper did. She was not able to do the same herself – she smashed the radiation chamber in order not to risk Clarke’s life, she opened the bunker because she wasn’t able to let Kane die, so why did she expect him to be that strong, or that able to turn off his emotions, to actively kill the person he loves?

What in the world made Jaha think that Octavia would respond well to him, of all people, appealing to her loyalty to Arkers as “her people”? This is the second time in season 4 that a Blake sibling has called out one of the Ark leaders for what they did to them back on the Ark (after Bellamy told Kane “You floated my mother” in 4x07), and I really liked that. Forgiveness is nice, but it’s even nicer when people are not pretending that everything has been forgotten.

We’ve had so many instances of Bellamy saying “My sister, my responsibility”, and in season 5 we’ll get Octavia saying “My brother, my responsibility”, but here we get a unique version of that with her saying “My people, my responsibility”- in the same meaning that Bellamy said “My sister, my responsibility” in 5x08 after poisoning Octavia. Is this the first time she’s called Arkers “my people”? In any case, one noticeable change from seasons 1-3 Octavia is that, in season 4, she no longer says she is a Grounder –which used to annoy me every time, because it made no sense. It’s not like that’s a lifestyle and you choose it and just need to decide you’re a Grounder. By season 4, she seems to have realized that Grounders will always think of her as “Sky girl”, so she doesn’t feel that she belongs to the either group. Until she decides to make them all into one group, Wonkru. (Not that this will end “Us vs Them” divisions – because the Eligius prisoners will become “Them” in season 5!)

It’s not just Indra who’s had an “Enemies to Lovers” relationship with guns! Grounders have now raided the Arker supply to get the guns for the expected battle with them. OK, but how many of them have had even the basic training? We know some did in the camp in season 2. Have they been training the others? Has Indra? On the other hand, not all Arkers are guards or former guards, or Delinquents who needed to train in season 1, and everyone (except maybe Bryan) from the Farm Station is dead, so I don’t know how many Arkers are that good with guns, either, and having half of the numbers of the present Grounders (many – most? – of whom were probably warriors, knowing what Grounder culture values) sure wouldn’t have helped.

I don’t know if this is the first time Jaha has allowed someone (Kane) to change his mind, but it is sure a rare moment, whether he did it because he realized that the last remnants of the human race killing each other a day before the apocalypse was bad for the human race, or because he realized that Arker chances were not the best and that they could have all been killed.

This episode has obvious parallels and contrasts with 1x05 Twilight’s Last Gleaming, and it bookmarks Kane’s arc really well. Unlike the first culling, which Kane deeply regretted when he realized it wasn’t necessary, this one is, but few people are volunteering to die this time. One exception is David Miller, taking himself out of the lottery to give his son more chance to survive – another example of a parent sacrificing themselves for their child, which recalls Tor Lemkin’s sacrifice for his daughter.

In the end, Clarke’s list did end up being significant, but Kane and Jaha still would have a few spots to fill, since some of the people on the list were not there (Raven, Clarke, Bellamy) while Octavia did not count, but since Octavia left them with 99 spots, giving one to Niylah, that means they had 3 spots to fill with others. One of them was Miller (who did get chosen in the lottery) and I’m guessing that the other two were probably also lottery winners that Kane had already announced before the riot started.

The show was still trying to justify its name, with this storyline of having to choose 100 people to survive. Then it gave up in seasons 5-6.

By the end of season 4, and Murphy and Bellamy were still not friends, and Bellamy still didn’t trust Murphy and thought of him as someone who cares only for himself. Clarke had, by that time, spent more time around Murphy post-season 2 and gotten to know him better, and be aware of his love for Emori. But Murphy’s change has been about having someone he loves, and starting to care for his friends – it’s never been about starting to care about general morality or the lives of random people he doesn’t know. He’s never been that guy, so his season 6 arc of wanting to become a bodysnatching Prime wasn’t really a big surprise.

(Interesting how we see characters say this line to or about someone they love._

Murphy was never troubled with ethical dilemmas of whether to sacrifice someone he loves to save a greater number of people, which also means he is really not troubled by the hypocrisy of being angry whenever he or Emori seem deemed disposable, while he’s at the same time treating many other people as disposable. For instance, in 4x08, he was very much in favor of testing someone for Nightblood, pointing out that it can save them all, and even admired Emori for getting that random thief to get tested instead of (potentially her) – and only became upset and angry when it was his girlfriend who was going to be tested. This time, he sounds points to Bellamy that he “killed them” (him and Emori) by opening the bunker, since they have no chance of having a seat saved for them. True enough, but what did he expect? That Bellamy would let his sister die to save him and Emori a spot in the bunker?

The reason Bellamy forgives Clarke pretty quickly after she tells him she’s sorry, is because he completely understands where she’s coming from. And he knows he means to her a lot. Just like he understood her motives in season 5, because he had been there himself – but what upset him in S5 was that he started to think she didn’t care about him. Which is why he immediately forgave her when he realized how wrong he was about that. Bellamy and Clarke can quickly forgive each other because they understand each other better than anyone and can empathize with the tough decisions they have to make.

In this episode, they go back and forth, discussing that issue, whether to try to potentially save everyone, or to save a close friend who would definitely die otherwise. First it was Bellamy calling out Clarke on having been willing to leave Raven out of the bunker to die. Later, Bellamy is the one to bring up saving everyone - suggesting that, if Nighblood works, they should go back so Abby could make everyone Nightbloods; and it’s Clarke who retorts that it would mean that can’t save Raven. (I don’t like when people exaggerate the whole “Head and Heart” thing to the point that they try to make it look like Clarke is always driven by logic and Bellamy by emotion. It is much more complicated than that.) But I don’t know how I’d feel if it turned out that they wasted a chance to save hundreds of people in order to save their friend. This is not the case though, because, as Clarke points out, it’s too late to see Nightblood tested – as it would take days – and they couldn’t even convince people to let them in the bunker if she was sick, let alone start making people Nightbloods based on that.

If Monty and Harper hadn’t come to save the group when they had lost their car, and instead had gone straight to Polis, would they have been left outside of the bunker?

One of the rare interactions between Clarke and Echo happen when Echo tells Clarke: “I was just trying to save my people. Was that so bad?”, and Clarke obviously empathizes with her. Clarke has constantly shown the ability to empathize with people, even her enemies.

On the other hand, when it turns out that Emori’s suit has been torn a bit and she’s starting to get radiation poisoning, Murphy’s first instinct is to suggest to take Echo’s suit by force, and he points out that she had followed them and saved them just out of self-interest. Which is true, though I don’t think Murphy is right that Echo would’ve attacked them. That wouldn’t have helped her. I think she was waiting for a chance to prove herself useful, make them owe her, so they would let her in the lighthouse bunker, exactly as she told them. Quid pro quo. But the same is true of Murphy and Emori – they are also there on the mission because they want to ensure their own survival, so it’s interesting that Murphy – who tends to sees the worst in people – blames Echo for the same things he’s himself guilty of.

I remember someone arguing that Clarke didn’t sacrifice herself for her friends in 4x13, because she would have died anyway if he didn’t align the satellite dish. True, she would have, but let’s note the fact that Clarke had a guaranteed spot in the bunker and was going to be safe, if she hadn’t gone on the mission to save Raven.

Let’s also note the fact that Clarke gave her helmet to Emori, risking her life again (since she did not know if the Nightblood solution worked), saving both Emori and potentially Echo. Maybe Murphy, too, since I don’t see Echo just going down lightly and letting him take her helmet off. This is the second time she’s risked her life to save Emori’s, a fact that *cough* certain people tend to forget.

Let’s also note the fact that it was Clarke’s idea that they go to the Ring.

Timeline: This episode begins 23 hours before the death wave is to hit Polis, at least according to the characters’ calculations (though those have proven to be unreliable throughout season 4, as the death wave proven to be much faster than anticipated). It’s mentioned that the team going to retrieve Raven will need 10 hours to Becca’s lab on the science island. However, they lost a lot of time because of the attack, losing the car, problems with anti-radiation helmets, before meeting up with Monty and Harper and getting another mode of transport. By the end of this episode, they have arrived to Becca’s lab, and by that time, the death wave has already hit Arkadia, though that’s unimportant as everyone who was there was already dead or had left.

My re-rewatch has also helped me figure out the timeline of season 4 more precisely. At the beginning of 4x04, Roan says it has been 3 weeks since they made the alliance (which means, 3 weeks since 4x01). Since 4x02 was set 9 days since Clarke destroyed the City of Light, this means that these were rare moments when some time passed between episodes: 8-9 days between 4x01 and 4x02, and additional 10-12 days spent in doing repairs on Arkadia, before, during and after 4x03. But since 4x04, things have been happening very quickly: 4x05 started soon after 4x04 (the period of time Octavia needed to reach Arkadia after Ilian found her, and less than the Azgeda army needed to march to Arkadia from Polis), 4x06 on the next morning, and Clarke was already in the lab in 4x07, making it all just a couple of days. And in 4x07, the characters said the death wave was coming in 10 days. So, the entirety of season 4 lasted just a little over a month (and seasons 1-4, minus the last few minutes of the season 4 finale – a little over 6 and a half months). Not only was ALIE wrong when she thought Praimfaya was coming in 6 months, but Raven’s assessment, made 9 days later, that it was coming in “2 months or less” was not entirely wrong only because it turned out to be less – half of that time.

Body count: Several desperate Grounders who were trying to steal the anti-radiation suits. (What were their further plans, if any? Where did they intend to find shelter during Praimfaya?) One of them practically threw himself in front of the car and was over by Bellamy. “As if he wanted to die”, Clarke said – and he probably did. I can see why a quick death by your own choice and helping your friends would be preferable to a horrific death in a death wave or slowly from radiation. The seven others were killed - six by Echo, one by Bellamy.

Hundreds of other people, including over 300 Arkers, were left outside of the bunker, so while they did not die in this episode, they were practically left for dead, which makes this episode one of the most heartbreaking ones. At least one of them chose it – David Miller, who gave his lottery spot to his son Nathan, in another case of a parent sacrificing themselves to give a chance to their child (which reminds me of the first culling and Tor Lemkin). Ethan’s father (the same guy who was giving speeches against Ilian in 4x06 and who now started the riot with Jaha) is certainly among those who were left outside, asking Jaha to take care of his son. Which we will, but not for long, as Jaha himself would die not long after, during Kara Cooper’s rebellion. Cooper’s husband was also among those left outside, while she was presumably counted as essential personnel.

Rating: 10/10

#the 100 #the 100 rewatch #the 100 4x12 #the chosen #the 100 season 4 #clarke griffin #bellamy blake #john murphy #octavia blake #thelonius jaha #abby griffin #marcus kane #the 100 re-rewatch #the 100 timeline

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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663.

The Collector : What is in your Nine Inch Nails collection? What are you favourite items to own? >> I don’t have an NIN collection. I just took this survey because it seemed to have okay questions when I skimmed it. (Only these first four are questions about the band, lol.)

Deep : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Music Video? >> Closer, I guess. It’s the only one I remember aside from Only, which wasn’t all that interesting (song’s catchy, though).

The Frail : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Album? >> The Downward Spiral, I suppose. Never really thought about it. Year Zero was good too.

All The Love In The World : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Song? >> I don’t have one. There are a fair few that I like, of course, but I’ve never looked at one and thought “this one is my absolute favourite of all the NIN songs I know”.

Happiness In Slavery : Do you enjoy your job or school life? >> I don’t have either of those and I’m quite content that way.

Burning Bright (Field on Fire) - Do You Feel That During The Years As You Have Grown Up, You Feel Reborn? >> Death and rebirth is kind of just a theme with me, in general.

The Fragile : Do You Think You Can Fix A Broken Person? >> I think a person that feels broken can eventually come to feel less so. I don’t think that it’s anyone else’s responsibility to guide them there. I do think that other people can be a vital source of support and encouragement during that process, if they choose to be.

Ringfinger - What Are Your Feelings On Marriage/Relationships? >> I think marriage and romantic relationships are, you know, great. I don’t necessarily want to partake in romance, myself, but I see their value for others. (And, obviously, I see the legal/social value for marriage, seeing as that’s mostly why I agreed to it in the first place.)

Terrible Lie - What Is The Biggest Lie You Were Ever Told? >> I have no idea. One time my father didn’t tell me our puppy had run away or gotten loose or whatever until I kept asking where he was. I thought that was dumb.

Help Me I Am In Hell - What Is Your Worst Nightmare? >> I have no idea.

Gave Up - What Is Your Go-To Thing To Calm You Down When You Are Pissed Off? >> Venting to Can Calah. It’s about the safest thing I can do, because I tend to behave irrationally and potentially make things worse when I’m upset.

A Warm Place - Your Favourite Place To Be? >> In my bed, tbh.

While I’m Still Here - How Would You Like To Be Remembered? >> I’ve never given it much thought. I figure it’s beyond my control anyway.

Copy of A - Do You Believe We Are In A Simulation? >> No, but I’m always willing to entertain the idea for thought experiments.

The Becoming - Can You Open Up To Other People Easily? >> Not. At. All.

Underneath It All - Are You Over Your Worst Experience? >> Of course not. Repetitive trauma has left indelible marks on my body and mind. The more I try to pretend otherwise, the worse things get, so I might as well acknowledge it.

Love Is Not Enough - Do You Believe In “Second Chances”? >> Sure. They just don’t have to come from me.

Sunspots - Are You Afraid of Growing Older? >> Nah. I am afraid of becoming infirm, or losing senses, that sort of thing. But not just of growing older in general.

Sin - What Is Your Ultimate Pleasure? >> I have no idea.

Something I Can Never Have - If You Could Say Anything To The One Who Got Away, What Would It Be? >> I don’t have anyone like that.

Dear World, : How Do You Sleep? >> Fitfully, a lot of the time. I was sleeping consistently well for a while but in the last few months it’s been a roller coaster.

I’m Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally : Have you ever lost someone who meant everything to you? >> Sure. Eventually, I figured out that no one can actually mean everything to me, and cut that maudlin shit out.

La Mer : Do you love the ocean or do you have a fear of it? >> I love it and I fear it.

March of the Pigs : Do you eat meat? >> Yeah.

Closer : Do you choose to follow a religion? >> I’m considering it, but it’s a constant source of debate in my head right now. Mostly because I have this idea of religion as a restrictive thing, something that would take away from my personal sense of freedom rather than complementing my search for meaning or whatever. It’s something I feel like I need to discuss with someone other than, you know, my own self, to get some perspective aside from my own, but I have no idea with whom.

Starfuckers Inc. - Celebrities You Think Are Attractive? >> Meh.

Shit Mirror - Are you afraid of where the world is currently heading? >> No. I understand why people are, of course. I just... personally can’t afford to expend any energy on fearing for the future. I have enough on my plate with the present.

I’m Afraid of Americans - Do you follow politics or do you choose to stay out of that stuff? >> I choose to keep my political consumption to a minimum. For one, it legitimately doesn’t interest me most of the time. But also, like... it’s all a shitshow. I don’t think my life is enriched by knowing every little thing going on in Washington, or obsessively watching Democratic debates to figure out who is “best”. I don’t fucking know. I can’t be bothered. I’m legitimately just going to vote for whoever ends up on the blue side of the ballot in November, and hope for the best.

In This Twilight - If the end was nigh, how would you choose to go out? >> I mean, I doubt I’d be able to choose.

Year Zero : Do you have plans for the apocalypse? >> No. I don’t believe in the apocalypse and I tend not to plan for things I don’t actually expect to happen.

The Downward Spiral : Do You Feel Like You Have you reached your lowest point and have you recovered since? >> I don’t know if I’ve reached my lowest point. I’ve reached very, very low points. I think that’s enough. I’d rather not try to see if I can get lower.

Hurt : If you could, would you re-start your life again? >> Please, god, no.

The Wretched : What Do You Hate In Life? >> I hate the lasting effect of trauma.

The Lovers : Do You Have Any Vices? >> Sure. Drinking, mostly.

Maybe Just Once : Do You Feel Like a Lucky Person When It Comes to Love? >> I don’t really know what that means. I’d dare say that I’m pretty unlucky in love in general, because I... have not ever had much of it.

Gunshots by Computer : What Are Your Thoughts On Modern Technology? >> I mean, I love it? It has its downsides like anything else, but I love it all the same.

That’s What I Get : Did You Ever Have an Emo Phase? >> Nah. I pretty much stuck with goth through everything.

Not So Pretty Now: Who Is Your Most Disliked “Celebrity”? >> ---

Every Day Is Exactly The Same : Do You Feel Like You Are Stuck In The Same Routine In Life? >> Well, right now, I kind of do keep to the same routine all the time. I don’t think that I’m necessarily stuck, I just... live like this. It’s fine, for the most part. I’ve had a lot of excitement in the past, it’s not necessarily how I want to live my life all the time.

Get Down, Make Love : Do You Have a Cover Song That Tops The Original? >> Yeah, there are quite a few covers that I prefer to the original. Dream Theater’s cover of Rainbow’s Stargazer is an example.

Screaming Slave : Do You Prefer Heavier Music or Softer Music? >> I like both.

Ahead of Ourselves : Do You Think Toxic People Can Change? >> I think anyone can change. Whether they will or not is the question, not whether they can.

Leaving Hope : Is There A Song That You Listen To That Just Emotionally Destroys You? >> Sure, I guess.

Somewhat Damaged : Have you ever been in a full on physical fight? >> Yeah.

Piggy : Have you ever been betrayed in some way by a person you cared about? >> Eh, maybe. That’s not really the verb I’d use, though.

Lights In The Sky : Thoughts On The Possiblity of an Afterlife? >> The possibility is always interesting to consider.

Big Man With A Gun - Are You For Capital Punishment? >> I really have no opinion.

Eraser : What Would Your Ideal Final Words Be? >> ---

Ghosts I-IV : Do You Have Any Supernatural Beliefs? >> Some would say. Those aren’t the words I would use, though.

You Know What You Are? - Thoughts On Fake People? >> I don’t know any fake people.

Home : Where On Earth Right Now Would You Like To Be? >> I’m fine right here. We just washed bed linens and it’s always nice to burrow into a clean bed.

I’m Not From This World : What song just gives you the creeps? >> I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about a song.

And The Sky Began To Scream : Thoughts on How To Destroy Angels? >> I like a couple of songs. I haven’t really heard anything aside from that one EP, because I kind of keep forgetting to check out their other works.

Tapeworm : Do you have an embarassing illness/accident story you are willing to share? >> I don’t have any stories like that.

Fist fuck : Do you have any kinks/turn ons/turn offs? >> Yes.

Everything : Do you feel free? >> I guess. I never really thought about it, but generally, yes, I am free.

The New Flesh : Favourite horror film? >> I don’t know. I am very fond of the Hellraiser franchise in general, but not necessarily because of the quality of the films, if that makes sense... Oh, there’s also Event Horizon, that’s a horror movie and an overall favourite of mine.

#surveys #survey #themed survey

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hybridfanfiction · 5 years

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Lost In The Echo - 2

Pairing: Keith x Labrador hybrid Lance

Summary: After his brother went MIA, Keith’s life began to fall apart. He dropped out of high school and got a job, barely doing enough for himself to survive. He’s reached the point where even he is worried about how far he’s fallen into the depths of his depression. After learning about emotional support hybrids, he takes a chance and adopts a Lab hybrid named Lance.

Word Count: 3033

Requested

It was nearly closing time when Keith finally stood outside of the hybrid shelter, fidgeting with his hood so it covered as much of his face as possible. It had been a long time since he’d left his apartment for the sole reason of interacting with other people. That alone makes him nervous enough, but he knew what was causing his feet to act like they were glued to the pavement was the particular person he had to interact with.

Katie Holt was a spitfire on a good day and terrifying on the bad ones. She had once held the title of Keith’s best friend (rather loosely, he’d never said it but he’d never stopped her when she claimed it) and more than likely had felt betrayed when Keith just took off without a word. He knew when he managed to grow enough balls to walk inside he’d meet with the face he’d pictured a million times the past couple years - Eyes bright was anger and hurt, hissing at him like an angry kitten. He knew he deserved it.

He squared his shoulders and willed his feet to move, wanting to get the inevitable over with. Once inside, he paused to take in the atmosphere with a bit of surprise. The decor was light and cheery, with hybrids and families openly meeting in a floor to ceiling windowed playroom. The hybrids themselves all looked happy and well cared for, playing games or watching TV. Keith had always figured a shelter would look more like...well, an animal shelter. With cages and crying animals, workers giving you the stinkeye and demanding a donation to even look at the animals. This place looked more like a high-class resort inside.

Keith pulled the hood from his head and ruffled his hair a bit, suddenly feeling way too underdressed with the ancient hoodie that he’d stolen from Takashi years ago and his ripped jeans that were less a product of fashion and more him not caring enough to buy new ones. He awkwardly walked towards the unmanned front desk and just stood there waiting, no sign of a bell or any way to call for help.

Just as he was contemplating making a run for it, he heard a familiar voice coming closer from a nearby closed door. He watched it open in slow motion, knowing he probably looked like a scared rabbit about to bolt.

Their eyes met, and instead of the scorn and vicious anger he’d anticipated, they were soft and glistening with growing tears.

“Keith...” she uttered with a faint almost reverent voice, rushing towards him and pulling him into a tight hug. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders to hold her close, offering a little half smile to the top of her head.

“Hey, Katie Kat.”

They stood there for what seemed like hours, though it was mere moments. Keith couldn’t even remember the last time he’d hugged someone. Katie was probably the last one, honestly.

“You’re not stabbing me. Aren’t you mad at me?”

She didn’t move her face out of his chest, but he felt her grip on him tighten.

“I was. For a while. Then...I was just sad. I missed you and I was so worried. I was upset that you didn’t trust me or want my help. And Matt kept asking about you, checking to see I’d heard from you yet, and it hurt always having to tell him no.”

Keith felt guiltier than ever. “It wasn’t like that, Pidge. I was just so angry and - well, you know what happens when I get angry.”

“You do stupid shit.”

Keith chuckled and pulled her away from him so he could take a good look at her. She still kept up with the short hair that suited her so well and the glasses he knew that she didn’t even need; she just liked the look of them. She’d grown a bit taller and her face was sharper. He couldn’t believe how much she’d changed in just a few years. She looked every bit a grown ass adult that had her shit together. He felt proud knowing that even if he was a dud, his friends were doing damn good.

His musings were interrupted when her foot suddenly slammed into his shin, making him cry out and hop a couple times in pain. He glared at the smirking woman as he reached down to rub the ache.

“What the hell, Pidge. That hurt.”

“Good, now we’re even,” she sniffed, then turned and grabbed a clipboard from the front desk.

“When Hunk told me he’d run into you, I thought I was shocked enough. Then he told me he thought he might have talked you into getting one of our support hybrids, and Lance at that. I felt like I’d entered the Twilight Zone.”

Keith felt a twinge of unease when he realized both Hunk and Pidge talked about this hybrid like he would be crazy to get him, yet they still kept mentioning only his name.

“Is he that bad of a match then?”

“No, actually. At first glance he probably is. On the surface, the two of you are complete opposites. He’s loud where you’re quiet, he’s obnoxiously outgoing where you’re introverted. He’s an unapologetic flirt, you run to the bathroom when Stacy Cobb tries to ask you to prom,” she adds that last bit with a teasing grin as Keith groans.

“You guys will never let that die, will you?”

“Nope,” Pidge smirks mischievously and pulls him with her towards the windowed playroom.

They stand there for a moment in silence as Keith tries to guess which of the hybrids is Lance. There are probably at least forty people in the massive room, so he had no way of picking him out.

Pidge sighs and reaches out to squeeze his hand comfortingly before continuing.

“Like I said, at first glance you guys seem like an impossible match. But I have the advantage of knowing what you both have under your armor. You’re both loyal, intelligent, and passionate. Courageous.”

Keith snorts at that one but she smacks him lightly with the back of her hand on his chest.

“I’m serious. It may not seem like it from your end, but you’ve always been the brave one. There’s a difference between being heartbroken and being a coward, Keith. Not to mention just coming here today for a support animal is incredibly brave of you. It means you recognize you have a problem and you’re going out of your way to solve it when you could just have easily ignored Hunk and kept to yourself.”

She sighs dramatically. “Unfortunately, you and Lance are also both stubborn and competitive, so I anticipate some clashing heads no matter what,” she snorts, bumping Keith’s shoulder.

“However, the trait that you both share that won me over is how you both go all in, and when you care about someone you give them everything. I think that’s what both of you need. You need who will make you a priority and not let you get away with your crap. He needs someone that wants him - that will accept and need him. He’s got a huge heart just waiting for the right person.”

Keith swallows nervously. “I don’t know. This is starting to sound super serious.”

Pidge glances up with a quirked brow. “It is super serious. You’re not just renting him until you feel better, Keith. You’d be taking him into your home and making him your family. He’s trained to focus on you and your needs, true, but he’s still a person with thoughts and feelings and needs of his own. He’s not there to replace Shiro - no one can. But it’s okay to live and love and have a family that cares about you even though he’s gone. He would want that for you.”

He nods silently, because logically he knows she’s right. Doesn’t make it any easier.

“Do you...do you think he’s still alive out there?” he asks softly, and the hand gripping his squeezes gently.

“I think if anyone has a chance of surviving the impossible, it’s him.”

“Yeah,” he sighs wistfully as they lapse into silence again, watching the activity in the room.

“KEITH!”

He finds himself suddenly wrenched away from Pidge and into the perfumed embrace of yet another of his old friends, Allura. She was as beautiful as ever, with her long flowing hair and sophisticated manner. Behind her stood a woman that looked ridiculously similar in style to Allura, except her long hair was blond. She was watching the two hug with a fond smile as she observed Allura happily gushing over Keith.

“Oh, Keith. I missed you! We all did. I am so happy you’re here,” Allura exclaimed, pulling back to observe him.

“You’re far too thin, however. I’m surprised Hunk let you get away from him looking like that.”

“He didn’t. He stuffed me until I fell asleep.”

The girls snicker, then Allura brings forward the blonde woman, looping her arm with hers.

“Keith, this is our girlfriend Romelle.”

Keith tried to hide his shock as best as he could, reaching out to shake the blushing woman’s hand.

“It’s uh...nice to meet you.”

He glanced over at Pidge when the coast was clear, mouthing ‘Our?’ She winks and holds a hand up, silently telling him she’d explain in a bit.

“I’m going to demand an old fashioned dinner at Uncle Coran’s soon because we all need to catch up, but you’re probably anxious to meet Lance. I’ll go get him for you!” Allura smiled brightly and hugged him once more before dragging Romelle off with her towards the back.

“So ‘Our’, huh?” Keith turned to a smirking Pidge with a raised eyebrow.

She shrugged, trying to act like there wasn’t a smug cloud circling the air above her.

“Yeah, you know. The whole not being into sex thing never went away, and the more serious things got with Allura and me, the more I worried about it. I mean, we’ve been together since high school so she’d never even gotten the chance to do anything but kiss because I actually enjoy that, but I knew she wasn’t like me. She kept saying she was fine with it and that she loved me no matter what. I believed her and we weren’t actively looking to add another, but then Romelle started working here.” Pidge shakes her head with a smile, sighing wistfully.

“She fit in with us so well that it took us a while to realize she was basically already a part of us, just without, you know, titles and stuff. So we asked her out and here we are. Allura gets to do all the gross bedroom aerobics she wants, I still get all the cuddles and kisses I want times two. At first, I thought she was only in it for Allura, which would have been fine with me too, but then we kinda fell in love too. It’s been a whole...thing.”

Keith chuckles quietly, bumping fondly against her.

“Leave it to you to end up with the hot harem.”

She groans dramatically, sporting a shy smile. “Oh my god, shut up.”

Loud chattering echos down the hallway and they both turn to watch as Allura and Romelle return to them.

Keith inhales sharply as the person in the middle of the two women smiles at him. The smile alone is stunning, wide and beaming. But the whole package...Jesus. He was beautiful. Slender but lightly muscled bronze-toned skin that he wondered if it was as soft as it looked. Gorgeous eyes and an ass that wouldn’t quit. Golden brown hair - topped with floppy chocolate-colored ears. Because, oh yeah, he’s a hybrid.

Keith cringed at in inner thoughts, trying to drag them out of the gutter. He wasn’t sure, of course, but he assumed hybrids stuck to their own kind and didn’t like humans in that way. Keith observed the happy sway of the other’s dark brown tail and thought it was more likely the poor thing would run away screaming if he’d just heard Keith’s thoughts about him.

“Hi! I’m Lance!” the hybrid grins and sticks out his free hand; his other one holding a duffle bag so stuffed he wondered how he’d gotten the zipper closed.

“Uh, hi. I’m Keith,” he mutters shyly, shaking Lance’s hand. Lance’s large warm hand that was oh so soft.

No! Stop it, Keith.

“So,” Pidge started as she ruffled through some papers, handing a couple to Keith. “The paperwork is already finished. I did it all as soon as I heard. The fee is waived, as I’m sure Hunk told you I’d do already. His official adoption certificate will be ready in a couple days because I like to get them notarized, but I won’t give it to you until after the probational period.”

“Probation?” Keith repeated, crinkling his nose in confusion.

“Yeah. Our support hybrids generally work with individuals with like, PTSD or other trauma. Sometimes it turns out that they need more than a hybrid can give or they just aren’t a good fit. So probation. A month to see if you think it’s a good fit. If at the end of the month it’s not working, no hard feelings. We’ll pair you up with someone else, or help you figure out something else that might help you. I have a really good feeling about the two of you though.”

Keith hums as he looks over Lance’s information, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. Same age as him, has been in the shelter for about a year, high marks in all of his training classes.

“What about you, Lance? Are you okay coming home with me? They told you about me, right? And I’m way more messed up than they even know.” Keith asks, finally meeting the hybrid’s warm gaze straight on. Pidge clicks her tongue with disapproval as he basically talks himself down.

“Oh yeah. I’ve totally trained for this, man. Plus, you smell great. And you’re pretty, even if you have a mullet.”

Keith blushes and sighs as Pidge falls into unrestrained laughter.

“It just grows that way,” she giggled, using air quotations to mock him.

“Anyway...is that all of your things?” he asks the hybrid, gesturing towards the duffle bag.

Lance nods and wiggles it a bit. “Didn’t want to collect too much and have to move everything whenever I got my assignment.”

“We’re including vouchers for buying Lance more clothing and supplies since he’s a support hybrid, so you don’t have to worry about that,” Pidge adds.

“Okay. Uh, should we go home now? It’s getting late and you guys are closing soon, right?”

“Yup. You two are free to go. Just keep your phone handy, because we’ll be calling and texting you like crazy now that we have you back in our grasp, asshole,” Pidge grumbled even as she squeezed Keith into a quick hug. “Also, we’ll be staying away from the apartment for only one week. Take the time to get to know Lance and get settled, then we’ll be on you like fleas. And expect a phone call from Coran demanding your attendance to Sunday dinners.”

“Thanks, Katie Kat. For everything,” he said softly, trying to convey everything he felt into those few words. Her eyes softened as she nodded, automatically knowing what he was trying to get across like no time had passed. Damn, he really had missed his friends.

“Bye, Lance. Take care of Keith, okay. And don’t let him get away with being a brat,” she turned to hug the hybrid who happily accepted her embrace before turning to the other two women, hugging them as well.

“See ya, Princess,” he added towards Allura, shooting her finger guns that she rolled her eyes at, though she was grinning.

“Have a good time, Lance. Be sure to call if you or Keith need our assistance. Keith, it was so very good to see you again. I look forward to Sunday dinner,” Allura winked and walked them towards the front door and watched them walk to the car, waving until it was out of sight.

❦

Keith ushered the hybrid into the apartment, extremely relieved that Hunk had helped him the previous night with cleaning. It was still an unimpressive place, but at least it didn’t look like a hoarder’s home anymore.

The hybrid set his bag on the floor and glanced around, his nose wiggling as he scented the place. Keith hoped it didn’t smell like the trash that had built up still.

“So, uh, it’s just me here and I’ve basically been using the couch. I can keep doing that because I only have one room. You’re free to take it.”

Lance looks at him sharply, assessing him in a way that nearly made him feel uncomfortable. Like he was just an open book to the hybrid.

Finally, Lance shakes his head. “Nope. We start out how we mean to go on. Part of healing is routine, as boring as that sounds. Same bed, same time. No couches or mats on the floor. Bed, 10:00pm bedtime.”

“Bedtime? I have a bedtime?” Keith scoffs.

“Uh huh. Ten to six is your sleeping schedule. Learn it, live it, love it.”

Keith almost wanted to laugh, like really laugh, at the ridiculous hybrid.

“Yeah, okay.”

Lance perked up and directed Keith towards the bathroom.

“Great! I’m so happy you agree because it’s bedtime right now. Let’s brush our teeth and hit the sack.”

Keith huffed but let Lance direct him through preparing for bed, deciding it was easier to do so. Besides, he’d already used up more energy today than he had in...he didn’t know. Years maybe. He was actually pretty freaking tired.

Eventually, he found himself laying on his back in his little used bed, the warmth of the hybrid snuggled in next to him seeping into his bones. It was crazy how comfortable Lance seemed to be with him already, but instead of questioning it, he simply closed his eyes and followed him into sleep.

#hybrid #hybrid au #voltron #vld #hybrids #hybrid!au #hybrid fanfiction #hybrid!voltron #au #hybrid!lance

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negativereader · 6 years

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The Negative Reader Sporks Marked: Chapter 6

Alright, last chapter, Zoey was a complete and total idiot, nearly got herself killed, hit her head, and had a dream about Nyx who, for some reason that’s beyond me, has decided that Zoey is the specialist little snowflake to ever fall from heaven, so she’s going to be Nyx’s ‘eyes and ears’ in the real world.

This is an idea that even Zoey doesn’t think is good.

This chapter, we’re going to meet some people who I hate and have some smug conversations.

I want to go back and read Twilight.

That is how bad this book is, guys, I like Twilight better than it. Bella is a less obnoxious character. And…honestly…the world has more internal consistency.

So, the chapter begins with some Cherokee song that sounds really, really poorly translated. Now this could be a good touch. For instance, Zoey could say that it was a lullaby that she used to be sung as a child. Or at least we could get the significance of the song at some level. However, we don’t really get a reason why the song is being sung or what the song actually means, just that it’s old. As such, it’s not something that I am particularly invested in. It’s just sort of there to remind us again that Zoey is part Native American, and I’m supposed to be impressed by this for some reason.

“I’d felt so crappy lately…except I couldn’t remember why. Huh. Odd.” (43)

Ok, so this is a POV problem right here. I’ve mentioned it a few times in this blog, but first person, while a strong point of view that allows the reader to get a very close insight into the character, has a few problems. The first is the fact that it’s extremely limiting. You cannot narrate anything that happens outside of the character’s point of view, and another is that, while it’s completely possible to narrate something that happened that a character won’t remember in third person, doing so in first is a whole lot trickier. How is it that Zoey, who narrated the whole thing, not be able to remember what happened to her? If she doesn’t remember, then how are we getting the details of this? When is the story being told? If this was first person, present, it would actually work better, since it’s been told as Zoey is experiencing something.

Get used to it though. This is one of the Casts favorite narrative tricks, and it is incredibly annoying.

Granny’s voice keeps singing, and Zoey finally remembers what happened. Now, I could say that this excuses, the whole ‘forgot thing’ but it really doesn’t. If she’s going to remember, devoting attention when all you’re saying is “for a moment, I couldn’t remember what was going on or why I was there” in a fancy way is a waste of time and the reader’s attention.

It’s also, as always, really awkwardly written. \~/

Finally, Zoey remembers that she’s turning into a vampire and wakes up.

And we are introduced to the character that I hate most in this series, and who I honestly consider the worst human being in it: Granny Redbird. I despise this woman. But you better get used to her. The Casts seem to have decided that Granny Redbird an example of a supportive adult, despite the fact that I could build a pretty strong case to claim that she’s essentially using Zoey to hurt her daughter for deciding that she didn’t want to subscribe to Granny’s weird little variant of the Cherokee religion. Also, when I say “supportive adult” what I mean is “adult who gives Zoey absolutely everything she wants because she’s just that special”.

As I said before, she reminds me of my maternal grandmother, and that’s not a good thing. Still, as a reminder, judge her actions for yourself. I’m biased.

After a touching moment that would likely mean a lot more if I cared a wit whether or not Zoey lived or died, Zoey asked where she is and what happened, and Granny tells her that she found her unconscious covered in blood, and that her grandmother was scared out of her mind and “so pale that [her] dark crescent seemed to glow against [her] skin” (44).

The Casts are subtle!

And then we get into what I hate this woman. In a very abrupt shift in tone, and with absolutely glee on her face, Grandma tells Zoey that she called Zoey’s mother to tell her that she was taking Zoey to the House of Night, but hung up when Mommy started sounding upset.

Without her permission.

Now, if Grandma had been upset and angry with her daughter for putting Zoey in danger and not behaving like an adult to doing what was best for her child, I would understand. If she was angry that Mommy was so concerned with either what they neighbors were going to say or the fact that she was a vampire, it would make sense and have parallels to several parents who have, for some reason or other essentially abandoned their children. But she’s not. Granny’s acting like it’s a joke. She’s pleased that she’s got this chance to rub the fact that she’s a better person in her daughter’s face.

This has nothing to do with Zoey. Given how quickly Grandma’s attitude shifts, it almost seems that, after showing Zoey that she was worried, her real emotion shows. This happiness doesn’t stem from the fact that her beloved granddaughter is still alive, it’s coming from the fact that she’s one-upped her daughter.

Moving on.

Granny asks what Zoey was doing out in the daylight, which is honestly a very good question, but also asks why Zoey didn’t tell her earlier. Thankfully, this particular weird question is there for a reason since after Zoey explains things from her side, Granny says just climbing out the window to look for her doesn’t make sense.

Which is true for reasons that Granny hasn’t said. I’m going to need to pick that little monster apart so we got a long quote.

“I know,” I sighed. “I can’t believe I got Marked, either. Why me?”

“That’s not what I meant, baby. I’m not surprised you were Tracked and Marked. The Redbird blood has always held strong magic; it was only a matter of time before one of us was Chosen. What I mean is that it makes no sense that you were just Marked. That crescent isn’t an outline. It’s completely filled in.” (45)

First of all, the two word sentence ‘why me’ should be banned in fiction. I hated it when it was used by Garion in the Belgariad, I hated it when it was used by Eragon in Eragon, and I hate it now. It is the most self-pitying, whiny drivel for a main character to say. Even in Tolkien, when Frodo Baggins comes pretty close to it, Gandalf, though kindly, tells him not to think like that.

So, next comes the fact that Zoey’s mark is “now a completed crescent moon, filled in perfectly with the distinctive sapphire blue of the vampire tattoo” (45).

Where do I start?

The Casts are trying hard to justify Zoey’s existence as the main character by quickly making her ‘special’. They’re giving her all the trappings of someone who matters, from Nyx praising her to her tattoo, magically being filled in, which apparently means she’s more mature or something. According to the little guild book (which looks terrible, let me tell you) it means that the change is complete, which is something that shouldn’t happen for four years. All of this is to show us how unique that Zoey is. This is actually a pretty common tactic of new writers. They try to show how interesting the character is by giving them interesting powers.

However, the largest problem with this is actually Zoey herself. She’s got all this specialness dumped on her, but at the same time, there’s nothing about Zoey herself that is particularly interesting. She didn’t earn these powers from my view. She hasn’t done anything particularly brave, particularly mature, particularly kind or even noticeably different than anyone else. She’s not even sympathetic.

This is, of course, a problem with Mary Sues in general. One of the things that actually makes them into Sues is that, at some level, the focus is on the cool powers and abilities that the person has, rather than who they are. The Sue herself is honestly a pretty empty character. There is no amount of interesting powers or plot points that make Zoey special that will make me support her. Zoey has to be someone I would support even if she didn’t have those traits.

Another problem has to do with plot related issues. The Fledging Handbook gives a lot of medical jargon that attempts to prove that it’s not just magic, and there are biological things happening. The problem is that if Nyx decided to speed up a biological process that the book flat states will cause damage as her entire physiology is changed, there will be more damage.

And, of course, that’s another major problem with a Sue. They don’t suffer consequences for either they actions or the price of whatever power that they’ve gotten (unless the author thinks it will garner sympathy).

So, yes, there are major problems.

Zoey looks at herself in the mirror, and we get to learn that somehow, Zoey’s eyes look bigger and her skin is paler. So, apparently, Meyer wasn’t the only one accidentally said that being a vampire makes you white. Good to know. We also are told how exotic looking the tattoo looks, which, given a picture of it, either looks like a bad photoshop job or like she put a sharpie on her forehead and drew a moon.

Not particularly exotic. Though she looks more like Sesshomaru now.

She is unhappy about the change and does ask what’s going on. And someone out of the blue says that that is what they were hoping that Zoey would explain.

And it’s a very pretty woman. I know this because Zoey spends a good page telling me just how gorgeous this woman is from her “huge, almond-shaped eyes that were a deep mossy green” (46) to the fact that “her body was perfect” (46). Basically, she’s got red hair, green eyes, and boobs. Zoey is very sure to point out that she has boobs.

Also, because Zoey is an awful person, we’ve got this…charming line:

“She wasn’t thin like those freak girls who puked and starved themselves into what they thought was Paris Hilton chic (“That’s Hott.” Yeah, okay, whatever, Paris)” (46).

*takes a breath*

You know what, P.C., Kristen? You’re both repugnant. This entire sentience and thought is repugnant. The fact that you are not only mocking young girls for having unrealistic standards for their bodies and the fact that they are harming themselves to meet them, but also calling them freaks for doing so is disgusting. You both should be ashamed of yourselves and of your nasty little troll of a character.

The fact that you’ve put this little monster up as someone who should be admired disgusts me.

At least John didn’t insult Zoey or her sister or her mother for their bodies.

So. Moving on. Zoey has a crush on this random woman. That was the point. A crush that Zoey takes pains to insist is 100% straight not-that-there’s-any-problem-with-gay-people-one-of-my-friends-is-gay.

The woman smiles, and Zoey mentions that her teeth are “amazingly straight, white teeth—without fangs” (46) but she’s got the crescent moon on her forehead. That makes her a vampire. Not the fangs or anything traditional.

Cast Ladies…why didn’t you just make your vampires witches? You clearly want to talk about Wicca and magick and such. Why not just go the whole hog?

So, the vampire tells Zoey that technically she hasn’t changed, but the completed mark is still on her forehead, which blows everything the manual says out of the water, and should have killed Zoey anyways.

The woman says that having this happen is to be considered an good omen, and while Zoey flounders a little, Granny jumps in and introduces “the High Priestess of the House of Night, Neferet.” (47)

Neferet? You know, Nefertiti? Famed beauty of Ancient Egypt? Wife of the infamous heretic Pharaoh Akhenaten? The vampires of this world sure are humble.

Neferet greets Zoey as ‘Zoey Redbird’ and Zoey points out her last name is Montgomery. But this name is too normal for our Sue. Neferet basically tells her that this is the chance for her to make a new start and make choices she couldn’t before. Which basically means this is a time to choose her name. This also means that she’s legally an adult apparently, but that’s a can of worms I’m going to bring up later.

Now, I’ve seen this idea worked with before in the Skullduggery Pleasant books. When someone started working with magic, they got the chance to make up the name that they’d be known as by the magical community. And the book went into the problems that came from teenagers change their names. Because teenagers choose names that sound cool at the time, and then they need to live with the cringe. This book has plenty of names that their owners will…regret. Zoey, for once, shows some moderate intelligence and just goes by Zoey Redbird.

Zoey gets a melodramatic welcome to her new life, and she tries to shake hands, but Neferet grabs her arm instead, which is “weird but somehow felt right” (47).

Ten bucks says that this is how Amazons greeted one another or something in this world, and Zoey’s just magically in tune with it.

And then we get this paragraph:

“Her touch was warm and firm. Her smile blazed with welcome. She was amazing and awe inspiring. Actually, she was what all vampyres are, more than human—stronger, smarter, more talented” (47). (There’s more but I’ll get to it later.)

First, we get it Zoey. You want to marry Neferet. Second, Note the final sentence. I’ll write it out for you again.

“Actually, she was what all vampyres are, more than human—stronger, smarter, more talented” (47).

Right here is the core problem with this series. It’s not Zoey, though she’s pretty close. It’s not the other obnoxious, insensitive, and otherwise awful things that happen. Right here is the core problem: the Casts have admitted to us that they think that their vampires are better than humanity. Therefore, everything that they do should be seen as superior as well. So, there is no way that we can see anything wrong with the vampires as their own flaws. We’re supposed to see them as an ideal of how we should want to act. After all, they’re better than human. This is not just about a single Sue. This is about a Sue species, and the Casts, like Stephenie Meyer, can’t imagine why we would think that they were anything other than perfect.

And this honestly sets her vampires up for failure since now every flaw isn’t something that can be gotten over, it’s something that I’m supposed to like, and see as a good thing. The fact that the vampire society is actually in some ways more sexist than modern society is supposed to be seen as good. The utter indifference that the vampires have to the potential death of the children that they’re teaching is a good thing. The utter distain for humanity is something that I’m supposed to agree with.

This also is a plot hole. Again, are the vampires an oppressed minority facing unjust biotry or are they so much better than us that there’s nothing we can do about them so that the hatred against them is totally justified? For someone to be oppressed there as to be something that the oppressor has over them. Vampires not only have the desirable jobs, but honestly don’t seem to suffer much other than fear and a lack of understanding. They have magic powers, immortality and influence. People have every reason not to trust them, and if the vampires are smarter, better, and stronger than us, then humanity has a good reason to view them with nothing but suspicion. What’s to stop them from enslaving us as a sort of breeding population for new vampires?

Seriously, given this kind of power, what’s to stop them from using it?

Of course, the Cast Ladies either didn’t think about this or really don’t care.

So, let’s move on the rest of this paragraph, shall we?

“She looked like someone had turned on a blazing inner light within her, which I realize is definitely an ironic description considering the vampyre stereotypes (some of which I already knew were totally true): they avoid sunlight, they’re most powerful at night, they need to drink blood to survive (eesh!), and they worship a goddess who is known as Night personified. (47)

One of these things is not like the others.

So, this is clever. They’re very carefully setting their own little idea of goddess worshiping as part of what makes a vampire a vampire. You notice that it’s in the end of the sentence as well, so it’s sort of being slipped in at the end along with the actual ‘stereotypes’. However, I would say, as a writer, it is dangerous to make religion so important to a species. Are there vampires who are atheist? Who retain their old religion? Why not? Is the religion enforced?

Since Zoey’s experience seeing Nyx is treated as if it is rare, then the Casts can’t even claim that people convert due to the personal experience.

Now, there are three potential ways to handle this question. The first is that Nyx chooses people who are likely to believe in her to be vampires. The second is that the vampire transformation also involves brainwashing. The third is that there are several underground religions being practiced and people staring emptily into space during services, but the Nyxian religion tends to suppress and oppress anyone who doesn’t believe like they do.

Zoey finally comes to herself and says it’s nice to meet her, and then Neferet tells Zoey that she’s special.

Or rather she says how she’s never seen a fledgling (as they call baby vampires who haven’t…I don’t know popped or something) come to them unconscious and with a completed mark. I’d buy the completed mark, but unconscious would probably be common, given that this is supposed to be a life or death situation, there are probably cases where the unfortunate kid is far away, and it takes a long time for the parents to get them there.

Neferet asks if Zoey remembers how she got there, and Zoey opens her mouth to say what happened and then

“I got a weird feeling, like someone had just hit me in the stomach. It was clear (there should be a semicolon here) and it was specific,(that comma should be a semicolon too) and it was telling me to shut up” (48)

...

I hate feelings.

This is probably one of the standard laziest conventions of writing. Don’t want the main character do divulge information that you don’t want them do but is totally within their character do to so? Have a character be thought dead, but you want the main character to believe they’re alive for no reason? Want to have the main character trust someone despite their being shady? Just give them Feelings!

The reason that I hate ‘gut feelings’ or whatever isn’t that they’re not real. If you listen to a lot of things like ‘Let’s Not Meet’ you’ll read about a lot of times where that sinking feeling either saves someone’s life, or is the precursor to a very bad time for the writer. The problem with it in literature, is that it gives the writer an excuse to have the main character peek at the plot’s outline. They just ‘know’ that a certain character can or can’t be trusted, or they can sense that a character isn’t dead and so on. It’s a way to protect the character from bad choices, make them make the right choice, or show how right they are when the writer can’t think of anything that might work.

Because Zoey, normally, would tell Neferet, and then Neferet, being evil, would have done something, but the Casts, can’t give Zoey any real reason not to.

They’re apparently too lazy to even have Nyx go ‘btw don’t tell anyone ‘bout this for a while, k?’

Now I know that it’s supposed to be a hint that Nyx is working with Zoey, but that’s just as dumb.

Also, I wonder if Neferet is the villain. Uh-oh, I’d better not give away the ‘plot twist’. Seriously, Casts, if you’re going to give me a shocker villain, try not to have the ‘bad feeling’ the moment you meet her.

Anyways, Zoey lies and says that she can’t remember, and:

“I wanted to look away from the sharpness of her green-eyed gaze, but the same feeling that was ordering me to be quiet was also clearly telling me that I had to keep eye contact with her, that I had to try really hard to look like I wasn’t hiding anything, even though I didn’t have a clue why I was hiding anything” (48).

This is just pathetic.

As a word of advice to writers. You don’t need to do this. You don’t need to sit there and bash readers over the head with what is happening. Most readers aren’t stupid. They really did catch the what was happening the first time.

Also, again, twist villains are twist villains because they don’t give any indication, outside of very subtle ones that you’ll only catch on a re-read that they’re twist villains.

What’s dumber is that Neferet has no reason to think that Zoey’s lying. She’s been all but drooling over Neferet from the beginning. This is silly.

Anyways, Granny mentions that memory loss is a sign of head trauma (obviously, though if that’s the cause Zoey should be seeing a doctor, not that these guys believe in those) and Neferet agrees really fast and her face stops being sharp. And she assures granny that everything’s going to be fine, calling her ‘Silvia Redbird’.

Zoey relaxes at this point because clearly anyone who likes Granny is a good person.

Seriously.

It said so in the text.

Morality is now defined by whether or not you like a random old woman who might or might not be a horrible person. Oh. Right. I guess I’m evil now according to this book.

…

Whelp, I’m a Catholic, so I guess that’s a given.

Neferet asks if Zoey wants to see her new roommate, and Zoey, still feeling misgiving, agrees.

“‘Excellent!’ Neferet said. Thankfully she ignored the fact that I was standing there like a smiling stupid garden gnome” (49).

…I…have surprisingly little to say to that. I just…sort of wanted you to read it. And be as vaguely confused as me.

Granny is a little nervous about this and asks if Zoey shouldn’t be in observation for another night. Given that she’s just said she’s had a concussion and is experiencing memory loss, this is something that should be done. Neferet, being a jerk, dismisses any natural concern and says Zoey’s naturally healing. Because vampires are awesome.

So, Neferet smiles at Zoey and Zoey smiles back even though she’s uncomfortable.

“It seemed like she was genuinely happy that I was there. And, truthfully, she made me think turning into a vampyre might not be so bad” (49).

So, this is the Casts trying very, very hard to make it sound like everything’s fine and this was a false alarm so that they can later claim that Neferet was a shocking plot twist. The problem is that all that this really does is make Zoey sound stupid. There’s no reason for her to trust this woman, she’s been taught all her life that vampires are dangerous. Why does she allow herself to go along with this and trust her other than being stupid?

However, Zoey just assures Granny that everything’s fine, and realizes that, honestly she does feel better.

It took her that long to realize it.

Neferet, for her part, also assures Granny, giving her “solemn oath” (49) that Zoey is safe and gives the information that fledglings are paired with a mentor who is an adult and promises to be Zoey’s mentor.

I wonder if this is part of her plans.

Also, while she acts like this is a good thing, she doesn’t explain what this means. What does a mentor do? Are they supposed to be emotional support? Teach them ethical means of getting blood? Act as a sponsor into vampire communion like in the Catholic Church? What?

But Neferet does a salute with her fist over her heart and bowing. Now, I’ve researched this, but apparently, this doesn’t actually come from anything. I’ve seen it in fiction, as something amazons did, as something Martians did, as something Trojans did. I’m going to bet this is something that the Casts read in something like MZB and decided that it sounded cool, and they trace it to Amazons. Granny does the same thing and then hugs Zoey and tells her to call and leaves.

So, I’m going to remind everyone that Granny essentially kidnapped Zoey and took her here without her parents’ permission, and apparently the laws so favor the vampires that there’s nothing that they can do about this. Zoey is now completely cut off from the outside world with only people who believe in the same thing for company.

And this is a good thing.

Neferet asks Zoey if she’s ready for her new life.

I would pay, right now, to see an angry main character. Someone who was taken from a family she was happy with, saddled with a destiny she didn’t want, and angry that everyone seems to think that this is a ‘new life’ and she’s been ‘chosen by the Goddess’. I’d pay to see resentment, fear, but all we get is…this.

“I looked up at her and thought again how amazing she was. If I actually Changed into a vampyre, would I get her confidence and power, or was that just something only a High Priestess got? For an instant it flashed in my mind how awesome it would be to be a High Priestess” (50).

Did you feel that hammer pound your head? That’s called foreshadowing.

Now, there are several things wrong with even these few sentences. The first is the simple fact that only a few minutes ago, Zoey was scared of this character. Now, we’re expected to like her again. The second, obviously, is the High Priestess garbage.

Casts, you don’t need to tell us how the story will end on the fifth chapter of the first book. It’s really kind of sad, and a little insulting to your readers. They don’t need this level of spoon feeding. What’s more, even though Zoey claims that sanity returns and she’s just a confused kid, she’s already come off as more than a tad arrogant. Finally, this whole thing comes out of nowhere and doesn’t help to make Zoey’s final claims of being nervous sound true.

If she’s fantasizing about being the High Priestess, she’s not that nervous.

But she claims, when she says that she is that she’s glad that she sounds more confident than she feels.

And that’s the end of the chapter.

This was a necessary chapter, given that it introduced the villain Neferet, but the foreshadowing was far too ham handed, the writing is still painful, and Zoey flips around from being scared to impressed to forgetting that she was scared. I wish I could claim that this was Neferet’s powers or something, but it’s not. Zoey’s just dumb.

Anyways, next chapter we get sexual assault! But that’s fine before it’s girl on boy, and we’re fighting the Patriarchy™!

Wish me luck.

#marked #PC Cast #Kristin Cast #pc and kristin cast #marked sporking

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