#it's kind of awkward at first but you just gotta not gaf. go for it. :D

[fei-to-the-moon]

Boy (friend)

Just some good, short, ole one shot that I whipped up.  Scorbus!  Probably not CC-compliant, you tell me since not much context.  

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There’s a boy in this coffeeshop. 

He sits there, cappuccino in hand.  His scarf is a blotchy thing with frayed edges, similar to his hair that sits all messy like a crow’s nest atop his head.    

His cheeks blush as your eyes meet from across the table, and he laughs at the right moment to your joke.  It’s not shrill, loud, or gaffing – the perfect temperature for your delicate ears with their snobby Malfoy sensibilities.   

His hands on the table, you like that they’re broad and long, each peeking through the hemmed sleeves of a plaid, butterscotch coat.  You give him a compliment on his endearing looks, one he easily accepts, perhaps too easily.  He tucks his hair, gives a tilt of his head at a good angle downwards with a shy smile.  He knows the look he’s giving off, as if he’s a lamb wrapped in what’s all soft and fluffy. 

But beneath lies a wolf, whose stares linger too much on your lips, whose eyes flicker occasionally to your body (and perhaps to what lies beneath?).  His hands dance on the table, as if waiting to pounce.  In his sleeves, he holds a deck of cards in each filled with magic tricks, and he’ll be like Houdini on stage with what he’ll show next.

An innocent play, he’ll brush over your soft, pale skin when you both reach for the biscuits in the tin set in the center.  A fleeting touch making you both yearn for more. 

Perhaps instead, he’ll playfully loop his hand into yours in the middle of a deep conversation where your eyes sink further into eachothers like the sea at sunset.

Or, even more gratuitous, a hand to your hip – maybe even further down, when you leave and go to his place, his taut hard skin that grazes on your supple waist to foreshadow the coming of more.   

You would like that wouldn’t you?  Easy touches, feelings you don’t need to think about.  Satisfying your desire with an almost nameless body who yearns for the same. 

Yet –

 For all his sheep stares with brown eyes so curious and obliviously sweet, they’re not the eyes you’re searching for. 

They lack the depths of green you’re used to, and these emotions within – they’re not right. 

Neither is his mouth, they’re not full enough, no mischievous smiles that come your way filled with secrets you both know. 

His laugh is pleasant.  His laugh also doesn’t make you feel anything on the inside.  It doesn’t make you yearn to laugh alongside.  Doesn’t make you want to kiss it away to leave him all breathy with something else. 

The touches you will get will be that of a stranger who explores you for the first time.  Nothing like what you crave which are for the touches from someone familiar that know that you tickle easy at your neck or that a new beauty mark appeared on your shoulder. 

Too bad that particular someone doesn’t know the secret of your heart. 

So –

You sit and have coffee and wait for this to end.  He drinks the cappuccino all wrong, downing the whole thing like a shot, grimacing at the bitterness he wasn’t used to.  You comfort while he complains, and keep your hands guarded to your sides, holding all your cards and revealing none. 

He invites you over to tea, even though you just had coffee and biscuits, to which you respectfully decline, leaving both of you in an awkward predicament as the date isn’t quite yet over, although it might as well be by how he pouts.  You leave no space, no crook or cranny on your body or heart, for any aforementioned displays of affection when you leave, even when he reaches over to grab your hand with his large eyes wide like a doe’s, an ace of hearts on the sleeve of his jacket – the last-ditch attempt to win your affections.  Unfortunately (or fortunately for you), this too doesn’t lead to any farewell hug or goodbye kiss(es). 

When you go back to your flat, you end up taking a hundred stairs up because the elevator is rightfully broken on the ground floor.  You reach home and lock the door to hide yourself from the world, or rather an alright-ish bloke (although abysmally no-mannered espresso drinker who isn’t as easy-going or as innocent as he seemed). 

It’s been only an hour since you left.  You feel drained like this was a whole day’s journey, emotionally so.  But amazing scrumptious smells waft from the kitchen.  And you know down inside before touch, smell, and sound, that he’s here. 

There’s a large cookbook out on the checkered kitchen counters, decorated in stains and the weatherings of making glorious meals of the past.  His brown brows furrowed as he’s glancing at whatever age-old recipe he’s trying to make.  There’s a knife in hand, a Yukon Gold potato with the skin peeled in the other. 

“You’re early,” he looks up, a nod as he looks you up and down before a small smile (which you know is a bit too forced).  “Date went well?” 

You give an undignified snort, rather unbecoming of the Malfoy you are really, but his ears aren’t as delicately waifish as yours.  “Let’s not talk about that,” you say as you drape your long coat on a chair. 

“What are you making?” You try to drop the previous subject. 

“Roasted potatoes,” he says, “Goes well with the pot roast in the oven.”

Sunday pot roast is your favorite meal.  He knows this from all the times you graciously stuffed yourself at school (using all the best manners befitting of course). 

He gives you a smile, all mischievous, full of the jokes you both know.  “Help me Scor?  These potatoes aren’t going to chop themselves.  Bloke’s gotta pitch in to get the best roasted bits yeah?” 

And so, you take a well-worn apron over your cashmere sweater, it smells of apples, of cinnamon, with a faint whiff of the cologne you gave him for his birthday last year.  It smells of Al. 

He puts a hand to your shoulder, a hand that is broad yet with fingers so elegant like that of a pianist’s, dotted with rough calluses on the bottom from years of casual Quidditch and caring for the Herbology plants in the greenhouse.  He’s warm, and the grip is so familiar being all the right kinds of strong and tender. 

“You good?” he asks, words left unsung about what happened this afternoon, or how he’s worried about it.  His breath is hot against your neck as he towers slightly over you.  You shudder slightly.   

“Brilliant,” you reassure him with a smile, sticking out your tongue.  He gives the laugh you love, and hands you the beat-up chopping board, the one you both bought when you first got this flat together.  Before you know it, you both settle into a routine, and you listen to him hum out the old Celestina Warbeck song. 

And you really are.  You’re home.  And he’s in your heart. 

And perhaps, perhaps you’re in his too. 

[i-amusemyself]

All the stationary.

Ahhhh ty!!! I can’t tell if you wanna know that much bc you gaf or not though.....

Paranoia aside imma overshare either way!! *finger guns*

gel pen: when are you most comfortable?

I mean, I have anxiety so that just doesn’t happen much lmao! My first thought though was when I visit my favourite place, a little corner of a field with amazing views where I’m always on my own. I love it there.

ballpoint pen: tell me about the day you’ve just had

The day I’ve had was hell, so I’d rather relive yesterday.

Yesterday I woke up and binge watched supernatural; actually remembered to eat for once then was actually motivated enough to do revision. I got into hysterics over a tumblr post so quickly decided it was a day I should be avoiding hella emotional stuff....10 minutes later I was watching the last ever episode of prison break and sobbing uncontrollably at every word. In the afternoon I went out but not before losing my phone which was exactly where I left it. By that point though I was so late I had to speed walk at least 2 miles to the next village, where of course my friend arrived flanked by two pretty decent looking guys. I honestly looked like a tomato with water retention issues at that point so I’m sure that was a fabulous first impression. Then we got over to our revision session at the library early so went to the pub instead which was a dream; didn’t get any alcohol though because you can’t revise biology while hammered. Believe me. Then I stayed up late enough to get my ass whooped last night but it was so worth it because even though it turned into some sort of snapchat contest, I was laughing my ass off the whole time it was amazing. 

That enough of a day for you?fineliner: what’s your greatest achievement?

I used to train with the england basketball team, and I played for East Midlands. That was a pretty cool experience.highlighter: what are your best qualities?

Jfc, plural? Idk! I’m pretty motivated? And I always make an effort to tell the truth (if its good, otherwise I keep my mouth shut).

greylead: what is something you want to try for the first time?

Being attractive. Being loved. Need I go on? Oh and also giant zip-lining.felt-tip: describe your aesthetic

My bedroom looks like an ikea showroom lmfaooo so whatever that is. Weird architecture and cacti and random objects in neat little storage places.

But equally like, overgrown graveyards mixed with roses and anything black. Depends on my mood.crayon: your earliest childhood memory

Treading on a bee and having to have the sting removed from my foot lmao

scrapbook: something from your childhood that makes you smile

............um??

Okay there was this one time we found an old camera in the loft. I must’ve been 3 since my dad was still there. Anyway we all went out in the garden and it was such a normal little family thing, but it’s the only time I ever remember that happening. It’s got my parents waving and looking happy and me sticking my head out from inside a little wendy house grinning and it’s so cute. It’s the sort of thing I wish I’d had more of.

sketching pad: describe yourself from a stranger’s point of view

A lanky thing approaches. It has a stereotypical lesbian haircut, bad eyesight and appears to have given up on all things fashionable. It’s shy and awkward, so makes you feel extremely uncomfortable too. It appears to be reasonably friendly, but occasionally says things that don’t make a single bit of sense before desperately looking around the room looking for more small talk inspiration. You’re overall impression is it’s a pretty boring human being, probably totally harmless, but would be incredibly easy to replace.notebook: what’s your favourite quote?

I have a couple of little quotes I remind myself of on a daily basis, ranging from song lyrics; “darling you’ll be okay” and “the sun will rise and we will try again” to “pick your fights” and “you gotta give a bit of yourself to get something in return”. I kinda live my life by those.paper: what kind of book would you write?

I have absolutely no idea! I can’t see myself ever having the motivation to write a book.stapler: out of all the people you know, who do you think you are closest to?

My best friend @only-slightly-dangerous who literally knows me so well it’s scary! She can literally message me out of knowhere and know from 3000 miles away if I’m in pain.glue stick: what do you look for in a lasting relationship/friendship?

I can’t be dealing with people that lie or are fake or whatever. So definitely honesty. Also people just being themselves and not being afraid to be weird or whatever, because that’s when I relax a bit lmao! I guess a decent sense of humor too? And someone that doesn’t mind you asking questions or whatever. Idk. Sometimes you just click with people without being about to put it down to a specific characteristic.tape: tell me about your longest friendship

It wasn’t very long. 

I mean I had “friendships” through all of primary school but that doesn’t really feel like it counts. Secondary school? The first girl I made friends with and was really close to for 5 years is now like,,, someone I honestly can’t even stand to hear about soooruler: what line will you never cross?

I could never cheat. eraser: what do you consider to be your biggest mistake?

I’m not sure. Maybe not standing up for myself more at school and at home. There have been occasions where it would have been totally reasonable but I just shut up and let shit happen so I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up about that stuff.

Also, and I know I shouldn’t but, I still spend a lot of time thinking about a boy at our school who killed himself and I never knew him but I still wonder if I could have done anything.scissors: ever had a bad break-up?

Nothing hella nasty but I don’t really talk to any of my ex’s at all.calculator: list fifteen things that make you happy

Lmaooo I’ll do my best!! Okay so music; concerts; friends; seeing other people laughing; making people laugh; stand up comedy; hella good art; hearing people tell stories; sitting and listening in the middle of knowhere; thunderstorms; exploring; helping people; good food; the sound of rain on the roof; cuddling and tumblr.protractor: an unpopular opinion/angle you have on an issue

Pinapple is good on pizza.sticky note: something about yourself you’d like to change

I feel like I have no personality so like,,,I wish that could be better. I wish I was pretty. Or attractive or whatever. Oh and I wish I could sing those hella high notes because I feel sorry for the neighbours atm.stamp: a date that’s special for you and why

25th March because that’s the day my life changed just enough for me to carry on.bookmark: a book that means a lot to you and why

I always just say Numbers, but honestly it was the first ever book I cried at and I feel like it helped me understand the world a little more.folder: describe your family

How long do you have? I mean, it’s quite a small family but I’m not that close to any of them. Most of them are just pretty conservative living in little nuclear families. I didn’t used to get on too well with my dad but we’ve got a lot closer. I still don’t get on with my mum very well though bc she’s abusive. welp. whiteboard: tell me your plans for tomorrow

I’m gonna die a slow, painful death by revision and then recover when I go to my dad’s and walk Borris.blackboard: tell me about a memory that has affected who you are today

All those memories are locked away in a place I can’t get to and I think it’s best to keep it that way for now.

A low key one is probably when a friend once told me nobody cared about me or what I had to say and I’ve basically been mute in most social situations since XDpinboard: what are you focusing on in your life right now?

Exams. A level exams. Just one more month and I’m freeeee!!!tablet: tell me your plans for the future

Start a fresh life at uni and get this degree. Then who knows? I’ll probably go and get another degree and I’m pretty sure I’ll end up doing medicine.stencil: who are your role models?

I don’t have very many. Kaitlyn Alexander for sure, because they really helped me understand who I am and start to accept it. Also Luke Cutforth because I love his YouTube channel but also a lot of things he’s done related to mental health have been helpful and I relate a lot.envelope: tell me a secret

I’m going to my end of year prom in a shirt and tie and I haven’t told anyone yet and I’m scared shitless. I’m still gonna do it though!!