#it's schrodinger's gender. it only exists when someone is there it's like INHERENTLY a performance of sorts for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mxbitters · 2 years

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i met someone at this pride event that happened in town (first time this has happened) and like honestly i really really wanna get involved w what she was doing, my mom like introduced us since apparently at the opening thing my dad was talking about me coming out(again. smallish town pride event and my parents are fairly active) and like yeah !! she’s an older trans woman (though it was really fucking funny she said i was ‘older’ in regard to like time being out) and president of this group that’s like, she was explaining it as a panel that goes to different schools, colleges, etc. around the state and it’s just like, queer people and allies talking about their experiences and she like invited me to join and like, i put my email and stuff so i think i’m just gonna need to wait to hear back from her??? honestly i think the wait is the worst part like i’m sososo excited to potentially do this, i’ve only talked on a panel at the true colors conference once though that was kind of a pathetic occasion because uhh. NOBODY came even though they were invited but i think even just being able to like sit with other like queer people, teachers, administrators, family members, etc. and just like talk was great so like i really feel like this is something i want to do and also i could probably use the public speaking experience lmao but yeahh

#i think the conversations i was having with her were p eye opening in a way though #it reminded me of the nuances of queer issues particularly labels and who historically fit under them #but like not in the chronically online way yknow?#in particular there were drag performances happening and she was talking abt the term transgender and whether or not drag performers were #and like yeah i was like talking abt how yeah i mean historically those lines were kinda blurry so it's an interesting topic #and like yeah ok gender expression is a thing anyone can play with #but it was really interesting! like in my experience i view my own gender as a sort of performance sometimes #or like.. how do i put it. like my gender is like.. relative. it's only there when someone is there to perceive it #it's schrodinger's gender. it only exists when someone is there it's like INHERENTLY a performance of sorts for me #so like there is a certain performativity to gender for me anyway. and drag is like.. a PERFORMANCE performance of gender #so like it may not mean the same thing to everyone but there's something to be said abt how performance and perception impact our genders yk #like i'm the type of person that really just tries to like curate how i'm perceived like #i'm very careful about HOW i'm perceived and this can be for safety or for fun but i think it's just really interesting to think abt #im sorry if these tags make noooooooo sense but like i cant stop thinking about what she was talking abt #long story short i REALLY wanna get involved and i would also like to be friends #also helping her break stuff down was really fun i like being taller than people it means i get to be helpful :)#(it's a rare experience. i'm 5'6)

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