#initially i was eyeing a different satan tweet then I saw that one and it's so perfect lol

[thoselittleboats]

BG3 text - Raphael (6/?)

[klainelynch]

I know everyone and their mother has written about the initial body swap scene, but I was feeling really inspired by Neil and Douglas’s tweets this afternoon because that's not how I saw the swap happening at all (I headcanon it as happening in Crowley’s flat that night, and Douglas suggested it happened on the bench before they got on the bus, which feels too early for me). So anyway I'm going to two cakes this sucker and give y'all another interpretation that I wrote down on the back of some old roller derby flyers and is the most I've written in a single day for this entire NaNoWriMo, so cheers and God bless this show for inspiring me to pick up writing again.

-------------

Aziraphale could feel that something was different when he sat next to Crowley, but he could not tell if it was in his own head or not. On our own side...it was a huge declaration, and yet it was the easiest thing in the world. Crowley wasn’t wrong, and Aziraphale wondered if he were brave enough to accept his place at Crowley’s side.

Crowley, meanwhile, was staring out the window, though Aziraphale could tell he wasn’t really seeing what was in front of him. It was the way he held his jaw that gave it away, and the knowing almost broke Aziraphale. This was right. This was ok.

“Crowley?” he murmured.

“Yes, angel?”

Aziraphale took a deep breath. “Thank you for the patience you’ve shown me through the years. It really meant so much, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.”

Crowley was now turned completely toward Aziraphale, and maybe it was the cheap, harsh lights of the bus, maybe it was a minor miracle on a damned impossible day, but Aziraphale could see his eyes clearly, and they were filled with the same hope in the moments after Adam Young got rid of his satanic father.

“What are you saying?” he asked.

“I’ve not always realized it, or wanted to admit it, but we are on our own side. I want to be there with you.” He paused. “I also want to hold your hand, if that’s not too forward of me to ask.”

Crowley choked, and for a second, Aziraphale worried he would discorporate. But just as quickly, he was saying, “Yes, yes, that would be—fine, just fine,” and then Aziraphale was taking Crowley’s hand, and Aziraphale was the one fighting for breath.

Soft. Crowley’s hands were surprisingly soft, and strong. Aziraphale wasn’t sure why he hadn’t expected it, but it was a new dimension of Crowley he hadn’t been aware of before, and now he was invited in to this secret. Aziraphale tightened his hands ever so slightly, and was amazed to feel Crowley respond in kind.

I’m here.

I feel you.

I see you, and you see me.

“Is this still fine?” Aziraphale whispered.

Crowley laughed, and the sound was the most glorious thing Aziraphale had ever heard. “Fine is nowhere near strong enough, but if you let go, I’ll explode this bus.”

Now it was Aziraphale’s turn to laugh, and he found that he didn’t care who heard him. He tried to recall ever feeling this free.

Except...they weren’t, really. They were on their own side, sure, but to have a side was to have an opponent, and the two of them had the worst around.

“I’m thinking about it too,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale knit his brows. “How did you know?”

Smiling, Crowley responded. “You always turn your mouth down right as you start to worry about something.” Before Aziraphale could take in the full weight of that statement, he continued, “I’ve been thinking, and it may sound crazy, but hear me out. We know we are supposed to choose our faces, and though I’ve never done it, you and I aren’t bound to these forms.”

“Right—” Aziraphale said, “But they can still tell it’s us, even if mortals couldn’t tell us apart.”

“I’m not talking about our appearances,” Crowley said, and his eyes shone. “I’m talking about us.” Aziraphale gasped.

“You don’t mean—” he started.

“Yes,” Crowley interrupted.

“But when?”

“Right now,” and he squeezed Aziraphale’s hand. “No one’s watching, and all it takes is touch.”

Aziraphale could feel a pit forming in his stomach. This was dangerous business, and doing it wrong would have disastrous effects. But Crowley was here, holding his hand, looking into his eyes.

“Alright,” he whispered.

“You have to want it,” Crowley said. “Want it with your whole being, otherwise it won’t work,”

“Yes,” Aziraphale said, and he took a deep breath. It was like stepping into a pool. The sensation—Aziraphale couldn’t tell if it was cold or heat—started at his feet and made its way up to his head. It took ages. It took no time at all. He wasn’t holding Crowley’s right hand any more. He was holding Crowley’s left hand with his right hand, and then he saw his own face.

“Don’t scream,” the other man—Crowley—said. “We can’t draw attention to ourselves.”

It was the most bizarre thing. Never could he have possibly imagined it. Aziraphale was staring at his face, but Crowley’s eyes were staring back at him. They may have been Aziraphale’s blue eyes, but Aziraphale knew them all the same.

“You’re going to have to work on my expressions, my dear,” he smiled. “Don’t want to give the game away too soon.”

Crowley snorted. “You’re one to talk. Even with the glasses, I can see it’s you.”

“Well then,” Aziraphale said, and he squeezed Crowley’s hand, “It looks like we’ve got some practicing to do tonight.

[dwestfieldblog]

Q ONAN IN THE AEON OF HORUS

Insanity is contagious in the Aeon of Horus. Hope you all had a happy and healthy Sirius day on 23rd... I wasn’t going to write another screed until late September but I might well be trapped on the festering cesspool prison island of guinea pigs in three weeks time where the oven ready Boris variant runs wild, and will have very limited access, if any, to the matrix. And I needed to rant off as catharsis on current popular topics. Arf arf arf and fnord as well.

Climate report Doom...fires, floods, earthquakes, hurricanes on the rise, watch the Texans and Arabs and all those aligned with oil continue to deny global warming in the sweating face of the evidence.  The tyranny of the driller killers has been disabling those with clean solar power ideas and the mass use of limitless superconductive  energy for decades, while they work out how ‘to put a metre between us and the sun’. Blame greed. Perhaps they think Bezos will have enough rockets for them to plunder other worlds and leave the future desert of earth behind. Climate change deniers usually have the same mind set as those who are anti vaxxers, it seems to be a typical item on their lists of dislike. Right alongside all the other bollocks and twaddle they don’t believe in, despite the enduring and building testimonies of the majority of professionals.

‘To prevent yourselves doing and seeing and coming into contact with this, that and the other...lock yourselves up in a monastery where you’ll be safe. Immunity...it teaches us how not to be affected by the countless vicissitudes of life; not how to avoid them by running away...The philosopher adapts himself to the exigencies of life, not the exigencies of life to himself.’ The Initiate in the New World by his pupil. Book two of a fascinating trilogy. Hello Cecil Jones.

America...the gurning evil one (‘I love the poorly educated’)  doesn’t seem to be back in the White House quite yet, Q Onan and the boys can’t seem to get their insurrection up. Been there eh? White guys just take the blue tablet and avoid getting redpilled.  ‘We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men evolved differently, that they are born with certain mutable characteristics, and that among these are life and the pursuit of pleasure.’ Yuval Noah Harari-Sapiens.

However, the Onan boys have exported their rabid drivel abroad...A shameful group of wannabe prophets in London a couple of weeks ago were spewing dire craziness and waves of silliness dearly wishing to become important and individualised particles by being observed and applauded. One of their brilliant ideas is that the Great Reset, New World Order of children’s adrenochrome drinking liberal reptiles will be a QUOTE’ An authoritarian socialist government run by powerful capitalists.’ UNQUOTE. Howls of derisive laughter turning into the growl of a wolf with a curled top lip and my left eye twitching for a blackout minute. When sentience returned, I was fairly sure there is no way in this lifetime of me attaining Satori while consumed by this spite. Fear and self loathing in England part 23. To attempt to counter...

Putting the con into conspiracy theories... 1. IF the vaccine is; (A. A poison to cull the overpopulated millions, that would mean that every single decent doctor and nurse in the world is in on it and not one of them is spilling the beans. Neither scenario seems plausible in any way, therefore the first premise appears to be excrement. If Covid doesn’t exist and the x rays are ALL faked (showing the difference between pneumonia, cancer and covid lungs, that also aggressively suggests a high level of implausibility. If you truly believe medical professionals are mostly freemasons and/or serving the Illuminati in the name of genocide etc, you are just a MORON. A DUNGHEADED IDIOT.

As God tweeted last month; It’s always the really dumb who make life hard for the moderately dumb.’

Drug companies and politicians have always been deeply corrupt, some would say with great justification, evil.  Their foul business is as usual. But every nurse working a 16 hour shift in intensive care, do you honestly think they are doing it for the kicks to kill, for the (ha) money or to serve the Devil? Again, if Covid IS real but only the plebs are getting the bad vaccine and the here today gone tomorrow (unless they are Putin types) omnipotent holy world leaders are getting the good stuff...again this would be mighty hard to cover up. And it isn’t only the old, obese and those with ‘underlying health problems’ who are dying, teens and workers are too. No government wants to wreck its economy (apart from Brexit England) by murdering its workers, students and quarantining hundreds of thousands.

If the vaccine is a shot of death and the toll rises twice higher than it already is, governments will know that nobody will believe them the next time round when a new virus mutates...which is not good for mass control. (That said, I feel a deep grim certitude that step by blatant step, totalitarianism is coming to democracies as they realise the only way to dominate the drone masses is to do as China and Russia do.) But ‘why am I drifting into negativity’ eh?

And IF folk think the vaccine is a brain control agent by which we can be spied upon and controlled by our puppet masters via the ubiquitous spooky G5 masts, then the science of how the jab’s ingredients work (And could not possibly be activated with sound waves) should be explained in primary schools so the kids can go home and teach their elders with crayon. At the same time, the anti maskers need to watch videos (with their eyes held open (a la Clockwork Orange) of droplets in breath, the distance they travel without protection, the length of time they hang in the air and in what concentration. Humans react well to moving pictures, it might help. Yes that is dripping with rancid sarcasm. And as for those ranting that wearing masks causes illness, tell that to all the healthcare professionals of the last 100plus years who wore masks most of every bloody day, not just a couple of years. Did they all die of lung problems? I don’t have the actual statistics and I am damn sure you don’t either, so shut up and sit down. As Bill Hicks would say...

‘YOU SEE, IT MAKES NO SENSE’.

Beautiful to see so many holy men in the main religions, priests, rabbis, imans and pujari telling their flock to refuse the vaccine because it will (deep choking breath) make them impotent, gay and/or that it has cows blood and human foetuses in it. For the 23rd time, your shepherds will lead you to butchers again. Very spiritual blokes. Are any women as full of manure as this? Well actually...

One talking blonde cow on the London stage mooed about the vaccine being created by Bill ‘I think it makes sense to believe in God’ Gates, with the patent 060606, so was clearly ‘satanic’. Brilliant detective work and a rational conclusion. Except Bill didn’t formulate the vaccine and the patent was for an entirely different shot with an ACTUAL micro chip to measure if work had been completed and pay wages with Bitcoin. (Which, granted is creepy as fk, but nothing to do with Beelzebub or covid, unless you are going to bang on about none being able to buy or sell without the mark of the beast. So the antichrist is a protestant eh? I saw a video last year of an American ‘Christian’ woman blogger saying Bill was the devil, because of ‘the GATES of hell.’ That’s what we are up against and sidestepping the fk away from.

Those not vaccinated are walking time bomb laboratories of new variants.  Making their own beliefs real as they will be able to say ‘See, told you the vaccine doesn’t work’. Listen to the doctors and nurses begging you.

Once yet again with even more feeling...These demonstrations of hogwash moonshine bullshit theories, mixed in with a fine blend of ahem, ‘patriotism’ are ripping the country apart. On one side the increasingly corrupt English government and their lies and on the other, the deranged and deluded with their falsehoods. An empty vessel makes the most noise and both sides are ripening the fields for populism.

Using the enemy’s own strength against them, well known to Judo black belt KGB pretty boy Putin...widening and deepening internal divisions in democracies, using the basic mistrust of half the people against their governments and encouraging it...works like a charm in times of stress/ fear/ anger. Just let them do most of the work and their own momentum will destroy them...at very least weaken them for the kill. Britain, America, Europe  et al, you are being suckered and you bloody well deserve it for being so thick.

(Sidebar...By the way...Congratulations on 100 glorious years of Chinese communism and now all in the Middle Kingdom are being told, taught, trained, ORDERED to think just like Winnie the Pooh. Perfect unspoiled socialist paradise where millions wonder (as they do in most other places) ‘will there be any hunny for me?’ Unlikely...Communism doesn’t really work that way... another self righteous scam by those who seek power and to maintain their privilege. So the stick makes you keep plodding on for the promised carrot until all you believe in is the stick because it hurts and pain is real. (To greatly paraphrase Sir Terry Prachett, may he remain creative wherever he is.)  )       

Or...The Bilderbergers met a couple of years ago, discussed overpopulation and a threefold plan of how to deal with it...Release an airborne virus in several countries; allow it to spread for a year, Allow fear to rise. Use algorithms to predict the percentage of the obedient and those who will suspect conspiracy. When the vaccine is ‘found’ it will calm the believers for a while and enflame the rebels all the more who will look for ways to make it fit their own schemes of disbelief. This will cause a degree of expected demonstrations and rebellion...which will have the effect of enabling governments to create and quickly pass new laws on freedoms, including peaceful demonstration, to ‘protect’ the law abiding masses that need to believe all is for their own good.

The B boys talked about phased genocide, vaccines, drugs, supplies of medical equipment, government tenders to similar friends, knowing they will survive, and be well positioned to financially ride out the deaths and bankruptcies of lesser protected groups. Who they will then be able to buy out with ease and thus expand. The goldrush thrill of disaster capitalism! When all of this is (temporarily?) over, food and energy resources will be a little less stretched and/or  stricter controlling laws will be in place and democracies will be far easier to control . A sadistic lack of empathy from the richest sociopaths.

There doesn’t need to be anything weird in the vaccines now, people’s minds are doing the paranoid job in their imagination, either with fear or with anger. The rich will remain rich empowering themselves with their inhuman business as usual. Populists will appear to take the side of the people as long as they are rewarded with money and power...and are allowed to join the club. All ethics and morals sacrificed for the temporary glory of pretend immortality.

This was written very quickly over a period of a couple of nights but at least it is a page shorter than usual eh? J I have to concentrate on booking tests (150 pounds in England for a PCR test is RIP OFF. Bastards. The outrageous weight of my suitcase with all my cds and books plus some pants and socks, the forlorn hope of getting a free seat or at least cheap for one of my guitars. The fear I might not be allowed back in to where I am now because the UK still seems to be Boris covid red. And Brexit and being a tourist again. Love the way the brexiteers are pissed off they will have to pay a few Euros to enter Europe as a third country citizen. The Tories voted yes to this idea in 2016 and you voted to become a third country you idiots. So now, you get to stand for a looong time in a longer queue with all the brown people you so disparage. In your nostalgic pride for something which will never be again, you have relegated England to the status of a failed state and voted for the worst government in my lifetime. You should be ashamed but you will just double down.  Disgusting.

Anyway, late summer ‘holidays’ ahoy.  Stay sane and in rude health...hope to see you again, spreading my cosmic rays of great happiness, comfort and joy. Outside of the insanity, keep visualising...Female male left right brain...Yin and yang let’s do our thang...

Y=01=FIRE...WANDS...ADENINE

H=00=WATER...CUPS...THYMINE

V=11=AIR...SWORDS...CYSTOSINE

H=10=EARTH...DISCS...GUANINE

[thedesperatehousehusband]

Super Three Days Later and A Bowl Short

So the Super Bowl. It’s a classic American event. It’s not to be missed. This year’s game was initially very uninteresting to me because I assumed it would be a blowout in the Patriots favor. And who wants to see that again? And then deal with a smug Gisele? The worst. I always root for the team playing the Patriots to beat the Patriots. In the instance of the Super Bowl, I don’t care which NFC team has the honor. I want them to win. I have no vested interested in the Eagles. But I’m elated they won.

Performance wise….Leslie Odom Jr. did a great job. I love me some Pink. I appreciate that her rendition of the national anthem was not overwrought. Her high notes were scratchy but apparently she wasn’t well. Regardless, she did a good job. Justin Timberlake was fine. But I wanted more. The dancing was on point. The singing was just more yelling “MINNEAPOLIS!” than actually singing the lyrics of the mélange of songs. The Prince hologram was fine. I get it. Prince lived in Minnesota. It was a good show. Not a great show.

Now for the ads. I’m nonplussed across the board less a couple. I stopped taking notes and missed a few but got most of them. Don’t bite my head off if you liked something that I don’t. It’s a free country, bitches. And the State of the Union had higher ratings than the Super Bowl. I’m not sure if he said or Tweeted that but it sounds plausibly possible given the daily nonsense he spins as facts.

Toyota Para Olympics: This was a nice spot. Beyond being an Olympic sponsor, I don’t see what it has to do with Toyota. So from a brand standpoint it could have been anything.

Sprint Robots: Terrible. They spent a shit mess of money making that spot. And it was not money well spent.

Solo: Be there. Memorial Day. I plotzed myself watching this trailer. Donald Glover as Lando? Yes, please.

Turkish Airlines with Dr. Oz: It’s assuming a lot that people know that Dr. Oz is Turkish, isn’t it? But I would fly the shit out of Turkish Airlines. That looked legit.

Rise on NBC: We’ve seen the pilot and are over-the-top excited about this show. Rosie Perez? Yes, please.

Bud Light Dilly Dilly #1: I’m nearing the edge of being over this campaign. It’s humor is fleeting. But I’ve enjoyed it for the most part. I would have preferred to see something entirely different for the Super Bowl but I give them credit for telling a story over multiple spots.

M&Ms with Danny DeVito: I get it. Danny DeVito is as small as an M&M. But the thought of ingesting Danny DeVito is pretty gross. Just ask Rhea Perlman.

Dodge RAM with Vikings: I sort of get it. I sort of don’t. I think the message was if a Viking were to drive a truck as opposed to a boat it would be a Dodge RAM. But what I liked is the secondary call to action around “Watch the Full Story” on YouTube or RAM.com or whatever. Extending content to other platforms is huge. And it was a big trend on the Super Bowl.

Wendy’s Frozen Arches: It’s bold. Calling out your top competitor and iconic market leader. Trying to create a differentiator in the minds of consumers. You can’t just show a Frosty for a buck and expect social chatter.

Castle Rock streaming on Hulu: I’m intrigued. It’s also fascinating that EVERY streaming service ran a spot on the Super Bowl.

Skechers with Howie Long: God, this spot was awful.

Heroes Arena: I don’t get gaming.

Doritos with Peter Dinklage: It was clever but it could have been for anything. What does Peter Dinklage lip syncing to Busta Rhymes/Christ Brown have to do with chips?

Mountain Dew Ice with Morgan Freeman: Same comment as above. Except that my understanding is that this is some sort of campaign? Color me confused. But hearing Missy Elliott is never a bad thing. And the fact that Morgan Freeman agreed to do this seems like a big deal.

Tide No Stains with David Harbour: Now THIS is clever advertising. P&G blew it out with this one by turning their functional benefit on its head and making you think about the product differently because for most of the spot you weren’t thinking Tide. A++++++++++++++

Bud Light Knight: I’m officially over it.

ETrade 85 and I Wanna Go Home: Startling statistics about retirement preparedness presented in an interesting but not scary way. Totally awesome and insight based.

Skyscraper with Dwayne Johnson: This movie looks like summertime fun but what I loved was the tag in the ad about seeing Dwayne Johnson live on The Tonight Show after the game. Extend your content. Drive deeper engagement. Smart, smart, smart.

Mission Impossible Fallout: Fallout is right. I fell out when I saw a 79 year old Tom Cruise trying to do yet another Mission Impossible action movie. Not today, Satan.

Quicken Loans: I very much liked this spot. Good use of humor around a pretty non-humorous but stressful thing. Getting a mortgage.

Avocados from Mexico: I just loved this. Dystopian humor is hilarious. THE CHIPS ARE OUTSIDE THE DOME. But wait…there are a million other ways to use avocados. Nice, nice spot.

Cloverfield Paradox on Netflix: I don’t care.

Diet Coke with the Hipster: I know this one was polarizing. I liked it very much. It was funky without being inaccessible. It was cool and hip without alienating any one group. Coca-Cola is a marketing organization that I very much like.

Jeep The Road Ends: I 100% loved this. Perfect for what Jeep’s brand essence is. In reality, how many people do major off-roading with their Jeep but whatever? A+++++

Tide with Old Spice: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING PERFECT.

WeatherTech: Cheap, cheap, cheap. Hated it.

Pringles: Sort of fun. Sort of been there done that.

Febreeze Bleep Don’t Stink: Another favorite. This is a great way to use humor that could be extended into other channels and not wear out. The joke will ultimately get old but there’s so much they can do with this. A++++++++++++

Michelob Ultra with Chris Pratt: Yep, that’s realistic. A PA casting extras wouldn’t know Chris Pratt. Blech.

Squarespace with Keanu Reeves: Nope. You wanna know who’s no longer relevant? Keanu Reeves.

Dodge RAM Built to Serve: Decent use of emotion without getting too far into melodrama.

Australia Travel: I thought this was great and renews my heavy desire to visit Australia.

TurboTax Monster Under the Bed: Meh.

Yellow Tail: Absolutely horrendous.

Amazon Prime: Good not great.

Toyota Priest Rabbi: Toyota needs to figure itself out. Their spots were so disparate during the Super Bowl. Stand for something, dammit. Don’t try to stand for everything. Do you want to tug on my heartstrings about the Para Olympics or do you want to tell jokes? It’s too much.

Pepsi: It felt like they sponsored the halftime show. Or am I mistaken?

Jack Ryan on Amazon Video: No thanks.

The Voice Promo: I want to watch this promo every day until the end of time. It was kind of perfect.

Lexus Black Panther: Here’s what I know. We are going to see the SHIT out of Black Panther. What that has to do with Lexus is unclear.

Tide Clydesdales: OMG LOL ROTFL.

Budweiser Water: I’m talking out of both sides of my mouth. Because Toyota and Budweiser have done something similar. But Budweiser made it work because it’s natural for them to have water because they need it to make beer. So their altruism feels sincere without stretching.

Intuit Turbo Tax: Terrible.

Jeep Jurassic Park: Decent.

Kia with Steven Tyler: Nope.

Blacture: Be Celebrated. Not Tolerated. Powerful words. It’s not clear what Blacture is but I will admit to being intrigued.

Wix: Terrifically terrible.

Michelob Ultra We Get Beer: Do you? Do you really?

Groupon: Not memorable.

Alexa New Voices: I liked it but the joke wasn’t funny by the time the spot was done. That’s not great.

Coke Different for Everyone: I approve.

Hyundai Hope Comes Standard: So heavy handed.

T-Mobile with Kerry Washington: Had this spot been for Pampers, I would have loved it. For a cell phone carrier it don’t make a drop of damn sense.

Stella Clean Water: Apparently ALLLLLLL of our beer manufacturers are bringing water to those in need. I didn’t see that theme coming.

Jeep Manifesto: They missed on this one. I liked the first two. But this just made me roll my eyes.

Tide Pharma: This brought me incredible joy as it pokes fun at my life’s work. Which is hilarious to me.

Tide for the win. David Harbour is a national treasure. Gisele is the WORST. And Nick Foles is going to Disney World.