#it really *isn't* a high bar to clear with Joel just...really goin thru it

[mundanemiseries]

Despite everything, despite him absolutely being in a better place than he was in his young adulthood (not...a high bar to clear, admittedly). He'd be a liar if he said he was good.

Sure he's not actively on the precipice of imploding in on himself anymore, he's generally functional and to just about everyone he seemed alright.

He...honestly wasn't, feeling like he was constantly running on empty and more...aimlessly existing rather than anything that really meant anything to anyone. He's got dysfunctions he's slowly tried to force himself to get over, struggles with grasping and understanding his own emotions to the point he often got yelled at for it as a child, trouble socializing and struggling to interpret what others mean when the speak to him (and the unfortunate habit of jumping to the conclusion he's being some kind of bother/pest/etc). Academic struggles he never had supports for and just...pushed himself to "get over himself".

And he hides it behind himself, shoving the parts of him that he thinks people find "acceptable" to where it can be seen. In his mind his problems are simply not worth anyone else's time. The mindset of "other people have it worse" was drilled into him at an early age, something he still internalized when it came to himself and himself alone.

Maybe he "deserved" help when he was younger, when he was truly genuinely crumbling in on himself. Now? No, no...he was okay. He could manage, he has to it's not worth bothering anyone else.