#it always ALWAYS comes down to [redacted] and that i wouldn't be a broken person if i were spared from him
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the only child poll got to me
#it's the fact that despite it being silly to attribute all your problems to one thing and imagine that if this one thing wasn't there#everything'd be ok#after god knows how many years of talking and deconstructing things about myself in therapy. things i don't say here because i can't.#it always ALWAYS comes down to [redacted] and that i wouldn't be a broken person if i were spared from him#there's a lot that's hurt me but#the things that Affect My Life Everyday in Deeply Significant Ways and are Unlikely to Ever Truly Heal#are all him!#أقول ايه؟ الله يسامحه#and i am angry with the knowledge that i would be in a MUCH much better place and leading a much better life and be a much better person#if it weren't for him!
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