ariastar17

[onepiece-sidepiece]

this is true of all fandoms, and it's nothing new, but i wanna bitch for a second

(I deserve it after working sick af for 14 hours straight)

going to any One Piece tag is so annoying bc of how broad the spectrum of the posts are

on one post you'll find some cool fan art, the next will be a takedown of a character, the next will be non-tagged spoilers, the next will be some joke, the next will be a detailed conspiracy theory explaining how Point A connects to Point 74...etc

and there's no real way to sift through the bullshit you want to avoid in order to find the nuggets of gold that you want

for example

regarding One Piece, all I wanna do is fuck around. i wanna make fun of characters and their stupidity. I want to point out absolute insane things

like how pencils don't really exist in that entire fucking world, just goddamn quill pens (there were some on Nami's drafting desk at Arlong's, but that's the literal only time I've seen anything pencil-related)

or like how we've never seen a fucking motorized Model T-esque automobile, despite submarines having the capabilities to serve as hospitals and operating rooms, and Franky putting together the Black Rhino FR-U 4 and the Brachio Tank 5. but vehicles? with wheels? that transport people and goods from one place to another using a combustible engine? the fuq is that shit???

However, then you have your conspiracy/spoiler-y posts

the last time I cared about massive conspiracies and long-term spoilers was back during the most recent Star Wars drama regarding ultimate Big Bads, Rey's parents, Reylo (and whether it was right/wrong), etc. and honestly? I got done with it so fuckin fast

maybe 5, 10 years ago I would have been right there with you, digging around every screen capture I could find, trying to find hidden clues about Zoro's parents or who the fuck Shanks actually is (besides some bumfuck pirate who spends most of his time making poor fashion choices while drunk on deserted islands)

maybe accidentally seeing the prevailing theory about the All Blue wouldn't have made me so upset back then. but holy fuckers, I'm like....livid about it now. that was one of the mysteries that I was enjoying toying around with in my head, allowing myself the pleasure of just enjoying a really goddamn great story with mystery and wonder for the literal first time in ~15 years (English Major, then freelance writer for the collegiate-level educational field, etc, so lots of analyzing and picking up clues and hints about how stories will end and why i could tell)

and after doing that for so long..............movies and books and stories don't get fun anymore. It's like you're constantly trying to outsmart the author and figure out plots and twists and endings without experiencing the story they've created for you

so like.........basically I don't wanna go to the One Piece tag at the end of the day and see someone's VERY LONG post about who Shanks really is behind the scenes, like they've watched the show three times in 8 days and finished the whole manga in 3 just for this assignment, and they've found all the evidence that supports their conclusion, and now, they're presenting it to me and not putting it under a cut or whatever

and I mean, if that type of analysis and writing is fun for them, more power to them. but just to them specifically

the problem is that i see it on the tag

even if I don't read the post, even if I quickly scroll past after realizing what it is, I still see the title and scan a few of the first lines. so now my ruminating ADHD mind won't ever let me forget that I know a potential major plot point, and the massive gaping hole which is leading me to that conclusion desperately wants to be filled with information

ugh. anyways.

HERE ARE THE CONSPIRACIES THAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE ON THE TAG

whether or not Luffy has a hard time whacking himself off bc he keeps pulling at his dick harder and faster and more erraticly, which for a normal dick would be fine, but for a gummy dick would be like trying to whack off with those glittery stress water cucumbers

whether Sanji is a total virgin (he is...nobody needs to answer that for me) (and if you backtalk and say he's not a virgin, then you're wrong)

whether Zoro is a virgin (common sense tells me that there's NO WAY that motherfucker hasn't put that body and muscular jaw to good use, but on the other hand, he's also the type who 1) is either uninterested in sex bc it doesn't bring him closer to his goal, or 2) ignores sex because it may distract him from his goal)

what form does Chopper take when he has to use the bathroom? does he even use a bathroom? or does he wander into the wilderness like a reindeer and let it plop out like old times?

if you were suddenly Pleasantville'd into One Piece, who would you really actually fucking be? (not who you WANNA be, but who you'd legit turn into bc they're absolutely you) (i'd be Chimney and Gonbe...my soul would split in half and occupy their tiny little bodies while i created rabid chaos on a miniature scale)

Also when I'm scrolling through tags, I wanna see fan art (not of Zosan though...stop drawing pictures of my boyfriend cheating on me with that greasy ashtray). I wanna see jokes. I wanna see smut (good smut, please, for the love of everything). I wanna have a super fun, light-hearted time with One Piece and basically dick around with people on the tag. but it just sucks bc I don't feel like I can ever scroll through the tags because those random spoiler-y posts that come up unexpectedly absolutely ruin it for me

idk idk idk i'm tired and going to bed now