#it's SO FUNNY to me because Older Pinocchio just looks like HE'S SO DONE WITH CHRISTMAS AHHAHA

[lordzuuko]

OMG STOP THESE ARE ADORABLE <3 Gifts from the 1.4 update~ :'D

[ohblackdiamond]

little t&a (gene/paul, nc-17) (part 22 of 29)

part 1   part 2   part 3   part 4   part 5   part 6   part 7   part 8   part 9   part 10   part 11   part 12   part 13   part 14   part 15   part 16   part 17   part 18   part 19   part 20   part 21  part 22   part 23   part 24    part 25   part 26   part 27   part 28   part 29

Four weeks before KISS gets back on tour, Gene discovers that Paul’s been cursed by a groupie. For the sake of KISS’ finances, Paul’s comfort levels, and Gene’s libido, this crisis must be resolved. Sexswap fic. In this chapter:  Paul and Gene’s date continues, with romantic rowboating and taunts by small children.

It was pretty outside, warm and sunny, with a slight breeze wafting through. Nature had always been a novelty at best for Gene; he’d been stuck on enough tour buses through rural two-lane highways and woodsy areas to be spooked by anything that wasn’t curated. Still, Central Park was a refreshing contrast to the cloistered, dingily glitzy feel of CBGB and Studio 54.

It wasn’t quite tourist season—as if New York had a tourist season anymore—and right at spring finals for the college kids. The only ones really out, for the most part, seemed to be natives. Mothers with their schoolkids, retirees getting some sun, that kind of thing. So Gene had slight misgivings about going out unmasked in the park, but Paul just tossed him his sunglasses again and dug out a wide-brimmed sunhat from the trunk for himself.

“But nobody’s going to recognize you,” Gene protested. Paul winced.

“I know. But I like the hat.”

It turned out Paul had enough change left for parking and a rowboat. Gene had fully expected Paul to toss him both oars, but Paul seemed keen on propelling the boat himself, despite his griping.

“I can’t believe they didn’t have one with the pedals,” he groused.

“Have you ever done this before?”

“It can’t be that hard.” Paul’s look of concentration made Gene tempted to smile. Why Paul was trying to impress him, he didn’t exactly know. He’d watched from a wry distance as Paul had attempted to win over girlfriend after girlfriend. He’d try to be cultured. He’d try to be romantic. He invested more in the girls he was serious about than had ever seemed to pay out for him, and he hung onto those girls until they yanked him off like a tick. God, Paul had even kept trying to make a go again with the girl who’d fucked Joe Namath behind his back. He was funny about it all, really. Once he had somebody, he didn’t want to give them up.

“Paul?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re doing it backwards.”

“This is how they did it in the gondolas, right?”

“You’re not in a gondola.” It was hard not to laugh. Paul was rowing determinedly, moving the oars in the same direction he was facing, like he thought he was swimming. “You’ve got to go the other way with them.”

“Like this?”

“Yeah. There you go.”

There weren’t many people out on the lake in rowboats and paddleboats, but Gene still caught sight of the occasional glance his way. He didn’t think they knew who he was; they were just judging him for sitting back while Paul did all the work. Paul’s cheeks were going slightly red, even though he was slowly getting hang of it, oars starting to lap the water instead of just shoving into it like a pair of spoons. The brim of his sunhat kept flipping up whenever a good breeze started up on the water.

“And on your right,” Paul said, in as dry an imitation of a tour guide as he could manage, “we’ve got… some trees. And on your left is another dock.”

“No kidding.”

“I can keep going. We’re coming up on what’s known as a bridge…”

“Five-star narration there, Paul.”

Paul laughed.

“Hey, I dunno any poetry to woo you with. Wait, maybe…” Paul scrunched up his face as he kept rowing towards the bridge. It looked deserted, for now. “‘In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.’”

“Well, it’s not exactly Keats…” Gene crooked a smile.

“It’s twelve years of education. Your tax dollars at work.”

“It should’ve been sixteen.”

“Do I have your heart yet?” Before Gene could answer, Paul shifted the oars back into the boat, maneuvering forward for a kiss as the boat floated beneath the bridge.

--

After, they strode out, arm in arm, sharing a cotton candy cone. Well. Gene was eating most of it. Paul was letting him. Sappy as hell, maybe. No, definitely. Then they walked over to where the Alice in Wonderland sculptures were, the same ones that’d been there ever since Gene could remember. The kids, let loose from school, were climbing all over the whole gang.

“Don’t look now. We may have to fight them over the carousel later.”

“Oh, I think we can take them.” Paul leaned over and half-bit, half-licked another bit of cotton candy off the cone.

“I don’t know, Paul. They might be from a tough neighborhood like Brooklyn.” Gene’s attempt at Peter’s accent was as bad as always, but he said it straight-faced enough that Paul laughed. “The six-year-olds might have shivs in their belt loops.”

“Their mothers, definitely.” Paul pushed some of his hair over his shoulder with his free hand. “I don’t think I went here more than two or three times when I was their age.”

“Their mothers’?”

“Their kids, c’mon.”

“I didn’t, either,” Gene admitted. “It was too far off from Queens.”

“Yeah, but—I lived in Manhattan when I was real little, y’know. That’s when we came to the park. I remember…” Paul trailed, getting another bite, “I remember Julia dropping her ice-cream and crying about it. Then my dad said we’d just have to share, so I dropped mine out of spite—”

“And wasted the whole thing? Did you hate her that much?”

“She wouldn’t have let me eat any of it. And I knew it.” Paul shrugged. “Julia’s nuts. She was nuts even then.”

“You’re hard on her.”

“I’ve got a right to be.”

Gene didn’t know enough about Julia to really argue that. He’d seen her maybe six or seven times in all the time he’d known Paul. Sometimes he’d gotten the impression that Paul was scared of her, and he wasn’t sure why.

“Think you share any better now?”

Paul laughed.

“Nah. Not really.” But he tilted what was left of the cotton candy cone towards Gene’s face again. Gene leaned in and bit off a large cloud of pink sugar. “You got off lucky, being an only child. The king never got dethroned.”

“Isn’t Julia older than you? You’re the one that dethroned her.”

Paul shrugged.

“Well, my parents wanted a boy, so they gave it another shot…” Paul trailed dryly. “See how well that’s worked out for them.”

“This isn’t permanent.” The statement didn’t feel right. Didn’t have quite the same ring as we’ll get you fixed had. But Paul just tore away another piece of cotton candy.

“That’s not what I meant.” He seemed to hesitate a little, taking a different, awkward tack. “I always wondered what only children did all day. That sounds stupid. But I… up until she was in junior high, Julia was always around, and…”

“I did the same things any other kid would. Just by myself.” Gene’s gaze traveled absently to the retirees sitting on park benches. One old lady was tossing popcorn at pigeons like alms. “Once I got to America, I read a lot of comic books, watched a lot of T.V.”

“Did you go to the movies much?”

“Not very much. I saw The Ten Commandments and Pinocchio.”

“Everybody saw The Ten Commandments.”

“They don’t make epics like that anymore.”

“No. T.V. killed movies.” Paul was sucking the sugar off his fingers as they kept walking. Not a new habit on his part, probably not even something he was doing with any real intent, but it was utterly destroying Gene’s focus. “Do you really like Pinocchio? Or do you just say that for the kids?”

“No, I really do like it.” Gene paused. “Why are you asking?”

“Because I never did before.” Paul pinched off another chunk of cotton candy, popping it in his own mouth before Gene could teasingly reach for it himself. “Eight years and I never even asked you your favorite movie. I bet half your groupies could do better than that.”

God. Meeting Carol must have really screwed Paul up. Had him thinking that those “100 Facts About KISS” articles actually meant something. Thinking that attraction ever had much to do with facts and figures. Or maybe Paul was trying to reach beyond that, somehow, feel him out in a way he never had before. Gene wasn’t sure.

“I never asked you yours, either.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Really?”

“Really. I couldn’t honestly tell you my favorite of anything.” Paul looked a little bothered by his own admission, the expression on his face sort of like what Gene had seen yesterday morning, when he’d talked about dressing up for Studio 54. When he’d talked about wanting to belong. But then Paul started plowing through again, that look vanishing. “What’d you like Pinocchio for, anyway? Please don’t tell me you had a crush on the Blue Fairy.”

“No, she didn’t have tits.” Gene considered the rest of the question for longer than he needed to. But Paul seemed to be hanging on for an answer. “Pinocchio’s a success story.”

“A success story,” Paul repeated.

“Yeah. He wants to be a real boy, he works hard, and he gets his wish. He gets everything he ever wanted. It meant a lot to me.”

He almost said more, almost starting going into depth with it. About how he wanted to do a cover of “When You Wish Upon a Star” on his solo album, if they ever got to do them. About how Jiminy Cricket seemed to almost speak to him. The magic was still so real to him somehow, intoxicating, inevitable. His whole life since coming to America hadn’t proved him wrong. He’d gotten everything he ever wished for; he really had. Almost everything. Gene started to clear his throat, try to articulate it, but Paul’s expression had gone from intent to distant in just a few seconds.

“Oh.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Paul shrugged, pushing the rest of the cone into Gene’s hand. “My back hurts. I should’ve let you row.”

“Want me to rub it?”

“No. I know exactly where your hands are gonna go.”

Gene finished off the cotton candy and tossed the cone into a nearby trashcan. They were nearly at the entrance for the carousel, anyway. Paul let go of his arm to dig around again in his own wallet, coming up with enough change for them both to join the handfuls of kids climbing onto the ride. More quizzical looks from the kids and even the parents, but Gene didn’t think he was getting recognized, at least not until he started for the carousel horse next to Paul’s, a large chestnut-colored one with a heavily festooned, red and green saddle. Gene hadn’t even climbed on properly when a kid, maybe six or seven, pointed at him.

“You’re too big.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re too big. You’re gonna break it.”

Paul was covering his mouth with his hand, clearly trying not to laugh, but then the little boy pointed at him, too.

“Your girlfriend is, too!” He said it with the confidence and indignation that only a grammar school kid could manage, a grammar school kid that still thought girls had cooties. Gene snorted. Paul looked slightly less amused than before.

“What do we need to do?” Gene asked, focusing all his attention on the kid. A year of student teaching, a year of actual teaching, all culminating into trying to discuss a pocket change carousel ride with a six-year-old. The little boy seemed vaguely surprised, then pleased, that Gene was giving him the time of day, puffing out his chest and pursing his lips in serious consideration.

“You gotta ride those.” His chubby finger waggled at the chariots. Next to him, Paul came within half an inch of mumbling a curse.

“Gene, c’mon, we’re not getting off the—”

Gene raised his hand, cutting off Paul. The ride hadn’t yet started, if only due to a few mothers with toddlers that were still trying to maneuver them both onto the horses.

“I think he’s got a point. We’ve tempted fate already.”

“What?”

“Well, I really shouldn’t be out in the daylight.”

Paul blinked, but didn’t say anything, looking wary. Gene smiled, turning to the little kid as he slowly slid his sunglasses off, exposing nothing but the whites of his eyes. His tongue lolled and waggled out like a dying fish on a hook.

“Y-you’re a vampire!”

The kid fled the carousel, screaming his head off. Gene rolled his eyes forward again and put back on the sunglasses, before he mounted the horse next to Paul’s. The carousel operator, somehow unfazed, started the ride a second or two later. Except for the creaks of the machinery and the tinny piped-in music, everything had gone dead silent. The kids on horses near enough were craning their necks for a look at the undead monster sharing the carousel. Gene was about to start obliging them with more leering and tongue-sticking when his gaze went to Paul again.

Shit. If he’d been pissed-off about the whole deal at CBGB, he had to at least be annoyed at Gene getting the attention of a whole carousel full of little kids in the park. But, looking at him, listening to him, Gene was surprised. Paul was actually laughing quietly.

“What is it?”

Paul shook his head. He was grinning.

“I was just thinking. All that effort to stay on these things, and your pony doesn’t even go up and down.” He leaned over, nudging Gene’s arm lightly with his fist, his other hand still grasping the pole. “You’re a mess, you know that?”

“So are you.”

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT Rewatch 4X14 - Enter the Dragon

Sorry for all the delays with these reviews! I’ve really been DRAGON my feet through this whole season, haven’t I? 

...You don’t come here for smart puns, Regina! XD

Anyway, there’s a nice juicy review under the cut!

Main Takeaways

Past

I love how this plays as the evil version of every “young person melts the heart of older person and convinces them to go back to doing what they love” story! While it’s not a parody -- and is in fact played deadly straight -- it’s funny as hell to watch because of that!

It’s kind of weird seeing such vague mentions of Mal’s backstory. All throughout the episode, we hear clues, but are never given anything concrete. I wonder when or even if we ever would’ve gotten a backstory for Mal and Briar Rose.

Present

Wow, I gotta say, considering how DESTROYED Mal was by what Snowing did to her kid, stealing another kid is just horrible (The fact that he’s turned back into August and she may or may not have known that is irrelevant for me since she stealing a son from his father at the end of the day) ! I don’t know if it’s exactly poorly written or not -- a case of extremism turning her into what she hates or mishandling a character who is supposed to be more balanced between being evil and sympathetic. I guess it’s up to interpretation, but given that the there doesn’t get to be a reaction from Marco to Maleficent over the fact considering how big of a deal it is that she reverted a little boy back into being a grown man, I feel forced to say the latter.

This also applies to Regina too, ESPECIALLY considering her conversations with Marco in the last episode and this is more of a problem than I realized. She’s stealing a child, putting him up against three villains, AND disposing any direct means of contact between herself and her backup. And the fact that Rumple reverts him into being August at the end of the episode changes nothing here because that wasn’t an anticipated move. It’s even more distracting given the gravitas of the moment where Emma and Regina try to figure out whether or not to steal him in the first place. Regina says she’s going to protect him and pull out if he’s in danger, but what does she think they’re going to do to him if not threaten his life? Even just the emotional duress of those kind of threats is crazy to do to a kid. And then to drop her phone so he can’t even be tracked? It’s played as this necessary evil, but is never given the payoff to back up what a horrible and reckless thing this was to do. They STOLE his childhood -- what was essentially his happy ending -- and that has to be answered for by ALL involved parties: Maleficent, Regina, and Emma too for ultimately agreeing to this.

This segment has a really interesting theme of not being overly insistent on complete control. Throughout it, Regina insists to her friends that she can handle the Queens of Darkness. Even as the stakes raise, she makes risky and riskier decisions that she says she can manage. This culminates in a horribly risky decision (See above) that, in her insistence in keeping control over the situation and her sureness that she’s right, has Regina abandon her means of getting backup. And this all ends with Regina, forced by her own hand, to relinquish control to Rumple. I think that this is an important lesson for Regina to learn, and while I didn’t like the big decision that she had to make for lack of a proper fallout (I’ll actually discuss in a bit why I choose this episode to take the issue with it), I think the rest of the story is good!

Stream of Consciousness

-Regina, you trying to KILL ME with the cut of that shirt?! Because it is working!

-Damn, Regina is AMAZING at acting evil! XD

-HOW THE FUCK DID YOU CRUSH GLASS?! ARE YOU THE FUCKING HULK? XD

-I love how Regina looks between Mal’s castle and her book like “I’m gonna get my favorite author to sign my book!”

-Wouldn’t someone just win “Don’t Be a Hero” by only saving themselves?

-I love how there were freakin’ BETS on the game! XD

-We got another Henry and Belle scene!!! Tbh, I wish there was a bit more substance here too. Belle ADORES books and this is literally a mystery surrounding a book! Why couldn’t she give him some advice on maybe where to look or just talk about the nature of books! You have two book fans sharing a scene! Why not use that?

-I would KILL to know how Regina’s night of drinking with the Queens of Darkness went! Like, they drank a whole bar! XD

-To be fair, Emma, Regina’s probably not reaching out because she’s hungover as FUCK after DRINKING A WHOLE BAR! XD

-MAL, DRUNK AS FUCK, SINGED A COP CAR! XD WHERE ARE FICS OF THIS! THIS IS THE TRUE SEQUEL TO “THE HANGOVER!” XD

-”Some drinking.” SOME DRINKING? YOU DRANK AND ENTIRE BAR! XD

-I like how Regina’s “pathetic” flame was more of a matter of nervousness than inexperience. It shows that Regina’s learned a lot during her tenure with Rumple while still having a lot of space to grow.

-Maleficent is introduced as a druggie! She literally stabs herself with something that “takes the edge off!” XD

-”You need to remember who you are.” “That Maleficent had a foul temper, and if you insulted her, she’d turn into a dragon and eat your flesh.” Holy hell! My eyes are filled with hearts!

-”Where the hell have you been all night?” I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THAT AS WELL!

-NOW WHAT KIND OF CRAZINESS HAPPENED IN THE VAULT?! XD

-To be fair, Emma, Regina’s been ROCKING this undercover mission so far.

-This episode is full of sexy, badass people, but this cake is the sexiest thing of all!

-”Well, look at which two survivors found a dinghy together.” ...Rumple, HOW ARE YOU SO BAD AT BEING KILLIAN? IT’S NOT ESPECIALLY HARD AND YET YOU SOMEHOW FAILED AT IT! It’s like trying to pet a puppy and instead doing a handstand! XD

-I love how Storybrooke can appear on a GPS system! Is someone in town just a really good techie or is Google our new God? XD

-”The only magical thing you’ll find here is duct tape.” Accurate! XD

-”You didn’t ask your questions more forcefully.” Oh trust me, she did. It was scary.

-”One little snafu?” YOU WOULD HAVE TO STEAL A CHILD!

-”Break some rules.” YOU ARE STEALING A CHILD!

-A Pirate’s Oath! XD What the hell? Someone’s just looking to cop a feel!

-I love the fact that it is 100% canon that Regina rode on the back of a dragon. Maleficent gave her the best piggyback ride in the UNIVERSE!

-Wait: GOLD HAS A CABIN?

Favorite Dynamic

Rump-illian and Belle. I absolutely love Rump-illian and Belle’s subplot here. Rumple, for better or worse, knows Belle and is exactly slippery enough to forge a story to get the dagger back for himself but also not infallible as to still fail to  discuss things he wasn’t privy to. Major props have to go to Colin. He’s playing Rumple playing Killian and that is AMAZING! His lines and delivery are just awkward enough to capture Rumple’s failure to perfectly capture Killian, but they’re close enough that they could fool someone who’s just getting to be close with Killian like Belle. He’s always a little off center in how he conducts himself, making the reveal something that could feasibly be guessed but also surprise everyone! And the transitions -- the one at the docks the one as he walks into the pawnshop, and the one outside the pawnshop are done so well as to make the whole subplot even better!

Writer

David Goodman and Jerome Schwartz are in charge of today’s episode! So far, they’ve had a perfect season! But...well… Look. This episode isn't bad, but I do wish the present segment had some more polish. Considering that the three people involved in that final decision are all mothers and to not do more with that idea is really distracting in hindsight.

Rating

8/10. I’m torn about whether or not I should punish this episode for what goes down with Pinocchio. This episode is more setup in that regard than payoff and it’s not bad setup. But at the same time, I do have to ask myself if that payoff was ever going to happen and if it wasn’t, then the setup of something that upon inspection is so fucked up. And I do think that the payoff wasn’t intended to come up -- they had to know -- and so I do find fault with this episode for executing this idea in such an irresponsible way. Otherwise though, the storytelling is really good. Everything makes sense, the story’s engaging, the pacing works, the characters are for the most part in line, and the theme of the past segment lines up in a way that’s subtle, yet effective.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

DRAGON QUEEN - This is my JAM! Look at Regina’s face as Mal enters the room. That is the face of a woman realizing “I am gay for LIFE!” And in the present, could these two flirt any MORE?! <3 Just look at the aspirin scene! Mal and Regina are both letting their guard down (Regina’s being more of a casual spitfire, Mal’s not wearing the jacket and is giving a bit more info), Mal’s helping Regina out a bit, there’s candles everywhere, and there’s a touch of loose tension in the room. It’s enough to make the moment pretty sexy. ALSO, they go on a mission alone and the presentation to it plays out exactly like an impromptu date! This is the BEST! I just love how Regina smiles for Mal. It’s big, but natural and just kind of happy!

Swan Queen - Dude! Emma is so worried about Regina! That panic in her voice is CRAZY and her dedication to having Regina’s back and protecting her really shows how much she cares for Regina! This as some of their best shippy moments by the sheer amount of concern Emma has for her!

Captain Swan - While it doesn’t work exactly, Killian does a really good job assuring Emma that things with Regina will be okay.

Mal/Briar Rose - “What happened to you?” “A Rose. A Briar Rose.” Mal says that line in the same way someone talks about someone who they had a bad breakup with!

-----

Hi!!! Thanks for reading and shout outs to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales and to the lovely @daensarah! See you all next time!

Season 4 Total (121/230)

Writer Scores: Adam and Eddy: (34/60) Jane Espenson: (20/40) David Goodman and Jerome Schwartz: (38/50) Andrew Chambliss: (22/50) Dana Horgan: (6/30) Kalinda Vazquez: (22/40) Scott Nimerfro: (14/30) Tze Chun (8/20)

Operation Rewatch Archives

[brightly-painted-canvas]

Francesco Gabbani - Italia 21 (translation and explanation)

So, this song was deleted from YT last week and I was very upset, since it’s one of those older songs from Francesco that made me instantly like him. I knew that it needed both a translation and a ‘paraphrase’ (like you would with a Latin version in high school LOL) to fully understand it and that took me SO LONG. It was very hard and I believe it’s still not complete yet: there’s something I still don’t get. But! The most is done and I hope you’ll like it!

This is “Italia 21″ (Italy 21).

I’m not sure if this song was already traslated, I’m just gonna post my version :D I’m not a professional translator so there might be some mistakes. I just hope to convey the message of the song to non-Italian speakers.

Uno. Pane e vino certo non ci manca Due. Neanche il sole in quest’Italia santa Tre. Una penisola col tacco a spillo Quattro. Tutti parlano, ci manca solamente il grillo One. We surely don’t lack bread and wine Two. Nor we lack the sun, in this holy Italy Three. A peninsula wearing an high heel Four. Everybody talks, last thing we need is the cricket

Notes:

- Bread, wine and sun are what Italy is known for in the entire world. So it’s religion, that’s why the ‘holy’ adjective. - Italy is said to be shaped like a boot. We also call the southern regions in Apulia “tacco” (heel). I believe the “high heel” reference is related to fashion, another thing we are known for worldwide. - We have a common saying: “Il paese è piccolo, la gente mormora” (it’s a small town, people talk) which means that basically in small communities everyone knows everything and always voices their opinions. Italy is pretty much like a big “small town” and everyone always likes to talk. We’re very good at talking and having all kind of opinions. - The “grillo” (cricket) reference is what made me instantly fall in love with this song right during the first listening. It’s pure genius. It has a double meaning: the first is related to the Jiminy Cricket (or Talking Cricket), a character from famous Italian author Carlo Collodi’s book “Pinocchio”. It basically says that since everybody likes to talk already, we really don’t need to hear from the Talking Cricket, known for being Pinocchio’s conscience and dispenser of good advices, but never listened to. The second reference I believe it’s about Beppe Grillo, infamous ex-comedian and now leader of political movement “Movimento Cinque Stelle” (the links lead to Wikipedia, if you’re curious about them). The most interesting thing is noticing how Francesco made a subtle criticism of this (known for being loud and obnoxious) politician by using a word play and a very ironic and cultured reference.

Cinque. San Gennaro, grazie che ci Sei! Sette. Senza di te che numeri giocherei? Otto. La nazione piscia controvento Nove. Ma noi siamo tutti fieri del Risorgimento Five. St. Januarius, thanks for exSIXting! Seven. Without you, which numbers would I bet? Eight. The nation pisses upwind Nine. But we are all proud of our Risorgimento Notes:

- St. Januarius is a very important saint in the Italian culture, especially in the Neapolitan area. The “number betting” thing is related to another popular tradition (mainly in Naples, I believe) consisting in praying the Saint to suggestions about which numbers to play at the Lottery. - Number six of this list is the “sei” at the end of the first line. Once again a word play: the word “six” is written and pronounced exactly like the second person singular of the “be” (essere) verb. - Another saying: “Chi piscia controvento si bagna i pantaloni” (who pisses upwind wets his own pants), which means “never take challenges too big for you”. Related to Italy I believe it may mean that we consider our nation much bigger and more influential than how it actually is and we take challenges way bigger than our real potential. Why is that? - Because we are conditioned by our long, rich history and heroical past. One example above all might have been Ancient Rome or the Reinaissance period, but Francesco wisely chose the Risorgimento: when Italy was reunited under the same flag and monarchy after a series of wars, battles and campaigns against foreign occupation. Why is that? Maybe once again to be very ironical about Italians being actually proud of being united in one country, since there are still a lot of differences and fights between North and South.

Dieci. Chi svolta il mese con il contagocce Undici. A chi la polpa e a chi le bucce Dodici. Per fortuna arriva il 1° maggio Tredici. Abbiamo tante, tante fave ma non c’è il formaggio

Ten. Those who turn the month in dribs and drabs Eleven. Some get the pulp and some the peels Twelve. Luckily, the 1st of May always arrives Thirteen. We’ve got lots and lots of beans but we haven’t got the cheese

Notes:

- “Svoltare il mese con il contagocce” (turning the month with the tear dropper) and “a chi la polpa e a chi le bucce” are there to express how the economy has a lot of flaws in Italy, especially in the relation between riches (who has got the “pulp”, the money and wellness) and poors (the ones having difficulties gaining enough to live by, month after month). - The 1st of May is International Work Day and it’s an holiday. It’s also sometimes used as a “middle point” during the working year. - Fave e pecorino (broad beans and sheep cheese) is a typical dish of Central Italy and Rome in particular. It’s a 1st of May tradition to eat them together, especially because since it’s an holiday and it’s Spring, people used to go have trips and pic-nics in the countryside, where they bought beans and cheese directly from the farmers. Francesco is using the dish as another way of saying we’ve got the side dish (vegetable or beans), the theories and good words, but we haven’t got the main course (the cheese), what matters.

Quattordici. C’è chi magna e non fa una piega Quindici. Ma alla fine cosa ce ne frega? Sedici. Tutti fermi, inizia la partita Diciassette porta sfiga. Il corno in terra, cazzo! E’ già finita

Fourteen. There’s who eats and doesn’t bat an eye Fifteen. But in the end who cares? Sixteen. Everyone stay still, the game is on Seventeen brings bad luck. The lucky horn on the floor, fuck! It’s already over

Notes:

- I am having some difficulties pin-pointing where the first sentence is from. It looks like another saying (”magna” is generally the dialect version of “mangia” and it’s mostly associated with Roman dialect) but I’ve never heard anything similar (it might be because I am from Northern Italy, tho). Anyway “non fare una piega” litterally translates to “don’t make a wrinkle” and it’s used both to say that something makes complete sense or that someone has absolute no reaction to something. So basically who eats (presumably those rich people from the previous verse?) doesn’t care about anything/anyone else and/or no one questions it. - “Cosa ce ne frega” is, imho, the best way to describe the Italian attitude toward problems. It basically means “what do WE care?” with a very personal connotation. How do you solve unsolvable (or very hard) problems? Whatever, who cares anyway... not our business. - Italians love football and that’s common knowledge. To quote Winston Churchill: “Italians lose wars as if they were football matches, and football matches as if they were wars.” So true, Winston. - We are also very supertitious. The cornetto is one of the many objects believed to be lucky charms. I have no idea why you have to put it on the ground, tho? (Neapolitans, explain please!). The number 17 is also believed to be very unlucky (that’s why you need a corno to nullify its powers. But while you complete the rituals, you get distracted and the match ends!)

Diciotto. Viva l’Italia col microfono in mano Diciannove. Canto anch’io che sono un italiano Venti. Un bel bicchiere di rosso e due pennette Ventuno. Due cazzeggi all’osteria e un Tressette (Osteria numero sette! *paraponzi ponzi pò* Il salame piace a fette dammela a me, biondina dammela a me, biondà!)

Eighteen. Long live Italy with a microphone in the hand Nineteen. I sing I’m an Italian as well Twenty. One fine glass of red (wine) and some penne Twentyone. Some messing around at the pub and a round of Tressette (Pub number seven! *paraponzi ponzi pò* Salami is good cut in slices give it to me, pretty blonde girl give it to me, blondie!)

Notes:

- Pretty sure the “Italia con il microfono in mano” is a reference to Sanremo, the most famous singing competition in Italy. It may also mean in general everything that has to do with Italian music, tho. Something along the line of “long live Italian music!”, even though his relationship with the industry at the time wasn’t the best and he had struggles surfacing as an artist. Would he ever imagine, at the time, that he would win Sanremo two years in a row? Bless you, Francesco. - A quote from the famous “L’italiano” song by Toto Cutugno. Just like “Italia 21″ that song too was an attempt to describe Italy and the Italians from within. Another fun fact: Toto is the last Italian singer who won the Eurovision Song Contest. Is this a lot of foreshadowing or not? (Maybe too much!) - A glass of wine and pasta. What’s better? Here’s a quick and easy prescription to happiness, by every Italian ever. - “Cazzeggio” is litterally “a thing done with one’s dick” and means messing around, having fun with friends by basically doing nothing. Tressette is a popular card game in Italy. - What follows is something we call stornello, a type of folk song which basically has a standard melody and ever changing lyrics. They are usually very funny, irreverent and sexual. “La canzone delle osterie” is famous everywhere and Francesco used it to end the song in the most carefree way. - He rhymed “sette” with “fette” but I really don’t know how to explain if “salami is good cut in slices” is a sexual reference. Salami can definitely be associated with something sexual (c’mon...) but I have no clue about the rest. I’m an innocent soul XD - “Give it to me” is DEFINITELY sexual. Especially referred to a pretty blonde girl XD That too is usually part of the standard stornello lyrics ;)

Wow, this took SO LONG. I hope it helped understand this song in depth, even though something is still obscure even to me, after translating and spending a lot of time looking things up on the internet. Have fun find other interpretations, maybe? ;)