#it does feel like if this show was made today it'd be MAYBE 4 seasons of MAYBE 10-12 episodes

[lisbonsteresa]

dumb little married idiots

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 10 Transcript: The Shrimplications

[Garageband version of Buddy Holly’s “Everyday” plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, [laughs] someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens. 

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 2, Episode 4: “The Hitchhiker, featuring the minisode Nazi Zombie Flesheaters.” So, how'd you feel about this one?

G: I feel like this episode straddles the line for me between my feelings for 2.03 and 2.01 where it's like, [C: Okay, yeah.] I like it, not as much as I like Job, but like, it's fine. I mean, I liked last episode, right? [C: Yes.] But like, it's fine. It's not as good as 2.02. But also like, nothing happens. [C: Yup.] And there are stuff that I like- I mean, okay, upon rewatch, I was like, "Okay, I get it. I get it. I'm trying to get it, and I have tried hard enough." But I don't know! [C: Yeah. Yeah.] I think maybe this is like, one of those episodes where I haven't made up my mind on whether I like it or not, and I probably will only be able to do that after we go through it in the podcast. Yeah.

C: That makes sense. Well, I've decided to be a hater [G: Of course.], but we'll see where I'm at at the end.

G: Yes. First, for our audience, I want to say that when we were starting this podcast, and also like, with BABPod, our Supernatural podcast, we try very hard to like, not contaminate each other pre-recording. [C: Uh-huh.] Like, we try to not talk about the episode [laughs] [C: Yeah, sure.] before we record. However, [laughs] I think starting Season 2 of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, we have just completely abandoned this mindset. [C: Uh-huh.] Like, [laughs] we watch episodes together, we discuss episodes tremendously prior to recording. [C: Yeah.] So like, if you think that the four hour-long episodes are like, "How are they able to talk about it for four hours?" [C laughing] know that the actual recording is five hours long, and also we have spent more than five hours outside of the recording booth talking about this also. So yeah. [C: Yeah.] This episode, we watched together.

C: Though, I mean, because we were just doing the "press play at the same time" method to stay coordinated [G laughs], we didn't really talk because, like, [both] we couldn't pause, because it'd throw it off. [G: Yeah, but like-] So it was just like, me squeaking, Grey going, "Nothing conversation," and that's like, about it.

G: Yeah. But like, we know our general reactions to like, a lot of the scenes [C: Yeah.]. But also, like, a bit of the- I mean, we watched the entirety of 2.02 together. But like, I watched it by myself, and you were also there. But you were like, chopping- you were like, cooking or something, so you didn't give a shit. [C: Yeah, I was making my beautiful lentil stew.] But this one, we were both involved. Exactly. This time, we were both involved. And I mean, I think this is the episode to do that with, though. I feel like- Okay. From now on, moving forward, the last 2 episodes of Season 2, we shall not do that, I feel. We shan't. [laughs] We shan't.

C: Oh no, we cannot- we will not- I can't do 2.06 in front of another person. [G laughing] Like, that's not happening.

G: [laughing] Yeah. It's a level of vulnerability that one may never achieve.

C: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, I did it once with Danica, and that's like, it. The end.

G: Yeah. I mean, this episode was pretty interesting [C: Was it?] but again, like, you know, it straddles the line with me. 'Cause like, in 2.01, right, I said, "The most interesting part of this episode is what you think about after you watch it," and this one, that's the case with this one, I feel. [C: Yeah, same.] Like, the most interesting part of 2.04 is when, after you watch it, and you go, "But what does that mean? What are the implications?" [C laughs] Then like, the implications sure are implicating! [laughs]

C: [overlapping] And the implications were that they were bad at writing. [G laughing] [G: They are!] Or they could be implicating, yeah. You wanna hit us with the Amazon Prime summary?

G: Well, so the synopsis for Season 2, Episode 4 of Good Omens is, "Aziraphale's good deed [C laughs] of picking up a hitchhiker [laughs] on his way back to Soho proves to be a serious mistake. In 1941, Crowley and Aziraphale encounter some surprising adversaries, old and new, as the Nazi spies who almost entrapped Aziraphale return as zombies from the dead, intent on preventing him from attempting a bullet catch on the West End stage."

C: [laughing] I don't think that's their main goal, personally. [both laughing] But if you say so, Amazon Prime.

G: But also, this is so funny because, like, the synopsis is just what happens this episode. Like, we can be like, "Let's pack up. Goodbye, guys. [C laughs] See you next week in Rubbish and Probably a Podcast." Like, this is what happens. Nothing happens this episode.

C: Yeah. I mean, a character does declare war or whatever, but like [G: Whooo give a shit.], it's such a nothing scene that I don't even care.

G: Well, I care a little bit.

C: Okay. Good. It's good. I'm glad someone somewhere is caring about something. [G laughs] [G: Yeah.]

-

C: Yeah! We open with Aziraphale driving back from Edinburgh. I looked up- do you know it's a 7 hour, 20 minute drive that he did to go up just to confirm that Gabriel was in a pub, and then not ask a single follow-up question. That's 15 hours, round trip. He's crazy. That's like, almost as much time as you spend on like, this podcast a week. [G laughing]

G: This is true!

C: He's driving the Bentley, and he asks if it can play something that's got a bit of swing. "I'm in the mood for something modern! But not bebop." He's the funniest guy in the world. Good for him. And like, soft jazz starts playing or something, which I guess is modern for him. And there's a hitchhiker by the side of the road, and Aziraphale's like, "Oh, I literally DGAF about humanity. [G laughing] Sorry!" And then drives past, and then she shows up again, and he again is like, "Well, that's weird. But again, I literally DGAF," so then he keeps going. And then finally, he almost runs into her, just like Crowley and Anathema. Also, have we considered Shax and Anathema? I just think any other femslash ship this season would be nice. But okay. So yeah, he almost hits this woman who we learn later is Shax, but currently has changed her face so she is not Shax-looking. And like, when he stops like, the woman just straight up, opens the door of the car and asks to like, be given a lift because her car broke down. And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, okay, fine."  Camera goes to Aziraphale, and when it goes back, she has transformed back to Shax.

G: Yeah. And in an amazing headband, no less.

C: Yeah, yeah, she looks great. [G: Pretty cool!] And she goes, "I know you couldn't resist somebody under stress." [laughing] He literally did. [G: He literally could.] Three times!

G: The only reason why you were able to hop into this car is because you literally already opened the door. [laughing] [C: Opened the door. Yeah, yeah.] Aziraphale gave up. That's the reason why you're here. [both laughing]

C: Yeah. God, yeah, no, she was like, "You know, as an angel, he's gotta be like, a really nice person who just does good deeds all the time, so I'm setting this trap for him." Like, no, he doesn't give a fuck. And then she calls the Bentley a heap of junk. How could she? [G: Boo!] Boo! Which means that like- she opens the season not knowing what sarcasm is, but she does have opinions on car models, which I guess makes sense if you don't interact with people very much [G: Yeah!], but like, still are interested in some of humanity's inventions or whatever.

G: I mean, she has seen what the other cars look like, so perhaps she understands that like, this is a weird car in this time era.

C: Yeah. And she goes, "You think he would have upgraded sometime in the last 90 years."

G: Oh my god! I forgot to mention! We even see the James Bond bullet holes on this thing.

C: That's true! We do! [G: It's so wonderful!] Which is one of my favorite, yeah, things ever. Ever ever ever.

G: Prior to this, like, it's only mentioned in the book, right?

C: I think you can see [G: A little bit.]- you can definitely see them in 1967 in Episode 3. [G: Ah.] And I'm sure that you can see them in other shots, too. I feel like they've been on the car the whole time, but you just don't see them most of the time.

G: Yeah. They're very clearly shown here. I think it's wonderful. [C: Yeah.] I think it's so cute. [C: Yeah.] Crowley literally fancies herself a James Bond type.

C: Yeah! Yeah! Good for them. Yeah. In the book, Crowley gets them in 1967, so [G: Yeah.] I guess that's why they were more prominent in Episode 3.

G: Yeah. And probably also why he was setting up that heist. [both laugh] He was like, "Oh my god, I'm inspired!" [both laughing]

C: Yeah, yeah. So Crowley never told Aziraphale about her? Crowley and Shax have been meeting regularly.

G: It is- I mean, for me, what I assumed was happening here is Aziraphale knows of Shax, but not like, specifics, you know?

C: Yeah. Well, later, when she says that she's Crowley's replacement, he looks like, surprised.

G: But, like, Crowley- It's obvious that Crowley has Hell contacts, right? From their conversations.

C: That's true. Aziraphale asks who she is, and she says, "Oh, like, it's Aziraphale, isn't it? Former angel of the Eastern Gate." Former angel! Former angel. Aziraphale's trying to seem unbothered by everything. I don't know what the point of this is. Like, didn't they already know Gabriel was in the bookshop by Episode 2 of the season? [G: Yeah. I-] So what- what is this?

G: There's- I've said, there's nothing that happens this episode. Like, nobody learns anything new, [both laughing] like, nothing! Nothing happens!

C: Why did she bother? What is the point of this? What is it for? Whatever. I guess they suspected, but she needs full confirmation in order to like [G: Go to Beelzebub about it], do the war with it? Sure? Yeah. [G: Probably.] Okay. Fine. She could just tell the Beelzebub that she's certain of it, though. Like, she doesn't actually have to confirm it if she feels sure. But what the fuck ever. So she says that, "Oh, Crowley has Gabriel, doesn't he?"

G: Aziraphale swerves.

C: Yeah. He is not a good liar. And like, okay. So Aziraphale doesn't know- Okay, did we decide that Aziraphale doesn't know about the Book of Life thing?

G: Yes. Because I think it's more appropriate if like, Crowley is hiding the Book of Life thing from Aziraphale, and Aziraphale is hiding this from Crowley, which is what happens in the episode.

C: But Crowley's also hiding extra things from Aziraphale, though. Like, the fact that Shax came by and said that Hell was gonna declare war on Aziraphale. And the fact that Gabriel had a fucking prophecy thing about the world ending. So like, I think it's still like, not evenly matched.

G: Why-? Like, last episode, you were like, "It's so important thing that Aziraphale is saying all this nonsense shit to Crowley 'cause of last season [laughing], and he would just never tell him anything."

C: Yeah, but no, it's just back to this, actually.

G: But like, literally, like, why is he only telling Crowley the nonsense shit? [C: Yeah.] Like, why is none of the important stuff communicated? They may be dead tomorrow. [laughs]

C: I don't know. None of this season makes sense! They're just like, saying random shit to get the stupid plot [G laughing] to like, do whatever it stupidly does. [G: Yeah.] It's bad. It's bad. Like, we could have had them as 60s lesbians, but instead, like, we have to have like four episodes of just like, Shax going back and forth, being like, "So he's in the bookshop? Confirmed? Cool. Let me ask someone else. Is he in the bookshop? [G laughing] Confirmed? Cool." [laughing] What? What is this? [groans]

G: Well, I said- Well, actually, I didn't. Not only did we take five hours to record last episode, we recorded [laughs] like, for an hour prior to that, and then I was just like, "I don't like where this is going, [both laughing] so let's just quit and start again tomorrow." [C: Yeah.] In the previous recording, I mentioned that the reason why I really like Season 2 so far, at least 2.03 and 2.02, is that it really satisfies the desire that I have had since, like, Episode 2 of Season 1, where I was just like, "I would love for Crowley and Aziraphale to just be like, in a sitcom. Like, put this guys in situations. Maybe there's gonna be even comedy in it. And I would love it so much it's unreal." And like, that is pretty much what's happening in 2.02 and 2.03. Like, they're just in situations, you know? [C: Stupid ones.] Like, Aziraphale finds a clue! Aziraphale is investigating! But like, none of them feel like they have any levity or whatever. And like-

C: Yeah, they're not fun. They're just stupid. Like, everything is just clearly to fill out time and to stretch out like, the season over 6 episodes. Like, you didn't have to do that. You can just not. Or you could have put the fucking 60s lesbians in. Maybe I'd forgive everything.

G: Yeah. I'm willing to forgive everything if they put like, lesbian Aziraphale and Crowley next season.

C: I am a little worried about why they're in the US in the 1960s, though. Like, I hope that he's not doing like, a Martin Luther King's death or a Vietnam War [G laughs] sort of like, episode. You know what I mean? [G laughs]

G: Yeah, okay, I get it, yeah.

C: Yeah. I mean, I think that they should be there during the Moon landing, and I have many thoughts in a Tumblr post on that, but like, that's like, 1969, and he probably meant earlier in the 60s. Who knows?

G: You know what? I can see it being later. Like, after the holy water, they're just like, "Let's go to the US, baby!"

C: Yeah, maybe so. Well, I think they're there during the moon landing, then. Where even were we in this stupid scene that means nothing? [laughing] Aziraphale first starts off by lying by saying, [G laughs] "I think you must have me confused for someone else." Like, "I'm literally not even Aziraphale. [both laugh] I don't know what you're talking about." [G: Yeah!] Truly his go-to. And then Shax says, "I'm a little bemused as to why Crowley should risk destruction for you." Which, I mean, if Aziraphale doesn't know about the Book of Life threat, like, he should at least be clued in through this sentence, that, like- [G: Something real bad is gonna happen, yeah.] they will like, be killed, like, fully if something is figured out about the them hiding Gabriel thing. But maybe he thinks this is like, a Hell-specific threat against Crowley, and he himself would not be in any danger?

G: But even then, I feel like he should give a shit!

C: He should give a shit, that's true. But does he? [G laughing] I mean, probably, but the show doesn't show it.

G: Are we back to, like, "They're not even in love. [C laughing] They don't even have chemistry" realness?

C: No, I mean, they wanna fuck each other so bad in 1941, so I think we're safely out of those woods. [G laughs] [G: Alright.] So then Shax says, "You don't see this type at all," and then- [G: Michael Sheen?] Aziraphale- well, right Michael Sheen, rather [G laughs], does like, a sassy little eyebrow raise at that. And I just- I don't think Aziraphale would do-

G: Here's my theory. [C: Okay. Hit me with it.] [laughing] Here's my completely unfounded and completely untrue [C laughing] based on how production cycles work theory. My theory is that they filmed Season 2, one episode at a time. [C: Sure. They did not.] And they prevented, like, Michael Sheen from reading the script of like, the next episode, but like, they told him, you know what? Crowley and Aziraphale are gonna kiss at the end of the season. [C laughs] And he was like, "Oh my god! What if they have been kissing all this time as well?" [C: Yeah.] And then he played the [C laughing] first episodes of Season 2, minus the last episode, like that. [C: Yeah.] Right now, he's playing it like they have been- [laughing] What'd you say in that one answer?

C: Um, breaking the Guinness World Record for number of orgasms achieved in a day at least once a day every- or sorry, at least once a week for the last 4 years.

G: Exactly. [C: Yeah.] Michael Sheen literally is playing it like that.

C: He really is, which- Okay, see, this is the only thing that makes sense to me, because I can't- like, if I think about this being real canon, like, I start getting like, incredibly upset. I just think that if Aziraphale at a place where he can be this cocky and sure about Crowley being attracted to him, like, it's gen- it's like, I think it's just so horrible that he hasn't done anything about it. Like, it's like, genuinely very upsetting that like, he ultimatums Crowley in Episode 1 of the season if he's like, at a place where he feels so sure about them. Like, why didn't you do anything?

G: Well, there's a difference between being sure about each other towards other people and being sure with each other.

C: Like, you're saying that- okay, like, explain what you mean by that.

G: Like, I can very well see, like, a situation where Aziraphale, talking to other people, thinks of Crowley as like, "Oh, we're a team." 'Cause the way the relationship is set up right now, it's very much is a little bit like, "You and me against the world." [C: Uh-huh.] So like, when the question is "you and me against the world," it's very easy that the team is you and me. But if it's you versus me- do you understand what I mean?

C: Yeah. But the line is specifically like, [laughing] "I don't think Crowley wants to fuck you." [both laughing] Like, that's not very- [laughing] the same thing as-

G: [laughing] That's true. And you know what? He does. Like, maybe Aziraphale was just like, "Yeah."

C: And they still haven't done anything about that??

G: I mean, maybe they have, and it just wasn't important to our journey.

C: But they haven't, though! But they have not! What is this? I just- I just- I feel like the only reason I can be like, "Okay, like, I get why they're still not together when Season 2 opens" is like, there's like, uncertainty or fear on their ends, but like, I don't- this is just not an uncertain or fearful eyebrow raise!

G: I still stick with my idea that like, it's different. Because, like, yes, what Shax is saying right now is like, "Oh, you don't seem like Crowley's type in terms of like, romance or sex or whatever," [C: Yeah.] but it is very easy to think of this line as a jest. As a "I'm trying to get a rise out of you." Only later, when she goes, "And 18 or 19 years ago [C: Yeah.], the two of you were an item," look at the Aziraphale's face then. It's different! [C: Oh. I wasn't.] He doesn't seem cocky. [laughs] Like, he doesn't seem cocky. He seems like he is trying very hard to control his face. So like, you know, try to imagine the situation like, Shax is looking at you and says this like, suggestive thing, and you think to yourself, like, "I need to show some semblance of being in control of the situation [C: Yeah.], so I'm going to act like 'Oh, whatever-'"

C: Like, "He wants me so bad, so." Yeah.

G: "So fuck off." But like, when later, it's like, "No, but like, I am saying this for real, and this is something that other people think of you as well," 'cause like, it's rumors. It's not just "I just assumed." That's a different thing. [C: Yeah.] I can't believe I'm defending Michael Sheen's acting choices this podcast episode. [C laughs] But you know what? I am going to defend it.

C: I mean, he makes mostly good ones, so I understand. She says that she's gonna tell Hell that Crowley has Gabriel. And Aziraphale is just like, "What? No? Huh? No. Like, well, first, nowhere to put him. Second, Gabriel hates Crowley." And Shax goes, "He hates you," and Aziraphale doesn't go, "I don't see why that's relevant." So like, the jig is up. Sorry, Aziraphale. Sorry that you're so stupid.

G: Aziraphale is so ungodly stupid. [C laughs] Like, what is this?

C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, as you said, Shax goes, "You know, sometime in the last 80 or 90 years, I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item." And apparently Aziraphale's face does something. I didn't notice. But yeah. I don't know. I feel like that's a line I should have thoughts on, but I don't, due to how I'm like, tired of this episode. Do you have thoughts that you want to say? Yeah. So she is just referencing, like, whatever the Furfur thing was. [G: Mm-hm.] So like, he came down to Hell after witnessing that and was like [laughs], "You guys, they're definitely fucking." She mentions how there was a demon called Furfur who thought that they were his ticket to the big time.

G: I didn't even know who Furfur was for the rest of this episode. Name is never mentioned.

C: That's- Is that true?

G: Yes, it's true. That's why at the end of our watch I go, "Wait, what's Furfur?" [laughs] You were like, "It's the demon!"

C: No, you're right. This is the only time the name Furfur- the word Furfur appears in the entire episode. Aziraphale goes, "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, [both laughing] nor where this angel Gabriel, who I've never heard of, [both laughing] might be." He's so funny! He's so fucking funny. [G laughing]

G: Literally, he was like, "Gabriel will never hate Crowley!" [C: Because he hates him!] And then he's like, "I've never heard of a Gabriel." [laughing]

C: He's so funny. "Also, who's Gabriel?" [laughs] God.

G: Everyone- like, the boss of everybody in Heaven [C: Yeah. I've never heard of that guy. What is this?], for the entirety of Heaven's existence. [C laughing] God, he's so funny.

C: Shax has him let her out, and she's like, "Oh, you already told me where he is, anyway." And Aziraphale goes, "[G: No!] Agh! How did I tell you where he is?" And she goes, well, you hadn't before, but you have now. [G: Corny as hell!] And you know what? Sorry, bro. Oh, what part?  Just how the scene is stupid and Aziraphale's stupid or?

G: No, how Aziraphale is so stupid.

C :Yeah, I mean he is. [G laughs] I guess he's under stress. Like, the point- like, she did have a tactic, going in like, threatening Crowley first 'cause Aziraphale would focus on like, making Crowley seem innocent in this, which would involve implicating himself somewhat. But yeah, not very smart.

G: But like, we have seen Aziraphale in more stressful situations, I feel like.

C: They do like, stupidify him a lot in this season, I think. [G: Yeah! Boo.] Yeah. It's unfortunate. [G: Yeah.] Sorry, Aziraphale.

G: But he would be bad at the investigation, 'cause he's not taking that shit seriously. But this is serious shit! He should be smarter than this.

C: Oh well. [both] Oh, well. Neil Gaiman.

G: Neil Gaiman wrote like, eight minutes of this episode and [C laughing] failed so miserably on those eight minutes anyway.

C: Yeah. And Aziraphale drives back to Soho worriedly, but apparently not to tell Crowley anything and also not to put up any protections in the bookshop. Just like, for fun. [G laughing]

G: Like, the entire ride home, he's thinking, "Oh my god, we're gonna have a ball, probably like, tomorrow, or something."

C: Yeah. And like, "Does it matter that I'm bringing like, dozens of humans to congregate in a space that, like, seventy demons are gonna attack? No. [G laughs] I don't give a shit about that!" Like, girl.

G: Literally. He just wants to have that dance.

-

C: Okay, so we go to the flashback now, right? And the way I feel about this entire minisode is- so you know how like, Genesis 2 contradicts Genesis 1 because Genesis 1 implies that man and woman were created together and were both spoken to by God as equals, and then Genesis 2, has, like, [overlapping] the ribs thing, [G: Yeah.] and God only talks to Adam, and some people are like, "No, like, Genesis 2 and 3 is just like, a zoom in/expansion of like, day 6 of Genesis 1 [G laughs]," [G: Yeah.] except like, first, contradictions, and second, it like, justifies misogyny in a way that Genesis 1 doesn't and just like, makes everything worse? And, like, scholars, assume that, like, Genesis 1 came first, but then 2 and 3 were written like, way later during a time when people really needed to like, believe that, like, humanity and like, God, were entwined, and that there was like, a personal touch there, so that they could like, have hope, or like, convert or whatever, and then the misogyny of the time period seeped in and became a self-perpetuating cycle that's like, justified Christian misogyny for centuries? [G: Yeah.] So like, replace "Genesis 1" with "the first 30 minutes of Season 1, Episode 3," "Genesis 2" with "this minisode," "personal touch from God" [G laughing] with "Neil Gaiman apparently wanted them to be gay all along, and not just because he was bullied for 4-30 years," and "misogyny" with "sloppy writing." [laughs] And that's how I feel about this minisode. [G: Well. I mean.] This didn't happen, and it was better when this didn't happen.

G: Like I said, I like the implications. Sorry.

C: Well. Good for you. [both laughing]

G: You're glad someone somewhere is enjoying the implications somewhere.

C: Yeah, yeah. I just- like, why did you have to pick this night? Like, just do anything about anything else. I just don't think it was written by people who were fully thinking about the implications of like, the 1862 divorce, or the fact that, like, Aziraphale thought that they weren't friends anymore for 80 years or whatever. [G: Yeah.] And I feel like the holy water stuff is not- like, there's stuff about that in here, but it doesn't feel like there's enough holy water stuff in here either. Like, it's just like- they were really just like, "Wouldn't it be funny if Nazis were zombies," which, like, it wasn't. Like, those were like, the most tedious parts of the minisode. And they were like, "Oh, well, a place we can build that off of is like, this, 1941 scene, and we'll just ignore a lot of the other things about the 1941 scene in order to make this work 'cause we think we're funny." Well, like, you're not. So there.

G: As I said earlier, like, what's enjoyable about this flashback portion is you think about what happens after and all that crap. But like, I do agree. I feel like 'cause I have a tendency to like, look at things and be like, "And this is the best possible way I can interpret this, no matter what." But like, I feel like it's easier for me to gloss over the obvious mischaracterizations, or like, "They wouldn't fucking do that!" in a way where I'm like, "Okay, maybe they'll do that right in this moment, but like, the further context would be removed from this scene." And by "this scene," I do mean the dinner scene, which was completely mind-boggling to me [C laughing] when I first watched it. Completely. What even was that? [C: I don't know.] What's your main complaint? That like, it doesn't reckon with the 80 years?

C: It just feels like- I don't think that this is what would have happened. [G: What comes after.] Yeah. I feel like this is like, a like, a fun romp that they were like, "Let's just put it in this year."

G: To be fair, the 80 years specifically is not specifically stated in the show. That's a script thing. [C: Yeah. That's true.] So there is a reading of this where they met prior to the 1940s, like, you know, after the St. James's. And they already reconciled, and it is just one of their post-reconciliation things after. [C: You're right. You're right.] So you can read it like that. You can read it also, as like- Well, we'll go through it when we go through the episode, 'cause I have some thoughts about how their interactions go.

C: Yeah, upon rewatch, there are some acting choices where I was like, "Okay, maybe they really didn't see each other for 80 years, and I can believe that even with the writing." So yeah.

G: I am not sure how Season 3 would go. I don't think they would do minisodes because Neil Gaiman has said that it's like, plot-heavy or whatever [C: I guess.], I assume. So like, this has no plot, so they have to do the minisodes. [C laughs] But like, an interesting thing is, I feel like, in a lot of the show, we don't really like, see them after, right? Like, we don't see them separate after. Like, we're just told that like, "This is the first time they saw each other," and then, like, they see each other again. We very rarely see them like, separate from each other. Like, what are they doing in in those 80 years, you know? [C: Uh-huh.] And like, that is something that I wish a little bit [C: Same.], that there is more of it in this episode, and in this episode, specifically, because this era of their life, I think after 1827, actually. After 1827. I feel like there was a big shift in their relationship, and they never really got to recover from it, which we'll talk about in more detail later. But this portion of their relationship feels so precarious already that I would have liked to see more of that precariousness, and they do not interact with it meaningfully this episode. Well, they do a little bit, but only in like, "We're gonna show it all in this one scene where Crowley decides to sleep to avoid everything," [C laughs] which I respect tremendously. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] But no other scene in this episode can you feel it bleed over, and I feel like this is the kind of shit that will have to bleed over.

C: I guess I have one more thing, which is that another reason I disliked this minisode is that it breaks the pattern of the previous two minisodes. Like, I liked that both of the previous ones were like- it seemed like in Season 1, Episode 3, like, all the flashbacks, were like, "Here's their relationship building over time." And like, I felt, so far in Season 2, I was like, "Okay, and these minisodes are like, Aziraphale grappling with like, nuanced morality and his feelings towards Heaven by like, interacting with humans directly." And then this is like, just totally goes off the rails of that. [G: Yeah.] It's just like, "Well, what if they did a funny magic trick?" Well, I don't care about that. Like, I don't know. I just assumed if you were gonna do a 1941 minisode during the season, it would be like, about World War II, or like, something, you know? [G: Yeah.] But like, it's not. So it's like, weird.

G: There's no human in this episode that matters. [C: Yeah.] I do find it interesting how all the scenes in this episode between Aziraphale and Crowley feel so long. [C: Mm.] 'Cause like, I feel like, you know, last episode and the Job episode, a lot of the scenes are short. Like, "Here's something that happens," and then it ends. "Here's something that happens," and then it ends. And then the long ones feel then like, it's like a breather, you know? Specifically the Job one, right? Like, all the scenes are like, kind of short, and there's a solemn intentionality on "How will this progress the plot?" except for the scene where Aziraphale eats. And that feels like a breather in the middle of the episode where, like, they sit down and think about what's happening, you know? [C: Yeah.] This episode has no plot. Like, the-

C: The magic shop scene is so long, and for what? Like, they have that Nazi zombie trying on like, fake noses and all that shit for like, five minutes just so that he could press the ring too late. Like, come on.

G: Yeah. 'Cause there's no plot, so they rely on, like, the relationship of the character to carry it, which is fine. It's just- it is jarring from the other mini- meanie- [C laughs] I have no idea how to pronounce that. Minisode there. [C: Good. Real.] I do feel like that's what makes this one way worse than the other two. [C: Mm-hm.] Because those other two, like, what would you say is the breather in the last one? [C: Huh.] I would say for me, it's the point of realization, or the point where, like, they discuss the morality or whatever. [C: Yeah.] It's the scene with the doctor. It's like, when they're sitting down and Aziraphale hugs that jar. And it's like, this episode has none of that. They don't reckon with anything because nothing is of import. [C: Uh-huh.] Nothing is of import! And the thing that happens that is of import, which is that Crowley almost gets caught, is brushed off like it's nothing!

C: Yeah! Yeah! What was that last- [both laugh] whatever, we'll get to it when we get to it.

G: Okay, again, another point I was trying to make is both of those scenes that I mentioned from 2.02 and 2.03 are in the middle of the episode. [C: Mm-hm.] It's still happening, you know? Their further actions are dictated by those thoughts. But with this episode, the breather scene is the dinner. And like, it's already over. It's done. This is them just being like, "Haha."

C: "That's what we learned today, kids!" [G: Yeah.] And what we learned today is fucking nonsense and has nothing to do with what happened.

G: And it doesn't have the same gravity because it's not like, "Here's what I learned, and here's how I will enact it." It's just "Here's what we learned!" [C laughs] and then it also just doesn't make sense independently, on itself [C laughs], so I don't know what's happening. [C groans] [C: We could have had 60s lesbians.] Who wrote- Who told that jurnalist? [C laughing] But also, who wrote this episode?

C: We could have- Okay, I'm sure it has something to do with the writer didn't have the time or whatever, but in my mind, I'm imagining a lineup of like, 5 or 6 possible minisodes and Neil Gaiman going, "I want these 3." And like, it's like, well, this thing is directly stealing lesbians in the 60s from me, and it's bad, so I hope we all die.

G: Who is the writer of this scene?

C: Of this one? [G: Yes.] Jeremy Dyson and Andy Neeman? Nyman? Whatever.

G: Do you have any insights? You said they're friends with the guy that I said was Moffat but in fact was not.

C: Fucking Jeremy Dyson is- he was part of like, a comedy group with Mark Gatiss. [G laughs] [G: Yeah, that's the one.] And, I think, and also Steve Pemberton, who played the other Nazi who was a man. The not Mark Gatiss one. [G: Yeah.] So like, this literally is just like, him coming in and being like, "I wanna give my friends so much money!" [both laugh] Like, okay. Well, I wish you wouldn't. [G: I literally shouldn't!] Also, their group is called the League of Gentlemen, which is like, so fucking like, rich British guy of them.

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G: So we go to London, 1941. You know, it's the exact scene from Season 1, Episode 3,and it's right when the bombs are about to drop. And, you know, Crowley and Aziraphale are having their little romance moment, where Crowley gets the books, hands them to Aziraphale, except like, [laughs] every other shot, we see the three Nazis buried under the rubble and dead.

C: Wait, they changed the Disney Princess falling in love music!

G: They definitely do change it. [C: Yeah.] Because the Disney falling in love music is so Disney princess falling in love music. [C: Uh-huh.] "Lift home." [laughs] [C: Yeah. Yeah.]

C: I don't know if they changed it from like, major to minor or some- It does something that makes it feel like what I assume a major turning to minor would sound like.

G: We go to Hell, and we see two demons putting stamps on papers, making the bureaucracy run here. And it's Shax, in a wonderful haircut, and Furfur, guy whose name is never mentioned [C laughing] in any way that makes me realize that this is him. Shax is obviously a very efficient worker, you know. She was a career demon, even from way back. Furfur, on the other hand, is kind of tired of the job, doesn't really like what's happening. And then, like, in the background- I mean, should we talk about the Hell set? It looks like a nightclub, except now it's a bureaucratic nightclub.

C: Well, it's more a dingy office sort of thing.

G: Yeah, there's voices of people going like, "Things could be worse! And they will be!" [laughs] Which I like. Furfur gets fucking tired, gets up and goes to the water cooler.

C: But it's a fire heater.

G: Yeah. It's not a water cooler. It's not water. It's hellfire, baby! I think this is so cool. [C: Yeah.] I like that it's hellfire. I think it's really cool. And, like, Shax comes over, very very efficiently drinks the hellfire. and then they start talking. Furfur's dissatisfied with his job, so Shax makes him an offer like, "I will put in a good word for you if you have anything for me to put a good word in for. In the meantime, if you do end up in Temptations instead of where you are right now in Admissions, maybe you'll do me a favor someday if I ask." Okay. Couple of things here. [C: Uh-huh.] One, the way this is worded, Furfur covets the Earth job. Like, this is seen as like, a big promotion.

C: Yeah, one of the best gigs, yeah. I mean, Hell is miserable. Like, it would be nice to be in a place with sunlight.

G: Yeah, exactly. I find that so interesting because, like, in Heaven, right? Aziraphale being an Earth angel, it seems like a demotion. It seems like a "Oh, you're on Earth, ew!" But like, with Furfur, it's like, "Oh, but I want to go to Earth. Like, being on Earth is a good, high-ranking job." But also I do find it interesting in that, like, does Beelzebub feel this way? You know, like, the higher-ups. Does Dagon feel this way? I mean, Hastur and Ligur explicitly did not like Crowley because he's gone native on Earth [C: Right.], so like, there is the implication that maybe, like, the higher-ups don't like the Earth people on both sides, the Earth angels and demons on both sides. But, like, Muriel is a low-ranking angel and is very much enthused by the idea of being on Earth. [C: Right.] So, I don't know. Another instance of Heaven and Hell hierarchy that I find interesting. [C: Yeah.] But also like, the fact that- I mean, now that I think about it, it is insane that Crowley is the serpent assigned in Eden.

C: Yeah. I mean, they just told him to get up there and make some trouble. She wasn't informed that, like, she was supposed to get the humans kicked out of the Garden.

G: Yeah. But like, still. 'Cause we are to assume that like, this was the only place on Earth at the time, right?

C: Right. Only place where the humans were.

G: Yeah. So like, this is the only place where a demon would be assigned. And it's just one demon. It's just Crowley. [C: Yeah.] I mean, I don't wanna be like a, "Oh my god, is he the archangel Aziraphale-" [C: No. No.] And like, the thing is, I really don't wanna be. But, like, I am further and further understanding the people who are convinced this is the case. What I don't understand is why you want it to be the case. But, you know. [both laughing] Yeah.

C: I mean, we don't- It's like, I don't think they decided that Earth was a good gig until later, though, you know? [G: Yeah, okay.] Like, it could have been like, "We hate you so much it's unreal. Just get out. [G: That's true.] Go make some trouble over there."

G: We go to what we have labeled in our [laughs] podcast guide as "roadhead offer scene." [both laughing] [C: Well.] We discussed how we're going to talk about this episode extensively prior to doing it, and like, we had a lot to say about the roadhead offer scene [laughs], and every single time we like, revert back to the scene, we just go, "Oh, but like, we have to talk about it in the roadhead offer" [both laughing] every single time. I feel like an insane person saying all this. But it literally is the roadhead offer scene. Like, there literally was roadhead offered in this scene. [C laughing] So, I don't know. Like, Aziraphale and Crowley are in the Bentley.

C: And there's fake fire everywhere. [G: Yeah. They're driving through a fire.] And like, it does look bad, but not so bad that you had to burn the bookshop down in Season 1. [G laughs]

G: No, I think that's a good choice. That scene is wonderful, I think. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] The bookshop scene. They had to lock David Tennant in there. [C laughs] It was essential to the quality of the show. [C: It was.] But as they're driving- [laughs] [C: Jesus fuck!] [both laughing] Aziraphale is going like, "Oh, it was so nice what you did for me..." [C laughs] and then Crowley's just like, "Shut up!" [laughs] And the "shut up" doesn't even carry the same fondness as it does in the "shut up" in the actual church. You know what I mean? Like, now, it literally is just "shut up!" [C: Shut up!] [laughing] And Aziraphale is just like, "There must be something I can do for you... [C screams] in return..." [C screams] And it's like, okay!

C: I just- I just- [G laughing] Michael Sheen, the man that you are! [G laughs] I don't think that like, this was a script direction. I think that this was fully him. [G: Yeah.] And my goodness. [G laughing]

G: Yeah. I support it tremendously. [laughing]

C: I don't. It's so hard to explain how much it's clearly a roadhead offer. But like, it is, though. [G: Yeah.] Like, it is. [G laughing] Like, okay, fine. If we want to think about it otherwise, like, maybe he's being coy about it, or whatever 'cause it's like, he's testing out the waters to see if Crowley will ask for holy water, or if they're past that [G: No.], but like- [laughing]

G: It's literally not. [both laughing] I feel like if it's about-

C: [laughing] Is it in character for him to realize he's in love and immediately offer to blow her?

G: No, but the thing is, if it's about the holy water, I feel like Aziraphale would be a lot more like, it would just be completely different. Like, the delivery would be completely different. Like, it would be delivered with a bit more like, nervousness or tenseness or whatever. But this is like, so like, "Oh. [C laughing] There must be something I can do for you." [both laughing] [C: Yeah. Yeah.] It's so ungodly funny. It's so funny.

C: Yeah. The fucking porn dialogue of it all is crazy.

G: So, you know, Crowley is like, "No. [both laugh] You will not give me roadhead in the middle of this burning road."

C: Yeah, "Japanese Breakfast hasn't even been born yet. I don't know what that is."

G: He is like, "Well, I need to go somewhere because I have business to do. Spreading the old demon, drink." And then, you know.

C: So we're meant to believe- [G: Yeah.] What was the timeline of Crowley's day? Like, at what- [G: Wait, what time is it?] Okay, I feel like I feel like he couldn't have found out at the last minute, or else they would have prevented Aziraphale going to the church in the first place, right?

G: Yeah. Well, I mean, first of all, what time is it right now? Because the performance is like, fucking [overlapping] 8:30PM. [C: Yeah.] Is it- Okay. I live in a tropical country. I've never been outside of Asia, like, nearby me. So like, I have no idea how like, winters work. Is it really dark that early that they're able to do all of this before 8:30?

C: Yeah, the sun sometimes goes down at like, 4:30PM

G: That's crazy. [C: Yeah.] What are you doing in the afternoon?

C: Like, being depressed about how the sun went down, probably.

G: That's miserable. I mean, I always complain about the fucking daylight savings every time it switches, and I have to recalibrate my calculations of what time is it with you, but like, okay, now, I get it. Like, if it does go down that early, that's crazy.

C: Yeah, yeah, it's quite horrible.

G: But you also hate daylight savings.

C: Oh, yeah. Everyone does, I'm pretty sure. Okay, so the timeline, right? [G: Yes.] Okay. Let's say Aziraphale's meeting was at- are we thinking 5PM? [G: Maybe 5, yeah.] Yeah. Okay. So Crowley finds out- Crowley's out on a liquor run doing their fun little bootlegging job, and then they somehow sense that Aziraphale in trouble. Is that what it is? [G: What even? How even?] I have no clue. [G: Why even? Etc etc.] So then they're like-

G: Wait. Okay. Hold on. Like, not only did he end up in that church at that moment, like, prior to that, there was already an arrangement for the bombs to fall on the other side. [C: Uh-huh.] So it's not like, a spur of the moment thing. Spur of the day, maybe, but not of the moment.

C: Okay, in that case, I think the way I read this is that Crowley set it up so that they'd have a job to go to right after the rescue in case like, things were like, awkward or bad, so they like, would have like, a way out after seeing Aziraphale.

G: [laughs] In case Aziraphale got bombed or shot before he showed up. [laughing]

C: Oh no, I don't mean that. I mean that- I don't think that that was a concern. I think it's just like, "If it's awkward when we see each other again, like, [G: Then just leave him in the rubble!] I'll just be like, 'I have demon business to get to. Bye!'" Yeah. But things didn't go bad. So now he's just like, dragging Aziraphale along on this errand. I feel like personally, I'd be like, "I'll this miracle the alcohol there. Like, let's hang out." But I guess, like, he's still sort of unsure of where they stand.

G: This is true. 'Cause Aziraphale doesn't say the friend thing until later.

C: Yeah, until later, so we don't know. [G: Yeah.] Okay, so I guess [G: Go for it.] we should rehash the fucking St. James's Park. [G: St. James's divorce, yeah.] Yeah. Alright. So-

C: Me and Crystal have talked extensively about the St. James's Park, like, 1.03 scene after 1.03 recording. I feel like in 1.03, the episode isolated, we are to think of Aziraphale as the person who is acting negatively in that scene, right? [C: Mm-hm.] Because that scene, that sequence is directly followed by the bandstand scene where Aziraphale is presented as the one who is like, rejecting the relationship or whatever. So I feel like it's easy to jump immediately to "Oh, and Aziraphale rejects Crowley's request" or whatever. [C: Yeah.] Also because I just didn't understand, like, what the implications of getting the holy water is, I feel, for Crowley.

C: First of all, I feel like Aziraphale's reaction is like, pretty much 100% justified.

G: Yeah. Like, that is how, probably, you would react. Yeah.

C: Yeah. I don't think it's like a failing on his part as a friend to refuse to give Crowley holy water. [G: Yeah. I understand that.] Like, I feel like anyone would freak the fuck out at that. He does say some hurtful things at the beginning about how Crowley's fallen or whatever the fuck, but like, that's not really that relevant to the divorce part. And like, okay, regarding the divorce part, I'm not actually certain what each of them thinks has happened by the end of it. I think Crowley feels rejected 'cause Aziraphale starts off by going like, "You're an evil demon" and then calls their relationship "fraternizing," but I feel like Aziraphale wasn't like, "Let's call everything off. I hate you, and I don't need you" or whatever the fuck.

G: Yeah, it's just "I'm not gonna give you this. And let's not talk about it anymore." Because that is what he says. [C: Yeah.] "I don't think there's any reason in discussing this any further." And it's Crowley who goes, "I don't need you."

C: Yeah. Crowley goes, "I have plenty of other people to fraternize with." Like, 'cause like, yeah. Aziraphale's like, "Okay, our relationship, I'm calling it fraternizing right now, and you can pick a different word if you want." And Crowley is like, "No, okay, no, I'm sticking-" like, from Aziraphale’s point of view - Crowley's like, "No, I'm sticking with that word. And also, I don't value the relationship that we have."

G: Yeah. Like, "Whatever it is you and I have, I could have it with anybody else. [C: Yeah.] I have it with many other people."

C: Yeah. And then the "I don't need you." [G: Yeah!] It's like, "Yeah, we're just business associates. And also, I don't need to be business associates with you." And then Aziraphale storms off and says, "Same." So like, from Aziraphale's perspective, like, this is like Crowley ending their business partnership [G: Yeah.] that, like, neither of them, will say is a friendship yet. And then, okay, from Crowley's perspective, I guess, first, Aziraphale's refusing to like, hear him out regarding what the holy water is. So that's frustrating. Crowley's also like, in a place where she's like, just like, very nervous about Hell coming after her in general, so just like, stressed and shit. And then they already feel rejected by the time Aziraphale calls it fraternizing. Do they think they're being divorced? What does Crowley think?

G: No. [C: No?] No, like, I don't think this is a reaction to thinking that Aziraphale like, is calling this off or whatever. I think this is just like, plain old fear and lashing out.

C: Uh-huh. Do you think Crowley was like, "Okay, this is just like, a regular argument we're having because we're like, in a stressful situation, and also, I guess I can't get holy water. Let's try again the same time next week?"

G: No. I mean, like, Crowley is so depressed in that scene. [C: Yeah.] I've said it before, and like, he is, though. So like, I think Crowley understands that this is not like, a rejection of Crowley as a person, but because the action is like, "This is the only way I can feel secure. This is my insurance, and you won't give it to me," like, I think there is a lot of bitterness in that. So like, I think the reaction is, "Well, I'm going to show you that bitterness."

C: Right. But then, okay, I guess it's like, it had to be a mutual decision to not see each other for 80 years. [G: Of course.] So like, what is causing- like, okay, Aziraphale thinks that Crowley is like, "What we have isn't special. Fuck off." [G: Yeah.] So Aziraphale's not seeking her out anymore. And Crowley's choice to not see Aziraphale for 80 years is-

G: Sleeping and being depressed? [laughs] I don't know.

C: Yeah. [G: Yeah.] It's like- but what specifically? It's "I don't feel safe hanging out with you without the insurance" is the thing, or is it just generally like, "I'm not really up for doing anything right now."

G: Well, Aziraphale did also say, like, "Obviously." What's the thing that Aziraphale said?

C: "The feeling is mutual. [G: Yeah!] Obviously." But I feel like the fact that Crowley is able to mock the "obviously" right after is like, Crowley understands that's not meant 'cause Crowley didn't mean it when they themself said it.

G: No. I don't think that's the tone of the mocking.

C: So you think that Crowley is like, "Aziraphale literally does have plenty of other people to fraternize with."?

G: No! But like- I don't know. Like, I feel like every time we talk about Aziraphale and Crowley's feelings, we always try to like, "Oh, there must be a rational explanation [C laughs] for why they're angry. Oh, there must be a rational explanation for why they're upset," whatever. Sometimes people are just angry, and I feel like this is a situation where, like, Crowley may understand that like, "Oh, I'm in the wrong in this situation, like, I baited Aziraphale into like, doing that 'And I have plenty of people to fraternize with too' thing, and like, even though I know it's wrong, I'm still angry because [laughs] I'm so fucking depressed!" You know what I mean?

C: Uh-huh. So okay, so you think that both of their main feeling leaving is [both] anger, and that is why they don't see each other again for 80 years. [G: Anger, rejection.] And both of them think the other one is in the wrong?

G: Why must they? [laughs] No, I just said Crowley probably understands that what she did is-

C: Okay. But Aziraphale supposedly did the fucking apology dance in 1941, though, is the thing.

G: Well, where- [laughing] I feel like maybe they didn't coordinate Season 2, Episode 1 to this episode. [both laughing] Like, when did the apology dance happen?

C: I don't know. Maybe it was a completely unrelated moment in 1941. [both laughing] Like, two months later, Crowley, accidentally like, I don't know, is in snake form in the bookshop, and Aziraphale steps on him. Like, it's a completely unrelated thing.

G: Like, later on, they're drinking wine, and like, Aziraphale goes "Ah, this like, an 1868 vintage" or whatever. And then Crowley was like, "I think it's an 1869." And Crowley was right, and Aziraphale has to do the dance. [C laughing]

C: Literally. It's completely unrelated to anything. [both laughing] Yeah.

G: God, you know, prior to this recording, I was like, "This episode will be a breeze to record. Like, we'll get through it in like, 2 hours, 3 hours-"

C: "Yeah, there's nothing to discuss." [G laughs] Jesus.

G: And we're literally like, not even 10 minutes into the episode right now.

C: Yeah, yeah. [G: Well.] I think the later stuff should be faster, because there's nothing to talk about.

G: This is true. Well.

C: Okay, so I should not put the apology dance in as part of my interpretation, because it's just like, completely irrelevant.

G: Yeah, I suppose so. Because the only reasonable thing that I could think of for 1941 prior to watching this episode is, I don't know, Aziraphale was like, “I was wrong for getting involved"? [C laughs] Which, I don't think that's wrong.

C: Yeah. That doesn't make any sense.

G: So yeah, it's a completely different thing. Unrelated to everything that happened this episode.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Great. Love that. Right. You were talking about how you wish we knew more about what they were doing during those 80 years [G: Yeah.], and so it seems like both of us sort of agree that the book canon of the nap happens [G: Yeah.] on Crowley's end. But we know that Crowley has to have been awake for at least 10 years 'cause the Bentley came out, and it's the 1933 model [G: Yeah.] - or okay, so Crowley's been up for at least 8 years. Because in Season 1, they mentioned having the Bentley from new. [G: Yeah.] So, yeah, what were they doing in those 8 years? I guess bootlegging. [G: Yeah.] Yeah. And then we know plenty of what Aziraphale was doing.

G: Yeah. I'm not familiar with alcohol laws in the UK at the time, so.

C: Yeah, I don't- It wasn't like, a prohibition thing. I'm assuming it's just like a- is it like, a rations thing? [G: Ah! Okay, yeah.] Like, probably right? Like, the business, or like, the people in the business don't have enough rations to actually get that much alcohol or something? [G: Yeah.] I have no clue. People who know about British World War II history, hit us up.

G: Well, they arrive at a theater at the West End, and Aziraphale's like, "Oh my god, the theater! We're gonna watch Sophocles! And Shakespeare!" [both laugh] And Cr-ow-ley- Crowley's like, "Okay, yeah, I'm gonna bring this fucking alcohol in."

C: Aziraphale will see a theater and just start shouting "Bravo!" with his arms raised. [G laughing]

G: Aziraphale is so fucking funny this episode. Truly the most wonderful gay man alive.

C: He really is the most charismatic, charming gay man in the world. [G laughs] I'm happy for him. [G: Yeah.] Is any of it general nervousness turning into giddiness or- no, he's probably just like this. [laughs] I think he's probably just like this.

G: No, no, I do think there's a certain amount of giddiness this episode that isn't present in other ones. [C: Uh-huh.] And I think it's a mixture of a lot. Like, "We just got out of this real wild situation."

C: Yeah, like, "I just thought I was gonna get shot and sent to Heaven for like, a century."

G: Yeah. And also, "I've seen you for the first time in 80 years, and also, are we in love? [C: That's true.] Oh my god!" Yeah, so it's a lot. A lot happening.

C: How did I forg- okay, I think it says something about the writing of this episode that I forgot that, like, Aziraphale has just realized that he's in love.

G: I mean, that's just our- that's not canon, I don't think. That's only canon in Michael Sheen's head.

C: It's only canon in Michael Sheen's head. But, I mean, Michael Sheen is also here [G laughing] doing the acting of it. [G: This is true. This is true.] Yeah, so I guess there is that. Ugh. I don't know the whole like, "Oh, it's Shakespeare and Sophocles, and it's all so improving" is just meant to be a joke about how, "No, the actual show is like, women dancing, wearing fewer clothes than normal," which is not very funny of a joke, but there's plenty of not very funny jokes on this minisode, so, oh well.

G: Yeah. [C: Yeah.] I think we're going to talk about one unfunny joke quite extensively later. [laughs]

C: Yeah! Yeah! That was crazy. [G laughs] Should we get- [G: Yeah.]

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C: So  cut to Hell where the three Nazis are there. And Furfur’s the one processing them. And they're all saying like, "Oh, we shouldn't even be here," and one of them mentions that, like, Crowley was involved somehow. And Furfur’s like, "Tell me more." It's like, "Oh, he said something about demonic interventions. We were inside a church. There was a bomb, and there was someone else there, Mr. Fell." And then he calls Aziraphale, "A real sissy type. A proper-" and then a word that's spelled f-e-g-e-l-a-h, which is a Yiddish word that's sort of  used in a manner similar to the f-slur; though, like, it is used affectionately within the Jewish queer community, as the f-slur also is within the English-speaking queer community. So like, I guess it's like, he's using the Yiddish word to make it more insulting due to, you know, how he is a Nazi and things. Well. Aziraphale sure did get called the f-slur. They couldn't do it in Season 1, but they've done it now. [G laughs] Did we have to? I mean, I guess the point is that he's a Nazi, and he's like, specifically homophobic and antisemitic, so like, yeah. Whatevs. So Furfur wants to hear more about all this because, I mean, sounds like- Why was Crowley in a church? Etc etc. And then we go back to the Windmill Theatre.

G: Oh, you missed the tongue! [C: Oh, that's true.] Furfur has a split tongue. Yeah.

C: Yeah. ke, uses it to lick a pen before he writes stuff down. And, well, that should have happened to my friend Anthony Crowley. [G: Yeah.] Have we considered that?

G: Yeah. Also like, later, when Furfur meets Crowley and here, like, Crowley seems to be like, a popular guy. [C: Yeah.] I think all the demons in Temptations, just, everyone else hates them so much, 'cause they're like, "You get to like, breathe air and drink wine."

G: No no no. But like later, when Furfur was like, "We fought together." It's not like Crowley was in Temptations yet at the time.

C: Oh. That's true. Well, they just knew each other from Heaven, I guess.

G: But like, Crowley DGAF about all these fucking demons.

C: Yeah. Not at all.

G: Yeah, not as such, as he would say. [C laughs] I love that. I love- [laughs] Later, later, later.

C: Yeah, it's lovely. So we're in the Windmill Theater. So Crowley's delivering alcohol to like, the person who runs the theater who's like, called Mrs. H. And like, they do seem to- they seem to be like, familiar with each other [G: Yeah.] in like a friendly-ish way, which I think is nice that Crowley has, like, some kind of human connections during this time. Like, they're more business associates than friends, but like, there's clearly like, some grudging fondness or whatever there. [G: Yeah.] So that's sweet. So Aziraphale's just sort of standing in the back, looking awkward [G laughs] as like, Mrs. H. yells at Crowley about how all of the bottles in the trunk of the car got smashed because of the bomb. And [laughing] Crowley looks like, genuinely like, apologetic the whole time. Like, "Oh my god, sorry, Mrs. H." Like- [laughs] It's so fun.

G: Yeah, like, they didn't expect that these bottles would be broken, is the thing. And like, it genuinely looks like "Oh my god. I'm sowwy!"

C: Yeah. And she's like, "Don't you 'Mrs. H' me, you cheeky sod!"

G: [laughs] No, yeah, prior to that, like, [overlapping] she calls Crowley "you great big lump." [laughs] [C: It's wonderful.] I love this. I love this scene.

C: Yeah. I feel like there's a brief cut to Aziraphale where he's like, "Well, I don't know what to do about this. Also, Crowley lets people talk to him like this? I mean, sure." This is nice 'cause I feel like, you know, in like, the Job minisode, Crowley is like, as soon as a human annoys her, she's like, "Well, time to turn them into lizards." [G laughs] But like, this feels like a job that, like, they actually want to do properly. Like, they don't like, miracle the bottles to be good enough or whatever the fuck [G: Yeah.], and they don't like, miracle Mrs. H. or anything. It's like, "No this is my acquaintance who I care about, and this is like, my real job that I'm putting real effort into."

G: I do wonder what the- I mean, we see some of what Hell looks like right now, and like, you know, earlier, Furfur was like, "Oh, I signed like, 55 guys named Otto earlier." So like, they're busy downstairs. I do wonder like, what the orders for Crowley are at this era. Did they just mostly leave them alone because, like, they're already getting an overload of people anyway?

C: Yeah, I think that makes sense. Like, "We don't actually need that many more souls. [G: Yeah.] We can't process them, anyway."

G: I think it makes sense for Crowley to be like, a little bit like, "I'm just doing my own thing" in this past few years. [C: Yeah, yeah.] Being a cheeky sod. [laughs] I love it so much.

C: And a great big lump.

G: Great biiig lump. [both laugh] Yeah.

C: Yeah, no whiskey, 'cause it's smashed, and the heating doesn't work. The dancers won't go on stage because it's so cold. And also, tonight's magician has just been arrested as a deserter. [G laughs] And Aziraphale makes like, a face like, "Oh my god!" [G: Magician!] And then she goes, "I'm fu-" but then, like, it's like-

G: Yeah! I don't understand why this happens. [C: I know!] There's like, a piano sound, and like, it stops her from saying fuck. And it's like, why?

C: Yeah, first off, like, you've said fuck in your show already before. [G: Yeah.] Like, what's up? And like, the part that's the most annoying about this unfunny joke is that, like, normally, in this kind of circumstance, it's like, they say "fucked," but like, a loud noise like, covers up the end of the word. But here [G: Yeah, but this stopped her.], it's so clearly that she says "I'm fu-" and then stops. Like, [G: It's so bad.] she's a person who just said, "I'm fu." No one does that.

G: She's noodled, baby!

C: Yeah! So Aziraphale’s love of magicianing overcomes all. Like, in Season 1, it was literally like, that is the day that Armageddon's gonna start and the dog's gonna be there [G laughing], and he was still like, "Oh my god! And I get to be a magician? I don't even care about anything else." And here, his love of magicianing has overcome him realizing that he's in love with someone he can never, ever be with, and has been for 6000 years or whatever. [G: Yeah.] So yeah, he excitedly- I don't think he's been in love for 6000 years. I don't have a good year for when he started. Post-Arrangement, though, I think.

G: Aziraphale? [C: Yeah.] No. [C: Okay.] You seen that guy in Rome?

C: Oh. I mean, I feel like wanting to fuck Crowley is different from being in love, though. Or do you think there's both already?

G: I think there is some wonder in the way Aziraphale was like, "I am so excited that you're here."

C: Okay. Perhaps post-Job, then, if we're gonna go that far back. [G: Yeah.] He's so excited, and he offers- He says, "I wonder if I might be able to help you out on behalf of my, um. My good friend here." which does make me crazy a little bit. And then he starts like, waving a handkerchief around and being like, "I am no stranger to the art of prestidigitation!" Like, he's so funny. Good for him. [G laughing]

G: Aziraphale is so funny. Yeah!

C: So okay. As soon as Crowley came back, Aziraphale's assured that they're good now, 'cause, I mean, Crowley came back and saved like, his life and his books.

G: Yeah. But this is the moment for Crowley.

C: Yeah. Is this the moment for Crowley where they're like, "Oh, we're good." 'Cause, I mean, the "my good friend" thing is just said in front of a person so like, it could not be like- it could be like, not Aziraphale thinks, but-

G: I mean, later, in the bookshop, there's also a friend scene.

C: Yeah, I'm asking which of those do you think makes Crowley go, "Okay, we're good." [G: I think-] Maybe roadhead offer was already like, "Okay, we're good." [G laughing]

G: Well, I think here, it's like- I mean, the thing about this episode is none of this needed to happen. [C: Yeah.] They don't need to do that shit, [laughs] as I like to say. [C laughs] Like, Aziraphale didn't need to volunteer here. So like, there is an aspect of like, "Well, Aziraphale is volunteering for like, [C: Yeah, Aziraphale's trying to hang out, yeah.] my sake because we're fine." Yeah. But really, Aziraphale is volunteering [C laughs] because he wants to exhibit of [overlapping] prestidigitation! [both laugh] Exactly.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Like, he literally doesn't even give a shit about helping Crowley right now. [G laughs] [G: Exactly.] That's not relevant to the situation. Yeah. [G: Exactly.] But it must feel nice, 'cause Crowley like, was like, "Okay, then I'm gonna rescue Aziraphale., and I'm gonna be like, so cool, and then, like, he's gonna want to hang out with me again or whatever," and then like, immediately is like, "Wait. Sorry, I have to do my job," and then gets called "a great big lump" [G laughs] right in front of him.

G: Yeah. No. But also, I think there is, like, you know, an implication of, "Okay, we're comfortable with each other now." 'Cause like, Aziraphale looks so happy in this scene, looks so happy when they got out to see the theater and goes "Sophocles and Shakespeare!" you know. So like, the fact that Aziraphale is comfortable enough to do this and seems happy, I think that's telling enough.

C: Uh-huh. I guess I sort of assumed that Aziraphale would panic after realizing in 1941, but I don't- He's not panicking here. What is going on?

G: I don't. I don't. [laughing] I think he just wants to sucks Crowley's dick. [both laughing]

C: Well! And so what if he does?

G: Yeah. I mean, what you said earlier, I think, like, stands. That like, Aziraphale's love for prestidigitation [C laughs] superseded the realization that he is in love with Crowley and has been in love for a while.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Good for him.

-

G: We go back to Hell, and Furfur just like, shows the three Nazis like, a contract that's like, "Oh, you can either be a zombie on Earth and bring me, like, Crowley or whatever, or you can experience what this other Nazi is experiencing." And there's like, a video thing where the Nazi is being eaten- like, a fly that is being eaten by a giant spider, and then pooped out by the spider, turns back into a fly, and then gets eaten by, you know. And it's a continuous cycle. And they're like, "Okay, so like, how long are we gonna experience that if we don't sign this contract?" And the guy's like, "Forever, so, mm." And then they do sign the contract.

C: Yeah. Well, the specific task that they have to do is like, go back to Earth, find evidence that Crowley and Aziraphale are like, allies in some way, and then press a ring to summon Furfur. Yeah. Furfur's gonna go up, take a photo for proof, and then, like, the Nazis can escape Hell forever. [G: Yeah.] And he also brings up the fact that he has this miracle blocker card that will prevent anyone from using powers. [G: Yeah.] He also says like- he starts off by going like, "Crowley and this Mr. Fell, who, from your description, appears to be an angel," and I know it's like, a cut to later, after they explain things, but I like to believe that all he heard was like, "There's this guy who sells books and is gay," and he was like, "Well, that's an angel!" [G laughs]

G: I don't know. They get fucking turned into dem- Oh! They get turned into zombies, and the last reminder is like, "Oh, you're gonna feel an insatiable hunger that can only be sated by human brains." So they go up, and they like, come out of the rubble. It's this super long and arduous scene.

C: Yeah, It's two and a half whole minutes that could have been dedicated to anything else.

G: It's comple- like, I have no idea why it's that long or why it matters.

C: I think it's supposed to be funny that the guy is singing a song about a farting contest? [G: And it literally isn't.] Well, it's not.

G: But anyway, they go to the bar in front of-

C: Well, anyway, just to clarify what happens, they like, go up and they eat a guy.

G: Yeah, they go up, they eat the guy, and they're all bloody and shit, and they just stumble through Soho, go to the Dirty Donkey, which is the pub in front of the bookshop, and then just hang out there, spying on is Aziraphale and Crowley [C: Yup.] who are in the bookshop. [C: Yup.] Okay, first of all, we need to discuss the fucking Dirty Donkey.

C: Yes. Well. Because in 1967, when Crowley was setting up that heist, [G laughing] he was in the Dirty Donkey pub, literally directly across the street from Aziraphale's bookshop, which is something someone reminded me of in an ask. And [G: Yeah.], well.

G: Incredibly funny. Like, I think a part of it is like, if we're talking like, what is the Doylist perspective on this is that it's probably a small set, and they were like, "Okay, pub, whatever." [C: Yeah.] But like, it is so funny to think that like, a pub that has been here for quite some time, somebody else has already used to actively spy on the bookshop [C laughs], 'cause it's that close, and the bookshop is that visible from it, like, Crowley decided like, "This is the place [C: Yeah.] where I will set up my heist situation." Like, back then, in 1.03, you were like, "Is this like, for attention? Like, why is he in Soho?" [C: Yeah.] And I was like, "No. [C laughs] It can't possibly be true! Like, it's just, you know, the city over. He goes to the city over. It's like, an eight-minute drive. Who give a shit?" [C laughs]

C: It was for attention.

G: It was for attention. [laughs] Right in front of the bookshop, even!

C: Like, parked the Bentley right in front of the pub, right? [G laughs] Like, Aziraphale could look out of his window and see the Bentley there.

G: And it's not like the Bentley was like, particularly in style at the time. So like, this is a very obvious car. And it's just right there.

C: Aziraphale's so funny for being like, "I live in Soho. I hear things." [G: "I hear things."] It was literally across the street from you, Aziraphale. [G laughs]

G: The things he heard is like, the engine of the Bentley [C laughing] as it drove past the bookshop.

C: Yeah, the things he heard were the conversations themselves, like, conducted across the street from him. [G laughs]

G: Exactly. And like, also, it brings up the whole like, you know, "You go too fast for me" being a result of Crowley going, "Like, I'll give you a list. [C: Yeah.] Anywhere you want to go." And it's like, the lift- I mean, like, [laughs] it is pretty funny. I know it's like, symbolic whatever subtext whatever [both laugh], but it's so funny!

C: "By which I mean, I'll make a U-turn to park on the other side of the street."

G: [laughing] And I mean, Aziraphale being like, "You go too fast for me," and like, the assumption you can make if you don't want to read it that way, right, is like, it's about the car. [C: Right.] And I feel like it is intentional on Aziraphale's side to like, plausible deniability the fact that, like, "It can be about the car. What are you talking about?" [laughing] But if it's about the car, "You go too fast for me" in the like, fucking 5 meters [C laughing] they need to cross to get to the bookshop! You- [laughing]

C: Okay, but Crowley doesn't say, like, "I'll drive you back to the bookshop." [G: Yeah, yeah.] Like, she says, "I'll give you a lift. Anywhere you like," which like, [G: Anywhere you want to go, yeah.] could include "back to my place" or something like that.

G: It's an incredibly funny scene in retrospect, now that we know that the pub is literally just right fucking there.

C: Yeah, but it is a date offer sort of situation, right? 'Cause obviously, it's not like- [G: Yeah, "Let's go to the Ritz. Whatever."] you can't say like, "Drive- [G laughs] like, switch lanes [G: "Make a left." and then drop me off." [laughing] Like yeah. It is like a "Let's hang out. Let's do something together" thing. [G: "Let's go somewhere," yeah.] Like, clearly, it is that. [G laughs] And Aziraphale's like, "No, we can't."

G: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, subtextually, [C: Uh-huh.] etc etc, it becomes even more like, "Wahh, they’re so in love!" [C laughs] But like, literally, it's just so funny to me. [C: Yeah.] It's so fucking funny. [C laughs]

-

G: We go to the book shop, and, you know [C: God.], I don't know.

C: Okay, as soon as we're there, Crowley is still wearing like, his hat [G: The hat, yeah.] but Aziraphale's just in his waistcoat [G: Yeah!], which I really like 'cause it feels like Aziraphale took his jacket and hat off, sort to communicate, like, "I plan to stay here for a bit. I'm comfortable here with you. Like, please like, feel comfortable to stay here as well," [G: Yeah.] but, like, Crowley is like, standing, hasn't sat down or anything, and like, still has the hat on, so it's like, Crowley is clearly like, "I don't know how long I am welcome here, or like, if you want me to go after I've dropped you off. Like, I don't know where we are yet." So.

G: Yeah. And also like, they're lingering- I'm not actually too sure regarding the architecture of the bookshop, but, like, it seems to me that they were lingering, like, near the door, Crowley. [C: Yeah.] And like, that is important to me. That it's like, "I don't know if I'm welcome here. I don't know if, like, this is just I'm dropping you off, and then I'm off to go. But like, I will linger here in the liminal space between the door and the inside."

C: Yeah. I might even leave my scarf behind.

G: Exactly! So Crowley is standing there, going like, "Okay. Well, cheers for getting me off the hook." And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, you know. There's no need to thank me. That's what-" and then hesitates a little bit and goes, "... friends... are for." [C screams] [C: God! Crazy. Like, crazy.] Do you think this is the first time [C: Yeah.] that Aziraphale was like, "We're friends." And you know what? It may even be the first time that any of them- like, the two of them said, like, "friends" for each other.

C: Maybe! 'Cause like, yeah, in 1862, like, it is like, "fraternizing," and like, Crowley is offended that is the term being used, but like, that doesn't necessarily mean that Crowley's called them friends yet.

G: Yeah. The fact that fraternizing is still the term, meaning that it's not been defined as friendship from either side yet. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] So, I don't know. Like, in Season 1, we talked extensively about how like, I mean, maybe not extensively. I don't even know if we talked about it in the podcast or off mic. But we talked about how I feel like it would completely fucking melt Crowley [C: Uh-huh.], just into a puddle of goo if like, Aziraphale was like, "Oh, you're my friend," or like, "You're my best friend," [C whimpers] or whatever. [C: Yeah.] But like, Aziraphale does it first! [C: Yeah! Yeah.] Like, Aziraphale sets that label for them. [C: Yeah.] How long have we been friends?

C: 6000 years. [screams] Yeah. And I don't- like, the hesitation isn't like, [G: It's not like a-] a "Should I say this out loud?" hesitation. It's like, "I didn't realize that was the word that was about to come out of my mouth until then," and I feel like it's like, "I have thought about you like this, but I've always had a filter there, [G: Yeah.] and I'm surprised that, like, I've allowed myself to call you my friend in this moment." [G: Yeah.] And well, what if we all died? What if? [G makes pained sound]

G: Well, Crowley is like, "You're going to perform at the West End stage tonight, so like, what's up?" And Aziraphale [C laughs] does this little jig, like, dancing a little bit and singing like, "West-" [C: Yeah.] like, I forgot the tune of the fucking- It's like a little dance. Doing a little dance, even. [C: Yeah.] Crowley is like, "You know, like, those stages take some filling." And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, you're talking to the angel who fooled Nefertiti with a large caraway seed on cowry shells." [laughs] And like, does the motion of the like, switching the cups. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] He's soo. God. He is so cringe, and he is so not free. [C: Yeah.] But you know what? It's okay. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] And then Aziraphale, like, spots a book on the shelf that was given to him by Professor Hoffman.

C: Crowley takes his hat off when Aziraphale goes for the book [G: Yeah.] because I think Crowley's getting in character.

G: Yeah. [makes pained sound]

C: God. That was the horniest scene of the entire show, personally.

G: Well, I disagree. I disagree. [C: Okay.] We'll talk about it once I talk about it. But like, Aziraphale pulls out the book, and, you know, Crowley settles down on a chair. The whole time, by the way, like, the zombies are watching with- what are those called? [C: Binoculars?] Binoculars. Looking at what the hell Aziraphale and Crowley are up to. And they're trying to lipread, and then like, it is from this perspective that we see Crowley taking off the coat, and like, settling down and being comfortable. Which-

C: Well, we see Crowley take off the coat later not from the Nazis' perspective, though.

G: No no no. The coat is taken off in this scene.

C: Wait, no, no, but okay- Well, no. When Crowley's like, sitting down like, he unbuttons it, and then he sits down and then flips the tails behind- Is that what you're talking about?

G: No like, he takes off the coat.

C: Oh, the big coat! Yeah. Not the suit jacket [laughs] part. [G: Yeah.] Jesus fuck. Yeah. Uh-huh.

G: I just think it's quite clever in terms of directing that like, that very obvious portrayal of, like, comfort in this place was presented as being seen from the demons' perspective- from the [both] zombies' perspective. [C: Yeah.] And like, out of anything- out of anything, I feel like this is the one where it's like, "Oh, yeah, for sure there were rumors that they're an item." It's Crowley taking off this fucking jacket in this fucking bookshop.

C: Yeah. Okay, so the book is Professor Hoffman's Modern Magic, which was written in 1876, so this means that magic- [G: Been a while.] Yeah. And it's another thing that is Aziraphale picked up during during the divorce era [G: That's true!] before the Hundred Guineas Club, so that's interesting. And also the like [G: Like, he was in class for it.], yeah, Aziraphale's so happy about what it says.

G: The "Mr. Fell"!

C: Yeah. He goes, "To Mr. Fell" - that's me - [G: "That's me!"] "A wonderful student." God bless! He was literally a pleasure to have in class. [G: Yeah. Exactly.] I'm obsessed with this guy.

G: Okay. So Crowley, like, settles down on the chair [C: God.] and like, [laughs] sits a certain way. [C: Yeah.] [C giggles]

C: While he's sitting, he unbuttons his suit jacket, but like, it sort of stays in the position it was after the unbuttoning when he's sitting down. [G laughs]

G: [laughing] I love how you're pointing this out. That's just what you do when you're wearing a suit jacket!

C: [laughing] Well, it matters to me.

G: You literally just unbutton it when you sit, but okay.

C: I don't. [G laughs]

G: Okay, so Crowley sits down- we've been on this "Crowley sits down" scene for forever.

C: [laughing] Well, he really does sit down in a certain way!

G: Well, he sits down, in a certain way, even, and then, like, goes like, "Oh, so, [laughing] let's do some roleplay!" [C screams] And he goes like, "I'm a lonely GI-"

C: When the suit jacket unbuttoning goes on, it happens on when he says, "Go on, then," while he's sitting down, and then, yeah, you say your line and say when he does the tails thing.

G: What do you mean the tails thing?

C: Like, "Go on, then. I'm a lonely GI, anxiously awaiting-" and then, you know, the suit jacket has sort of stayed where it was like, together, but then, on "anxiously awaiting," he like, flips the tails of like, the suit jacket [G: Wha-] [G laughing] so it's like, parted more [laughing] like, to the sides- This doesn't- It matters! It matters a lot! [G laughing]

G: [laughing] Well, first of all, Crystal, you're insane. [laughing]

C: But we didn't see before that there was a design on his tie, and now we do, and it's so pretty! [G: Ahh.] Like, it really like, makes the outfit in a way it didn't before.

G: Okay. Okay, I get it.

C: Yeah. Like, suddenly, she's like, a hundred times more beautiful. Good for her.

G: Yeah. The tie is pretty. The tie is pretty. [laughing] But like, I mean, you should have said "We saw the tie," not like, "He flicked the tails of his fucking suit-"

C: I mean, that also matters because I think it really is like, the defining moment that makes this the horniest scene in the show to me. [G laughs]

G: What even is going on in this recording? [both laugh] We've been at this scene for like, forever! [laughing]

C: I think everyone should just watch it and then get back to me. [G laughing]

G: The point of the podcast is that they don't watch it! We can't be like, "Just watch it!" to the audience. [both laughing] God. We're so bad at podcasting.

C: Okay, okay, you can say the full dialogue line now.

G: Okay. [laughs] Crowley takes a sit in a certain way [both laughing] on the couch and goes, "Okay, let's do some roleplay. Let's pretend that I am a lonely GI, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Ladies of Camelot. Amaze me."

C: That's crazy! It's a crazy thing to say! Why would he say that? Like, both the "lonely" and the "anxiously awaiting the Ladies of Camelot," like, he's literally saying, "I'm a GI, and I'm like, hard as nails right now. [G laughing] I'm like, so horny right now, [laughs] and I just need to see some women dance wearing fewer clothes than usual. [G laughs] How are you going to get my attention and sustain it during this edging process?" Like, you understand that that's the sentence being said, right?

G: The thing is, you and I have very different understandings of what makes this scene horny [C laughs], but, like, okay. I'll discuss it later. I'll discuss it later. [C: I-] So. [both laugh] We need to get past [laughing] this scene!

C: [laughing] We're moving on. We're moving on. [G laughs]

G: Okay. Aziraphale like, hesitates a bit and is still reading through the book, [laughing] and then Crowley does like- Is this like, an American accent? I am not sure.

C: I think it's supposed to be a Southern accent.

G: Yeah, it's like, an old guy accent, but I'm not sure what kind of old guy.

C: [laughing] Well, you know what David Tennant should've done [both] on Gracepoint?

G: [laughing] He should've put on this voice in Gracepoint! Also, for context, in preparation for this podcast [C laughs], I looked up how to speak in a Southern accent so I can do this bit [C laughs, but like, I can't. I cannot. So I'm not gonna put on the accent anymore, as I said last episode, and then promptly did. But like, this time, I really am not gonna put on the accent anymore. But literally, who fucking- Okay, later, another portion where he does the American accent, he goes-

C: "Hyuk hyuk" and kicks his foot. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. And he should have done that in "Who told that jurnalist?" [both laugh] He should have been like, "Who told that jurnalist? [C: Hyuk-hyuk.]" Yeah. It's important to me. [C: Yeah.] Well, anyway he just goes like, "Oh, like, Mr. British man, like, wow me with your miracles!" And then Aziraphale is just like, "Okay, can I just say that I do allow myself one tiny miracle just to warm the audience and myself," [C laughs] and he goes like, like, "I turn like, a common turnip into an inkwell." [laughing] He's so fucking cringe and not free at all. [C laughs] This is what I mean when- 'cause you think this scene is horny in that the whole, like, putting on a show to impress an audience of one, I assume.

C: Yeah, I mean, I also think it is just the coat flick- I mean, I think it's mostly just like, "Hello, let's roleplay that like, I'm an incredibly horny man, like, wanting to see something else. How are you going to get my attention?"

G: The thing is, to me, the thing that makes this scene horny and also funny is the fact that Aziraphale is so bad at this. [C laughs] Like, it's just so terrible. And like, as someone who, in a lust-filled two weeks' portion of my life [C laughing], watched the objects of my lust do like, improv [C laughing], like, there is the part of you that's like, "Oh my god! Like, this is like, so bad. [C laughs] Like, I should be running away right now. Like, looking at you right now should make me want to throw up and retch [C laughing] and also leave. But like, I do wanna fuck you still." [C: Yeah.] So like, the combination of like, embarrassment of like, "Oh, god. I wanna fuck you. Except is this for real?" This is how I see [C: Uh-huh.] Crowley's reaction this scene. It's like, "Good fucking lord. And I still want to fuck you?" [C laughs] So yeah. Fun stuff!

C: I mean, I think Crowley seems genuinely like, a little bit impressed [laughs] during this one.

G: Do you think so? [C: Yeah!] I do not think so. [C laughing] I absolutely do not fucking think so. Well. [C: Well.] Aziraphale does a trick, where he takes a sixpence and a farthing, [C laughs] and he closes his hand like thus. [C: "For but a blink of an eye..."] [both laugh] And then we go back to the zombies, who are watching all this, and they're like, trying to lipsync - Is that the term? Lipsync? No, [both] lipread. They're trying to lipread Aziraphale, and what they got is Aziraphale is saying, "banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace, a dash of nutmeg," and they're all like, "Oh, fuck! We're so bad at this. You're so bad at this. This is all so horrible." [C: Yeah.] And I do like this setup and punchline later. [C: Yeah, that was a funny joke.] I really enjoyed it, yeah. Yeah. The joke is that this is really just what Aziraphale says when he like, does a conjuring trick or whatever. [C: Uh-huh.] Pretty fun! I liked it. I really liked it. Anyway.

C: When Aziraphale's presenting the coins, like, it cuts to Crowley, and it looks like they're  genuinely like, concentrating and thinking hard the whole time, and I'm not sure if it's like, him being that girl who's like, "I will solve your magic trick and know how you did it," or if it's just like, playing their role as the GI and being like, "Oh, I'm so enraptured!"

G: I think it's the enraptured thing. [C: Mm.] But yeah. [C: Yeah.] Anyway, "The farthing... has vanished!] [both laugh]

C: Aziraphale looks so excited that it worked. [G: Yeah!] When he opens his hand, he's like, "Oh my god! It is gone!"

G: Like, he blows on it and everything. It's soo.

C: That should have happened to my friend Crowley.

G: That should have happened to my friend Crowley. And Crowley like, looks at this and like, tilts the glasses down a little bit- [C: Yeah.] the shades, which they're still wearing, tilts down the shades and like, just looks at Aziraphale and goes like, "Okay, right." [C: I feel like-] Is this the part where you're like, "He's actually impressed." [C: Yeah.] Because, like, I think this is like a "Okay, that's the trick?" look.

C: Maybe. Yeah. I guess so. I guess that is a way to think of it. [G laughing] I guess because I was reading the earlier concentration as like, "Oh, I'm gonna figure out how he does it," it feels like the glasses down and the looking quizzically and going, "Right" was like, "I actually don't know how you did that one." Well.

G: Well, okay. Agree to disagree, as people say.

C: Yeah. Good lord!

G: Crowley just goes like, "Okay, right." and then puts back on the American accent. I'm so sad that I can't do it! I'm so sad. [C: Yeah, and that I refuse to do it.] I'm so sad. I think it's so fun. You know what I was intending to do was like, I was gonna say the entire "Who told that jurnalist?" [C laughing] portion [both] in the accent! [C: Oh my god!] Yeah! [laughs] I was training to do it! I was watching YouTube videos on how to do Southern accents to do it! And I just cannot. [C: Yeah.] So sad. But, you know, Crowley is like, "Oh, but, you know, that's a trick for close quarters. What you do today has to be bigger because it's a bigger venue and everything. We need something [both] dramatic! Is there any way that we can like, buy anything to use for this entire thing?" And Aziraphale’s like, "Oh, there's like, this shop, but like, it's just for professional conjurers only." And Crowley like, slowly stands up, like, uses his finger to put the glasses back in place, and goes like, "You, my Nefer-titty-fooling fellow-"

C: It's Nefer-tee-tee. [laughs] It doesn't matter, but you do keep saying titty, and it is very funny [G laughing], but I think it's Nefer-tee-tee?

G: No, you know why I say it like that? [C: Why?] Because the word "titi" [pronounced tee-tee] in Filipino is penis. [both laughing] [C: That's so good.] I reverted to something that doesn't sound like that because I'm used to it. Like, here, we don't pronounce it the proper way, because it sounds dirty.

C: Oh, that makes sense. Neat!

G: Yeah. So he goes like, "You're about to perform at the West End stage, so if that doesn't make you a professional conjurer, I don't know what does." And, you know, Aziraphale is-

C: It's sweet. [G: Yeah!] 'Cause Aziraphale was genuinely looking quite insecure when he was talking about the shop. So yeah.

G: Yeah. And, you know, Aziraphale does this smile of like, "Oh my god, you're right!" and like, it's cute. [C: Yeah.] It is cute. I'm sorry, Aziraphale, that you're so bad at this [C laughs] but at least you guys are cute.

C: Yes, at least you are. They like, go across like, a street or two to get the magic shop, and we get shots of like, the zombies stumbling along after them. Boring. Whatever. [G: Boo!] Boo. And we're inside the store, and this scene goes on, for like, way longer [G: 5ever!] than it has to be. And if you go into like, the bonus content on Amazon Prime, there's like, 3 extra videos of the magic shop scene. Like, "the magic shop scene extended," [G laughs] "the magic shop scene shot from like, the shopkeeper's point of view." Like, no one give a shit about the magic shop scene! [G laughing] Like, why do I need this?

G: Yeah, well. At least they're having fun.

C: At least they're having fun. I guess, like, so that I don't have to keep talking about it during the scene, like, one of the zombies does like, eventually go inside and like, muck about in the back and look at them and like, try on fake noses and fake rings and shit during that time [G: Mm-hm.], so just know that's happening. But yeah. Aziraphale goes in, and he's so entranced by the store. And the storekeeper's just some guy who-

G: I love that like, Aziraphale was so loyal to the idea of being a conjurer [C: Yeah.] that like, he could just do a miracle and be like, "Oh, yeah, I can get into the store now. [C: Yeah.] Look. I did this thing." but like, first of all, like, they don't even check. [both laugh] [C: Yeah, they don't even check!] Like, nobody's checking if he's a professional conjurer. In fact, there's materials here for "amateur," you know, conjurers. [C: Yeah.] So it's not like, a professional shop, as he puts it. But, I don't know. I think it's cute. I think that for a long time, he was like, "Oh, there's a shop corner like, on the other side of the street, and I really wanna go there! And I really wanna like, buy fucking materials for tricks. But, alas! [C laughs] I need to improve." It's cute. I think it's cute.

C: Yeah, it is cute. Crowley picks up like, this box, and the shopkeeper's like, "Oh, that's like, a cool thing. Just hand me the contents, and I'll show you what it does." But it's like, a trick box, so Crowley opens it, and like, it makes a sound and a bunch of confetti and stuff comes out, and Crowley and Aziraphale both yell.

G: Crowley goes- Aw! But Crowley looks- [C: Happy?] He smiles in this scene.

C: Yeah it's like, "This is fun. I love that." [G: Yeah.] Okay. Don't you have to put it back- don't you have put the confetti back in the box afterwards? Like, why would you demonstrate it? Like, you have to scrounge about picking up pieces of paper from the ground each time you use it afterwards?

G: I'm sure there's confetti that you can get in a pack [C: I guess.] that you don't have to pick off the ground.

C: I guess. It's just not a very good box, I think. But at least Crowley-

G: Well, look at Crowley! Look at Crowley! So amused, so beautiful, etc etc.

C: Yeah. Yeah. It's great. Aziraphale's more like, "Oh, no, that's a cheap trick. Like, I need something better." [G laughs] He sees these like, metal bracelet things and fucking moans. [G laughing] Like, truly, fully does that.

G: Aziraphale, why are you moaning? [both laugh] Like, fully a moan. It's a fully a moan. [C laughing] [C: Yeah.] There's no other way to describe this sound.

C: Yeah, there's not a different sound that it is. It is a moan.

G: He doesn't just do it once. Like, it's multiple moans in different like, ways. [both laughing] It's-

C: God, he was like, "If the roadhead offer doesn't work, let's try a new tactic." [G laughing]

G: That is so funny. Aziraphale's so funny.

C: He sure is. But like, while he's fiddling about with them, he accidentally throws one and [G laughing] knocks over like, a tower of cards, and he also like, knocks over everything on the table, and he and the shopkeeper scramble to pick everything up, and Crowley's just standing there like "I'm not doing anything."

G: I mean, Crowley did get called a great lump [C: Yeah.] and a cheeky sod earlier, right in front of Aziraphale.

C: Yeah, and what did Aziraphale do about that?

G: Yeah. In a job where, like, Crowley was supposed to be like, cool and like, "Ooh, I'm such a [C: "I'm such a bad boy."] sneaky sneaky-" yeah. And now Aziraphale's like, "Oh my god, I'm so cool! I can do this magic trick. [C laughing] And then, like, just lets everything fall." They are so losers. They're loser4loser, is what it is.

C: The shopkeeper shows a trick called “The Professor's Nightmare.” And there's like, three pieces of rope of different lengths. But then, like, you're able to like, sort of hold onto the ends and stretch them out so that they look like they're the same length. Aziraphale looks quite enthused about this trick until the shopkeeper says "This is perfect for a talented amateur, such as yourself" and Aziraphale immediately is like, "Talented amateur?? I'll have you know I'm booked to appear in the West End." And then he says the full location and time of the thing, which the Nazis overhear, so yep. There we go.

G: [laughs] That's the plot progression of this scene. And also, I guess, getting the firearms.

C: So Aziraphale sees this new trick, a bullet catch thing, and he wants to do that. Wha- okay. So. [G: Oh yeah.] The shopkeeper says, "Twelve people have died presenting this effect. Years ago, I sold one to a lovely Chinese fella, and he ended up 6 foot under." And apparently...

G: This is a reference!

C: What? [laughing] What? I don't even know how to talk about this. What? [G laughs] Apparently, this is a reference to a magician named William Ellsworth Robinson, who did yellowface to present himself as a half-Cantonese magician named, like, I don't know what the characters are like, but the English spelling of the whatever is Chung Ling Soo. And yeah, apparently, he did a bullet catch thing, and then one time it like, went wrong, and then, like, he died, and then it was only after that people found out that, like, he wasn't Chinese. So like, I was- So I read the Wikipedia page for this guy, and like, apparently, mocking people, racist things, the family business, because his Dad worked in minstrel shows, so like, that's crazy. [laughs] Secondly, like, this sort of started because, like, he copied, like, completely copied the act of like, an actual Chinese magician who was like, getting famous in the West during that time. That Guy's name was Jin Lingfu, and like, they had, like, a kind of rivalry going on, and then eventually, there was a theater that was looking to hire a Chinese magician, and he was like, "Well, I want that job." So then he changed his clothes and his hair and painted his face with grease, and then auditioned, and then got it. [G sighs] And then, for years for his life, he just wouldn't speak English on stage except for, like, occasional like, quote-unquote "broken English," and like, during interviews and stuff he always like, went through someone else or whatever the fuck so like, yeah, he kept that up for his entire life. And like, I don't know what the point of referencing this was. Like, what was the joke?

G: Okay, how did you find out about that it's a reference to this?

C: The Amazon Prime X-ray trivia.

G: [laughs] Jesus Christ. So they were like, proud of this. They were like, "We're gonna put it in the fucking trivia." [both laughing]

C: Yeah, like, "fun fact! Isn't this great?" It's like, the way it's presented, it feels like a "This is a fun Easter egg for people who know about, like, magic history" or whatever, right? Like [G: Yeah.], "Haha, there was this guy who died from a bullet catch," and it was famous that he died from that, because [G: After that...] [both laugh] apparently when it happened, he shouted like, "Oh, god! Something's gone wrong!" and it was the only time like, it was clear that he could fully speak English [both laughing], and then he died. [G: That's so funny!]  Well, I say play stupid games, get stupid prizes. [both laughing]

G: Slay! He should have said hic-hic as well! He should've gone, "Hyuk! [C laughs] Oh my god, something went wrong! Hyuk-hyuk!" [C laughing]

C: Yeah. So I guess it's like, "That's a famous incident of someone dying from a bullet catch. So if you're interested in magic history, here you go." But it's like, I just- I feel like this reference has a weight to it that is not really [G: Yeah.], like, yeah, acknowledged in the episode? Like, I feel like if I was to bring up this guy, like, at any point during like, my TV show, like, the point would be like, to complicate the idea of like, performance and magic during this time just being like, a fun thing. 'Cause it's like, he's a reminder of how like, any aspect of the entertainment business that caters to like, a white British audience and relies on spectacle like, will like, get that spectacle via stereotypes about race, and like, playing into like, what people think and then making it even more absurd or whatever. And like, even like, the magician that, like, he based his act off of like, I mean, like, I don't know. Like, the fact that the theater was looking to hire a Chinese magician in the first place means like, they had a certain idea of what an act by a Chinese magician would look like and like, that had a certain appeal because of like, Orientalist blah blah blah. [G: Yeah.] And, like, the guy that based his act on also played into that 'cause like, one of his acts was just like, he brought like, a bunch of Chinese women with like, bound feet with him, and like, they were sort of like, just a sideshow thing as part of his act, which is like, "Well, that's fucked." But like [G: Yeah.], I guess I feel like there's a lot of things that you could say about the entertainment industry. Like, that would be the point of referencing this to me, but like, that's not the point here. Like, that's not an idea that they think about at all during this.

G: Yeah. The point is just "Fun fact!" Yeah.

C: Yeah. And well, I didn't think it was very fun. So. [laughs] [both] Yeah. Yeah. And also like, that guy, he didn't buy- like he had a certain gun setup where, like, a bullet wouldn't actually come out, whereas what we see later from this trick is that it's just fully a regular gun.

G: Yeah! I think maybe like, Aziraphale just didn't know how to use it. Like, are you really supposed to load the bullet in there?

C: I mean, Crowley was reading the manual. They both read the manual, didn't they? [G: Yeah, they glanced.] There is a bullet in the wall of the Windmill Theater now. [both laughing] [G: Exactly!] You fully- this trick- [G: Mrs. H is going to be so mad at you, Crowley!] you just shoot a real bullet into like, the wall.

G: Like, if there was no curtains in this thing, everyone would be like, "Girl, what the fuck?"

C: Why wouldn't you just have a trick gun? [laughs] Like, what is this? Why would you even need to pay money? Aziraphale has a regular gun. [G laughs] Like, that would work. [G: Yeah!] But yeah, whatever. Apparently, that's the trick. Aziraphale's like, "I don't give a shit about those twelve dead people. How much?" And Crowley asks, like, "Are you sure? Are you sure you're sure?" And Aziraphale, very dismissive, is just like, "Quite sure. How much?" And you know, a price is named, and the guy keeps adding on costs and stuff. And also, you need a firearms license to operate it. And the Aziraphale says, "Oh, I have one of those already." And Crowley's surprised about that. Aziraphale apparently keeps a Derringer inside the bookshop inside a hollowed-out book, which is so fun.

G: It's true! They make a point of like, showing the zombie like, overhearing this. So I was like, "Oh, is that gonna come up?" [C: No.] But it doesn't.

C: No. No. Yeah, that is a Chekhov's gun that really never does get fired. [G: Exactly.] Yeah, he says it's in case he gets into a scrape. I wonder who he thinks he'll need to use the gun against.

G: Well, there are the Soho mafia guys.

C: There are the Soho mafia guys, that is true. And Crowley goes at this, "You read too many books," which didn't seem like a very funny joke, and also didn't seem to make like- I don't know. It was a line that like, stuck out to me where I was like, "Well, that wasn't very good writing."

G: Yeah. Like, for Crowley to be like, "Oh, you are reading too many like, crime whatever."

C: Yeah, like, hello? You're literally [G: But Crowley also-] Anthony Jamesbond Crowley. [G laughs]

G: Literally. What if the J stands for James Bond? [C: As one word?] I mean, Crowley needs to have read those books as well to make that comparison to-

C: I mean, James Bond hasn't happened yet. [G: Yeah.] Like, I think he's in the 60s or whatever. [G: Yeah.] But like, Crowley knows about the future. Crowley knew about helicopters during Leonardo da Vinci's time. [G: Yeah!] I think Crowley already knows about James Bond.

G: Crowley knew about hand washing before hand washing was popular in the surgery circles, so. [C: Yeah.] You know what? James Bond, the exact same [C laughs] as handwashing during surgery.

C: Crowley- literally Crowley's only free time activity is watching TV. Like, this is not a thing Crowley would say.

G: Literally tells Aziraphale, "Put down the book and touch some grass." [both laugh] So fucking true. It's because of that damn fucking book.

C: [laughs] It is because of that damn fucking book. Like, the guy's still refusing to sell, so Crowley adds 20 more pounds [laughs] from Aziraphale's wallet, and that works out. The shopkeeper goes like, "You need nerves of steel and a hand as steady as the rock of Gibraltar." Aziraphale's like, "Well, I have those." He's so confident. He's so confident right now. It's also that you're gonna need like, "a 100% reliable marksman, someone you can really trust. Otherwise, it's lethal." And Aziraphale goes, "I've got the perfect man for the job!" [G: Yeah.] But like, Crowley seems to have no clue who he's talking about.

G: You know what my theory is for this episode? [C: Yeah.] Is I think Crowley is not thinking in guy terms this episode. [C: Oh, yeah.] Because, like, "perfect man," and Crowley is like, "Yeah, I don't know who that is." [C laughs] And then later, when Aziraphale is like, "Ooh! A gentleman from the audience," [C laughs] and like Crowley is literally like [C: "Huh?"], "I don't think that's for me. [both laugh] I'm not gonna raise my hand for that. I'm not a gentlemen." [C: Yeah.] So fucking true.

C: No, that makes perfect sense to me. I think that is literally what's happening.

G: This is literally what's happening to me as well. [C: Yeah.] No, because, like, why else would Crowley not raise their hand? [C: No, exactly, I was like, "What is going on?"] And it's because Aziraphale was like, "gentlemen," and Crowley's like, "Oh. Probably not me."

C: Yeah, "I don't know who that is." Good for her. Aziraphale pulls Crowley aside. He's like, "You do the shooting. I'll catch the bullet. I'll do all the hard bits." [G laughing] God. The gay sex metaphor is palpatine, [G laughs] or whatever that Tumblr post said.

G: [laughing] What do you mean? What the hell is the Tumblr post?

C: I don't know. It's just someone misspelled "palpable" as "palpatine," [G laughs] and like, it's stuck in my head.

G: So fucking real, someone who definitely watched Star Wars.

C: [laughs] yeah. And then he goes, "I'm sure that, like, as a demon, you must have fired off a lot of guns, yeah?" And on "fired off a lot of guns," he does like, little gun hand motions that are very, very cute. Which, like, I mean, Crowley hasn't is the point of this. [G: Yeah.] But does Aziraphale think that part of Crowley's job is just like, shooting people to death?

G: I mean, I don't know. It's just like, "Well, surely you must have," you know?

C: Just like, "You were in dangerous situations before, so maybe you had to in self defense." [G: Yeah, probably.] Yeah, okay. That makes more sense. But it's like, Aziraphale's done Crowley's job at this point. [G: Yeah.] And like, [laughing] is Aziraphale swaggering into all of Crowley's jobs like, shooting people left and right 'cause he thinks that that's like, part of it?

G: You know what? It well may be. [C: It well may be. It well may be.] I think the situation is like, you know, Aziraphale and Crowley are like, "Okay, I'm going to do your miracle, and you're going to do my temptation, fine." And then they come back. And like, Crowley, is like, "Oh, yeah, I did your miracle. I literally just did it, like, the way I think you would have done it. Which is the completely normal way." And Crowley's like, "So how did you do my temptation?" [laughing] And for Aziraphale, it's like this huge, complex, like, TV, like, movie star villain situation. [C laughing]

C: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There were disguises. There are guns being shot. [G: Yeah.] He seduced like, three people, even though he didn't have to.

G: And Crowley's like, "Dude, it's just a job. [both laugh] Like, you just clock in at 9 and clock out at 5. Like, what are you doing?"

C: Yeah. Yeah. Crowley doesn't answer this question, but she does go, "I'll do it." We're assuming that Crowley is just like, "Well, I don't- Aziraphale doesn't have anyone else, so I'll just not tell him that I can't fire a gun and I'll just miracle the bullet," right? [G: Yeah.] Like, that's the move? Yeah. Sorry, Crowley, that your plan did not work out. And Aziraphale's so happy, and Crowley's like, "If anything goes wrong, we are gonna break your one miracle limit, though, like, 'cause, neither of us want the paperwork." Aziraphale agrees to shake on it. Like, Crowley put a hand out. And Aziraphale's so excited! [G: Throws himself-] Takes Crowley's hands with both of his hands, and does like, an exclamation of excitement. [G: Yeah.] And like, wow! That man is gay. Meanwhile- when does it happen? The Nazi's like-

G: It's at this point. The Nazi who picked up a joke ring twisted that instead of the Hell ring. [C: Yeah. Twisted the wrong ring.] So fucking stupid. [C: Yeah, dumb as fuck.] Everything is so stupid. [C: Yeah.] Everything's so stupid.

C: Yeah. While that happens, Aziraphale and Crowley leave, so yeah. And then, whatever. The Nazis confront the shopkeeper and then eat him. Whatever. [G: Hell yeah.] It takes forever, but that's what it is.

-

G: And now we are in the fucking Ladies of Camelot Theater, and Crowley is just like, sitting there, completely disinterested. [C: Yeah.] And a bunch of people in the audience. Not a lot. It's not like, a packed theater, but there's like, a couple. [C: Yeah.] A substantial amount. We see, like, just about the tail end of the performance of the ladies performing right before Aziraphale. They exit, and Aziraphale gets shoved into the stage. [C: Yeah. His outfit!] Yeah. The outfit is- [laughs] How would you describe this outfit? It's like a top hat.

C: Yeah. A nice blue cloak thing. [G: Yeah!] It's sort of the color of his bow in 1827, I think.

G: And he has the little mustache drawn onto his face.

C: Yeah. I think one of my mutuals said once that, like, the Marvelous Mister Fell, is Aziraphale’s drag king persona [G: For fucking real.], and like, it is, though.

G: Anyway, the Marvelous Mister Fell gets shoved to the stage, and I do say shoved because he doesn't wanna. [laughs] Like, all of the confidence from earlier has completely fucking left him. He is so nervous. [C: Yeah.] And I know I lambasted the scene to hell and back earlier as being so long. Whatever. [C: It is so long.] I did actually really enjoy it. I really enjoyed it. [C: I did not.] I think the suspense that they do in this scene is quite excellent. [C: I didn't feel suspended.] When we watched this together, I was standing up pacing. [C: Damn.] I was so "Oh my god! I don't know what's gonna happen! Oh my god! What's gonna happen?" Also, because I didn't understand-

C: But you know he's never been discorporated before. He says he's had his body for 6000 years.

G: Yeah, but that's not the only thing that could go wrong, is it?

C: Like what? I guess Crowley could accidentally shoot like, a performer or Mrs. H?

G: Furfur is in the audience watching them.

C: Yeah. And?

G: I don't know!

C: I mean, we know, that neither of them- I mean, I guess Crowley could get discorporated. We don't know that she's-

G: No, but, I don't know. I'm not going to defend my feelings. [laughs]

C: Okay, yeah. Your feelings are valid. To you. [G: To me. Well!] I mean, I felt like, the whole like, "Gun. Oh no! Am I gonna shoot?" All of that felt like, way too long and extended. Like, I knew that like, she wasn't gonna shoot him. So like, whatever.

G: I mean, I point out that I find that my interest in this scene impressive because of the fact that it literally like, doesn't matter. [C: Yeah.] This scene didn't need to happen at all. The moment the miracles stopped working, Aziraphale could have just been like- like, fake fainted on the stage [C laughing] and been like, "Oh my god! I'm a Victorian lady fainting on this stage! I need to be taken away to the backstage and also run off." It is a bit odd, is the situation. And also like, Aziraphale gets shoved onto the stage and is very awkward about it. They bring out like, a poster [C: Aw.] on the side.

C: Did he make this tonight? Like-

G: I think he just had it lying around.

C: Yeah. It was probably like, the final project in the class that he took. It's like, "Well, now that you're like, ready to become like, a real performer, like, let's make a poster of you."

G: Yeah, exactly. And then, you know, he's out there. And he's giving this little speech about like [C laughing] "Those are the ladies of Camelot. [both] They're the bees' knees."

C: [laughing] "But I bet you're all thinking, what's that man doing-" [laughing] I can't- [laughing] What is this? [both laughing]

G: I love the "What's that man doing up there on the stage?" [both laughing] Like, he should have started stripping [laughing] and then dancing with the Ladies of Camelot, is my humble opinion. [C laughing]

C: He literally should've. God, that's- Crowley's point of doing the roleplay was like, to be fun and silly, and also to fuck, and Aziraphale only takeaway was like, "They're gonna hate you 'cause they don't wanna fuck you because they're all heterosexual." [G: Exactly. Exactly.] And he's up there like, "Oh, god, they're all gonna hate me because they don't want to fuck because they're all heterosexual!" [both laughing]

G: "What's that man doing up there?"

C: But Neil Gaiman, I thought you said he wasn't- whatever. I can't be stuck on that forever.

G: He like, keeps on going, and then he's like, "Oh, is he here to amaze and befuddle us all with his prestidigitation and... jiggery-pokery?" [C laughs] And the entire scene, he's like, losing a beat of a bit of steam and all that crap. [C: Yeah.] And then somebody like, shouts from the audience, like, "Get on with it!" He does. And he's like, "Okay. First, I shall require the assistance of a gentleman from the audience." And like, "Is anyone here familiar with using firearms?" And everybody, of course [C: Due to how they are GIs.], raises their hands. Crowley is just sitting there like, "I do not give a shit." [C: Crowley's already asleep.] I don't think it's in any way to tease Aziraphale or be petulant.

C: Yeah, I don't think it's to undermine the performance in any way. I feel like Crowley's just out of it right now.

G: Aziraphale is just looking at Crowley, and Crowley is just like, looking back like "What am I supposed to do? Why are you looking at me?" and then, like, goes like, "You, sir!" and then Crowley, like, wakes up from his slumber and then looks around and is like, "Oh, everybody's raising their hands, so I'm going to raise my hand too." [C: Yeah.] And then, you know, he gets escorted on stage. And in the backstage, Aziraphale is going to do his garden turnip to [C: - an inkwell!] At this point - oh, the zombies are in the audience. Whatev. [C: Yeah. Whatever.] they turn the ring, and Furfur gets manifested, sees all this, and as Aziraphale is about to turn the turnip into an inkwell, stamps on the miracle blocker. Aziraphale is doing the turnip to inkwell thing, but it's not turning. And he does it like, two more times or one more time. I'm not sure. But he was just like, "Okay, I give up." [C laughs] And then Crowley is seeing all this and is like, "Oh, the miracles aren't working." And then, like, taps the front of him to see if, like, the miracles are working, and it's not also. And then, she's like, "Holy shit. Like, I do actually need to figure out how to do this trick." [C: And starts taking out the manual.] And starts reading the pamphlet. You know what? I completely missed this the first time we watched this. [C: Uh-huh.] I didn't understand that, like, in this scene, they really were like, going to do the trick. [C: What do you mean?] Okay, so like, my understanding prior to this scene was like [laughs] Crowley's just literally gonna shoot Aziraphale. [C laughs] And Aziraphale is literally just gonna catch [both laughing] that bullet with his teeth. I didn't know that the manual was like, "Shoot it to the side." I didn't know. So like, I don't know. Like, you have to remember that that is how I reviewed prior to today. [C Okay.] Like, the first time I watched it. Well. Crowley is like, scrolling through the pamphlet. It says the instructions on how to do it. But then, Aziraphale is calling, you know, calling Crowley to the stage, and there's no time. And then they meet in the middle, and like, do like, a little handshake as hello for the audience. And they whisper to each other that like, "Oh, my miracles aren't working." "Oh, neither are mine." I don't know. It's a long and tedious scene. And like, I think it is carried by like, Michael Sheen's performance, Aziraphale being like, so nervous about everything that ever happened in life ever. [C: Real.] Aziraphale announces the trick, and everyone's like, "What? Bullet catcher, what?" And then hands Crowley the rifle, and at this moment. Furfur like, takes a picture. Aziraphale's like, "Ooh, I see, the press [C laughs] are intrigued already." He's so fucking funny. They load the rifle, leans towards Crowley and goes like, "Okay. Just aim for my mouth and shoot past my ear."

C: Yeah. Also, it's made clear during the loading that Crowley has never handled a gun before.

G: Oh, yeah, yeah, while Aziraphale is trying to explain how simple this all is, Crowley just goes like, "Okay, do I just press it here to like, shoot?" [C laughs] He's crazy. [C: Yeah.] Aziraphale's just like, "Haven't you fired a gun before?" Crowley, in the same voice as in the angel days, just goes, "Not... as such." [C: Yeah.] Oh, it's so important to me! Crowley is just like us for real in that she has found a bunch of words that she will use forever.

C: Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Including "you astonish me."

G: "You astonish me." Not as such." You know what? She should put "Who told that jurnalist?" in there for fun.

C: Yeah, yeah. I mean, I like the "aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" thing 'cause I feel like it is a line that can be easily applied to all of their miscommunication.

G: And like, it's so funny, like, Aziraphale is so nervous and like, voice is shaking and everything! And then the moment, like, the gun gets like, loaded, Crowley, in a voice [C laughs] that does not betray the tension of the scene for him whatsoever, just goes, "Bullet loaded!" [C laughing] [C: He's still so committed to doing the show good.] So cute. Yeah. I don't know. The scene happens.

C: They keep trying to build up suspense because it keeps cutting to Furfur, and he's like, "Oh, the miracles are blocked." Like, we know that, bro. We know that. And then [G: Yeah.], after that, it's like, he also goes like, "Oh, if he shoots him in the face like, forget about paperwork. Like, they won't be able to put them back together again." Like, blah blah blah blah blah!

G: That's not even how discorporation and bodies- [C: Yeah, I don't think it is.] but fine. Who give a shit? [C: Who give a shit?] Crowley shoots the side, and then like, it hits right beside those women like, waiting on the backstage.

C: Yeah, he could've killed one of those people.

G: Could have killed them. And then Aziraphale opens his mouth, and the bullet he hid there is there. And it's like, "Oh my god! Standing ovation! So wonderful!" etc etc. [C: Yeah.] What's so funny to me is that this is presented as a very tense, very important moment for everyone. And then, like, immediately, the host was just like, "Okay, just get the girls in there. Like, get them fucking out of that stage." [both laugh] Like, nobody give a shit, if I'm being fucking for real.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Also, like, during the Crowley pointing the gun time, like, Aziraphale mouths something, and I don't think it's "trust me," but Neil Gaiman said that what he mouths is "trust me," so I guess that's what they're referencing during the fucking dinner scene. But like, what do you mean by "trust me"? Trust that even if you shoot me in the face, I'll just literally be able to catch it in my teeth? Like, Aziraphale's not doing anything right now. Like, what concession to trust does Crowley have to make here?

G: If anything, Crowley should be the one being like, "Trust me."

C: Yeah, but no one should trust Crowley in this situation because she's never fired a gun before.

G: And like, none of this even needed to happen at fucking all. [laughs] They could've just left that stage. Wait! Where’s the mouthing something scene? What are you talking about? [C: During the- while the gun's being pointed.] Ah! Okay. I saw it. I saw it. That's literally not "trust me," though. [C: Yeah, like, it isn't, though.] Michael Sheen got a different note.

C: Poor Crowley. Like, literally haven't talked in 80 years. [G: "And now I have to probably kill you."] And now has to kill Aziraphale on stage, and also need to get a new bootlegging gig. Aziraphale's so so happy. Like, thinks this went so well. God! I can't believe he still wanted to do a magic trick.

G: No like, can you believe this is the precursor- Like, the way I see it, I don't think they do a magic trick until, like, the Dowlings' eleventh birthday for Warlock.

C: Yeah. Okay, he's like, "Oh, do you really think it went well?" and Crowley is like, "Absolutely. Chalk up a win for the side of the angels." Supporting your cringefail boyfriend is such an important thing to do. Aziraphale, like twirls and puts on a feather boa, and is just like, gay. Like, he is gay, which is wonderful. [G: Yeah.] There's a knock on the door and he goes, [imperiously] "Entah!" No, it's not- what is it? Entah. [G: [excited] "Entah!"] Yeah. [G: "Entah!"] [overlapping] He's so cute. Furfur comes in, all menacingly, and like, Aziraphale’s smile drops, and he takes the boa off. [G: Yeah.] And that makes me so- it does make me so something. I feel like in, what? Episode 2? We talked about like, surveillance by police of like, the queer community, and I feel like a lot of the like, Nazi spying on them across the street, and this shit, and like, Aziraphale like, immediately, like, taking off the bow and deepening his tone of voice when Furfur comes in, it feels like that. Okay, so what this scene is what was supposedly Aziraphale and Crowley's worst nightmare for like, centuries. [G: Yeah.] And I feel like it is not played like that well enough, but.

G: No, I like this scene.

C: Okay, okay. You find it suffic? [G: Yes.] Alright.

G: I don't like what happens later at dinner, but I like this scene.

C: Alright. So Furfur's like, "Okay, I've never met you, Aziraphale but like, Crowley. We know each other." And Crowley's like, "Huh? No, I have no fucking clue who you are," but apparently, they were in the same legion when they were angels. Apparently, they were like, quite close. [G: "You said jump on my back-"] [G laughs] Yeah. Furfur, like, rode around on Crowley's back like a monkey in a waistcoat. [G: So true.] But yeah, no, Crowley does not remember shit. And Furfur is quite disappointed about this. And he's here to say that Crowley is in breach of the infernal code by consulting and collaborating with an angel, "Fell the Marvelous, aka," and he opens up this book of like, angels and things, and it's like, a page on Aziraphale. I didn't bother pausing and reading, did you?

G: Absolutely not?

C: Should we- like, is it important?

G: Okay, I'm going to- I don't know. It just says "Principality, angel of the eastern gate." [C: Okay.] Like, Aziraphale with the flaming sword, and like, in water [C: Huh.], which is interesting. [C: That's true.] And, like, the book is called "Demon's Guide to Angelic Beings Who Walk the Earth." [C: The left page...] "Report any interactions to the demon Crowley." And in the side, there's "Crowley is... suspicious."

C: Huh. "His hair is bad." [both laughing]

C: it says, there's what does that say? Re.

G: "Crowley is suspicious. His hair is bad." Ah! The “Crowley” is encircled, and it goes, "Changed his name? Yuck!"

C: Aww! Transphobia!

G: Oh my god! This one goes, "Guard of Eden, White Knight, garden designer, bishop, [C: Aw!] bookseller, terrible magician!" [C laughing] Wonderful. Well, what if he is a terrible magician? And he also-

C: Literally, Crowley is suspicious. His hair is bad. Yeah. He says, "Fell the Marvelous, AKA," and then he's unable to read Aziraphale's name, so he goes, "Azira...palala. Azira...papa. Azira...paph-" whatever. I'm not gonna do all of them. But Aziraphale, looking very annoyed, goes, "Aziraphale." Crowley goes like, "Oh, it was like, a total coincidence. I was just like, here, and I volunteered. Like, I didn't even know." But Furfur reads off of a manual that says that the bullet catch requires the use of a trusted stooge and confidant. And Aziraphale goes, "Where did you get that booklet? It's only available to working professional magicians, [both] such as myself." [both laugh] God bless.

G: Literally, you were right when you said like, his desire to be a professional prestidigitator superseded literally every fucking desire.

C: This is his worst nightmare for centuries, and he's still like, "Well, I'm a really good magician, and like, you shouldn't have that." Furfur calls in the zombies, and Aziraphale’s shocked 'cause they're dead or whateber. Blah blah. Like, why are they even here? I don't know why they're even here? Just to look scary? Furfur passes around the fucking photo, which, I mean, I personally would not do that 'cause like, even without miracles like, Crowley could just like, crumple it up and swallow it. You know? [laughs] Like-

G: Yeah. [laughs] Crowley can just turn into a giant serpent and then completely swallow this thing.

C: Yeah. But like, he doesn't try anything. I feel like Crowley's just like, given up. Or is in denial? Like, what's your rate on where Crowley is emotionally right now?

G: Panicked? Like, I don't know.

C: Yeah, like, just unable to even conceive of the idea of crumpling it off and swallowing it because they're so scawed.

G: I mean, the thing is like, even if the photo isn't there, there's no telling that Hell doesn't have access to anything else, you know.

C: Okay, but apparently like, without the photo, Hell was like, "I don't even give a shit. You made that up. I'm not even gonna increase like, surveillance of Crowley. Bye!" [G: Yeah, exactly.] Which I think is ridiculous.

G: 'Cause you look at Crowley's face in this scene, and it's like, I don't know. They look at it, and then they swallow and then hand it to Aziraphale.

C: Yeah. Aww. They think it's so Crover. Crowley sees it and then passes it to Aziraphale. Aziraphale looks at it briefly. Seems to put it back in the envelope. Flicks his wrist.

G: Yeah! And then there's- I mean, I completely did not think that this was going to happen. I mean, like, the moment like, the envelope was handed to Dagon- that's Dagon, right? [C: Uh-huh.] The moment that envelope was handed, I was like, "Oh. Aziraphale like, conjured it or whatever." But like, in this moment, I don't know. I really like that like, looking back at it, it's so obvious that Aziraphale is doing the trick. [C: Uh-huh.] I think that's fun.

C: Yeah! I also didn't realize it the first time until later, but yeah. They do have him flick his wrist before he returns it. God bless! Furfur's like, "Okay, Crowley, time to take you to Hell. Shall we?" And Crowley's like, lounging back on the couch, and like, at some point, puts their hat over their face and is like, "Oh, we shan't. This is ridiculous." And Furfur expresses that his bitterness is just like, jealousy that Crowley is allowed to like, be on Earth doing whatevs with his cringefail angel boyfriend while Furfur just has to trudge along in Hell for hundreds of millennia with no promotion. And he says that there's gonna be a legion that will come for Crowley tomorrow. "Enjoy your last night on Earth." [G: And they didn't even fuck about it.] Yeah, but like, Crowley just straight up falls asleep on the couch during this.

G: I mean, I don't think it's like, fall asleep. I think they were intending to do that.

C: Yeah, I mean, yeah, forces- turns off their brain or whatever.

G: No, because the moment Furfur leaves, Crowley gets up, yeah.

C: Yeah. Big win for fans of denial and shutting down. And then, I don't know. Random thing with the zombies where it's like, "Oh, the contract wasn't that you're gonna be brought back alive as regular humans. You're gonna be immortal zombies now." And they're all like, "Oh, this sucks!" And then Mark Gatiss's arm falls off. I wish that would happen to real Mark Gatiss. [G laughing]

G: Well, I mean, okay, let's talk about Crowley here. And it's like, I mean, when we were talking about this scene, what I found so fascinating is you were so firmly in the "God, what does Aziraphale feel?" you know. And I did not think of that at all in this scene. At all. Like, the entire focus was like, "Good lord! Like, Crowley!" [C: Yeah.] It's so miserable. [C: Yeah.] 'Cause it was like, you know, she was tortured in Hell, we can assume. And then after being brought back became so depressed about everything, asked for the holy water. That misery directly led to like, Aziraphale and him not talking for 80 years. This is like, their first night together. The first time you feel like, a reprieve - Is that a fucking word? [C: Yeah.] - from like, the misery that the fucking 1827 thing brought you. And Hell just like, comes back full force.

C: Yeah. It's like, "My fears during 1862 were like, entirely correct. [G: Yeah.] Like, as soon as I see him for the first time, like, it's over for me. Like, I will never see him again."

G: And especially in the episode where we learn how souls are tortured in Hell. You know what? He was so real for being like, "I don't give a shit. I'm just gonna sleep."

C: Yeah. Grey-coded. [both laugh]

G: Me when we recorded last episode and it wasn't working out, so I was like, "I'm just gonna sleep. Let's just do it again tomorrow."

C: Yeah. Yeah. I guess I was Aziraphale-focused just because he's the one who kept expressing fears about Hell finding out during like, 1.03. I don't know. I mean, this is a miserable situation, but I guess currently, they have no clue that there's any communication between Heaven and Hell, so like, Aziraphale is not at risk of anything.

G: I love how in Heaven they were like, "Oh! The demon Crowley doesn't even know that you're tailing her." [C: Yeah.] And then, like, in Hell, it's like, "They're an item." [both laughing] So fucking funny. [C: Yeah. It's great.] I mean, what's the point, then, of like, calling Ligur, and being like, "Ooh." I don't know. This scene does like, take away from the events of Season 1, I feel, a little bit.

C: In what way?

G: Michael calling Ligur to be like, "Oh, you need to check on Crowley." Like, it just seems so unrealistic that they would not check on Crowley after this [C: Yeah, it's very confusing.], if there are active rumours in Hell that they're an item. Like, what's the deal?

C: I mean, Furfur's not gotten a promotion for many, many years. So it's like, I think maybe the Dark Council was just like, "He's just making shit up in order to get a promotion," because he's like, a very lower-ranking demon, and they just don't really take him seriously at all. And like, I'd say, like, the rumors were probably- like, Shax knows. Shax is like, "There are rumors, and I heard of that," but that's because she and Furfur are right next to each other, so he probably told her. Like, we don't know how widely circulated the rumors were. It is still weird, and I still don't believe that the Dark Council would like, hear Furfur out, and then be like, "He must be entirely making this up, and Crowley and Aziraphale have never spoken." So yeah. I don't know. Also, also, Hell knew that Crowley did a good deed. But they couldn't have done that by like, looking, because or else they would see that Aziraphale was also like, right there. Like, in 1827. [G: Yeah.] So like, what were they going off of? Audio? Like- [G: I don't know.] Yeah. Very confusing. Very confusing.

-

C: We cut to Hell, and Furfur is like, in front of the Dark Counsel, and like, presenting his evidence to Dagon. And, you know, it's an envelope. Dagon looks at what's inside, returns the envelope, it looks like things are gonna go well for Furfur, but then eventually, Dagon is like, "Oh, like, I'm afraid it looks like you'll be staying right here!" and then Furfur finally looks on the envelope, and it is a flier for the Ladies of Camelot, not the photo that he took. [G:

C: So we cut to them, like, I guess in the bookshop, having a candlelit wine thing. Crowley's holding the photo and looking at it and talking about it, and it's clear in the way that they're talking about it that this is the first time they've seen it since the Windmill Theater, in which case I need to ask, did Aziraphale let Crowley think that this was her last night on Earth until they got to the bookshop? [G: No, like, what is this?] Like, what is this? [G laughs] [G: Why? Why?] Wouldn't you, as soon as they leave the room, be like, "Hey, it's cool," and then show them.

G: The focus wasn't like, denouement from the situation. It wasn't that at all. [C: Yeah.] This is completely removed from what happened. [C: Yeah.] If it was based on what I wanted to see, I would have wanted to see like, in that room, the moment Furfur left, like, what happened. [C: Uh-huh.] That is supposed to be the moment where they recover from this entire, very nervous and like, obviously very upsetting, especially for Crowley, situation. [C: Yeah.] But here, and it's like, the way it's presented, the focus of the conversation is about the rifle- the magic trick.

C: Yeah. Who give a shit? [G: Who cares?] Yeah, like, [G: I'm so confused!] Crowley like, was like, about to be dragged down to Hell and never see the light of day again, and it's like, "Well, we don't need to discuss that. Who give a shit?" Well, everyone. Everyone give a shit, and the characters should give a shit. Like, how do they imagine the drive back would have gone with Crowley like, fully not knowing that, like, they were in the clear? Like, what? Maybe Aziraphale said something but like, didn't show the photo until later. But like, huh?

G: Maybe it's like, "Let's get to a place where we can talk safely, [C: Yeah.] and like, etc etc."

C: Yeah. That had to be like, a horrible, horrible car ride for Crowley. But it's also the fact that Aziraphale had to go in, set up the candles, and bring the wine and the glasses out. [G laughing] Like, it's not "As soon as we step foot inside the bookstore, I'll tell you." It's like, "Haha, you think you're gonna die forever. Well, why don't you sit down here and I'll get some drinks?" Like, what?

G: Maybe this is the reason why Aziraphale did the [C laughing] "I was wrong. You were right" dance.

C: Yeah, you know what? Sure. Sure. He should apology dance about that. Yeah. So this just- it doesn't make any sense that this is the first time Crowley knows that they're safe, like, that's stupid. I think it's dumb. Literally, what was going through Crowley's mind? Just that like, "Well, I guess it is true that I would like to spend my last night on earth with Aziraphale, so let's go back to the bookstore." Like, what? Like, I guess so. But like. [sighs] Whatever. It's more of a "what the fuck was Aziraphale thinking?" sort of situation, anyway. Aziraphale was able to magic trick the photo out of the envelope and replace it with something else, and Crowley is shocked that Aziraphale was able to do it, Aziraphale tries to demonstrate doing it again, but it doesn't work, but he says that the magic words are "banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace, with a dash of nutmeg," which, you know, completes the joke that, like, what the Nazi zombies thought was nonsense lipreading was, in fact, real. You know, he doesn't do it. He doesn't perform the trick correctly this time. But, you know, he got it right the time that it mattered. And Crowley just goes like, "You really are terrible at magic." [G laughs] Well, that's not very nice, but I get it.

G: It's not very niceys. I mean, the being threatened to get sent back to Hell has killed the lust of the night [C laughs], so I understand. I fully understand.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Crowley is like, "We should retire the act." And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah. Might be for the best." Are they talking about anything else during that line or is it just about the magic trick?

G: [laughing] I think it's just- you know, [C laughing] during this entire scene, that was my thought process. "Is there something else?"

C: "Is there a way that-" No, there isn't. Like, none of this shit can be applied to the church rescue, to the 1862 fight, to anything. It literally is about how "If you were as evil as you try to paint yourself, you wouldn't have shot the gun on the stage"?? [G laughs] Like, what?

G: How is walking away evil? [C: Yeah, like, what?] How is it evil? Like, "You embarrassed me in front of all these people instead of shooting me in the face!" [both laughing] Like, what is this?

C: It's so funny! 'Cause it's like, here is where I would assume they would have the conversation about like, "Okay, that was a close call. Like, let's discuss this. We're friends again? Yes, but like, what does that mean for interaction? Should we like, hold off for a while." Any of that. But that's not- like, they just talk about stupid nonsense regarding the boring, badly-paced, fucking rifle trick instead.

G: Like, the whole like, "You just don't see things in black and white, like, sometimes you gotta blur the edges, and see something in shades of grey." [C: Like, what does that have to do with anything???] And it's like, first of all, first of all, Crowley says, "That's the trouble with you a lot," and it's like, Hell literally [C laughing] just like, showed up in the backstage of that fucking theater and threatened you to hell and back. [C: Yeah.] Like, hello? [C laughs] What is this? [C: What is this?]

C: Aziraphale pours out the wine, and he goes like, "I knew you would come through for me. You always do." Which like, okay. [G: That one is sweet.] That's nice, but like, what do you mean? [G: But like, what is the context?] What did Crowley come through to do? To do the bullet trick?

G: First of all, it's just- it's confusing! It's confu- I mean, that could be like, I guess, a thing for-

C: That could be about the church rescue. [G: Yeah.] But like, I mean-

G: But like, "You said 'trust me.'" Like, no. No! That's not from church rescue.

C: I know! Crowley goes, "Well, you said 'trust me.'" and Aziraphale's like, "And you did." [G: And they literally didn't even!] Like, "trust me" what? Trust what? [G laughs] Like, what?

G: First of all, he didn't even say "Trust me," [C laughs] as we have established.

C: He didn't even say that shit. [G: Trust what?] And like, in what way was firing the gun an act of trust?

G: Like, I thought when, in the magic shop, when Aziraphale says, like, "I'll do all the hard work." Like, that's a joke over the fact that, like, he literally isn't. [C: Yeah.] Like, all the hard work is on Crowley like, aiming and shooting properly. [C: Yeah.] But like, here, they make it like, "It is true. The hard work is standing there with a bullet and then opening your mouth at the end of the trick." [C laughing]

C: Yeah, what? What is this? Am I just completely misunderstanding everything? No, I'm not. It's the writers being bad. Huh? [G: Completely confusing to me.] And then Aziraphale says the craziest sentence ever, which is, "You could have walked away. If you were truly as evil as you like, to paint yourself, you would have done that." Like, what? [G: Literally, what are-] Like, what? [G: "If I wasn't evil, I would have shot you."] "If you were evil, you would... not be my magic trick partner"? What?

G: "If you were truly evil, you would not shoot, like, the wall of that theater, [C laughing] probably giving ear damage to the ladies standing right beside the hole in the wall that you made." What is this?

C: Yeah, "damaging the property of, like, someone that you have a nice, professional relationship with and risking my entire life."

G: And they're just sitting here, drinking wine?

C: Yeah. What? They would not fucking do that.

G: I don't even wanna talk about, like, the implications, as I've said earlier. Like, I'm so- this scene is not real to me. It's not real. [C laughs] And you know what? My headcanon is valid. To me. That this scene is not real.

C: And it's valid to me. This didn't even happen. [G laughs] I mean, this entire minisode is like, fanfiction to me. Like, I'm like, "This is a middling to bad AO3 thing that's happening. They just won a contest, so it's being played by Michael Sheen and David Tennant."

G: I know of other fics that should win that contest.

C: Yeah, yeah. Crowley says, like, "Oh, like, that's the trouble with like, you angel people. Like, you see things in black and white." Like, yeah, exactly. And Hell doesn't?

G: And they're just like, "Yeah, well, you know, sometimes you blur the edges. See in shades of grey," as I said earlier. And it's like, you know, Crowley being like, "Very dark grey." and Aziraphale being like, "No, no, no. [overlapping] Very light grey." Bleurgh.

C: This is- I just love how the other two minisodes are like, "This is like, genuinely a somewhat morally ambiguous situation that we have like, these two characters work through, and we're gonna be like, subtle-ish enough about it-" not really, last episode, but still. Like - "We're gonna be subtle-ish enough about it, and they're gonna be like, at least somewhat in character, or very in character for Job, and like, it's gonna be like, good." And then here it's like, this is an episode that is completely not like that in any way whatsoever, but let's just have like, an ending speech/conversation that's like, "And that was about moral ambiguity that they worked through together!" Like, no it wasn't. What? [G: It literally wasn't!] It was about nothing.

G: What is morally ambiguous about this? What is morally ambiguous about this? [C: Nothing!] Absolutely nothing. [C: There's nothing! Crowley's like-] Morality or the ambiguity of said morality is not even the point of anything in this episode.

C: There's no point of anything!

G: Well, now, we talk about the implications, [C laughs] I suppose.

C: Yeah. The shrimplications. I mean is the idea is just that- I guess the only way they could come to this is like, if they were already talking earlier, and Aziraphale's like, "Okay, so like, most demons like, suck really bad. But like, you're better." Is that what's going on?

G: I don't know. I mean, here, a way you can read this as like, "Let's just tiptoe around the obvious topic of 'We just went through a very-' like, 'I went through' - for Crowley - 'a very dangerous situation.' Talking about it is too much, so like, let's just do this banter that doesn't make any sense." [C: Sure.] But it's not played like that at all. [C: Yeah.] But for me, for my own purposes, I am taking it that way. This is 1941, and the next you see of them is 1967. I don't think they speak in between that. Between those two years.

C: I don't wanna think that is true, but it is possible that it is true.

G: To me, like, they don't speak in that time. 'Cause like, I feel like it's such a big thing that happened that like, they got caught, like, by the edge of their seat, you know? [C: Yeah.] It's- they're so incredibly lucky that Crowley didn't get into any real trouble. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] But like, that is always going to be like, in the background of like, "Hell already knows a little bit." "Hell already is expecting a little bit." So like, I do think, like, in this situation, like, Crowley, who's spent a lot of time so depressed, and that directly led to their big, blowout fight. Like, I don't think Crowley is of the mindset of, "And now I'm going to see Aziraphale." And I don't think Aziraphale is also thinking like, "And now we hang out all the time!" Although, maybe. Maybe Aziraphale would think that. 'Cause Aziraphale this episode is just- I feel like there's a certain giddiness to like, escaping like, that close of a call, and like, the bomb, the fall of the bomb, and like, the books and everything. Like, there is a certain giddiness to that, and like, from this area where I am seeing the giddiness, maybe I cannot conceptualize that Aziraphale doesn't what Crowley around as much as possible. [C: Yeah.] But like, I mean, maybe the giddiness like, fades. [C: Yeah, I think it should.] Yeah. And then the reality of this situation sinks in.

C: Right. Also, why- In those years like, is Crowley just like- Why doesn't Crowley set up the holy water heist until 1967?

G: I think maybe it's just like, you have other things to do, and then occasionally you try to get holy water. [C: Sure.] And I do think, I mean, I've said 1967, James Bond. [C: Yeah. That is true.] They were like, "Ah, finally! An idea we can do is a heist!"

C: Yeah. No, okay. So I guess I would assume that after this, they would have a conversation where it's like, "Well, Hell might be keeping a closer eye on me, so like, I think I should probably duck out for another decade or so," right? [G: That's reasonable.] Except like, the way that the scene is played makes it just so not a concern that it's hard to imagine them saying that after this scene. But like, I mean, I think realistically, they would. Crowley is trying to get attention also, with the holy water heist being like, set up in the Dirty Donkey. [G: I mean, maybe.] So like, how does that fit into it? Is it like, trying to signal to Aziraphale that, like, "I am trying to like- I'm still trying. I still have the same fears, but I'm still trying to get the thing that will allay those fears, and then we can hang out more after"? Like, what? [G: No.] I don't think so. Like, what is it for?

G: I think at some point, that anger will come back, don't you think? [C: Yeah.] Of like, "This is the one thing that will make me feel safe, and you still won't give it to me. You saw- like, we already didn't talk for those 80 years, and you saw what Hell was willing to do to me that night in the fucking [C: Windmill Theater] theater, and you still won't do it?"

C: Yeah. But like, do we think Crowley asked about holy water again that night?

G: I don't think so. 'Cause 105 years is the count.

C: I think the point of "105 years" is like, "That's the first time you told me 'no.'" Like, that doesn't necessarily mean there haven't been other refusals. [G: No.] No?

G: "You made yourself clear 105 years ago." I think that means like, the last time we spoke about it is 105 years ago.

C: Yeah. Right. And I guess I guess Crowley is aware that Aziraphale knows that they still want holy water 'cause of the thing they said in the church in 1941, so it's still like, "This is still a request I have of you, and I am angry that you won't give it to me."

G: I think asking for the holy water may be- I just really don't think Crowley will ask again. [C: Yeah, I don't think that they'd risk it.] That last fight was like, they parted not friends. And this one, we can assume if they part, they part friends. And if, you know, Crowley asks again, and it turns sour again, and then suddenly it's not just "I'm staying away because it may be- it's safer this way," it's "I'm staying away because, like, you're angry at me, and I'm angry at you," blah blah blah, so. [C: Yeah, yeah.] It's more painful to think about.

C: That is true. So doesn't ask again, but by 1967 is kind of angry that Aziraphale didn't give him the holy water. Okay, so that's why he's across the street. To get attention. It works. Aziraphale-

G: I don't think it's to get attention. I think Crowley would have done that thing, like, genuinely.

C: Oh, no, no, yeah, I know, but I think that- and it helps that-

G: A part of it is like, "Look." Yeah, "Look. Look what I'm doing. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] 'Cause you won't fucking-" [C: Uh-huh.] I really don't think that the endgame of that for Crowley was, "And Aziraphale will concede, and-" I think it was genuine shock.

C: Yeah. I think that she's like, very surprised that Aziraphale gives her the holy water. Okay, Crowley is surprised by Aziraphale doing that, and grateful, and then there's the "You go too fast for me," which is, okay, like, so this is the first time they've seen each other in 26 years. I'm just trying to figure out what they're thinking.

G: Maybe they did see each other a lot. [laughing]

C: Okay, well, this is very different from what- I'm gonna have to like, tear down my corkboard and start again. Okay. [G laughs] Give me this new narrative.

G: I don't know. [both laughing] No, because, like, the narrative that I have set up in my head relies very much so on the not being around each other in the 20 years.

C: Okay. So, okay. The holy water, it's handed over, and Crowley's like, "Okay, well, it's first, it's really good to see you. You've like, surprised me pleasantly with this, and I now have the thing that makes me feel more secure. Do you want to go somewhere?" And Aziraphale's like, "No."

G: Damn. Maybe Aziraphale really was just talking about the car speed. [both laughing]

C: I don't- okay, I feel like Aziraphale's like, "I've given you this just to prevent you from doing the heist 'cause I think it's more dangerous that way. This doesn't actually- I don't view this as insurance, and this doesn't actually change how safe I feel like our association is, and I think that we should continue staying away." Is that the "Too fast"? And then maybe, one day, when we both-

G: I don't think so. [C: What?] Ah. You know what? You know what? I get what you're saying. Like, "Whatever it is that you're asking me now to do because you think you're safe because of the insurance [C: Yeah.], we still can't do it." Yeah, okay.

C: Yeah. "But one day, we could have a picnic or dine at the Ritz." And then after that, [G: After that.] when do they see each other again?

G: You know what? At this point, I think Crowley would just like- I think Crowley would just show up. [C: Yeah.] Because I feel like there's a mix of like, "Ah, who cares? If somebody comes for me, I can just throw this holy water at them." [C: Yeah.] And also like, "I am grateful that you did this for me, and it's like- it is a sign of like, some form of love towards me, right?" [C: Yeah.] That this is like, a very difficult thing for you, and you have said over and over again that it's a difficult thing for you, and you do it for me.

C: Okay. But would Crowley just show up if, like, the last- after "You go too fast for me," is that not just like, a "He doesn't want to see me around for a while."

G: A rejection. [laughs] I love how we're just having this full on discussion over something that's not even textual.  [laughs] Like, none of this textual.

C: You don't see each other for 80 years. You're like, "Okay, we shouldn't hang out for a while." [G: No, actually, okay, here's the thing.] You see each other for the first time after 26 more years, and he goes, "You go too fast for me." Is that not just like a "Fuck off for a century"? Like, doesn't that sound like that?

G: You know what? Here's my take. 70s, no interaction. [C: Okay.] 80s, I don't know. 'Cause like, the thing is, a part of me is also like, "Maybe their next interaction is the Apocalypse."

C: Oh, I don't- I can't- I don't want to live in that world.

G: But like, I'm sure they've Ritzed. I'm sure they've Ritzed prior [C: Yeah.] to that episode. They have to have Ritzed. [C: Yeah. Yeah.] What if- What if one day, [laughing] Aziraphale's like, "Let's dine at the Ritz." [C laughs] And Crowley's like, "I'm gonna get to fuck that fussy old boulder." [C laughing]

C: And then he did not. He never got that fussy old boulder. [G: He didn't even.] The Ritz is just, it's confusing, because when Aziraphale says the "Let's do the Ritz," he also says that the last time- [G: Yeah. The last I owe you lunch from-] 1793 Paris. So they haven't eaten together since 1793? In which case, yeah, they haven't Ritzed, 'cause the Ritz came after 1793, right?

G: Is that their first Ritz. That's crazy, if so.

C: Yeah. But I don't know. I feel like Aziraphale talks about it excitedly in a way that implies that they've been there together before, so like, what does that mean? What does it mean? I mean what everything means is just that things were written after other things, [laughs] and the full history and implications weren't thought through. But still.

G: I do think that, like, whatever the situation is, whatever the relationship is- 'cause, you know, a part of me is like, "Maybe they didn't talk until the Apocalypse." And a part of me is also like, "You know, it's '67. Give it 20 more years." Like, maybe '87, maybe they're like, "Okay, maybe we can start seeing each other because Hell hasn't come for you yet [C: Yeah.], and, like, you seem to be doing fine. You had that highway project and everything."

C: Right. And it's also the 6000 year exact mark is in 1996. [G: Yeah.] So like, I feel like they would react in some way to that. Like, they'd either be like, "It's coming, so we need to spend more time together before we all die." Or it's like, "We have to be really cautious around this time because there's gonna be a lot more demonic and angelic activity on Earth." [G: Yeah.] Like, one of those reactions had to happen.

G: Yeah. And I do wonder, like, after '96 happens, and it's like, "Oh, nothing's happened yet. Is it past?" Like, I don't know. I think, like, I see a vision where it's like, "Oh my god. We're safe. We're fine!" [C: Yeah.] And then, you know, couple of years later, you have 11 years left of this Earth. [C: Yeah. Yeah.]

G: This is what I mean when I say that like, between '27 - like, between 1827, until like, the Apocalypse that didn't happen, they never really had like, a break, really. [C: Uh-huh.] 'Cause for a long time, it's like, "We have all the time in the world." And then suddenly, it's like, "You get sent to Hell, and you get depressed, and we don't talk." And like, I think it's the- it really is the like, it's the holy water. Like, that's the realization, right? Like, "We have all the time in the world. And suddenly you're asking for like, a suicide pill. And suddenly I am so aware that, like, we don't have all the time in the world. Because you could die." [C: Yeah. It's so miserable.] I don't know. I feel like for them both, there's always the thinking that, like, "The best time to, like-" [laughs] I'm doing it again. I can't say it again. [C laughs]

C: "The best time to express our love," next. Yeah?

G: Yes. "- is like, someday in the future. Some other time." [C: Yeah.] But like, the best time always reveals itself to have already been so in the past.

C: Yeah. It's- the "You go too fast for me." It's like, I just feel like after Aziraphale gave Crowley the holy water, like, maybe they wouldn't hang out, but I think Aziraphale would definitely check up on Crowley, 'cause I feel like he would be worried for the first few years that Crowley was gonna use it [G: Yeah, of course.], like, either on themselves or like, just accidentally get some on them or whatever.

G: Yeah. What if Aziraphale was like, "You go too fast for me, Crowley," and then the next day, like, just shows up in Crowley's flat like, "Are you still alive?" [laughs] and then just keeps doing that like, every single week for the next 20 years. So true.

C: So true! Oh, everything's so miserable forever. Have we considered?

G: I hope- Okay, if I'm being for real, unless it's really really good, like, just leave the flashbacks alone, like, next season. [C: Huh.] Well, I mean, whatev. I mean, unless it's really really good. You know what I mean, right? [C: Yeah. You can do Job.] Yeah. You can do Abraham and Isaac from Crowley's perspective alone. [C: Yes.]

C: Even if it's bad, you can make them lesbians.

G: This is-! I completely lied. [C laughs] You should definitely do a 60s lesbian flashback. I've changed my mind completely. 360 turnaround so hard and raw. They need to do it. [C: Yeah.] I don't care. Even if it's bad, they should do it. [C: Yeah, I agree.]

-

C: We cut to Hell in the present day, and what bothers me immensely is that Shax has the hair and outfit of herself in 1941. [G: Yeah. I also noticed.] We've seen her hair and her outfit in the present day. Why has it gone back to the 1941 one? It's very confusing. I feel like the costuming is the best way that they use to like, show the passage of time, and they really fucked it here. She wants to meet with Beelzebub, and there's just this really long scene where she convinces, like, the receptionist or whatever to let her in without an appointment. I don't give a single fuck. And then she goes in and tells Beelzebub that "the angel went to Edinburgh," and Beelzebub doesn't know which one and Shax clarifies, "You know which one. Crowley's pet." Which, yeah. Well. Yeah. It's interesting to see the ways that their relationship is conceptualized by other people. 'Cause like, you know, there's also the like, "your boyfriend in the dark glasses" thing. Like, none of you understand true love. Shax says that maybe they're like, trying to throw everyone off to make people think that, like, Gabriel's in Edinburgh, and Beelzebub is like, "Well, maybe he actually is in Edinburgh," but Shax is like, "Nope. He is in the bookshop, and I'm certain of it." So Beelzebub says, like, "Good work," and then dismisses her, which, again, we've known since Episode 2. Like, Hell has suspected since Episode 2 that he's in the bookstore. I don't get it. But whatever. Whatever the fuck. So Shax does not want to be dismissed because she's very bloodthirsty, and she wants to lead a legion of demons to storm the bookshop, killing anyone and anything that stands in their way so that they can eventually capture Gabriel and drag him as tribute before the throne of Satan. Everyone brings up again, like, the fact that you can't enter the bookshop without permission, but Shax is like, "Oh, I can do it eventually. I'll get in somehow." Beelzebub eventually agrees to this plan, and I don't understand why this is the case because there's like, a high risk of Gabriel to be like, killed or injured in the crossfire. Like, when I was watching this for the first time, this made sense to me because I didn't know yet that he was gonna make a crackship canon. But like [G: Now, it's like, "Why?"], if ze's in love with Gabriel like, why wouldn't ze just like, go there like, by zemself, and like, get him. Like, why would you put him under this kind of risk? [G: Yeah.] Why would you want Shax there, bravely leading the attack into the bookshop? I don't get it. [G: I also don't.] Ze doesn't even say like, "Oh, and make sure you bring him back alive for the tribute to Satan thing for sure." Like, I don't get it. This is just dumb shit to have plot happen that I don't- I don't get it.

G: My only comment for this entire scene is that Beelzebub, like, Blue Steels [laughs] through this entire scene, and I love it, yeah. [C: That's pretty fun.] Yeah. I think ze should be in a cafe [laughing], asking, "Is there anything else that might be yummy?" [both laugh] at any given point in time. [C: For sure.] In Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, even.

C: Yeah. We go back to Aziraphale returning to Soho. Again, 7 hour, 20 minute drive. [G laughs] Like, it was night when we saw him last, and now it is the morning, and Nina seems to be starting her day at work. He like, gets out. He's happy to be back. He pets the Bentley. There's absolutely no panic or fear in him, even though Shax literally was like, "I know that Gabriel is in the bookshop." Like, at no point is he like, "I need to rush back to the bookshop to check that Gabriel's here." He's just like, "I don't give a fuck." [G: Nobody give a shit.] Stupidass writing, stupidass season. I hate it. I despise it.

G: He lingers on the pavement. Wow! Pavement! [laughs] He lingers on the sidewalk. The entirety of the beginning of this scene, and it's like, waiting for Nina to, what? Talk to him? And Nina doesn't even talk to him! This is completely pointless. Completely pointless. [C: I don't get it.] Why?

C: He's just standing there as Nina passes, but, I don't know. Maybe he thinks he can tell from her face if she's in love with Maggie by now. I don't know. I don't know! Like, he pets the Bentley, which is cute. Nina comes in on her bike. I like her outfit today. She has a jacket with fun colors on it. And the car starts creeping towards Aziraphale because it misses him! Isn't that cute? Nina points out that the car's moving, and Aziraphale, like, whispers at it sternly, "Now go back to where I parked you." Crowley just comes out of the bookshop with a box of plants to put back into the car. [G: You didn't even mention the texts from fucking Leslie or whatever. Lindsay.] Oh, I forgot! She goes into the shop, and she gets a dumb fucking text from the evil messaging app [G laughing] that her partner has installed on her phone, and it's just some shit about how if she had any self-respect, she wouldn't have left during their argument in the morning. So.

G: [laughing] I am completely fascinated that this is how they decided they wanted to show texts in this show! [C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.] I want to be a fly in the room where they discussed [C laughs] this specific aspect of this show. [C: Yeah!] It's so fascinating. [C: It sure is.] Every time it shows up, I'm so completely baffled by it.

C: Yep. Yeah. But yeah, sorry, Nina. Sorry that your life is like this. So Crowley goes like, "There you are. I was worried something might have happened to you." But Aziraphale lies and says that nothing happened to him, and it was a very uneventful journey. And then he asks after Gabriel in the bookshop. and Crowley goes, "Oh, yeah, everything's fine, and also Gabriel's asleep." So like, again. Aziraphale's keeping from Crowley the fact that Shax knows Gabriel in the bookshop is probably gonna try to get in and get him. Crowley is keeping from Aziraphale the fact that Shax said, "If you don't let me into the bookshop, I will get the Dark Counsel to declare war on Aziraphale." And also, you know, Gabriel's creepy prophecy shit. Why? Why? These seem like relevant things. And it's not like, they're sneakily doing things to prevent those things from happening. It doesn't- It's not like, "I don't want the other person to worry about this, so I'm just gonna like, fix it on my own," because, like, neither of them do anything about these facts. Like, it's just like, "Well, she sure said that. I don't care!" [G laughs] Huh? Neil Gaiman is a bad writer. Have we considered this? Yes, every day. So after that there is a very adorable scene where Crowley is reuniting with the Bentley, and he's going like, [both] [in a talking to cats voice] "Oh, did you miss me? I bet you did." And Aziraphale's like, [dismissively] "I'm sure it did." Or, just very dismissively.

G: No, it wasn't dismissively. 'Cause when Aziraphale tells Crowley, like, "Oh, I'm hot on the trail of something, but like, I'm not sure what, [C laughing] and also, I don't know what the trail is, and also, I don't know how investigation works." [both laugh] Crowley goes, "I'm sure you do." That's dismissive. This one is a little bit more like, Aziraphale is aware that the Bentley very much enjoyed this fucking time spent with Aziraphale, and it's like-

C: "Oh, babe, of course. Of course it hated me driving it. You're right." [G: Yeah, exactly. That one.] Yeah. And yeah, again, they're relaying information but just the useless shit where Crowley asks about, you know, the clues, and Aziraphale's like, "Oh, yeah, I'm certainly hot on the trail of something," and he fucking, isn't. There's nothing to follow up on. There's no trail. [both laugh] 7 and a half hour drive! I'm still so stuck on that.

G: There's literally no trail, though. [both laughing] There's nowhere to go from here! [C laughs]

C: Oh, god! This is such a sloppily-written season! It's crazy how bad it is!

G: It is pretty bad. [laughing]

C: Yeah. I'm glad you agree. And Crowley's like, "Oh, yeah. I failed the sudden rain thing. it didn't work." And Aziraphale's like, "What?" and Crowley's like, "You know, project making Nina fall in love with Maggie. I failed it. It's your go." Aziraphale's like, "Okay. Well, then, my plan is to host the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association monthly meeting. It'll be a night to remember!" and then it ends. And again, he's gonna host this meeting in the bookstore that Shax knows that Gabriel is in and that, like, obviously, she's gonna try to storm, like, probably today, or whatever the fuck. And he's like, "Yeah, this is the plan. I'm gonna do that. And I'm not gonna do anything to help protect the books." Like, do both of them just think that Shax is so incompetent that like, she's not a threat?

G: She's obviously very competent.

C: Yeah. What the fuck is this? Whatever. Whatever. I can't get stuck on this forever 'cause it's never gonna be resolved, and it's just 'cause the writing is bad and everything's bad, and we should all die. So yeah. [G laughing] Oh, well. The end!

-

G: Okay. What did we think about this episode? [C: It's bad.] Crystal obviously hates it so much it's unreal. I am more fine with it, but I also hate it.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Cool. Great.

G: Gayest moment?

C: The boa. The feather boa.

G: You know what? "What is a man [both laughing] doing on that stage?" I think that's pretty gay!

C: Yeah, it sure is.

G: My transest moment is obviously Crowley not raising her beautiful hand [C: Yeah.] on that question about if there's any gentleman who knows how to handle guns. [C: Yeah.] 'Cause you know what? Not a gentleman. Doesn't know how to handle guns. [C: Yeah. Yeah. 0 out of 10.] So double whammy.

C: Okay, I guess for diversity. I'll make Aziraphale's the Marvelous Mister Fell outfit my transest moment. Isn't drawing a mustache on yourself pretty trans?

G: This is true. I used to- [C: Uh-huh?] You know, you can do wonderful things with eyeliner. [C: That's true.] Including trying to make yourself look like you have facial hair.

C: Yep. Best Line/Worst Line?

G: Ugh! My worst line is the entire dinner conversation. [C: Yeah.] I have no idea what they're talking about.

C: Yeah, it's bad, I agree. Also my worst.

G: You know what my second worst line is? The nonexistent "Trust me." [C laughing] Like, it's the worst line, and it's not even there. What is this?

C: Yeah. I don't know what this is.

G: It doesn't- First of all, like, it's not even supposed to be there [C: Uh-huh.] because it being there makes absolutely no sense. But also, it not being there also makes absolutely no sense. So like, there's just no solution to this problem.

C: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay, I mean, yeah, that's also my worst line, but I guess honorable mention to the reference to the racist yellowface magician. Alright. Predictions?

G: No, we're supposed to do Best Line?

C: Oh! [both laughing] Well, there's none. So have we considered that? I don't know. The "aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear," I think, is a useful line to have happen in the show, so I'm glad it's there somewhere.

G: The moment when I was first watching this episode, and Shax went, "80, 90 years ago, like, there were rumors that you were an item," I did feel a very visceral feeling.

C: Yeah. Now, predictions.

G: I mean, I know the next episode, there's going to be a ball. [C: Yeah.] So, dancing. Or basketball. [C: Yeah.] I'm still holding out hope on the basketball. [C laughs] You know what? It would be so funny to see Aziraphale and Crowley play any sport. [C: Yeah, Jesus, they could not.] You know what? I need Crowley to be like, in an outrageous gym outfit. It needs to happen. [C: Yeah.] Always and forever. And I think, like, Crowley- [laughing] Why am I saying this like it's a real prediction?

C: [laughing] Yeah, your prediction for the next episode is...

G: Like, Crowley will be in the most outrageous gym outfit. [C: Uh-huh.] And I have no idea what gym outfit Aziraphale would have, but it needs to be in tartan. [C: So true!] That's my prediction for next episode, when they play basketball. [C laughs] Yeah. [laughs] I think maybe the Nina and Maggie thing would resolve itself next episode. We're in Episode 4 right now. The only semblance of like, Aziraphale going back to Heaven, which is how I know this episode would end [C: The season, yeah.], there's nothing. There's nothing. Like, in Job, I was like, "Oh, it's so important for him, so it makes sense for him to do that." But like, that's like, if I didn't know that that's how it's going to end [C: Uh-huh.], I would not have that thought.

C: I agree. I also felt this way.

G: So like, I have no idea. Like, maybe next episode, they'll start establishing it. [C laughing] Like, I know Metatron is in this season, because he is in the fucking "Enchanted" AMV. [laughs]

C: That's true. He is the "somebody waiting on you."

G: [laughing] Which I think is so funny. I mean, those are my expectations for next episode.

C: Okay, that Aziraphale's gonna be in a tartan gym outfit [G laughs], Crowley's is gonna outrageous. In what way?

G: You know what? [C: What?] The way I'm imagining it is almost like the swimming outfit from the holy water scene. [C: Yeah. I agree.] It will be important to me.

C: Uh-huh. And they're going to play basketball in the bookstore. [G: Yeah.] Yeah. Great predictions. Love them. [G laughs]

G: Hey! I also predicted the fucking Nina and Maggie will resolve itself thing. That's prediction.

C: That's true. Yeah. Probably while they're playing basketball [G laughs] so that they can like each other and compete against each other- That was a good poem. [G laughing] They don't deserve it. [G: Exactly. Well.] Well, ratings out of 10.

G: You know what? I'll give this a... 'Cause, how do you do ratings?

C: I mean, vibes, and also like, compared to other episodes, like, where I think it stands.

G: No, I mean, like, what's your passing and what's your failing? Is like, 5 is like, average or like, 6 is passing? What's your-?

C: I think if it's 7, I it means I liked it more than I disliked it, and then a 6 is-

G: Okay. Well, I'll give this a 5. [C: You'll give this a 5?] G: Yes.

C: Okay. I'm trying to figure out if I liked it more or less than Episode 1 of this season. Maybe the same? So also a 4. That’s it for this week’s episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next time, we will be talking about Season 2, Episode 5: “The Ball.” Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

G: Follow us on social media! We interact through the accounts set for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. Catch us on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com and email us at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com.

C: Thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[Garageband "Everyday" plays]

-

[beep]

G: I have recently, due to reading our askbox on Tumblr, found out that people call it "the final fifteen," which I'm assuming is the last 15 minutes of that episode. And, I don't know. I'm excited for it.

C: I don't think it's a common name. I think it's just what that one person said. But maybe it is a common name.

G: But like, two of them did it, though, right? Or is it just the one person?

C: Well, the second one was referencing the previous ask or something.

G: Oh, that's true. Well, I'm excited for the final fifteen. But that's two weeks from now. [C: Yep.] For now, we shall instead- God! It's a week from now. I will be able to watch it a week from now. [C: Well.] And then I will stew on it for an entire week before we record the episode. Jesus Christ.

C: I feel like this is a situation where you shouldn't read fanfiction until after we talk about it.

G: [laughs] Why? ‘Cause like, it’s going to taint-

C: I feel like people have varied readings of it, and it's- I don't know. I feel like it taints it more than a post-Season 1 fanfiction. 'Cause a post-Season 1 fic isn't about what happened in 1.06. [G: Yes. It's what's after.] It's like, "Now they're free. Let's go!" Yeah, I feel like any post-Season 2 fanfiction is about what happened in 2.06. [G: Well.] Because they have to resolve the divorce somehow and also have, like, a reading of what the divorce was.

G: Well, I will then just suffer uselessly and also feel, just like, in “Splittings” by Adrienne Rich.

C: So true, probably. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Well, that's beyond the scope of this episode wherein nothing happens.

C: Yeah, it's more interesting to talk about than this episode, so. [G laughs]

-

[beep]

G: You know, when I was like, in seventh grade, we had, like, a full class on like, how to wear formal clothing. [C: Huh!] Like, we had a values education class, and we learned which fork goes with which [C: No.] and like, which spoon with which. How to dress up for your body type. Stuff like that. How to tie a tie. Yeah.

C: That seems like a way to make people hate themselves a lot in class.

G: Well, it was for me, because I was like, you know, dress and heels- [C: Being transgender, yeah.] Yeah. [laughs] So. I mean, it was- I- yeah. You're supposed to unbutton it when you sit.

C: Okay, well, that's good to know.

G: Yeah. Also, I think the spoon and fork and knife thing was essential, because, like, prior to that class-

C: Oh, it's 11:11. They need to fuck so nasty in Season 3. What?

G: [laughs] Prior to that class, I didn't know that like, Americans used a knife and a fork. [laughing]

C: For meat? Yeah. Wait. What did you think Americans use? Oh, like, you thought everyone used- Wait! Do you use chopsticks most of the time?

G: No, no, no. I use a spoon and a fork. [C: Okay.] Like, we shovel the food into the spoon [C: Oh!], and then, like, the spoon is used like the knife. Like, you cut things with the spoon.

C: Oh! Interesting. And that works on like, meat? [G: Everything.] The spoon? [G: Yeah.] How sharp is the spoon?

G: It's not supposed to be sharp. It's just, I mean, you hold it with the fork, and then you push it with the spoon, and then- I mean, it's not like a knife is sharp.

C: Yeah. I mean, I guess- is it- In Chinese food, it's never like, big hunks of meat. [G: This is true, yeah.] Like, the point of the knife in American eating, is that, I don't know, they have like, a whole fucking steak, so they have to like, actually cut it up into pieces using a fork and knife. But I feel like it's already pre-cut in Chinese food, so, not necessary.

G: It's so wild to me that like, 'cause, like, when you think of like, "What goes with a spoon?" I have been told that, like, when you- or like, "What goes with a fork?" I have been told that an American would answer like, "A knife." It's like, a fork and a knife. [C: Yeah.] Completely foreign concept to me! [C: Yeah.] It's a spoon and fork! [C: Yeah.] So yeah, we were taught to do that so that if we're in a formal setting, [laughs] we'll know to like, not use a spoon and fork, I suppose! Crazy. [C: Crazy.]