#it could've been paradise // borderlands 2

[thehandsomeasshole]

@downtheriverstream from X

Nines’ head was already whirring on overdrive in an attempt to think of a good excuse. Hopefully they wouldn’t try to check the security cameras because he’d phased in to avoid them, and was going to have to wait a little bit longer to do it again. 

Could he say he fell in? No, it was far enough down that he’d almost certainly be injured if he had. Wrong turn? Even less believable. Well, the Hyperion CEO was known for his ego

Here goes nothing.

“Because... you’re amazing? I mean- I’ve seen all the posters, and heard so many stories ‘bout the Hero of Pandora, that when I saw you were here in person, I just had to get a closer look, yanno?” Ok, so he may not have Blackhand’s silver tongue yet, but he was getting there. Copper tongue. Tin tongue? Whatever. He’s flying by the seat of his pants, here.

“I mean how many people down here can say they saw THE Handsome Jack?”

"A lot of people can say that, actually. Though it isn't often they walk away from the encounter with all their limbs still attached to their body." Jack forced a tight smile, anger burning bright in his eyes.

"Y'know, I'd love to believe you, kid. I really would. I do love it when people call me amazing cause, y'know, I am. Plus, you really pulled off the whole 'creepy stalker guy who has a massive hard-on for me' quite well, but..." he sighed, his arms dropping back to his sides, "There's just one tiny little problem with your story, kiddo. How'd you find out I was here in person?"

He took another step closer, eyes briefly flickering to the tattoos that ran up Nines's arm. Strange, but it's not like he could make any assumptions about the kid. The tattoos just looked... oddly familiar.

"You see, this is an unscheduled visit. Even my secretary doesn't know I'm down here-" Jack's eyes widened slightly, "-and I... was supposed to leave a note if I left again without telling her. Which I didn't."

"That's- That's not relevant, right now." His expression quickly shifted back to suspicion, "You and I are gonna take a little walk, and while we're walking you can tell me how exactly you managed to get down here, without clearance and without getting caught. And if I don't like it? I'll just throw you into one of the stone crushers."

His hand slammed down onto Nines's shoulder, and he shot him a toothy grin, "Sound good? Of course it does." He squeezed his shoulder tightly, and began leading him down the mine shaft, "Let's get going!"

[thehandsomeasshole]

@starttheanarchy from X

A rumbling high pitched cry of a living creature, the soft hum of a laser heating up. Before the spiderant can fully leave the ground in its attempt to launch itself at the red head, a quick shot from the head of DT turns it into ash. Moments later the large floating torso of a robot moves its way over to where the rest of the spiderants are and begins clearing the area with ease. "To be fair DT is a floating robot, I should get props for him being able to lift anything over a tonne at all." Is all she can say as she watches her creation be used not exactly for what she had originally intended.

A noise of agreement left her as she nodded her head, this was a mess that she was playing catch up on. Every step revealed a new and sometimes old issues or problems, and untold horrors that would explain some of the residents insanity.

"Oh so what am I suppose to not fight back and die? Self-defense is a thing." She keeps her lips tight on the actual number of people, she knows it is higher then she ever wanted.

Another reason to the countless hours she was stuck away while the others rested. But that is a mental spiral that no one has seen yet even herself, and Gaige wasn't going to break that record.

"Do you realize that it doesn't matter who, I would still be here. I would cause just as much chaos even if it was Maliwan or Torgue, the company doesn't matter, it is the enormity of the actions that are taking place that I have a grievance against. So once I am done with this, I got a whole check list to work through."

A small tsk as her eyes roll once more, she could already feel the odd ache from rolling them too often. But to want the title of tyrant why trying to claim being a hero? And he was calling her a hypocrite, the gall. But then there is silence after her offer. It is enough to get her to move forwards, the area now clear of deadly wildlife, and to sit down on top one of the ridges. And she could hear him begin in her ear, truly starting fro the beginning.

Her hand goes to her vault buckle, slipping it off and clicking it open to show a hidden system of her own design. A small holoscreen flickered to life above it and she began to take notes, to be able to keep her questions to herself and not interrupt. But before she could really take much, she had to slowly turn her eyes back to that giant floating H as he began to talk about the first real blood shed the station ever saw. No one deserved that kind of fate, let alone those who can't even fight back. And she could understand why loaders were used for what they are, even if there had been enough time to design something new.

Through out the whole story she let out the occasional hum or tsk in reaction, but also to let the man on the other side of the echo understand she was still listening.

A mechanic on Concordia? Something to ask others later on, there couldn't be many considering the lack of them on Pandora. As well as to ask on the reason why for the initial no considering at that point the vault hunters as far as she was aware had no issues with Hyperion, let alone Jack.

And she was torn on the laser because she could understand the pain of such handwork just ripped away. And she had a vague idea on how challenging it was with the laser that rested inside DT's head. But at the same time, she would never want anyone to have a laser of that magnitude considering if it could do that to a bandit settlement. Well it would only be a few tweaks away from being able to glass planets.

She paused in her notes when he mentioned seeing everything, it was hard to believe but there was something in his voice that made her believe he certainly saw something he shouldn't have. Gaige was going to have to go back onto that one on a different day since she could tell that right now was a horrible time to do so. And even as he talked about what Lilith did and the reason why he wore a mask, she could head just how this was not the cocky Jack from earlier.

This was a person who was done but still going. Something that it seemed being near Pandora did to people.

"Well I would say quit your day job regardless and stop all this without anymore murder. But we both know we are too far in to be willing to stop." A small click as she closed the cover on the buckle to once more hide away her person little holounit that stored information that she kept only for herself. The notes saved for review for another day. "I do have questions, but you sound..... Rough. Would you rather a topic change? Or just end this call? I do have things to do, and I'm sure you have plenty of ill placed paper work to finish."

Although it was given reluctantly, Jack agreed. It was impressive that she'd learned how to do those kinds of things at her age.

"Yeah, whatever. I'll give you that one. You also get props for making it look so ugly, just thought it was a bold move. Yknow? You know."

... What? He couldn't be totally nice.

"Sure. Self defense. Like when you stroll into someone else's town, someone shoots at you so you obliterate the entire population! That kinda self defense? Cause that's the kind that we've both partaken in, right?"

A small chuckle slipped past Jack's lips, and though he let the fact that she ignored his question slide, he kept the thought tucked away for later.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, kid. Must be nice not to have a personal reason for doing all this." Had he said too much? "I mean, you must feel great getting all tucked up in your bed at night, snuggled up with your teddy bear, thinking about what a productive day you've had, while I've got widows and widowers moping about 'cause the vault hunters murdered their significant others while they were trying to do their jobs. Hope you rest easy, champ."

Sometimes Jack really did consider quitting. Leaving Hyperion for good. Taking Angel, maybe Nisha if she would, go back to Tantalus and live a quiet life.

Hah. A quiet life. In this universe? What a joke.

"Mhm. Too many eggs in one basket, right?" he sighed, shaking his head and letting his pen drop back onto the desk, satisfied that he'd done enough work to subdue his poor PA for now, "Don't even think I'd remember what I did before this whole fiasco if I tried."

Wait, wait, wait...

What?

She was actually... asking him? Not-...

Jack swallowed hard, "I- Uh... I don't..." he shook his head, brows furrowing deeper and he continued, "I don't really know what you'd have questions about, but... To Hell with it, shoot. Ask whatever the Hell you want, but keep in mind I will be drinking."

He leaned down, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a small metal flask, flipping the cap up and taking a long drink. Exhaling sharply, he turned back to the echo.

"Alright. Go for it."

[thehandsomeasshole]

@downtheriverstream from X

....Welp. Of all the times for him to be snooping around one of Hyperion’s eridium mines, it just HAD to be the one time the Big Man himself was here. Typical.

“Um... Parley?”

Jack blinked.

Once.

Twice.

"Parl- What? No. No, absolutely not."

He tucked his clipboard under his arm and crossed his arms over his chest, looking around the area before leaning a little closer to the stranger.

"How'd you even get down here, kid?" he asked, "I assume you don't work for me, meaning you don't have clearance for the elevator. Which, in turn, means you're an intruder. If I wasn't so curious, I'd have shot you in the face by now."

"I think it'd be in your best interest to start explaining yourself, 'cause I'm not a very patient man."

[thehandsomeasshole]

@starttheanarchy from X

"And how efficient can it be in production and combat when the parts are poor to begin with? You go for quantity over quality and it shows." Sure it was mean to keep taking shots at robots that were designed more for warehouses then combat, but she couldn't be absolutely nice to the talking jackass.

"You really are not helping the point of how corporations are not evil when you just keep talking." And it makes a shiver roll down her spine at how easily he can just talk about killing other people, as if it was like they were his toys to destroy. It was on the same degree of glee she heard from psychos screaming about rib cages. At least they had the excuse of being driven insane.

Gaige lets out a whine at him mentioning the placement was for aesthetic, the inner engineer in her wanting to scream out all the reasons why that was poor choices. So many fixes that she could easily see in her mind, but she had to hold her tongue because she was not going to give ideas to the person who made it very clear he wanted all vault hunters dead. No matter how many ideas were popping up in her brain.

Nope.

And then he back onto talking about his robots over a rather annoying click that got herself moving once more. Something to work out the emotions so she could think through what was said and what to say. And hearing him accept her point that not once has she ever claimed to be the good guy, she smirked before it feel. Her pace increased in speed as she left the garage and headed to the back where the spiderants were. All while Jack was in her ear, trying to shake up her beliefs. Avoiding her actual questions.

She knew she needed to be somewhere no one else was since she knew she was about to get rather vocal.

"Well, I wouldn't say pissed off. More annoyed then anything else. " Hands stretch out before her as she splays out her fingers and collect her own thoughts. Far too many wanting out at once. "Lets work backwards here. Yes I do think about what I am doing, of what I am being told what to do. Most of which is fixing messes left behind by a lot of others, but you wouldn't know that since you only have a superficial view from above on what we are actually doing. Thus allowing you to paint your 'bandit' narrative over what we are doing."

Shoulder get rolled back as she keeps walking, her robotic arm flicks out and DT is digistructed before her. Spiderants clamber off in the distance. She rather not have to worry about her safety.

"And that isn't what I wanted as an answer. I want facts, give me an actual example of a time of someone who is marked down in history as a good person, as a hero, has done actions similar to your own. Not just old moral and philosophical debates, because those are what ifs and this isn't just a what if. This is the lively hoods of everyone on this planet, innocent or not."

And then a dry laugh escaped her lips as she worked her way to the last part of her rant. On him trying to make her feel some sort of doubt.

"And I'm sure the Crimson Raiders can do no worse then Hyperion on that track record. After all they weren't the ones that invited others to the planet only to blow up trains in the middle of the Frozen Wastes. One hell of a life experience sitting on a rather peaceful train when the boxes start turning into loaders that start firing immediately. Only for the world to go sideways because everything is exploding. Have you ever had to un-bury yourself out of snow filled with corpses both old and new? I never knew what that was like until I ended up on a Hyperion train."

"Well, duh. Of course it's quantity over quality, you know how many loaders we have to produce each day just so they can get their jobs done while you're destroying them? It's a lot, dum dum. So, thanks, for that." The last few words were laced with annoyance, though as he continued speaking there was no trace of it, "I'd love to see your little baking soda volcano of a robot do the stuff the loaders do. Really, I would. I think it'd be hilarious to watch it slowly crush itself trying to lift a shipping container from the loading bay all the way down into customs."

He didn't. It killed him a little inside whenever he had to see yet another one of his bots blown to kingdom come by some idiots. He just figured it'd be another step closer to pissing her off so bad she screamed and hung up.

"I know! Great, isn't it?" Jack laughed, clasping his hands above his head and stretching until he felt the little knot in his back relax, "Hey- If you're super lucky, I'll even tell you about the time someone from middle management didn't turn up to a meeting they'd requested. Bet you can guess how well that went. Let's just say he wouldn't be walking home to his wife and kids anytime soon."

"Ah, annoyance is close enough, right? Gotta love mildly inconveniencing people I don't like." Jack's brows raised. Wow. She was taking him super seriously. He'd already forgotten the majority of their conversation.

"No, trust me, kid. I'm fully aware of what y'all think you're 'actually' doing. It's just… bull, to put it lightly. Sure, maybe you just came to open a vault, get rich." He leaned in closer to the echo, "But what are you doing now, exactly? And no, I don't mean looking all pathetic like you always do and digging through scrap. I mean to get to the vault. Let me guess… Good ol' Lilith's got you doin' her grunt work, right? Running place to place, 'kill this guy!', 'get this thing or person!'. I just- I just know I'm right."

"Let's- Just let me pull up the definition of a bandit, m'kay?" Jack took barely a second to find it on the echonet, and he turned back to the echo, "Alright, here. A bandit is an outlaw, in this case you, who belongs to a gang, the Crimson Raiders, who operate in an isolated or lawless area, Pandora. So, tell me, princess… Where was I wrong? Or do big words just make your head hurt so darn much?"

"You know, your argument would make total sense. The whole… People's livelihoods… Thing… Except for the fact that nearly everyone down on Pandora would kill you and sell you for parts." Jack's expression darkened, and his tone grew serious, "There are people down where you are who'd do that to a kid. And you really think that they deserve to be spared? Do they deserve trust and respect? Or do they all deserve a big ol' moonshot to the face?"

He let out a breath, eyes flickering over to the paperwork stack in consideration, before they returned to the echo. 

"Oh, and I'm fully aware that isn't what you wanted as an answer. I just- I really do love being unhelpful. Especially with people who work with backstabbing bastards who've wronged me in some way or another." He shrugged slightly, "And, no. No, I won't be doing that. You wanna know why? Because no one's ever made an entire military composed solely of robots with AIs to try and fix a whole planet. You're just fueling the raging inferno that is my ego here, babe."

"But, trust me on this one. The Crimson Raiders can, and have done worse. They ever mention why exactly I want y'all dead? Or, did they sugar coat it and cry 'Jack is just bad!' at the top of their lungs?" He laughed, the sound growing even louder as she described the train events.

God, he wished he'd seen their faces…

"Sorta! Well, not in the snow. It was more, y'know, dirt." He seemed to space out a little after that thought, eyes on the echo but not particularly focused on it.

It took a while for him to zone back in, but when he did he continued with the exact same intonation and volume as before. 

"Anyway, y- you wanna try and take another shot at me? Or has your fragile little heart had enough?" Jack laughed loudly, and he finally made a move for the paperwork.

[thehandsomeasshole]

@starttheanarchy from X

She kept silent as he talked, rambling about some rather interesting work that was being handed to a CEO. Wouldn't that kind of issues fall into a mixture of legal and HR? Ah poor is the chain of command. Well Gaige held her tongue on those thoughts, leaving the man to his legal headaches. Though at the mention of a wife, her eyes cut to the sky, right to the giant H that loomed overhead no mater where she was. And she felt a small bit of pain for the older man, not having a chance to mourn or process. Just work as usual. And she could tell that this was something she at the very least wasn't suppose to know with how he cut himself off. A small light humm came from her throat, a form of acknowledgment that she was listening and that this was marked down in her memory.

The topic swap back into technology got her moving again, nearing the garage that Ellie owned. Said woman was in front of the compactor doing what she seemed to love best, and Gaige just sent her a wave before ducking into the building.

"Yes, but is it not a sign of good quality when even the parts of your work can be used beyond others?" Gaige was going to be nice this once and allow the conversation to flow away from his past. "No, I can say with absolute certainty I would never take any shortcuts with DT. Or own a company, why would I want to be a sell out like that?" And that is where the anarchist started to come out. Ah the amount of times in class she debated the ethics and morals of the different corporations of the universe.

"Well then it is poor design then to have all the sensors in one place, and you can't say that you don't with how fast they are rendered useless once shot in the blatantly obvious eye." Stairs were taken two at a time as she head over to the workbench beside the vending machines. "I could care less about the funky stuff, would probably be a downgrade more then anything else to my work of art.” The tool case dropped onto the workbench, and a loud snort at the agree to disagreement. Eyes roll at the claim of superiority.

Gaige stills at the mention of what happened at the science fair. Eyes narrow as she was trying to figure out if he was trying to insinuate if the accident was not actually one. Fingers grip the workbench, dents forming under her robotic ones. It had been a moment since she had even had a single thought of that day, one of her worst days even compared to what Pandora had thrown at her so far. And something to think about when there was far less on her plate, one more issues shelved for the eventual emotional and mental break down.

"Actually, DT is programed to react to hostility. Meaning they will only take action after aggression has happened. Reactive rather then active, always has been like that." Sure it was a stupid idea to keep one of her main ways of defending herself on a more passive setting, but Gaige refused to to cause harm first.

"Yes I will admit, there is a fair amount of blood on my hands. But when did I ever claim to be the good guy? You have always been the one to bring it up, usually to either defend your actions or yourself. Since when have heroes ever claimed to be one? When have they allowed cruelty into their actions? To break apart families?"

Jack leaned away from the echo, burying his face into his sweater sleeve and he groaned loudly.

Well, that was definitely going to come back and bite him in the ass.

"Uh… No." Jack raised his head and turned back towards the echo, "No, it is not. You see, I don't exactly design my bots to help you jerks. I design 'em for maximum efficiency in production and combat. Got that? Good."

"Ooh, ouch! Look at you go, insulting me left and right. Good for you." He snorted, shaking his head, "Listen, kid, you can shit on the corpos all you'd like–trust me, I did my fair share of it when I was younger–but it's not as bad as it looks from the outside. And, hey! At least we don't have slaves like- Oh, actually, I think that's confidential… But, my workers get honest pay for, mostly, honest work. If they don't work hard enough, then, yeah. They get the crap beaten outta them or, if they're real lucky, they get airlocked. Much quicker. And funnier, actually. Their little eyes popping out of their heads and they just burst."

For a moment, Jack considered disagreeing. Telling her that the sensors were all strategically placed for maximum energy efficiency. While it was partially true, it wasn't entirely for that reason.

"Nah, I know," Jack laughed slightly, "you're right. It's mostly for the aesthetic, everything just slots together so nicely that way. Looks all sleek and tidy, y'know? You know."

Jack had taken the silence as confirmation he'd made her uncomfortable, talking about her killing her classmate, though it hadn't felt as good as he'd hoped.

She's probably around Angel's age, you asshole, he thought to himself, even more displeased now he'd made himself uncomfortable, too. 

"I did the same thing with the loaders. Can't have them mowing down all my workers, can I? No matter how funny it would be." Jack hummed slightly, picking his pen up off the desk and beginning to rapidly click it, "That did happen once, though. Rouge claptrap unit, got it's gross little hands onto an assault rifle after it found out it was gonna get shot down onto Pandora cause it was useless."

He shook his head, shuddering, "Something you'd never want to see, an ugly little trashcan of a robot coming at you sixty miles an hour and screaming 'you'll never take me alive!' at the top of it's voice module." A small laugh slipped past Jack's lips, "We didn't, the turrets finally kicked in and slaughtered the bastard."

"You're-..." Jack paused, the expression of frustration slowly melting off his face and he leaned back into his seat, "Actually kinda right. I always forget it's not you I hate. Well, I don't like you by any means but… Heh, guess I'm just amazed you'd work for the Crimson Raiders with their track record for screwing everyone over."

He shrugged, satisfied with planting the little seed of doubt in her mind, "I mean, whatever. No hair off my head if they try to kill you, right? Just less effort on my part."

"But, to answer your question…" he leaned forward again, letting out a quiet chuckle, "When they think it's the right thing to do. Y'know, human flaws and all that. The whole trolley problem thing or whatever. Would you rather kill one person you hold dear, or ten you don't? That kinda bullshit."

In all truth, he couldn't remember what they were talking about.

"Next time you wander into a bandit camp, stop and ask yourself: am I doing what I need to? Or am I just doing what I'm told? Always thought it was kinda funny how y'all just run around like headless chickens doing whatever your 'leaders' told you to, bet you don't even question it, do you? They say kill, and you just ask how much you're gonna get paid or if you'll get a shiny, new gun outta it."

"So, how am I doing so far? Pissing you off enough to keep you interested?"

[thehandsomeasshole]

@starttheanarchy from X

The stutter brought out a bark of laughter out of her, the child-like objection that was bemusing to her, finally get a reaction then just more annoyance. It was rare to have the chance to take shots back at the CEO considering most of the time her attention was on avoiding death rather then actually retorting.

"Ah-ah-ah," she shook her finger with each sound even though the sight was only seen by her. "I said scrap, pay attention. Or don't, you do seem to have the same attention span as a varkid. But their items have far more versatility for reuse, Hyperion is subpar in comparison to several others actually. Cheap shortcuts hidden behind pretty but also uninspired metal casings."

Staring at the half taken apart engine block and the strew of gears and bolts on the ground around her, Gaige decided that she was probably not going to be able to get anything else out of this without having to take a torch to the thing. Tools were tossed into the metal tool case, the loud clattering being easily picked up by her com. The spare pieces that didn't remain attached to the technical went into a bag that was slung over the mechromancer’s shoulder soon after. A once over of the area to make sure she cleaned up her mess, a habit from her junk yard picking days back on Eden, and she was slowly making her way back to the building that rested in the Dust.

"Only optic sensors? Seriously?" There was actual disbelief in her voice as she wondered just how the company could consider itself a lead in the realm of robotics. Low bar apparently. Though her lips pulled back into a snarl at the insult of calling her hard work junk. That was revolutionary technology in several fields that was put together in a backyard shed by her alone. It might not be sleek and clean, but it was amazing. And it was that simple thought that brought her next question.

"So what does that say about your robots and yourself if mine is making its way through yours like they are tissue paper?" She knew there was plenty of evidence of the sheer chaos that the mechromancer and her robot caused alone in Hyperion bases. And it was clear proof in her mind just how much more superior Death Trap was to any robot.

"Smart, sure say what ever you need to help yourself sleep at night pal."

He blinked in surprise as she practically scolded him, one brow cocking right up to his hairline.

Another laugh slipped past his lips, "Nah, you caught me. The whole time you've been bitching I've been, y'know, starin' at the pile of paperwork on my desk and wondering if the dead guy's family really needs to know. You ever get that? Probably not, you're poor and don't have your own company. The thing is: I'm screwed either way. If I don't tell 'em, I just end up having some crying, hysterical spouse running around asking after them. If I do, I have to go to a meeting with the board members just so they feel like they've done something by asking me 'was there anything anyone could've done?' and me telling them the same thing over and over just so I don't have to put fifteen people out of jobs and pay a ridiculous settlement fee to the family."

He scoffed, now barely even remembering he was still talking to Gaige, "You know what I got when my wife got killed? A slap on the wrist and they told me to get back to wo-..."

Jack froze, eyes wide and he looked at the echo. Oh my god. Oh my god. Please don't be listening. Please don't be listening. 

"Well, y'know, Hyperion isn't intended for reuse. Tediore's probably only good for spare parts cause you can just- y'know, shake one of their guns real hard and the parts just fall right out!" He laughed slightly, trying his absolute best to make sure the subject was well and truly steered away from his word vomit, "When you own your own company, cheap shortcuts are the only way to get everything done under budget. You're quick to bash on 'em, but if you could give your bot the exact same specs, everythin', but have him be lighter and easier to fix, wouldn't ya do it?"

"It's not just optic- No- What? Look here, kid. Why would I tell you, a dumb bandit who's out for blood she's never going to get, how exactly my robots tick and all the goodies we cram inside 'em to get 'em working as best as they can so you can steal them?" Jack, again, laughed at the mechromancer, "Or was that a sad attempt at goading me into spilling all the funky stuff we're working on? Tempting, truly, but no thanks."

A deep frown settled onto Jack's lips, "Ooh, baby, you do not want to start with telling me how many of my bots you've massacred." His eyes narrowed, "I could send a moonshot down when you're not expecting it and have it crush your little science fair project. How's that sound? Bad? Thought so."

"Alright, look, we're getting nowhere here. It's like we're insulting each other's children, for God's sake. Let's settle and just say we're both proud of our bots, even if mine are clearly superior." He huffed slightly, arms crossing over his chest and he let his feet drop back down to rest on the floor, "Just a shame you're wasting talent like that working for a bunch of bandits."

"Oh, and, please, kid. Is that coming from the girl who 'accidentally' killed one of her classmates? I'm absolutely smarter than you psychopaths." he laughed loudly, eyes returning to the tabs open on his computer, "I mean, it's incredible how hypocritical all you assholes are when you probably all have a higher kill count than I do. Y'all just stroll into my Hyperion bases and choose violence, don't ya? And every other camp you see, you run in guns blazing. Have you ever slowed down, even talked to a psycho? Granted, they talk consistent nonsense. A whole lot about meat puppets and poop trains.”

Jack grimaced slightly, “Alright, maybe psychos weren’t the best example. But,” the smile soon returned to his lips,"I just think it’s real cute y’all think you’re the good guys in this scenario. That’s all.”

[thehandsomeasshole]

from X @starttheanarchy

It was at certain times a certain red head stuck on Pandora was struck with just how different the planet was from her old home Eden-5. Sure there was a lot of the big things, like the sheer amount of common place murder and madness. But there was also small things that were starting to get to her, like the difference in how the days went. Eden differently had a day cycle that was far closer in hours to that of earth then Pandora.  90 hours verse 30. A rather steep difference that ended up with her up at hours that others would rather be resting since it was either too bright for her brain to allow rest, or because her mind was saying it was daytime back on Eden.

Which lead to her current situation, alone in Ellie's scrap yard half way in one of the many vehicles looking for some halfway decent scrap. Yet another difference between the planets that the mechromancer was starting to find becoming quickly annoying. So with the distraction of trying to find some spare bits to upgrade her arm, she really didn't see exactly who was calling her echo. It was a thoughtless action to tap the side of the com-unit in her ear so that way her echo unit didn't begin screeching loudly in the area attracting anything deadly.

Gaige's head slammed against the hood the technical at the sound of Jack's voice ruining her sleep deprived peaceful scavenging hunt, her headache now worsening from multiple factors. One hand went to rub the already forming bump while the other slowly pushed her out of the engine bay to the ground below, swears muttered under her breath at the little stupid accident and at the pain. The brain numbing annoyance that was Jack droned on about a story she was only partly listening to, at the mention of someone holding their own arm brought out a small mutter of 'mood'.

Once the worst of her headache subsided, she finally gave her actual attention to the nuisance in her ear beginning to ask her questions.

"Honestly, could you try to make higher quality robots. The scrap is actually somehow worse then Tediore, send something with halfway decent sensors. And I'm amazed that the coding change actually upped the supposed spawn odds instead of making them explode or become anymore faulty of an AI." The first part was truly her honest critic, the later part was just dripping with sarcasm. It was almost a joke at this point to walk through Hyperion bases and hear one of the many announcements trying to prevent the robotic workforce from  accidentally become self aware.

“And don’t call me buddy, pal.”

Jack quirked an eyebrow, "Mood?" he mumbled quietly to himself while she was still speaking. Mood. She did know he just said someone's arm got torn off, right? God, bandits were weird.

Jack brows furrowed and, for some reason unknown to himself, the vault hunter's words stung more than he thought they would.

"Hey, m- my robots are completely fine!" he objected, perhaps a little louder than he needed to into the comms, "If you think it's worse than Tediore, you clearly haven't seen their new gun lines. Embarrassing, really. They used to make guns that just- regenerated your ammo! I mean, how cool was that? Now, you hold a damn Tediore gun too long after firing the last shot and you're gonna lose a hand, my friend."

Jack went quiet for a moment as he scribbled something down onto one of the, probably important, documents on his desk.

He slammed the pen back down, and decided to continue.

"Yeah, my bots have fantastic sensors, not my fault that the idiots down on that shithole of a planet that you idiots love so much decide to always shoot for the eye." he shrugged slightly, letting out a disheartened sigh, "Poor things don't even see it comin'..."

Again, Jack fell silent again as his mind wandered off. It was only a few seconds before he reached over to his computer and decided to pull up what information they had on who he was speaking to.

"Hah! You're givin' me shit about my bots while you're dragging around that hunk of scrap?" he laughed loudly, stretching slightly as he sat forward, "Listen, I'm gonna put this as nice as I can: the reason you can't find a good enough sensor is because you're an idiot. I mean, honestly, who tries running a Grade A Hyperion optical sensor on something stuck together with gum and duct tape? An idiot, that's who."

He would never admit it to her, but her mech was very impressive. Though, in Jack's mind, anything that wasn't a claptrap unit was.  

"Well, don't call me pal, buddy." Jack laughed sharply into the echo, kicking his feet back up onto his desk, "Nah, the reason the bots aren't trying to kill us right now or explode directly in your face is cause I was the one who programmed them. You would not believe how often we have to lockdown the station because of rouge AIs someone didn't bother to double-check before setting off. As I said before: I'm surrounded by idiots. I swear, sometimes you all forget I'm super smart, I'm not just incredibly handsome."

[thehandsomeasshole]

For @starttheanarchy from x

It'd been a slow day, like everything was destined to go as wrong as it possibly could. 

Jack had just returned from a meeting in Engineering for poor worker conditions, something about someone getting stuck in one of the hydraulic pumps and being left there for the weekend because no-one wanted to work unpaid overtime. 

Jack thought it was hilarious. HR didn't. 

What Jack hadn't found so funny was the thick stack of paperwork the situation had left on his desk. 

So, instead of doing what he actually should, he turned his attention elsewhere. 

"Hey, buddy!" Jack said into the live comms, kicking his feet up onto his desk and swinging gently from side to side in his chair, "You would not believe the morning I've been having." 

And time for his favourite activity: pissing off whichever Vault Hunter answered first. 

"So, this asshole comes stumbling into my office, right? I thought the idiot was drunk or- or high, or, y'know- s- somethin' was goin' on with this guy! Couldn't figure out what, though... He starts babbling on and I just totally zone out." Jack stretched slightly, taking a slow breath and letting out a quiet laugh before continuing, "Then, another idiot comes in holding his own arm. A whole arm. That piqued my interest a little. So, I finally zone back in and it turns out that some huge spiderant broke out of R&D and went on a rampage through those guys' offices. Big yikes, right? I did what anyone would've done. Told 'em to clean the mess up themselves or I'll rip off his other arm and beat 'em both to death with it."

He sighed dejectedly, "It just got worse from there, apparently I've got zero competent workers on this whole space station. No one's life is as hard as mine, right now." 

Cold finger tips gripped onto the edge of his desk, and he pulled himself a little closer to the mic, "Anyway... How've you been, buddy? You been enjoying those constructors I've been sending to kill you? I- I upped the chance of them digistructing a badass to like, sixty something percent the last time I was screwing around in their codes, so... Yeah, my bad. I'd offer to look into it for you, but...That'd just kinda defeats the point, y'know? Plus, I do not care enough to. I got better things to do with my time, like bothering you!"

[thehandsomeasshole]

@starttheanarchy from X

"Then why use them for a job they are not meant for, just keep them to their original purpose and make something new that works for what you need. And because quality work will save in the long term with less repairs, replacements, and malfunctions over all. And your welcome." The wide grin could be heard in her last three words. She was raised to have some manners after all. "And DT could probably do it as long as the load weight isn't over hmmm..." She drifts off as fingers tap together, mental math being calculated. "Eight tonne? Maybe less. I'm not exactly sure on that front since I actually haven't tested his limits on that front. Hmm something to test another day." Her eyes drifted over the floating form of her robot as it stayed ever vigilant of her surroundings. She knew it could do some heavy lifting since she had used previous versions to move things in the junk yard.

Eyes roll at yet another reason on why to avoid corporations, and another as he seems to enjoy being a pest.

"Actually last thing I did was fix up several things that were in disrepair in Overlook, since too much of the population of that poor town have the skull-shivers and had no access to the medicine. Something about repair tickets being ignored or something like that. And I didn't come here for the shallow reason of becoming rich, I'm opening the vault to try and prevent a very clearly corrupt corporation from monopolization on something that might be a blessing or a curse." If she had it her way, she would keep it locked forever since no one has a full understanding of the capabilities and issues of Eridium that began to spawn after the first one opened. To many variables and yet everyone wanting to just add more into the chaos.

"Yes, yes. The definition fits, but you seem to think I am on the same level of depravity like the Fleshrippers or the Bloodshots. To which all I can say is, rude and incorrect. And princess? Really?" That got her to shoot a glare back at the space station.

"Not everyone. Yes there are people who still deserve a chance to be treated like a decent human because they are. But you seem to be hard at work for making it so those people are just as dead as the rest. And you are right, no one has used an army of robots to lay siege on a planet in the name of their own ideals. They used armies of people, and all of them were considered like a plague upon humanity in the context of history. Dictators, tyrants, oppressors, authoritarians, monsters. Wonder how will you be written down."

At the laughter, and how it grew as she talked about what started this whole hot mess off for her on planet side, it made her skin itch with irritation. Out of everything on this fucking disaster hellscape, it was Hyperion that tried to kill her first. Sure others might have had to deal with bandits at other stops, but she went from off the inter-space shuttle to the train with no issues.

It was fair to say Jack was the first person to try to actually kill her. Even when escaping Eden-5 they were aiming for capture to make her life a living hell instead of a death sentience. It was one of the reasons she was trying so damn hard to keep surviving at this point, out of spite for the asshole who tried to kill them after using some shitty signs to inform them of their supposed doom.

Hands were clenched into fists and she could feel a chill roll through her body. It was like the ice never left at times.

A deep breath as she turns her face to the sun that burns the landscape, she is fine and alive. And she isn't going to follow his script and get pissed. She isn't going to scream like everyone else on this planet. The Mechromancer is going to do what she always does, go against what is expected.

"How about you tell me something else instead. You worked with the Crimson Raiders? What happened? What is the full story, from beginning to end?" Her voice is calm and even, one that seems to hold no judgment and wanting to listen. And she does, after all there isn't much information on the group. Gaige had no plans to jump ship, but she honestly had as much trust for them as she did for most anyone on this planet that wasn't shooting at her. Eden-5 taught her that the only person she could ever trust was her father and the friends she created with her own two hands.

"No bullshit, no propaganda. Just your side of the story. I have time."

Jack did smile at the little sass she threw his way, despite himself. "Well, empty, those things weigh nearly five tonnes. So, nice try. I guess." He chose to ignore her initial comment about using the loaders for their designed purpose. There was not enough patience in Jack's body to unpack all of that right now.

"Oh, the vaults are definitely a curse. But, once you get the ball rolling around here, there's not really anything anyone can do to stop it." Jack shrugged lightly, scanning through the first four pages while he spoke, "You just… gotta do what you can before another idiot comes along and screws everything up even worse than you did."

"Nah, you're right. Princess made me feel a little icky. How about… I- I'll get back to you, I'll think of something real good." he laughed lightly, beginning to scribble down some notes on the papers before he continued. 

"You sure as hell act like 'em, you and your bandit buddies. Just exactly how many things or people have you killed since you got to Pandora? Hey, look, I'll even give wildlife a pass cause- Well, you could kill a hundred skags one day and the next day there'd be two hundred more. Let's just focus on people. Maybe you're not running around screaming about meat bicycles, and maybe it is a little rude of me, but it's also correct. You just don't wanna admit it."

"The people who are still decent in this universe are few and far, kid. In my entire life, I've only met two people who were truly selfless." One's dead and the other’s… worse. "But, you do realise that if it wasn't me up here, it'd just be someone else? Hell, Dahl and Atlas would still be plowing through planets like they're big balls of paper and slaughtering everyone in their way while going off about fighting for those planets' freedoms and peace."

"Ooh, I love tyrant! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Always considered myself more notorious, than anything else." The sharp, almost humorous-sounding edge to his voice gave the impression he was teasing her, "Kid, it's nothin' I haven't heard before. You really think I'm gonna be kicking it anytime soon, anyway? Nah. Nope, not happening! I got way too much to do."

Jack's brows knitted together and slowly raised in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Sure, maybe she didn't care, he'd just never had a person who hated him ask for his side of the story before.

He decided not to express his shock.

"So, I'd been working on Helios since it launched, I was, uh-... A- a programming and engineering specialist for Hyperion for ten, fifteen years, maybe. I was in charge of most of the construction, getting together schematic proposals to give to my bosses, all that kinda shit."

"The first time I met Lilith and Roland was when Dahl decided they wanted to massacre all the workers on Helios and take it over. They… They didn't discriminate. If you worked for Hyperion, they'd gun you down without even batting an eye. They killed so many of the workers up here, I knew them all personally. We- we didn't even have a real military then, for God's sake! They shot workers out of the sky when they were trying to evacuate. That was the level of murderous psychopaths we were trying to deal with. We defended as best as we could, but even the freaking loaders weren't weaponised yet, I had like… Six hours to get them into a position to defend themselves, and you bet your ass I did it. I guess that actually answers your earlier question, too. I used them for a job they weren't made for out of necessity, the damn Lost Legion shot at them when they were running away, too. Assholes."

"I managed to get the vault hunter's I'd hired down to Elpis in a moonshot, think you've met a couple of them. They got to Concordia thanks to-" Shit. He hadn't actually thought about Janey in a while. He'd ask Athena how they were both doing, but she'd probably curb stop his head before he could even say hello. "-uh, this mechanic. They asked Lilith and Roland to help cause, y'know, Dahl had stuck a jamming signal somewhere on that moon and I couldn't work Helios's defences until it was shut off. They knew people on Helios were dying, and they said no."

"They only started to help when their lives were in immediate danger and Dahl got control of the moonshot laser and start firing away at Elpis. I really did trust 'em to help us, y'know? Like they promised they would."

"I guess they kinda did. We managed to get control of the laser again and… They blew it up. They nearly took the whole space station down just because they didn't want Hyperion having it. That stupid laser could've saved Pandora, you know. It could've- The blasts were so concentrated we could've wiped out an entire bandit settlement and their nice neighbours next door would've barely felt the ground tremble. I'd worked so hard on that laser. You have any idea how hard it was to make? How much progress they destroyed when they blew that damn thing up? A lot! A whole, freaking lot and-... Sorry. Off topic. Uh…"

He made a small noise, "Oh, yeah. Anyway, after that it was just a rush trying to get to the vault before anyone else did. Dahl was already there, but after what happened with those two I wouldn't have been surprised if they got to the vault first just so we couldn't."

"But, we did. My vault hunters took care of the- The Empyrean Sentinel, I think they called it. Big bastard, more human than the other vault monsters. Freaky stuff."

"So, the Sentinel was dead, and we finally got to the vault relic. It looked like… Nothing. Very underwhelming. Just a weird little floating vault symbol. I decided to touch it and-..." Jack went quiet for a while, his knuckles growing white with how tightly he was gripping the armrests of his chair, "And I saw… everything."

He felt sick even talking about it. The pit in his stomach growing deeper and he knew if he didn't stop soon he'd fall into a full blown breakdown. So, he took a shaky breath in and continued.

"Wasn't long after that when Lilith made her grand entrance. She destroyed the relic and- blasted the fuck out of my face. You ever had your face branded by some freaky eridian technology? It sucks. Real bad."

He let his head drop back, and he rubbed his eyes, "So, there's my side. Think I can quit my day job and become a professional story teller?" Though he tried to make a joke, the fire in his voice seemed to have dissipated. He just sounded… tired.

[thehandsomeasshole]

@of-lawbringing

Continued from X

His eyes scanned over the ECHOpad in his hand, bored and uninterested, and his other hand rubbed idly at the tight muscles in his back.

From over the top of his glasses, he watched Nisha approach. The corners of his lips slowly quirked up until they rested in a soft smile.

He huffed, eyes returning to the tablet for a moment, "Pretty sure it's closer to the fact I've spent the past... Fuck, ninety six hours hunched over that damn desk trying to get these idiots in accounting's mistakes fixed."

His shoulders pulled up into a shrug, and he dropped them back down with a sigh, "Unless you're offerin', Sheriff, think I'll pass." He brushed past Nisha, his own hand gently rubbing against her's as he returned to sifting through the papers on his desk, "Least I know you'd have big enough balls not to stab me in the back, the assholes that work here? Nah. They'd do it if it meant they'd get an extra day of PTO."

He considered for a moment if he was being too paranoid; he knew fully that his employees were either terrified of him or in love with him, but after everything on Elpis?

He didn't know who he could trust anymore.

"Sometimes I do wonder, y'know, what's the point of paying all these bastards when I still end up doing the work myself?"

[thehandsomeasshole]

❛ feared by many. misunderstood by all… except me. ❜

Blood coated fingertips traced Nisha's jawline, with ridiculous tenderness considering only a few hours before the same fingers had torn someone's windpipe right out of their neck. The blood had long since dried, though Jack had felt far too detached from reality to wash it off. 

"Someone sounds certain," he murmured, his thumb finding its way to the corner of her mouth and slowly dragging its way across her lips, "what makes you so sure you understand me, hm?" 

His voice remained low, “Y'know, I like coming down here, to visit.” he glanced around, squinting ever so slightly for a second, “Well, I like seeing you. Not so much all those other assholes that live around these parts. I swear, one of these days some bastard is gonna get a little too cocky and try to shank me while my back’s turned.”

He let out a breathy chuckle, “And I’d hate to steal your thunder, but I’d have to teach the guy a lesson, y’know? Maybe tie him down onto those train tracks, break his shins, get him to beg for forgiveness for the fun of it. Hell, maybe just leave him to bake in the sun for a few hours before the skags spot him. They’re always good for cleaning up messes.”

Jack’s hand dropped down, resting on Nisha’s hip and he gently ran his thumb over the exposed skin there, “Call me a sap all you want, but I do miss being around you when I’m up on Helios.”

He wanted to say that, when all this was over, he’d be with her more. More than once a fortnight or every couple of months. But he wouldn’t. What he saw in the vault had shaken him to his very core, and though he did his best not to show it he was terrified of what was to come.

He’d lose everything. All over again.

“You think you could ever do it?” Jack asked, meeting her eyes with a soft gaze, “Leave this all, Pandora and your life here, and just start fresh? Where no one knows your name or what you’ve been through or done?”

[thehandsomeasshole]

starter - @president-rhys

"Lookin' good, kiddo!"

Jack, fully aware himself, was far too peppy for how early it was– or late? He couldn't remember if he'd slept or not yet. Getting the email from R&D saying the newest ECHO implant was done and the subject was still alive?

Jack practically inhaled the rest of his coffee, threw on whatever clothes he could find and fixed his hair as best as he could before running down to the labs.

He had to stop just before going in, catching his breath and making sure he didn't pass out. But, soon enough, he waltzed in like he wasn't just disassociating so hard he wasn't sure if he was still alive or not.

"Look at that eye, huh?" He exclaimed, the grin spreading over his lips as he crouched slightly in front of Rhys on the bed, "Effortless, lookin' that good now, right?"

Jack was silent for a moment, studying Rhys's face closely as he made sure everything was in place right.

"So, how you feelin' kid- Uh, what- What was it again? Ro- Ri- Rhy... Rhys? Yeah! Yeah, Rhys. How you feelin', Rhysie?"

[ lyric based starter :

" we look so good, and we never even try ." ]

[thehandsomeasshole]

starter - @deadlyhaiku

Jack hadn't bothered to explain to the rest of Helios what the assassin was doing on the space station with him, nor why they were there in the first place. Most of them were below the paygrade where they were included in vault discussions or operations, and were still working on robotics or weaponry.

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. This is especially true if your boss is trying to get control of one of the Eridian's vaults and become the most powerful man in all the galaxies, even more than he already was.

Most of his employees looked the other way if they didn't agree with it, or stared on in awe.

It was great for his ego.

The speaker on his desk buzzed to life, and his secretary's voice hummed through.

"Si- Handsome Jack, sir? There's a... uh... someone here to see you."

For a moment, Jack sat in silence, deep in thought, before-

"Oh, crap! Yeah, yeah. Send 'em in, dollface." He replied quickly, sitting up straight from where he was slouched over before and taking his glasses back off, setting them down on the desk and looking up just in time to see the assassin enter his office.

His immediate reaction?

"Holy shit, you're tall." His eyes widened slightly, and he let out a soft huff of a laugh, "I mean, I know they said you were, but... God damn, kiddo."

Jack waited until they were a little closer, trying to stop himself from squinting and giving away his terrible eyesight, not particularly aided by the mask, before shuffling through the papers on his desk until he found the folder he needed.

"So, uh... Zer0, right?" Weird name, probably shouldn't mention it. "Let's talk vaults."

[ lyric based starter :

"You were a stranger in my phonebook I was acting like I knew, 'cause I had nothing to lose. When the winter's in full swing and your dreams just aren't coming true, ain't it funny what you'll do?"

Knee Socks, AM ]

[thehandsomeasshole]

‘ that’s not yours, friend.’

Jack did his best not to tense as he heard the words come from behind him. Laughing lowly, his hands slowly raised in a surrender as he turned around, staring dead at Zer0 with a disturbingly calm expression.

How the fuck did this asshole sneak up on him so bad?

"Not yours, either." He said slowly, carefully, taking a step so cautious it was as if he was testing the waters. He wanted to see how trigger-happy the assassin was, whether they'd put him down immediately or if their curiosity would take the better of them and keep him alive. All he needed was a little extra time, and he'd get out of this situation unscathed.

Time to turn on the charm.

"Y'know, I never got the chance to ask, but..." he paused, lowering his hands and giving them a curious look, "Why'd you even bother with those assholes?"

Jack shrugged lightly, tucking his hands into his pocket as he took another step forward, "I mean, you're clearly better than them. Smarter. You could make a helluva fortune on your own. Plus, then you wouldn't have those idiots slowin' you down."

The smile grew, though it still failed to meet his eyes and gave it a shallow-feeling, "Just a thought."

[thehandsomeasshole]

🚬

The meeting had gone over in Jack's schedule by two fucking hours.

Two.

Maliwan had decided to go off the rails and start producing a new shield, and though Jack certainly had some not-so-nice comments on the colour scheme (it was tacky and vile, quite frankly), he couldn't deny the fact that it was nearly outselling Hyperion's best shields.

So, the past two hours were spent with Jack absolutely grilling a couple of employees from manufacturing and production, before storming out of the room and yelling at whoever he laid his eyes on.

His demeanor changed, however, when he finally spotted Rhys. Leaving his department–was it really that late?–and heading towards the elevator.

Luckily for Jack, he managed to catch up to him before he could step inside. He wrapped an arm around Rhys's shoudlers firmly before plucking the lollipop from between his lips and popping it into his own mouth.

"God, you will not believe the day I've had, kitten." Jack whined, feeling suddenly grateful they were alone in the elevator, "Spent the past hour or whatever having excuse after excuse jammed down my throat by some- some fuckin' idiots."

He let out a loud sigh, moving to stand behind Rhys and wrapping his arms around his waist, chin resting on his shoulder, "Take back to your place? Don't think I've ever been there, plus I don't-" want to be alone? "-wanna go to that big, empty penthouse all by myself tonight."

Good save.

[thehandsomeasshole]

“I want to know why you’re hurt.” From Tim!

For a while after Timothy spoke, Jack was silent. He stared forward, expression entirely blank as blood trickled from his knuckles and dripped into a growing puddle on the floor.

He'd made a makeshift bandage from his jacket while he finished up work, but by the time he was about to leave it was soaked through and he just left the bloody pile of fabric on his desk; it'd still be there tomorrow, and he could deal with it then.

His brows furrowed, and he looked to Tim to answer, but realised he... couldn't.

He didn't know why.

"I don't... Uh..." he glanced down at his hand, blinking before looking back up to his double, "I don't remember..."

And it was an honest reply. He'd managed to completely disassociate, forget today was even the anniversary of his wife's death, and continue writing out reports.

Until his computer crashed and he punched right through it. He was sure there was still debris jammed under his skin, but he didn't particularly care enough to try and get it out.

He'd handwritten the rest of the reports, though his left hand was now crippled so he'd used his right hand and he was sure they'd looked like a child had written them.

Again, he didn't particularly care enough to try and make more of an effort.

"Uh... Office is- S'locked up for the night. Take tonight off, you're- you're probably tired." He gestured behind him where he was leaving from and Timothy was just arriving to, and shrugged slightly, "Not much to do there, anyway."