#it's funny i dont think yu likes chess

[obeysword]

i know i’ve written something like this before, but i’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and feeling like i, once again, need to reiterate it.

while it’s true that yu does see the people around him as expendable, the term is not as weighty as it appears. if any of yu’s friends died, he would be devastated and heartbroken and go into a deep mourning period over them. that being said, he chooses to live a life without regrets as much as he possibly can. he would never let a death be in vain. even to someone he hated, he’d still try to save them. ofc circumstances may vary, but for the most part, he wishes the worst upon you, it doesn’t have to be an easy out like death would be.

yu isn’t as callous as he tries to make people think he is. he’s truly a character who is void of toxic masculinity and extremely comfortable with his masculinity and femininity and who he is despite having his own issues in being himself. his links with kanji and yosuke, two people who have been deeply rooted and suffocated in toxic masculinity from the world around them showcase this. yu doesn’t tell either one to “stand up straight” and to “act like a man” it’s extremely damaging. he tells them to be honest with themselves, let’s them be open with their emotions and feelings, and never tells either one that they’re “too sensitive” or “weird” for their interests. yu is a sadist, but he’s not unfeeling and not telling you it’s wrong to have emotions. he’s been so engrossed by trauma he feels very little to a point where he feels empty inside. while yu was someone who was meant to showcase hope in izanami’s game, it’s very ironic how he could have gone into any of the roles because he shuffles through all 3 throughout the course of that year. a wildcard, in so many different meanings. it fits perfectly.

i really enjoy putting characters into the roles of chess pieces, and persona makes these very easy roles to do. i love amounting it to how yu tackles a fight, always 30 paces above his opponent, he’s already calculated a victory. in chess, you have to make sacrifices. he always tries to avoid serious injury to his friends, and especially death. i hc yu has an acute phobia of dying, he wouldn’t wish that on someone. suffer by being alive instead.

yu is the queen chess piece, he can move all over the board without limitation. yosuke is the king. yosuke died and the game ended because yu lost the will to continue. he doesn’t even realize that his other friend’s have died until after izanami has sucked yosuke down into yomi. losing yosuke was always yu’s greatest risk, he also puts himself in the most danger by being on a battle field unlike nanako who was always safe at home until namatame kidnapped her. multiple times yosuke has nearly died and yu had to reach for more power in order to save him. the time he was finished off for good, with no chance of coming back, yu had given up on the game and let himself die too.

[somnolenceses]

jan. 3 2022

new year no new me. what no way i totally haven't been reusing this line from the past scrapped entries youre lying

i dont know. its a whole bunch of i dont know now because i ran out of monologuing things. it feels like cq is one day going to vanish though. i don't know why, but theres a feeling in my heart. cq isn't meant to live this long (1+ year) because neither did flam and in due time someone will replace cq. ...it's funny how i monologue about it like it isn't all just Me. maybe i am just insane though, january has never been good for me these past few years. i wonder when i'll start having nightmares about deaths that occur from my irresponsibility again. i don't know what else to quite write about today and life in general. i'm 17 now, which i guess is nice— being 16 was, as i wrote it, a goddamn eternity. and yet i feel no different from when i was 15. my sleep just keeps getting worse and it's probably going to be up to school to correct it, and lately it feels like i'm having trouble to work up an appetite. i still have to eat of course, but then sometimes i feel ill after doing so. you know, it's kind of like early 2020. except early 2020 was "i stopped eating as often and when i did i felt like throwing it up" and now its just "i eat a little and it feels like my organs want to murder me for it." doesn't seem much but there's a difference there. i don't want to really think the potential health implications of it because that's extra and dramatic and  i already worry about my parents enough. i feel strangely at peace sometimes. i stress a lot but now it's just "ah, i guess it's fine now. i'm at peace and i don't really have much intense regret. i'd be fine just vanishing." but i know better to not do that— or do i? i do, i do... but just rhetorically it's a thing to think about. just a while back i was mentally preparing myself if it was decided i was truly not needed anymore. after all, who would remember someone who was good at nothing but running away?

i don't have much comments on current media. i've been playing a lot of Fire emblem since last entry (since Last Public entry— there was one i wrote when i was super emotional, and its private, maybe i'll unprivate it when i feel like it.) there's not much to talk about except fucked up chess featuring Guys with Swords (tm). my FEH team is a little funny though, because i have prince of light marth and christmas marth (+elice) on the same team. i wonder how my other teammates (luthier and lysithea) would try to rationalize it. though FEH in general tries to paint it like "heroes from other worlds help us out!" and never really delves into the questions it might bring. i'm treating it just like precure, though— i'm jumping between shadow dragon, the blazing blade and right now even the binding blade. roy is our boy, as one might put it.

today's song is kuruma to onna by KIRINJI. not much comment on that either. this is a boring entry today. i guess i just like the lyric "magician in early spring."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_fQ1woI9UQ

p.s. i might have to swerve back into yu-gi-oh interest territory. i heard SEVENS is ending really early and soon and go rush will be replacing it. that's interesting, i wonder if SEVENS had poor reception. yudias is a really goofy looking protagonist, but i love it and the alien part seems interesting.

[yumenosakiacademy]

tagged by: no one. i saw someone @ "anyone" n i went "o~kay!"

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (i dont have that many friends heck you)

tagging: @hajimeme-hinata @ojamajodoremi @jyflbx @orangetsundere @redscotty and anyone else who sees this n wanna do it! have fun~! ^w^

coke or pepsi: Coke

disney or dreamworks: Both i guess?? maybe disney?

coffee or tea: Both r good but caffeine isnt the best 4 u so i dont rly drink it often unless it’s a few sips in the morning every so often as a pick-me-up... i drink cold sweet tea tho! glug glug

books or movies: movies r easier to watch but the books r written better so i dont kno. i dont rly watch movies OR read books a ton tho

windows or mac: Windows

dc or marvel: De/adpool is from marvel but teen ti/tans r from dc n those r the only comic book characters i rly read/watch from their of those so im torn.. prob dc tho bc i luv te/en titans. ive read some De/adpool comics n theyre Funny tho

xbox or playstation: playstation! fun fact: i have a playstation 2 (in storage) and a playstation 3!

dra/gon age or mass ef/fect: never played either of em

night owl or early riser: night owl all the way baybee

cards or chess: cards

chocolate or vanilla: vanilla but chocolate is! also v v good. both. but vanilla by a smaaaall margin

vans or converse: i dont wear either of em lol

lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: I had to look this up n i dint play dr/agon age sry mate

fluff or angst: fluff! angst is PAWESOME n i luv torturing others by writing it so maybe both? but i prefer reading fluff more ngl

beach or forest: beach

dogs or cats: cats!! nyanyanya!!!!

clear skies or rain: clear skies

cooking or eating out: cooking bc eating out costs Money and fast food is prob more Unhealthy... dunno

spicy food or mild food: mild food

halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: halloween! christmas costs money and on halloween i can trick or treat w haji! ^w^

would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: binch im always too effin cold... but i dunno which one i'd choose tbh.. maybe a lil too hot? how much is "little" i need to know that before i can answer fully....

if you could have a superpower, what would it be: MAGIC! You can do so many things it's like having multiple powers! or if i cant choose that, then appearification, bc then i could make whatever objects i want, like money, food, cute clothes, anime mer/ch, etc all for Free >:3c

animation or live action: animation

paragon or renegade: ???? what's that nya? owo;;;

baths or showers: showers THEN baths. dont bathe in ur own germs. take a shower first then draw a bath n relax afterward! or sleep in the bath

team cap or team ironman: neither 

fantasy or sci-fi: fantasy!

do you have three or four favourite quotes? if so what are they: i kno of a few that i have saved so! “Dreams, like sea turtles’ eggs… Most of them.. are crushed, but… no matter how many tears one sheds, you cannot stop giving birth to them, can you…” (shinkai kana/ta, en/stars), “If I’m wishing for a dream that can’t come true, then I’ll just embrace the hurt past and have a dream I won’t wake up from.” (L/ost time Memory), "You don't have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant. And you don't have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero. You just have to know who you are and stay true to that. So I'm going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how. 8y 8eing me." (Vr/iska Serk.et, Hom/estuck)

youtube or netflix: youtube!

harry po/tter or percy jack/son: neither. n ive only seen the movie 4 per/cy jackson: light/ning thief

when you feel accomplished: when I get stuff right in class or make someone happy!

star w/ars or star t/rek: neither

paperback books or hardback books: paperback! hardback costs more money n is heavier n stuff

horror or rom-com: rom-com

to live in a world without literature or music: ummm we need literature to read n grow smarter that's how we get our education n stuff so even tho i listen to music 24/7, for the sake of humanity we'd need literature

pastel colours or dark colours: pastel

tv shows or movies: tv shows

city or countryside: city

if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: umm.. i dunno abt zodiacs much tbh! sry ;;;

if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: "Forever" by Mys/tery Skulls

cinema or theatre: cinema

if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: arashi!! i want her to pat my head n take me out shopping n we’ll compliment eachother n look at cute makeup together aaa... or rox/y lalonde bc shes so funny n cool! they're both so nice n i Luv them!

smiling or smirking: both!

are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: umm... dunno!

playlists or your whole library on shuffle: playlists, but i usually just listen to songs on you/tube bc i dont have a "library"! fan/mixes count as pla/ylists tho so!

travelling or staying at home: staying at home for sure. travelling costs money, i'm lazy, theres almost nothing i'd consider fun abt travelling either, nor would i want to learn languages to visit countrues that arent english-speaking. no thanks. even travelling in america or europe would prob be.. Boring. no thanks.

books or fanfiction: fanfiction most DEF!! 

If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: i.. dont know an answer, sorry.... ;;;;

What fictional character do you think you're like? Bonus- Give reasons: ...Depends on who you ask tbh..... but i think maybe Nep/eta Leij/on from Hom/estuck bc im cheery nyanya n kitties n stuff! or Yu/ta Ashuu from Bp/ro bc we both try to get our friends to lighten up and we;re happy but we still kinda have insecurities n stuff so.. also i can sing like him! n i used to be an idol, yanno~! but these 2 it’s, yknow, for when i'm happy n stuff n around my friends or ppl i dont mind! ^w^ not around family or most classmates tho. nonono.