#im BACK !! i just need to uh. not injure myself slash get extremely sick slash face extreme mental distress for months at a time again haha

[clown-bait]

A Very Monster Christmas (Monster Roommate AU) PT5

H-Hey everybody? This took me 5000 years to write. I have no excuse so I'm just gonna release both of the final chapters at once and then the first for part 3 so everyone is happy.

CH22 Babies Were a Mistake

“Don’t touch it!”

“Junior quit being a baby and hold still”

“No! Get away from me!” Hissed a very upset monster clown with a knife in his eye. His uncle threw up his hands in defeat returning to his chair. The giant seated next to him fidgeted  nervously knowing that his landlord could get very violent when wounded. A soft hand landed on Bubba’s arm and the giant cannibal looked over to leech’s mom smiling sweetly at him. “Sweetheart will you hold him for me?”

The masked killer blinked clearly scared of the monster clown howling in pain on the floor. “Its ok big fella I’m going to make him stop.” the witch said calmly reaching into her bag. “You need to hold him for me though can you do that?”

“BABIES WERE A MISTAKE!” Penny roared and screamed still clutching his face.

“I am so glad to be awake to see this.” the elder Pennywise sighed happily resting his head on his hand with a toothy grin as he watched the younger clown sob in pain. Leatherface stood and cautiously approached the shrieking eldritch who’s other eye tore open solid red and black with anger. “DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!” he snarled and snapped his enormous fangs wildly like a wounded animal. Leech’s mom slowly approached him from the front and held out a small bag of herbs which she poured into a small ashtray and set it on fire. “Shhh inhale the smoke.”

“NO! NO ONE APPROACH I WILL TEAR YOUR FLESH FROM YOUR BONES!”

“Sally doll, sit down and let em’ cry it out like the baby he is.” the elder clown suggested starting to grow worried for his date’s safety. His worry was quickly gone when Sally Smith snatched the roaring monster harshly by the ear and pulled hard motioning for Leatherface to grab his arms as the creature whined in pain.

“Inhale.” the woman said sternly and shoved the smoking embers to his red nose. Pennywise had no choice but to breathe in the smoke deep into his lungs exhaling it with a couple coughs as his body relaxed. The witch quickly removed the small knife from his eye earning a pained roar from the restrained eldritch who was released and immediately skittered into a corner slumped over in pain. Tiff who had been watching stared at the substance in the bowl with wonder. “What was that you gave him some sort of magic herbs?”

“Oh no sweetie just simple cannabis!”

The doll blinked a few times as the elder pennywise began to howl with laughter from his chair “Yeah you're Fangs’ mom alright.”

-------------------

A howl filled the air as a group of hunters made their way down the snowy streets of the town of Derry. The sound rattled the doll and put the vampires into a state of extreme alert their fourth companion simply groaned. Three figures appeared in front of them and two from behind. The hunter’s own arrogance had shifted their position to the role of prey. “Pen’s gonna kill me” Leech groaned as the bones in her hands snapped and reformed.

“Get in the middle of us apprentice. He will kill us before you if we return you with so much as a scratch.”

“I appreciate the gentlemanly gesture Dracula but I can handle myself. Besides you Fred's got no power here and Chucky has a bread knife. You boys really think you'd be more effective against fucking werewolves than a juiced up vampire?”

“Ouch Fangs.”

“If you want to fight fido alone be my guest Chuck.”

“She has a point, I really don't want to deal with going through another resurrection on the holidays. Phil gets weird during this time of year.”

“Holy shit I’ll say did you see him last week he freakin headbutted a nativity display and started eating the manger! Could have just been hungry though….could have also just been a regular goat.”

“Who the fuck else in this town has a giant ass black goat with a leggings fetish?”

“I don't know Fred goats are really popular right now they're all over Instagram!”

Dracula let out a long sigh and stepped backwards “Myers.” he tried to say over the arguing friends.

“What? What does Mikey have to do with goat yoga?” Freddy asked before suddenly being torn from his standing position and chucked into a wall.

“That.”

The masked killer casually kicked a shrieking  Chucky into a trash can and both vampires found their necks being squeezed in the vice like grip of The Shape himself as a pack of women surrounded them from behind.

“Hello blood suckers!” Sandy the werewolf said cheerfully behind the tall slasher.

“You're dating Myers?” Leech wheezed and tried to claw her way out of the grip on her throat.

“I am! Thank you for finally asking!”

Dracula cursed loudly in Romanian as winds picking up strongly through the alleyway.

“Sandy have them put down, we need to have a little talk.” Laurie nudged her sisters arm who motioned for her boyfriend to release them.

“You!” Leech hissed “Couldn't settle for my familiar could you bitch!”

“Jim and I broke up vampire!” the she wolf snarled with obvious pain in her voice. Dracula took notice of the tear in her eye.

“Yeah it was very sad be nicer!” one of the other sisters chimed in and Leech slashed forward in warning holding up her injured hand.

“Your leader tried to kill me and cut off my fucking finger! I think we're past being nice!”

“Its just a finger bloodsucker.”

“She tortured me!”

“And you turned her into Hamburger Helper!”

“I think I had the right to!”

“Stop taking credit for that Fangs that was your damn demon spawn!” Freddy interrupted deciding to join the argument.

“I helped make them Fred I can claim credit!”

“You’re pregnant?” Laurie said in shock as Dracula continued to awkwardly stare.

“See me,” he whispered “See me now.” Laurie glanced over at him and gave an uncomfortable wave.

“Oh great now everyone knows.” Leech rolled her soulless eyes and retracted her fangs.

“How?” Sandy asked and then grimaced in disgust when she remembered what manner of beast the vampire was dating “On second thought maybe don't share that.”

“It was actually a pretty normal process surprisingly, what isnt normal is the eldritch horror morning sickness” Leech casually sheathed her claws and fixed her coat.

“Oh well um congratulations then?” Sandy said almost confused.

“Yeah uh thanks... I’m still kinda processing it all myself.” Leech laughed nervously.

“Well this is hella awkward. I’m not gonna fight a pregnant woman.” one of the girls said.

“Yeah you know we were gonna come and get our revenge and what not but to be honest it's just kinda weird now.” Laurie said side eyeing a still wide eyed Dracula.

“You guys uh….. you guys know where we can get something to eat?” the younger vampire asked. “Kids need some food you know.”

“Y-yeah there's a frat party down the street from us you can grab someone there.”

“Cool……...um so is this like a truce or….”

“Its christmas man just forget about it.” Sandy took her tall silent boyfriend by the arm signaling to leave.

“Yeah alright. Cool. See you at work then.”

“The fuck is going on?” Chucky shouted from the trash can.

“Weird ass women shit Chuck.” Freddy said as he tipped the can over.

-------------

Pennywise squatted in the corner of the decaying kitchen lapping at a bowl of eggnog like an extremely dangerous kitten. His good eye darted around defensively as he lapped the obnoxiously sweet drink. He didn't even notice the front door bursting open or the loud thud in the living room of his mate returning with a large meal.

Leech draped the muscled youth over the coffee table like a hunter proudly showing their family the prized turkey they caught for dinner. She even began placing her boot on his rear to show off even further.

“He's still passed out drac and I have been keeping him drained and Fred’s been keeping him scared in dreamland. It only took two of my special mix to get him falling on his ass not bad for a pregnant lady I'll say!” Leech beamed wide and knocked on the young man's skull. “Hey Fred you good in there?” the limp body jerked his arm up in a thumbs up position.

“Not bad?! All you did was flash the guy a little cleavage and hand him a couple shots. Where's the finesse?” Chucky complained carrying a large stolen pizza box with what looked like a bloody hand print on the sides. “You shoulda seen what I did to the pizza guy now that was art!”

“I'm not going for art I'm going for easy. My family was hungry and I provided.”

“Yeah yeah you're a strong woman Fangs, we're all very impressed now go clean up your idiot for us.” the elder clown called out to her casually sipping the sweet spiked eggnog that sat perched in his gloves. Leech groaned and put her hand to her face.

“Jesus the fuck did he do this time?”

Chucky looked up and snarled finally noticing the lack of twins in the room. “I said it once and I'll say it again blood sucker, I aint paying for therapy.”

The kitchen was much quieter than out there with all the noise and chatter and merryment. Pennywise wrinkled his nose in disgust and snarled still cradling his wound and purring in an attempt to heal himself. Babies were a mistake. Who was he kidding he was the eater of worlds and children. He hated children and here he was on his way to becoming a father. Oh the irony. The clown groaned and held his head tighter shutting his good eye to try to escape further.

“Mr. Pennywise?”

His eye flew back open.

“Mr. Pennywise I-Im sorry about Glenda. She takes after dad I think. Much better at the family business than I am.”

Pennywise’s breathing grew harder and his pained purring became an alarming growl as Chucky’s son bravely got closer.

“Mum says you’ll try to eat me if I came to talk to you but I don’t think you’re so bad.”

“You are quite the fool then boy.” He finally said giggling to himself a bit before wincing in pain. Glen stopped for a moment then continued forward.

“I-I just want to tell you that I thought your tricks were real neat that's all.”

The clown's growling softened and his molten yellow eye soothed. Maybe it won't be all bad, this one at least could appreciate perfection when he saw it.

“Um they have dinner out there if you want any.”

From a hole in the ceiling Leech watched her mate unfold himself and take his glove from his eye which was already beginning to heal. The boy bravely took the hand of his natural predator and led him out. He definitely had a long way to go but this was progress. She smiled to herself and felt the tug of exhaustion once again. “We'll get there together eventually.” she sighed and slipped away stepping back from the others and into the comfort the shadows.