#im not dissing on qpr's

[mcytshippystuff]

(/rp, not irl!) OKAY SO! What i think about q!Phil, q!Missa, and q!Forever's relationships in the QSMP;

In my head, q!Philza and q!Missa started out as just co-parents when they were assigned each other to take care of Chayanne. Then they became more like, platonic husbands but I wouldn't say queerplatonic? Like, they felt getting married was just easier but didn't really have the relationship or level of commitment/care a Queerplatonic or romantic relationship would have. Then they started caring for each other, spending time together and having fun, and entered a weird in-between state of tbh they could go either way ya know?

Then Missa started catching feelings. He didn't mean to, honest! But just, the way Phil would worry and cared for him and their son, the time they spent together, how could he not fall for the Death touched Angel? But he wasn't ever sure how to broach it, sometimes he felt as if Phil felt the same but other times it was obvious Phil didn't so it was just a mess, and he wasn't willing to ruin what they had.

(More about Phil's feelings and Forever's part in all this under the cut, its long sorry not sorry lol)

Meanwhile Phil is both Oblivious and very in denial about any feelings, or people trying to point out there may be feelings at all. I'm unsure if id stick q!Phil on the Ace Spectrum or romance just isn't a priority (or if he's just resistant to the idea of it for whatever reason), but either way he cant fathom the idea that people have actual feelings for him, nor that he might have them himself, so he doesn't really look too deep on his feelings and often brushes them away if he's presented with the idea that it may be real.

So what if being with Missa feels like they were the only people in the world? If the way Missa takes care of their son gives Phil light fuzzy feelings in his chest? If having to say goodbye for who knows how long felt like a hole was punched in his chest, and when he came back Phil suddenly felt like the weight of the world was lifted? He cares about his friend, his platonic husband, that's it! Its def not anything romantic pssh that would be ridiculous...

Meanwhile q!Forever, oh poor Forever.

Admittedly in the beginning it was mostly a joke. The resemblance to Brunim, while at first glance, may be strong but to Forever they didn't look alike at all once you got close, in all the small ways that mattered most really. It was funny to tease and poke and get attached to the lookalike but then oh, oh how it stopped being a joke. (Forever refuses to think about there's a good reason why him and Brunim are apart, for both their own sakes)

And maybe, just maybe, for a while it was becuase how much Forever missed Brunim that he got attached to q!Phil, that he started to feel feelings for the man, but if you look close you can see those feelings started to become real, he honestly and genuinely started to fall for Philza. No more mirror images to chase, no, now Phil felt like standing in the heavy rain, every drop stinging but it was so so cleansing, healing, refreshing. Every time Forever got him to laugh felt like a personal victory he'd ride the high of for days, and every sharp, hurtful word was taken with a forced laugh or fake smile and it would linger and haunt his mind.

Forever tried, he really did, but it felt like nothing he could say or do would convince Phil of his real feelings, often slipping up or saying the wrong things and it was Forever's own damn fault, nobody to blame but himself. And maybe he didn't handle this all the best, maybe got to obsessive or said things that went to far but to be honest Forever didn't really know love any other way and was trying to unlearn the worst parts of himself the best he could. It didn't help Forever is really prone to self-destructive behavior when things are going good. And he tried to leave it be, he promises he tried to give up, to let go but the blond Angel had rooted himself, utterly and entirely into Forever's heart and he couldn't bring himself to cut his love for Phil out.

And q!Phil? Well, it was complicated becuase he did genuinely like the man. Forever was funny and for the most part the "crush", if he could call it that, was amusing at best and just annoying at worst times, and even if Forever was annoying or often went too far, Phil knew there was a good man there. He saw it when Forever gave it a rest and they'd have conversations that would last forever. He saw it when Forever would make him laugh until he couldn't breathe or when Forever took care of the eggs as fiercely as Philza did and when the man cried becuase he was so upset at even the idea of loosing any of the kids, and every lose hurt personally. And though he didn't often think to hard on it, sometimes when the other blond would smile or laugh, Phil felt like he was being shone on by the sun, warm, bright, burning, piercing, overwhelming. The quiet moments when Forever would drop all pretenses and masks and just let himself be, in happy, soft, or sad moments made Phi's chest sing.

But Philza couldn't ignore how the fact he was just a stand in hurt in ways Phil wasn't able to explain and to be honest didn't understand why it bothered him so much, it was never a big deal until it suddenly was. Every time Forever assumed something about him or didn't bother to figure out just was another stab in the heart and Phil just got so angry at the fact that Forever tried to say otherwise, but ultimately his affection wasn't real, and he didn't like being played with. Sure he didn't think Forever was doing it maliciously but he just wanted Forever to just stop! Stop how it hurt, how confused it made Phil. He just wanted it to stop being so confusing, to stop questioning these feelings buried deep within his chest. Plus even if wasn't so complicated, some part of him recognizes he also cares deeply about Missa and since they're married, even if its just platonically, its a commitment Phil is committed too so it feels like a betrayal.

Someone tell this man about the wonders of Polyamory!

Meanwhile Forever and Missa are mostly cautious but also a bit hostile towards each other at first, becuase that's competition in their eyes, a threat of their loves, but in the end they chill becuase they realize its neither of their choices and also the other isnt... bad per say. Maybe they even have a understanding becuase they recognize they both love and care for Phil. Maybe they even come to like and even care about the other in the future, who knows.

So, tldr;

Phil has feelings for both Missa and Forever, some more complicated then others, but he both refuses to admit it to even himself or even fathom he could like someone, let alone two people, and his view on Forever still only liking him becuase of his ex made it a lot more complicated becuase he feels hurt. But he has two hands, that's important to remember!

Missa is very in love with Philza but is both too hesitant to say anything, lest he ruin their relationship they have now, and becuase he's been away so much. He really didn't like Forever, both becuase of the "he just likes me becuase I look like his ex" becuase it clearly hurt phil, but he chilled a bit when he realized Forever wasn't a bad person, just complicated and did really love and care for Phil as well, and being hostile towards each other just made Phil more upset. Now they're cool, if not a bit sure about each other, and maybe even come to like or care for each other too later but who knows.

Forever originally liked Philza becuase he looked like Brunim as a joke, and maybe even some of his infatuation started becuase of it too, but he really did come to see Philza as his own person and come to care and even fall in love with Phil for real. However Forever recognizes he's messed up a lot and often still does, but he's trying so hard to both be better and give Philza space but he cant stop loving Phil no matter how hard he tries. Same as above for him and Missa, its complicated but Forever has chilled and is trying hard to work on his jealousy issues. He thinks Missa isnt that bad and might even come to like or care for each other too later but who knows.

Later on, once they all work out their issues and Phil both stops being a oblivious fuck and realizes that Forever really does honestly and truly love him for him, they end up in a polyamory. Its Philza dating them both but maybe end game has Missa and Forever dating too idk lol.