#im honestly just so tired of living with this while also living under the bootheel of this country's goddamn obsession

[naamahdarling]

I'm about to hit a really rough patch, since my psych is adjusting my dose of something and it is load-bearing but also will require a PA for a controlled substance, so who knows how long that will take, and in the meantime, I will have nothing. I'm going to be restless and bored and depressed for anything from a few days to a whole month. I don't even get to know how long.

My boyfriend is in the same boat, just more indefinitely, as his insurance has REEEALLY fucked things up and his clinic is...not hostile, but definitely unhelpful. The pharmacy, which used to be really good, has gone downhill recently. So we have to prompt all three to do their jobs as each step is completed and sent along. Multiple times, since insurance keeps fucking up. As a result, he is acutely miserable and unable to do much of anything, and we don't know when that will end.

I'm...having a hard time with this. Facing down an uncertain length of time with diminished support from both sides and unable to help my boyfriend through the same issues. It's really painful, I miss doing the fun things that made life marginally more tolerable, and I don't have much going on that I am enjoying. I'm riding a temporary hyperfixation that is winding down, and once it's gone, I'm at the mercy of hoping another one comes along. This sucks.

I hate. I tried to qualify that statement but I just can't boil it down. I just...hate.