#instead I'm this trashy jack of all trades master of none

[kindaeccentric]

I've been thinking about buying a bass again and like. I think what's stopping me is the fact I have so many things I want to do, I'm simply afraid that I may pour my limited free time into learning an instrument that I might not even be good at in the end, while I could be painting, or writing, or hell, even sewing. And I already struggle with those, I'm not even good at those, and burned out, and I gave most of my life to writing and drawing already, I SHOULD be good at it by now, I should have published a novel, I should have sold some paintings, you know. Which probably means I'm not passionate enough for an instrument and shouldn't buy it just to have it. But then again, am I passionate enough about anything if I don't spend every free minute on art? I always have in my head that Polish saying 'for a bad ballerina even the hem of her own skirt is a problem', which means if you're not trying hard enough you blame everything else for your lack of success. And I consciously know I can't fight through exhaustion and burnout, but part of me believes I could and should and I'm just lazy. I just. I don't know. My brain feels like scrambled eggs.